21 and counting
What does it mean?
To be older than your older sister? Is this a dream?
A grave that hasn't even begun to understand deaths cold, and everlasting hand.
I'll be older than you soon.
Seems like the blink of an eye, but time has a funny habit of passing you by.
Unseen and untouched, quite frankly misunderstood
When the hearts of those you care about are fortunate enough to not understand
Deaths careless and painful hand.
You cry and beg and weep and plead!
Please death, please, don't plant your seed
Give her a chance, give me a sign, please I beg you, don't deny
The feelings I feel.
Understand that they're real.
They ARE my reality, and your worst nightmare, that luckily, you are yet to bare
I never hope that for you, it's real cos
The pain that I feel will become a reality
For a person as innocent as you, me, US.
But sadly it's a must
A forced hand at the age of 12, conditioned me to delve
Into the unseen and sad world
Of a stolen childhood scene, what does it all mean?
I don't understand, don't accept, can't even try to set
My minds state of being
Into a different frame of being
A person I am NOT.
This isn't me and you are not you.
I'm stuck, don't know what to do.
How to relate, how to feel, nothing seems to be real!
Uncertainty plagues my mind, engulfs my soul
Forces me into the darkest of holes
Of denial, regret, pain and hurt, NOTHING IS REAL
AND EVERYTHING HURTS.
Hurt, hurt, hurt, HURT!
I'm not making sense yet I don't care
Sat here, writing, upon this chair
My vision is blurry like, this state of mind
I am desperately searching for my peace of mind
Mindfully minding the mindfulness of my mind, mind me, please.
I AM GOING INSANE.
It's a figment of my imagination
Searching for the reciprocation
Of a person who hurts as much as me
Cos they also do not KNOW
how to be
How to breathe without collapsing
Because the past is everlasting
It's your present and reality
Stripping you bare, not a normality
It is STRESS and PAIN in its purest form.
Making you wonder, WHY WAS I BORN!
WHY AM I HERE!
WHY IS SHE NOT!
LET ME SURRENDER!
TAKE ALL THAT I'VE GOT!
I don't want it at all if she's not here!
Don't need it, don't crave it,
JUST ******* TAKE IT.
Stop this pain I feel in my chest
I've tried and surrendered
I can't be my best
These rhymes are a distraction
To the emptiness inside
It's time for me to sit back, and acceptability oblige
That this is ME, and nothing will change
Life is life at the end of the day
I've been dealt a hand that hasn't been kind
But I am still here so I bare in mind
The fortune of my misfortune
It *****, but it's real
More that can be said for those who are dead
And although at times it hurts to breathe
And even though at times I don't feel like me
I've more breath in my lungs than those underground
Their death bitten corpses don't make a sound
And never they will
But I guess that's okay
Because through me, they'll live another day
Through the eyes of one who's always TRIED
That death is death and all through the land
That one last breath is an unchangeable thing
But the living who breathe will always sing
The praises of those who are no longer here
But deep in our hearts
Are always kept dear
gonna be fayes birthday soon