I studied that face
For as long as I could remember
My first semester
I should have got an F in that class
Because I could not comprehend
What I learned
I ended first semester with a bad attitude
About that subject
I could not understand
The paradox that was shown

How could someone
Be so mean
And so nice
So harsh
So judgemental
And so kind
And thoughtful?

Second semester started
I decided to start out
Un-biased
I would analyze everything
But not let it affect me personally

As I studied
Constantly
Even away I was still thinking
And now I think I understand
You.

I know that you are proud
Of the things your father does
I know you are not knowledgeable
In most worldly things
And you’re alright with that
You hate being teased
But it's so easy to
You are quick to judge
Yet you reprimand others for it
You like arguing pointless things
You like being right
You stand up for those you care about
Your face turns so red
When embarrassed
You aren’t as rude
When you’re around people
You don’t want to impress
You’re funny in a weird way
When you laugh
I always think of a gurgling river
Or an exploding geyser
You do cute things when you think no one
Is watching
I could go on
And on about the virtues
And the imperfections
That are you

But after this semester is over
I think I got an  A+ in this class
And I have learned so much from you
This isn’t about a crush
A teenager love
This is me
Finally understanding
Someone who has always been around me
Someone that has always confused me
That now makes me laugh
Whenever I realize
What he’s doing
Or trying to

Thrown in the garbage
Without a second thought
Years down the road
Found washed ashore on a small island
Among thousands, millions of other pieces of garbage

Poisoning and killing the native birds
Who have lived there their whole lives
Relying on the fish in the water
The bugs on the land

But without great sight
They can’t tell a lid from a squid
A wrapper from a fish

The trash ends up in their stomach
It doesn't go away
They can’t and won’t be able to get it out of their systems
Staying until the bird dies

Millions of dead birds
All around the island
Never moved, never touched
Dying and decaying
Their bodies turning to dirt

But not the plastic that was in them
It takes hundreds, sometimes thousands of years
For those pieces to finally break down

The few things that do decompose
As they’re floating in the ocean
Are still out there
Turning into microscopic spheres of plastic
Collecting toxins and infecting fish

Other plastic spheres making their way to land
Mixing in with the sand
Eventually instead of rocks
The sand will be made of plastic
And that will be considered normal
Standard

A prediction for 2030
Based off scientist’s studies
There will be more plastic in the ocean
Than there will be fish

The fish that  we eat
And what’s going to happen to us?
Is the plastic going to **** us too?

All of these things
Just adding up
Like a big cycle
We throw it away
We **** the animals
Pollute the waters
And in turn
Our garbage will **** us

I always wish
That hand-writing
A letter
Didn’t go out of style.

I miss the excitement
Of getting something in the mail.
Opening a hand addressed envelope
And reading the words sent to me.

But now
All I get in the mail
Is bills and unwanted
Or needed, advertisements.

As we all know
There are different kinds
Well meant
Trying to be helpful
Or
Just being plain rude

Some people don’t take
Any sort of criticism well
Good or bad
They ask for it
But don’t want to listen to it
They don’t want to believe it
So they fight it
And hurt you in the process
Make you feel guilty
Make you even more aware
Of what you say
And do
Knowing that people
Might be thinking harsh
Mean things
About you

Sometimes, I just crave poetry
I crave writing it
And I crave reading it

Although I may not have any ideas in my head
I’ll get on my computer
And let the ideas flow
Into a poem

Sometimes I’ll look through
The books of poetry I have
And find something that suits my mood
And sometimes I’ll even emulate it

I feel like poetry is a living thing
You can connect with it
And share your feelings
There is so much more to poetry
For me
That is hard to explain
But I’m sure other poet’s understand
What I’m trying to say

cute but comfy clothes
funny and sensitive
biking and acting
birds and more birds
orange juice
warmed-up Peeps
listening to music in the shower
classical music
jazz and
everything else
but country
a stress reader
avid ice cream eater
Odwalla lover
rain and sun
regency romance
Climate Change worrier
pen addict
a listening ear
logical and reasonable
silver linings
me -- through poetry

I look at the bookshelf
Standing in front of me
The many stories
That can be read
And make adventures

I wish I could just
Choose a book
And live in that world
No matter how perfect
Or horrible it is
At least
It would be better
Than mine

Running was our thing
My connection to you
Now I have to share with her
She who always is trying to best me
And is ruining the fun
And relaxation
That comes from so many of my favorite things

Reading was our thing
Something I could relate to

Our shared sense of humor
Is now being forced into stupidness
Because I have to share with her

We didn't have much in common
But the few things we did are gone
Because of her

My friends that are closer to my age
I'm gone one time because of a conflict
Now they're not my friends at all

They say I'm a role model
She looks up to me
She doesn't
She just sees it
As a competition

I try to be patient
But I can't
People say we are so similar
But we are nothing alike

She is loud and commanding
She wants attention
And has different sides to her
That no one else sees
Because she is so fake around others

People are disappointed in me
When I dislcude her
But when she does that to others
No one cares
Or is disapojnted in her

Because she isn't supposed to be mature
And I'm supposed to be setting the example

I lay in bed
Trying desperately to go to sleep
But the thoughts are running freely through my head
Like I'm watching someone fill a cup
But it's about to overflow
The liquid getting closer to the top
It looks like a cup of cocoa
I can't stop thinking

Ideas, worries, and just plain old thoughts
Mixed and melding
Until I can no longer focus
I tell myself to breathe in breathe out
Focus on the sound of the fan
Close my eyes and focus on nothing at all
Breathe in
Breathe out
And fall asleep

You stare
Willing it not to move
You stand there
Unblinking
Unflinching
But not unchanging
Eventually you’ll have to blink
And nothing will be the same
As it was before

Now the past is no more
The present won’t last for long
And the future is just as out of reach
As perhaps the moon

I think that when I’m older
I’ll think back to now
The happenings
Of a 14-year-old
And wish life was still just as simple

But for now
I can’t wait to be older
And it couldn’t come any sooner

As I lay in the grass
Tall and short
Wispy blades
Shuddering in the wind
Waving back and forth
Some blades
Bent and folded
Where I lay on top
Eventually if I ever get up
Those bent blades
Will make a silhouette of me
At least until
They get their strength back

But that might not happen
Because as I lay there
In the summery green
I can feel the rays of the sun
Warm and comforting
They seep through my skin
Swirling and swimming
Slowly melting me
Like a pretty little creamsicle
That was left in the sun
Melting until
The orange and white
Meld together
To create something beautiful

I am like that
As I lay here in the sun
Melting, mixing and swirling
The vibrant colors of who I am
Rare are the spots of black
But mixed in
With the rainbow of my soul
It creates a calming picture
Filling in my form in the grass
Showing the hard and good
Of someone
The hard and good
That make us so beautiful

Then the colors
Start seeping into the ground
After only a few minutes
The blades of grass stand
You could hardly tell I was there
Until
I come back the next week
To my favorite spot
Underneath the tall willowy tree
Its leaves swaying
But before I sit down
I look to the other side
And see mounds of flowers
That hadn’t been there before
I climb the tree to look down
And see
The flowers creating a beautiful girl
Basking in the sunlight
Created by pure and simple
Happiness.

Magical is a word.

For some reason
No matter the brilliant imagery
And the shiny diction
Poems always end up sounding
And feeling
Sad

If I write about
The glorious rays of sun
Like pure drops of gold
The days of summer
Hearing children's laughter
Splashes of the pool
Staying up late outside
Listening to the chorus of crickets
The taste of fruity popsicles
Stickiness from the giant slice
Of watermelon
I could go on and on

But as hard as I try
There is always a sadness
To whatever I read
To whatever I write
And I wonder why

Is it because they are memories?
Things we long for?
Unattainable dreams?
Even things we have now…
Are they tinted with what all the ifs?
I have not once read a poem
That made me feel happy
I haven’t written a poem
That has made me joyful
Sure some have made me laugh
Some have made me feel proud
I can relate to some
But I don’t think
A poem will ever make me happy.

The sun shines into the raindrop
The drop filled with tree's
A waterfall
Birds singing and in the distance
You can hear Christmas bells ringing
The drop filled with words
of joy, sadness and longing

As the drop continues its descent
the sun continues through the rain
Turning it into pure gold
Before it falls into the hands
of a girl
With bright red rain boots
and water droplets in her hair

I look out the window
As the world
Whizzes by

I sit there
And create this poem in my mind
Miles away from the earth

Me with my head in the clouds
Constant ideas and constant dreams
Being born in my head

I used to try to write those ideas
And express them in a story
With my own characters

That was before I discovered poetry
Now I have no need
For all the uncompleted stories I have made

There were whispers
Gossip and rumors
Did you hear about that?
I heard that…

How can you expect people to be happy
When they are being talked about
Behind their backs
Rumors being spread
When no one even knows them

I was never going to be that girl,
The one who wanted
What she obviously couldn't have.

The one who wished a boy like him
Would like her instead,
Of her best-friend who is perfect for him

I didn't want to be that jealous friend
But now look at me.
I am.

Lately I've felt like I'm just floating
My home is here
My friends are there

And I don't know where I belong

All around me
I hear sounds
My neighbor's radio blasting
The tv downstairs blaring
The kitten on chair purring
My knuckles cracking
My sisters bickering
The floor creaking
That slight ringing that is a constant in my ears
If I focus on what I hear enough

And to block it all out
I pull out my earbuds
And go to my hiding place

I love the moments
When everything is so simple
It's just you and your friends
Being weirdos on the trampoline in the dark
It's you in a moment of truce with someone
Who has hurt you countless times
When you're out on a run
And all you see and think about
Is the things going on around you
Or the next few steps to take
To reach your goal
The content feeling of sitting in your backyard
For ten or twenty minutes
Feeling the sun shine and hearing the birds chittering
Being at a party
Not talking to anyone
Just looking around
At all your friends and thinking
*Wow, I have a great life

I have always hated change
I don’t like the unexpected
When I have a way I do things
I don’t change it

And then when someone suddenly decides
That its time for change
Let's move! Away from everything
Your life
Your friends
Your school
And I can’t do anything about it
I hate it

And the something happens
Or multiple things
Maybe stress
Maybe drama
Maybe family relationships

And then suddenly
I can’t wait
To leave
And start anew

I rarely ask for anything
I always base decisions
On what you would want

But the one time
I ask for something small
You won’t let me have it

I do everything you ask
And all I get is
We have other plans
But then
My sisters get to go
And be with friends
While I’m stuck at home
Once again

I will always remember my preschool teacher
Telling me...
*A little bit goes a long way

As I sit by the window
I watch the rain pour outside
I see the lightning light up the sky for a split second
I hear the thunder as it rumbles through the valley
I think of all of the things I’ve done
And all of the things to come
And inside of me
I feel the storm start to brew

I have missed my poetry
these past few days

I've been too busy
to write or read
it was strange
without poetry
I felt like
I had lost love

Moments are like scoops of ice cream
One minute they are there and solid
The next, they begin to melt and mix
Until you can’t remember the taste
All that you know is that you had
A scoop or two
Of ice cream

What is it
about ice cream?

Why do we always want what we can’t have?
Wouldn’t it be so much easier to want the things we need?
To be happy with what we do have?

But alas
We are but human.
And it is our nature to want
And desire
We can’t have everything
And if we’re always wanting something
Then how will we ever be happy?

My roots are in this ***
I have been here my whole life
But because I cannot yet
Control my decisions
I can’t have a say in what I do

So without asking
I am uprooted
To somewhere new
That I will have to adjust and get used to

I will try to go along
And try to make it work
I will try to be excited and open-minded
But there will always be a part of me
That wants to go back
And make the choice myself

I will get used to the change in weather
The bigger ***
And the other flowers
I will go on with my life
Try to make the best of it
And I will try to find a place in my heart
To forgive you.

I look out and see the city
All the shining lights
The cars coming and going
The people living
And think
Wow.
I live in a big world

Don't say you understand
Don't look at me like you know

Because you don't

Just comfort me
Hold me

But if you can't
Without sounding patronizing

Then leave me alone

if only I could
give you everything
that you would need
to fly

fly away from here
to get somewhere
where you can be free
to be who you’ve always
longed to be

soaring on the wind
with your beautiful wings
you wouldn’t need anyone
or anything

I wish I could
break the chain that holds you
but that would mean
you wouldn’t come back to me

There once was a girl
Different than others
She had morals
She had standards
The rain was her sun
She didn’t care much for “fun”
She stuck with her books
Her comfort, her knowledge
She knew what she wanted

She had trials
She had joy
Throughout it all
She remained true
To the girl she swore she would be
And stayed away from those who she said
I can’t be near them, they may change me

As she got older she grew and matured
She learned to be wiser
She leaned to be kinder
Her views widened
Her horizons expanded
She was no longer as innocent
And ignorant as before

She stopped her judging
Started her loving
Her wants changed
From silly trivial things
To longing for the feeling
of contentment
and
eternal joy
She no longer wanted the perfect prince
She wanted the knight in rusty armor
For he would have faults
But so did she
And together they would be perfect

She didn’t fling herself around
She didn’t broadcast her voice
She was quiet
She was reserved
But those who she helped
Knew she was different than she seemed

She had deep friendships
Whose roots ran to the core of the earth
And would never be broken
Her faith was strong
And her courage firm

She was happy and content
She was coming out of her shell
Out of the ridiculous worry of judgement
She worked hard to become who she was
And she was proud of it.

As she saw the rain pouring down on the street
She prepared herself for the flight
And the different problems she would meet
She shook of her doubts and flew out into the night

She encountered monsters, she ran into rivers
But no matter what she continued on
Through the journey called life that just blurs
Experiences joining as she is still running to reach the light of the dawn