i, the honey bee
travel broadly for sweet nectar
through meadows of honeysuckle
near springs framed with lilies
over hilltops swaying with poppies
i travel near
some days far
searching for my next sip
one that makes it worth the trip

my favorite place to go
is to the hive at night
nestled in the comb
knowing that my honey will provide you with delight

past lives reemerge
they pound piercingly on your door
call your number
shout your name
demanding a reaction
needing to be heard

a runner will hit the ground without hesitation
never feeling safe
a runner knows one thing
that one thing is
to vacate

however, I have heavy heels
that dig me in deep
when the runner keeps on running
I tend to sink

if the ocean were to take you
i'd jump in after you
i’m a pretty decent swimmer
yet not one that can save
the waves are stronger than my will

but i’d tread ice cold water
to hold you close once more

the tides can pull us under
the current can drag us out
the seaweed can wrap us closer
i'd have neither fear nor doubt

i'm sure we'd find Atlantis
or possibly grow some gills
i'm sure love under water
is an even bigger thrill

love is shown is many ways
not just with kisses and hugs

open invites into their home
regardless if it’s day or night

supporting their dreams
even when you don’t understand them

assuming their intentions are good
not having to examine the outcome

getting excited for them
even when you don’t directly benefit

caring for them deeply
even when you feel hurt

believing what they say
with zero doubt in your mind

baking them their favorite treat
even though you hate it

setting healthy boundaries
encouraging them to as well

sitting down and listening
really listening without judgement

admitting when you’re wrong
taking responsibility over your actions and behaviors

love is many things
even letting them go
when you know you’re holding them back

the word mother
fills me with uncertainty and obligation

i’m weighed with the pressure to
love the woman who birthed me to life  
despite her many conditions for loving me 

she requires silly things
wants me to
prove my love

asks that i call her
everyday

i don’t
because of that
she thinks i hate her

i don’t
most days
i wish i could

the strength of my love

has me weak beyond belief

i need to run back

to you

but my knees seem to quake

the sun knows not to fully leave the clouds
only to peek through
sending a few rays earth side
a guiding light for few

the sun knows that all light and no rain
kills crops
burns skin
in turn harming the ones
the sun loves the most

the sun knows that a few bright days are alright
freckles are nice
but all sun
all the time
is too much light

sunken in couches at coffee shops
have been loved too much
by too many

cushions gone lumpy
legs that can no longer support weight
coffee stains that will never come out

though there’s been many that have loved it
there hasn’t been one that has loved it enough

The watch I gave you on our 3rd year anniversary has suddenly stopped working


I wonder if our time is up too

much like the sea glass that I wear on my ring
I too was rough

broken from its whole
sharp edged
too jagged to be held
eventually discarded

it wasn’t till the rough seas shaped me
eroded my body
smoothed my soul
drove me to the shoreline

then
I found my worth

from man made debris
to a nature shaped treasure
I have been molded by my environment
polished into a gem
smooth enough to be held
nice enough to be kept

I need a doctor that will write a prescription for your kisses

like CPR for the soul

nothing is more healing

than your lips on mine

there are mornings where I shoot up from bed
certain that I felt your lips on my collarbone

on these mornings
my routine starts off the same

scan the room
rush to my full length mirror
trace my fingertips over the ridge

searching for any sign
some warmth
a lip outline

anything tangible
anything to make
you real again

with goose bumps still crawling down my arms
I jump back under covers
hoping to jump back

to you
and your lips

you're so good at telling stories

you forgot which one you're in

i'll always listen to you rant after a long day

i won't share any details of that night out

i'll always have room in my life for you and your son

i won't tell your boyfriend about that kiss

i'll sprinkle your ashes over the river and in the ocean breeze

i won't talk about your addiction

our hiding spot will remain hidden

i'll marry you

pinky promise
what you speak in whispers
is safe with me

a home
is more than just walls

it requires a solid foundation
level ground
away from riverbanks
far from fault lines  
a safe place

once a strong foundation is laid
the walls will grow tall

walls build up quickly
one must tear them down
build doors
allow others in
homes aren't completely self reliant

next is the windows
punch those out
never lose sight of what's outside
if anything
just buy blinds

add additional protection
a roof

in a couple of years
repaint the walls
level the floors
patch the roof

without preservation
this home will crumble
with it
we

feminism fails
when it disregards
those of color

for we know that every dollar
a woman makes
a man makes more

we seem to disregard the bit
where a women of color
make even less
than their white counterparts

feminism needs to stop
excluding
disregarding
those impacted most
it's a hazard to progress

pull up a chair
scoot down the bench
it's time we serve up
intersectional feminism
for the table can hold more
there's plenty of progress to go around

my thoughts
get scrambled
picture
alphabet soup
poured in a blender
pulsed for three seconds

mixed
yet still letters

now pour that in a bowl
words
sounds
syllables

a jumbled mess
the only utterance
made out
the only thing that sticks
'goodbye'

on a typical day
I'm in touch with my body
completely self-aware
yet my period catches me off guard
sneaks up unannounced
stays for too long  
causes debilitating pain
destroys my clothing
and in turn my day

worst of all
it makes me question
if my body even belongs to me

'I love you'

rolls off your tongue

like an old piece of chewing gum

something you wish you could throw away

but once more

you choke it down and swallow

I'm at home when hiking
with rocks, roots, and mud
my knees bend
eyes scan
legs stretch
arms sway in equilibrium

I can climb mountains
my body is strong like the noble firs
for we sip from the same streams
withstand the same sun

blankets aren’t just blankets
far more than cloth and fluff

they provide a decent replication
of your arms
holding me

the warmth you provide
the protection you bring
the comfort that swallows me

but when you aren’t here
your arms too far
I have a blanket
that does an okay job

until you’re back
embracing me
you’ll find me cocooned up
waiting
in a daydream

small logging towns aren’t a place for acorns
the clay soil can only hold pine
acorns get lost here
covered under mud
stepped over and on by steel toed boots
watered by only the rain
no nurturing hand to help
not a place for an acorn at all

escape is a crow
snatching the nut in its beak
flying over mountains and rivers
eventually dropping the nut
descending down to a city park

here the soil is just right
mulch and compost
water comes once a day
like clockwork
feet step around
a good place to take root

in this nurturing place
a few years down the road
branches grew sturdy
bark is thick
leaves block out the sun
birds make nest here
children climb
picnics take place below

to the acorns delight
they've grown into a place
where others can thrive

summer pains
a sunburn that outlines your swimsuit, straps and all
sore muscles from hours of treading water with a new friend
starving for something to eat, other than lake water
feet stinging on the hot sand as you both run to your towel
sand that never stays on the ground, you can taste the grit
sharing a now hot soda, as the fizz burns your throat
laughing till your abs hurt
hour after hour
trying to wipe the sweat out of your eyes, but instead adding sand
looking out on the lake as the sun’s reflection stings your eyes
as you turn back, your new friend leans in with a smile
tasting the salt of their lips
as time passes
the sun starts to set
you pack up your towel
hold hands
say a long good bye
mumbling something about staying in contact
knowing now
the summer sun isn't the only thing that stings

two truths and a lie

was always a fun game

I liked seeing what people picked to lie about

in it you can see their desire

to be

to do

their truths were never as interesting

achievements

mundane things

my truths were always predictable as well

I haven't broken a bone

my graduating class had 12 kids

if I’m being honest

my lie varies everyday

like I was there in your bed
I had agreed to be there
you asked if you could do one thing
I said yes
you did, and then started on another
you didn't ask
I didn't say no
It wasn't far from what I had initially agreed upon
but you didn't ask
I didn't feel like I could say no

daffodils are one of my favorite things
they spring up from the earth
often unannounced
in places you never knew they were
empty lots, parks, and such

they arrive
reach for the sun like an old friend
follow the light from sun up to set
brighten the day of passersby
if only for a short time
soon they’ll hide
buried in the ground
don’t fret
they'll always be back in March

places to fall in love:

a café, while sipping on their charm

at a museum, where they're still the masterpiece

an arcade, as you let them win your heart

on a rollercoaster, where there's nothing like that rush

in a theater, while holding their hand tight

on a paddle boat, where teamwork is key

a garden, add water and watch love take root

a bookstore, as your fingertips brush their spine

on the bay, with ocean mist kisses

in their arms, the safest place

if everyone could see inside your head
what embarrassing things would they find?

a school kid prank where your pants fell below your waist

or that time your card was declined

when you mispronounced organism in class

or choking on communion at church

mine would be that I still love my mom
despite everything

there’s a few things I carry
despite not having a need
tiny things hidden in my pack
but they don’t bother me

a fossilized shark tooth is my favorite
given to me by a child

next is four different lipsticks
all roughly the same shade

a rock shaped like a triangle
I found on the bay

two pairs of gloves
one brown, one black

a limited edition Dum-dum pop
picked up from my bank

a button from my jacket
I still need to fix

three pens
one black, two blue

still the most useless thing I carry
is my love for you

‘it could be worse’ is a foolish expression
it brings no peace of mind
it’s just dismisses my issues
makes me feel small inside
my pain and suffering is real
so please don’t undermine
i’d rather hear it could be better
or stay quiet this time

I, like any normal human
keep a list of future names
I started it when I was young
then it was Landon and Ashlynn
kids I knew from school
written in gel glitter pen
in bright pink hues

my list is sorted alphabetically
genders separated as well
it’s followed me from Lisa Frank diaries
to pdfs files
sometimes I add to it often
other times I leave it alone

my list is heavily masculine
I'm not quite sure why
I like boys named Max and Marlon
I like Oskar and Gale too
I have a thing for Old English names
like Arthur and Holden
just to name a few
my boyfriend prefers Ash or Astrid
I like those as well
but, my favorite name is Olin
with one or two L's

I discovered this name on a lost blanket
draped over a fence post by the bay
I'd call him Ollie for fun
Ollie Ollie Oxen free! We’d play
he'd have red hair and freckles
I’d knit him many things
I'd sing him to sleep at night
I'd bake him lots of treats
when he cries I'd hold him tight
whisper that everything is alright

tests continue to be ordered
blood, ultrasounds, and more
results are coming forward
I refuse to see the score
It’s the very thing I’m dreading
I worry that it’s true
seems this list is fruitless
seems I am too

being driven off a cliff isn’t too bad
other than the cold breeze
and that song that ended too soon
the butterflies even eventually fade
but man, let me tell you about the view
clouds danced with the horizon
the setting sun peaked through
Bob Ross would’ve envied my last adieu

sea gulls hovering
waves crashed over dunes
ocean mist floating freely
my head was stuck on stupid ****
bills unpaid
plants unwatered
I wondered what you’d assume

You'd search for something rational
Maybe a faulty barricade
or a curve that I hit too soon
positive I had been a little reckless
in fact those are partially true
I don’t know how to tell you
the real answer was you

falling over roots of past love
bumps permanently in route
covered by lichen
hidden nearly completely by time
run safely
dance lightly
for the roots are always underfoot
emerging even in the clearest of meadows
where brooks babble
fauna flock
flowers grow freely
a refuge from roots

even in this refuge
roots start to emerge
they see the brook with thirsty eyes
they long for one long sip
be careful
for when they spring up
fauna will panicked
flowers will refuse to bloom
dismantling your safe place
wanting to consume

don’t stand idle
for the roots will wrap you up
reclaim you as their own
leech water from your brook

safety is a desert
dark, dry, and dull
no brooks
no flowers
no fauna
no place for you at all