Will anyone one see these eyes?
Care about these eyes?
Gaze into these eyes?*

I sit,
Wondering and waiting.

We've had our fun
But the conversations are done
Time for the parting of ways

I betrayed you
And made you hate me
I know, I see

Our last messages
Bitter indeed
I knew we wouldn't last long
We had lost our momentum
And I had lost your trust

So I understand it is time to say goodbye
To have a nice life
So I'll say it, but I won't mean it
And to be honest
I haven't cared in a while about you
I did at one time
But not now...

Our relationship just became too stale
For me
Or you
There's the truth...

Your name riddles my papers
Your words riddle my thoughts
Your voice rattles my legs
You rattle my heart

I want to know your heart
I want to know your mind
I want to know your soul
And I want you to be mine.

I long for a sweet embrace
I long for an adrenaline coated kiss
I long for one more dance
I long to see you again

What am I to do,
If I love you?

I am known as the Living Questionnaire
Inquiry is my ecstasy
Silence is my downfall
Imvestigative and compelled for the truth I seek
"Why do I do this?" the best questionnaire in me asks myself.
Because I'm bored?
Not always.
To better understand humanity? Probably.
To indulge in the otherworldly experience of touching a soul by questioning a mind.
Yes.
...delightful...

I'm a...
Nerd
Tryin' to run with the herd
Lonely one
Miss out on all the fun
Reader
If there was a book meter, I'd have broken it by now
Musical novice
Though I'm aimless in my pursuit
Believer in the Almighty
He is to me like a father to a daughter
Smartie
Sweet and hardy

I'm a lot of things
And that'll change over the years,
But I hope to be
The best me I can be
Now and forever.

I know this is probably for nothing
But let fears be known to all
I'm afraid I love too deep,
Am clingy,
Am annoying,
That you'll come to hate me.
I'm afraid that you are lying to me
About your identity and values.
I'm scared that we shalt never meet
And all will be in vain.
I fear that I have shared too much,
Or not enough?
I'm afraid that I've asked the wrong questions
That, in the end, you'll get bored
I am uncertain, so uncertain
I hope I'm not right, that these things aren't true
I really hope so

Why is it
That the smartest
The kindest
The shyest
The quietest
Always get picked on?
It makes no sense to me.
But that's what's happening!

It happens everywhere
Every city,
Every state,
Every country in the world,
To all people,
To both genders,
It's degrading.

Who are we to judge?
We're all mortal here.
We all have sinned
We are all flawed
It's merely a fact of life!

Remember this:
No one is below you,
*If you consider someone else below you.

Life puts a dent in the armor
It makes someone sour,
Spiteful and rude

The delicate line of life becomes crooked
Swindlers happen
***** drowns hundreds

They are faithless
They speak of pain
Revenge and all that hogwash

They try to call themselves rebels
I think they're just weak
Because they can't handle life
Like the rest of us

Last words to remember:
Be smart.
Be kind.
Be fierce.

The world is just a puzzle
We try to find our missing pieces to make ourselves whole
Sometimes we find shredders
Or the edge of the table below our cardboard limbs

The college guy that goes out on Friday nights to the same bar,
Trying to find a temporary thrill,
Seeks excitement.

A young lady who wakes up every morning to get to the gym
Seeks wellness.

An old widow with his knees bowed next to the alter at church,
Looks to find sanctuary.

A man watching the people pass
Looks for inspiration in the lives of others.

The greatest of sinners
His back to an metal table
Limbs strapped one by one
Says one last prayer before darkness overtakes him.
He seeks redemption.

What are you seeking?

Who am i really
you ask me
as we sit out on this curb
i say i don't know
but as i speak the words,
i know that i'm lying to myself

If i am a puzzle
i've got a few pieces figured out
more are coming daily
but let me speak these out loud
i swear i won't be too long

i am a smart-alec
a true know-it-all
a hypocrite
and i hurt those close to me
and i can't see it any
sometimes i speak too much
sometimes not at all
but this is who i really am
this is who i really am

your patience is wire thin
but continue i must
and i do

who i am really
i'm fun naive girl
who has too much
of this nasty world
my past is horrible
but my future's bright

and i know not everyone
everywhere
will accept everything of me
some will want pieces
some will want all
and i'm alright with that

i am a smart
and musical
teenage girl just growing up
too wise for my age
i feel like a mage

but that's just me
oh oh oh oh yeah
yes that's just me

That's just me

Whisper of a butterfly's wing
On one's lip
Is what people call a kiss.
I call it happiness

Sometimes I feel as though I am not me
I am not myself
That I make up my emotions
That I doubt my feelings if I'm not in the moment of the emotion's happening
I cannot stay true to anyone
Not even myself
I am not set in stone
Just a sun-bleached sheet blowing in the wind
I am closed when I need to be open
I am open when I need to be closed...

Is this okay/normal?

Based on my current situation with a friend of mine*

His lanky build
His orange Converse sneakers
His eyes of chocolate and gold

His kind heart
His unique soul
Unafraid to show the universe
Who he is

I wish we would talk more
But he won't answer my texts
I feel so needy
And so mixed

And so I wait for
Mystery to answer
Answer back to me
And so I wait.

The path of flutters float above me
Like a silk scarf
Of orange  & black waves

I halt to listen
To the quiet whisper of the trees
To the harmonious call of the jays

I look upon this glorious place
With wonder and delight
My eyes of hazel glance upon
The bark of maples and oaks
The tails of chipmunks in the beings
Of bark and branches

I venture back to my vined enclosure
And just turn back to say
"Trail of Ever, have a good day."

Hello followers
Young and old
I've been gone a while
And there's a story to be told

Young, stupid me
Followed a whim
Broke up with a great guy
And took a chance on him

He is a curly haired gamer childhood friend
Evan, the name is
Funny, unique, weird
And that little smile of his

Weeks the sweetness lasted
And I thought maybe this could be
But one night it soured
And the next morning, he broke up with me

Yes, he cares
And yes, we're still friends
But he has further confirmed
At one time or another all ends

So now I'm left with remorse in my heart
And my mistake on my mind
In the end life's just a big lesson anyway
So I guess I'll leave the regret behind

I'm okay
Just another door to close
Wish it wasn't so
Just highs and lows, I suppose

a pocket watch floats by
golden
but dented, scratched, engraved, marked
on a highway of sorts of these pocket-watches

the pocket watches come in all sorts of metallic shades
some bland, small, and working
others large and delicately engraved
slowing to a stop in front of your very eyes
others mid-sized and beaten till the internal cogs show
long gone
floating all along this river in the sky

each mark tells a story
a metal a personality
an engraving a name
a dent an injury
a scratch a pain
each pocket-watch
a life.

Vanity is the killer sin of woman and man
Showing up everywhere in common day society
Magazines, books, music, and on and on and on

We are all guilty of it to some degree
From the man spraying on cologne in the attempt to get a partner
To women in talon-tipped platform heels

We have convinced our sons and daughters that beauty is something that must be manufactured
Not purposely, no! But we still have!
Not the natural ways of us human beings

Nature tells us, "Beauty shall not be messed with."
Yet that's what we keep doing!

To the brave, the bold, the foolish,
Whatever you may be
I dare you
To look beyond cultural
Social
Influences on mankind
And see that everyone is beautiful to someone in someway
And that true beauty is internal
And vanity matters not!

A long while ago
Perhaps a year
I wrote a poem
About a beau

And now,
He's back
And better than the last time, I can tell
And in my heart he shall be allowed

He says all these great things
True to himself
He says he's changed
But how deep are these springs?

I am willing to give him another try
And I try to glaze over any doubts I possess

I urge to reach the sky
Touch the clouds with your hand in mine
I know we can
Will you be great with me?

And if all falls back to Earth,
I promise to always care
And attempt to do good by others.

To have everything known
No secrets left
That's true freedom

To have no restraints
No bars blocking me from doing what I want to do
That's true freedom

To have a heart be known
No love to hide or secret admirers
That's true freedom

So today (Dec. 22) I was at a rest stop on my way home from my family's small town near Waco, Texas. We stopped to refresh ourselves, but I stayed in the car with my mom. As I sat there chatting with her about the reunion we just attended, I heard a little country band playing some really tacky country music. I saw 2 female back-up singers, a guy on drums, and the leading man with a guitar. I felt something towards those microphones. Maybe it was because the group was just that bad and I thought I could do better or maybe it was my frustration with my family, thinking that singing could fix it. I don't really know what it was. I just felt the urge to get out, take the microphone from the leader, and belt out a Christmas classic like Silent Night. I can sing pretty well, but I still didn't do it in the end. Too embarrassing, especially in front of all those strangers.

am i real?
does anyone see me?
am i not a ghost?
sometimes,
the way people look past me,
i think i might be one.
so often i feel forgotten,
left out.
i mean i have friends,
yeah,
but i wish others would see me too.
today i feel blue.

I know I sound like a nerd
But I miss school.
The herd of people,
The cool of autumn.
I miss school.

I miss the education,
That fills the nation,
August through June.

I miss my friends,
That have no end,
With hearts of gold,
That never get old.

I miss that plain brick building
That old traffic lane
All of those security clicks
Shielding us children from the world outside

I do miss school
I know I sound like a fool
But I miss school.

You are my fantasy
Identity unknown
Eyes of the sea
Mane of black
I will find you
Someday
Until then I shall be content with dreaming

Young and free
You used to be
Wild as a foal
Now, as you get old
The road home gets longer
And the hold of death gets stronger

And its avenger gets closer

A storm is brewing

Ancient and true

Rain drops fall

Thunder calls

The Son home

Shalom is coming again

He shall come to regain His throne

Upon which the Son of God will make Earth a death free zone

And souls will be tried

And bonafide

True or a lie

And will accordingly be sent

To Heaven or Hell

All will be well once again

When He comes again.

Life is a loaf of bread
It starts out beautiful and whole
Each unique
With its own ingredients
Bakers
And style of bread

Slowly but surely
Time eats away at the loaf
Slice by slice
And what isn't eaten by time
Is eaten by spores
Some sticking around for much longer
Than need be
Turning a once delicious loaf of bread
Into a rotting end piece of nothingness
Until it all disappears

Degradation is the story.
Life is a loaf of bread.

Upon the greens of yonder days
Metal clashed
Crimson poured out
These were the wars of yesterday

Bullet to chest
Body falls to empty desert
Crimson pours out
These are the wars of today

And the Crimson Viper lives on...

A vine
A wanting, loving vine
is buried deep inside

The way the vine curls
Depends on the day
Sometimes towards the bright disk of eternity
Other times to the enchanting dusk

Once a day
I let it free
The vine wraps a soothing embrace
Around my soul
As my cords vibrate
Forming a sweet vibrato
A solemn alto
A clear soprano
Acapella
To nothing but my own head

Experimenting
Finding my sound
The vine finding its crutch  
Trying to climb its way
To the top
But still unrecognized
And hidden

I've apologized
And wondered why
I did that to you

I've done my share of lying
Then my share of crying
Oh what did I do?

And then by kindness and loyalty
You stay with me
A girl you met
Over the Internet
Whose been well abandoned
You're amazing in that way

I am but a foolish girl
With too many words
Not knowing how much weight
Hangs on those words
I admit it
I admit it!

Yes,
Not uneducated
But stupid nonetheless
And you placed your trust in me
And so I did trespass

Now you're stuck
In the invisible muck
I didn't mean to create
I can't go back
And change what I have done
So now I'm stuck too
Cause I don't know
Nor do you know
What to do next

We've already tried to drop the reins
But still this remains
I guess all we can try to do
Is repair this 'ship
But you can't trust me
You can't love me
And neither can I

I'm desperate for a way
To go back in time
And erase the blip
That damaged the 'ship

And so the Titanic sinks slower and slower
To Poseidon's lair
And we can't seem to get anywhere
One barely alive
The other full of life,
But guilt in her heart

Lost, lost, lost
Dark, dark, dark
Just echos, echos, echos of the past
That doesn't seem to ever last

Physically,
I'm not much.
Green eyes,
Roundish body.
Not much.

Mentally, however,
I am all.
Intelligent
Quick
Kind
Loving
I am beautiful.

Are you?

I am torn
Between 2 cities, 2 states
My friends, new friends
Known area, new one
New school, old one
What am I to do?

Why do I dream?
When nothing I dream ever happens?

We never met

I cannot fly

I am not there

And never will be

All these days I dream
Without known consciousness

And pray they come true
Do you not  hear my prayers, my Lord?

But they never do
And I always leave myself disappointed
Wishing for what Destiny **won't give me...

Thin
We are not
Chubby
We are
Self conscious
Mostly
Confident
Rarely
Is there anyone to love us big girls?

Is there anyone to look beneath our surface into the heart
Instead of just going by looks?
We are overlooked
Thought stupid
Made fun of
Because of our size
Is there anyone to love us big girls?
Even when we can't love ourselves?

You are a contradiction
You teach poetry and the art of English
You are such a good teacher
You scare the heck out of most people
You look so menacing
You talk so odd
You have so many rumors about how cruel you are
I don't think you're cruel
Just strict
At my age, that's what we need
But you are a good person
Kind to those who are the same to you
I think you are one of my favorite teachers ever
Thank you, Ms. Patterson

So many fallen stars
In the sky of family
So many faces
I never got to meet
Their hydrogen burned out
Before I was born

Yet I know that they are not gone
Nor fallen
Quite the opposite
They have risen beyond
Beyond nebulas & galaxies
Into Paradise
Where pain has been elimnated And
love lives forever in the sights of the Lord

I am seeing now what I didn't see before
You forever disfigured me
You made me question if this boy,
Who has supposedly been in love with me
Since the day he met me,
Loves me.
Do you realize how much power that takes?
Power it takes to shred up every bit of me and even when I carefully braid my strands back together to make any sort of good rope,
It's still not good enough to make a basket
Not sturdy, not solid
All the insecurities still slip through
Thanks for that
Now I don't trust any boy

When it's dark outside
And winter is upon us with full force,
I keep faith,
Faith that spring shall brighten our days once again.
Some days my faith quivers
Like a delicate leaf in a brisk wind
But I stand strong.
So no matter what,
Always keep 2 things with you,
Hope that something good will happen
And faith that you'll make the right choice either way the pendulum swings.

Echoes ring through my head
Making it ache
Ghosts and ghouls and poltergeists
Appear from nowhere

It's all in my head
It's all in my mind
That's why I can't bear sleep tonight

Echoes play over like movies
Sight, touch, taste, sounds, smells, emotions
On replay
You wonder why my head aches

It won't go away
The ache
Someone take the knife out of my bleeding love
Please
I'm done
But the echoes play on and on

Save me

My dream guy
Isn't buff
Nor perfect

My dream guy
Can be a little scrawny
And be perfectly unperfect

My dream guy
Can be a little weird
I won't mind

My dream guy
Can be a little broken
I am too
We can help fix each other

My dream guy
Can be uniquely handsome
I like 'em that way anyway

My dream guy...

I saw you there
In the coffee shop

For some reason
Even across the room
I felt your chocolate eyes calling me

You "accidently" bumped into me
Closing the distance
Between you and I
Knocking me off balance
You helped me steady myself once again
Clutching my hand
If only for a second

That small flirtation
Meant everything to me
I wasn't exactly having the best day
And an nice, sweet guy always makes my day.

My heart opened and never closed
From there out.
It just grew
And unlocked its compartments
For you.

A notebook I've found
On my adventures as a journalist
Drew out my heart on the string
Of a tug-along toy.

This notebook was not one of the written word,
But of fantasy and fable,
Drawings of a forgotten child.

The boy--or girl, I could't really tell
Loved to think of Sunday meadows,
The stars of a winter's midnight
Pictures of bright spring daffodils lacing
The charm of a blank page.

As the notebook went along,
the child got older and in the sweet meadows,
children started to appear,
one by one.
In the must of the dusty room in this ancient house,
I imagined children dancing upon
The sunlight of eternity.

In the back of the house
Lay a cemetery
Stone mantelpieces subtly naming
The children in the pictures.

And at the end of the row,
An unmarked grave.
Tears filling my eyes as I flipped to the last used page of the notebook,
There was written:
"Crimson paint, the alley red, all is done and lost."


This is the tale
And the cost
Of the Doodles of a Forgotten Child.

A summer night is full of ephermal things
Doing activities to make you happy for a little bit
Just to pass time
Just to distract from the lack of something
Or someone
Messing with technology so I don't daydream about us
Listening to music so I don't think about the way you looked in the moonlight
Doing anything so I don't think about how much I miss you

But when I do think of my longing for you,
I cry.

Why did you like me?
Why did you break up with me?
Why did you change from
Thoughtful and kind
To explicit and cruel?
What happened?
Did it hurt at all when you cut the cord?
Did you not understand
That I really liked you?
You, Jack, will never answer these questions,
But I just wanted to say
Why?

Answer me this, Harold of Wisdom
They say follow your heart,
They say listen to it too,
But what if you're so separated from your heart,
you can't hear it,
nor can it move?

The heart beats fine
Rhythmic supply of crimson life unhindered
Yet it lies inside an invisible cage
A vault, if you may
Keeping it secure from the outside
But silent as well
Away from the waves of life
But unable to move
Time after time, the wall gets tested
Grows stronger
Until it is so fortified, a king would spend an entire army in its conquering

But what happens when one wishes to unlock this case?
Is it rusted together forever?
Does it leak the occasional flow of love?
Did it contain any to begin with?
One tries to undo the wall, brick by brick,
But that never does any good.
And the wall is so powerful,
No act of nature can batter it to its end
So anything one says at this stage comes out half-assed,
Insincere,
Untrustful,
Only showing half of one'a heart.
One doesn't aim for this,
No, not at all.
And yet the situation arises again and again.

The bricks of the walls
The walls of the hearts
The protection
The solitation
How does one conquer one's own defense?

We're called the freaks,
The ones society points out,
We are the emos, the shy, the awkward, the nerds, the transgenders,
The gays and the lesbians,
To name but a few.
We aren't freaks.
We're unique!
Compared to their cookie cutter demeanor.
We make the world go 'round.
We created the formula for gravity.
We make the best music.
A normal person is limited by society.
We are free!
To express ourselves however we feel to.
So "freak,"
Is nothing to fear!
Embrace who you are!
Follow your own values!
Make something out of yourself!
And let the world judge!
Because in the end,
The only opinions that matter
Are yours (and God's)...

A ******* the corner
In the red rain coat
Is blowing a gum bubble
With the finest bubblegum in town.

As it expands, she sees lovers meet,
Children being born,
Friends meeting for coffee across the street,
All in the blink of an eye.

The bubblegum stretches miles in seconds
Dreams expand to the beat of her heart
Rings, homes, kisses, fantasies,
Flavorful and impassioned.

Too far, too fast
The bubble pops far too soon
Fights, blights, illness, death
Returning back to the sanctity from which it had arisen.

All that's left of the bubble are memories
Of those it affected
Deflating slowly but surely
Into the eternal abyss.

I met a friend on here recently
I won't say his/her name
To bring unwanted fame

My friend is weird
Undoubtedly so
Although he is kind
Incredibly so

My friend is unorthodox
In his views
And the life he wants to choose

My friend is misunderstood
Aren't we all?
And frankly,
he's also pretty tall.

I hope he sticks around a while
His awesome poetry makes me smile
I hope this will make him smile
Even if it's vile
We'll see, won't we?

From close up
I am deceived of what I feel
Doubting myself
Asking, "do I really love this guy?"
But far away
I say I love you,
Or I simply say your name
And a grin spreads from ear to ear

Close up, I love the feeling of your arms around me,
The hearing of your voice and feeling the rolling vibrations come off your throat, your scent so comforting
Far away, I long for them, to feel your arms, to hear and feel you speak, to be with you

Your words of love make my heart float above the surface and far into the clouds
But I sink back down to the seafloor with self-deprecation
And anchor myself with insecurities, past horrors, regret and fear
Am I holding myself back?
Is it that I do not love myself?

Am I fooling myself completely?
I'm not certain if what I feel is real
I don't want to play with your heart
Tis a delicate matter
I don't want to lie to you if I'm not certain
Or maybe my mind hasn't registered the message from my heart
Maybe it's just me
Maybe I need to step back from this tree of belief
And reexamine from afar
Maybe give it more time

I apologize for the confusion
Back to the regularly scheduled programming

Flowers bless
Corpses solely in anguish
For a next life not

A whispy hand reaches down to flip over a bronze device of tremendous proportions

Numb is all she feels
As she sees her life s
                                         p
                                          n    i
               ­                       i      g     r
                                         l        a
Out of control.

The only life this girl has ever known
Has been ripped out
Like a rug
Right beneath her feet.

Now, knowing the foreseeable future uncertain,
She feels so much more than numb.
Loneliness, sorrow fill this only child's ****** cavities,
To where the Novocain smiles and laughs of the sun are blessings,
But the sobering dark is a curse.

For only now has this teenage girl set her roots in deep,
Gotten attached to the life
That now proves so temporary,
Flimsy like a piece of paper.
Social nuances and schoolwork
No longer seem to matter in the grand scheme of things,
I'll be gone soon enough,* she thinks...

It's best to detach early
From this ephemeral life,
So maybe it won't hurt so much
When it's all blown away,
Like cigarette smoke in the wind.

Lonliness drives itself into her bones,
Trapping the girl in her own internal world.
One which says
"It doesn't matter anymore."

*The golden sand of the bronze hourglass slips on,
As I slip away...
Begging for a new life,
But praying the old will stay.

Tears slip away noiselessly in the barren night.
The occasional sound of restless need and anguish
Escapes my lips.
I am cuffed helpless by the continuation of time,
By the continuation of distance,
By the reality of too-far-off daydreams.
I can't.
I can't.
I want to, but I can't.
I can't fiddle with time at will.
I can't determine fate.
I can't even drive.

I just can't...