This     gap
between out lips as the kisses become longer
that     vital
intake of air to keep the love/boredom/sympathy/pity
alive    until
this is snuffed out in the hope of something tangible

Ease your shoulders.
Relax those wrists.
Impress your elders.
Inspire those kids.

Engage your modesty.
Agree to progress.
Filter your honesty.
Emotions to suppress.

Don't look so down.
They're coming- inspecting.
Looking for the next crown.
Heir circumspecting.

The words got lost in my throat
when the addition of another soul to replace mine
was first and honestly noticed
and i cant find them anymore
they fluttered upwards and died on the tip of my tongue
wishing somehow i could revive them with brute force but i don't ever think i could even find the strength to combat the conversation again
it hurts it hurts it hurts
my god it hurts
knowing this fleeting moment is in perpetual agony
without rhyme or reason i stick by again and again and again

I Just Wanted To Love You
without anyone listening.

It's cold and warm but neither really wants to connect which is understandable really who wants to give 100%
so go back and forwards it's rocking horse hopes and flag posted dreams fluttering in the grey breeze named
"Memory."
it's not forgetting to remember,
it's about remembering to **forget.

Is this what love is?
Red marks and lines,
puncture points, hands never being held.

Is this what love is?
21:00 chuck out time sitting with Dusk on welcome mats
ringing a doorbell unsure if it's heard
or just ignored

Is this what love is?
Mirrors are mouths, speaking after-images into words
This isn't what love is.
or perhaps this love was made just for me
*Alone.

forgive me for the sins
i did not make.
let me repent
for some other souls sake.

Rewind.
Back. Again. One more time.
To a kind,
another, close but distant
Memory. A flame. You, me?
Us.
I remember what it was called.
Trust.

Who am i kidding
no friendship
should taste this bitter.

Who am i kidding?
no poetry
can change this pain.

Who am i kidding!
no smile, shared suddenly
can make you love me!

No number of late nights
no number of long days
or number of friendly fights.

When we met you told me
your heart is non-reaching
and
i said mine's over reaching.

Who am i kidding..
this gap'll never be bridged
we're a lost cause.
                                                       so  I left my heart to die
                                                       when i spluttered out my goodbye.

"i guess that's how you know you've lost.
                                           being swept up in a current
                                                                   that wasn't meant for you."

laying with blue skies
in your hair
earthy reddened clay
across your cheeks
the river in your
shoulder blades
smokey fires blooming
from your thighs
solid mountains holding
your ankles together.

You stand and smile at me from across the street
so I pray to Gaia
to be a mistake you can’t help but repeat.

The Sun tells nothing but the truth.
Rays, unabashedly reveal and revel
in their (apparent) straight simple beams.
Basking and baking any unlucky-lucky soul,
Caught in the radiating pathway.

With a touch that grants,
bronzing berift of bruising.
In reality grants us sight
Welcomed by all but few,

And my word.         What a view.

something untranslatable;  
but somehow
understandable.

body like a Hoplite,
raised from the dust to lay the land-
sent armed
ashen spear and heart,
trunks of armour clad legs
growing into the clay coloured Earth
rooted.

these lyre-heartstrings taut with longing.
to see
a browbeaten Myrmidon,
in daylight.

watch, as the breath of Zeus escapes
Grecian chests,
concave with muscle
Olympus itself exists within those crevices.

i lay offerings,
ambrosia soaked spoken word
at the under-flesh of your calf
laying beside myself
in hope the whispers bestowed to you from the Fates
on the eve of Troy
mean less with your lips, pressed to wine, against mine.

Now where is there to go?*
                                         \\
                                           *No where is there to go.

But why do we find our hearts
in the palms of others?
in the cracks of the paint.
in the makeup.
in the books.

it's always somewhere unexpected.
like venom you take with honey.

filled with sweetness,


with satisfaction. *Are you satisfied?

sometimes all there isn’t ;
is us.
and that’s ok.

I have neither:
The Time- to talk trash-

or

The Tolerance- to tell tales-

I don't mean to be spiteful,
but if you really want to bother me.                   Just read the title.

"I mean we were destined to fail, I've read every card in the deck, scry'd every crystal in the store. Looked for meanings in the Stars, the tea, the cracks in the pavement. Fishbones, wishbones, my palms and the swirls at the back of my eyelids. Can't you see?"

"I see. The magpies came in two's."

"Exactly, there's happiness somewhere."

"Just not here."

**"Yes. Just not here."

Stop speaking in tongues!
Tell me true.
When you choked out that "I Love You"
did you mean a single syllable?
did you have to drag that from the depths of your heart
or just to jump-start
this ridiculous doubt i have.

I'm sorry. But not ******* forgiving you

i can't read your smile anymore.

a man sits in the corner
in his hands; the small bits. the aches.

I couldn’t have loved you once
in a voice holding
a feeling stronger than regret.

on shoulders not broad enough
a shadow, heavier than memory.

There are 2 exits.
3, if you count a 6 story drop.
She accepts it
i just want to stop.

There's a table, some chairs.
Decorated with some sort of dead or dying flower.
Her tracing fingers, my raising hairs.
Rats run in the shower.

i can't find the carpet
she found the bed
with my fate set
to that room i was led.

the seconds ran miles
my mind went too
she called these acts, trials
to lose your youth.

When it was over
your sweat turning stale
you called me your lover
i called you my jail.

and who's to stop me?
management
have managed
their time productively.
                                       shudder to think
                                       they'd begrudge a
                                       subordinate the time
                                       to blast their feelings
                                       off the clock.
leaning over window panes
that lack
balconies to catch
their workers.
                                     my 1-1s have started and ended
                                     with a heart in my mouth
                                     making it harder for the words
                                     'i quit' to get out.

can i just pivot off of can i just piggyback can we just swivel can i put a pin in you and sew up the wounded look that face carries to the coffee machine every lunch Oskar take some sick leave or just leave at this point we haven't identified your fit and our culture of inclusion excludes delays in action i just don't understand how personal problems seep into the workplace what its been five months which is half the time you were with him can't it
just be let go?
just let me go
you're being let go
i want to let go.
                                                    ~ HR will be in touch. ~

Lust
i Love      You.
  Like

                                         Have              
                                    i    Want        You.
                                         Need                                        Can't
                                                                                 But i  Mustn't       You.
                                                                                            Tell