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;*
Lizzie Feb 2018
;*
You make me feel light as air, gazing at the world without a care...
Lizzie Nov 2019
A year ago today... that's when you came.. back into my life and changed it for the better.. You taught me how to love and be loved... you showed me how just a gentle touch can be all someone needs...
you showed me that no matter how broken I feel you'll be there to pick me up and help me as I try to walk..through this molasses like water.. you helped me through some of my lowest points, and cheered me on through my highest, you're my best friend, my rock, my other half you completed me when I thought I was losing myself and you showed me the light, I know you'll always be there and I'm truly, madly deeply in love with you, to the moon and more.
Matt<3
Lizzie Jun 2019
2018.... What a year...
           I lost a lot... I'm sorry..
I'm so sorry, I wasn't enough for you... I tried, I tried so hard but that
                                                   didn't get me anywhere...
You left... left me stranded... nowhere to go...
                         no one to turn to but the whistling of the wind....
no one to talk to but the demons in my head...
                                         I was so alone.... And scared... I miss you...
but I was never enough to keep you satisfied...
                                        not being enough seems to be all I'm good at....
Found this in my drafts, man did this bring back memories
<3
Lizzie Dec 2017
<3
I want you to love every shattered... jagged... broken... piece of me.
Love my twisted heart and tattered soul...
My restless thrashing mind, bring me peace in time...
I don’t want you to look at my crumbling mountain and flee...
Would you take the time,
To love me for me?
Or would you turn away in disgust, laugh at my weakness?
I wouldn’t blame you, nor would I be shaken...
you wouldn’t be the first to leave me with my heart
                                                    Breakin......
But please be the first to hold me in the cold and fill me with warmth...
Unfinished but here's what I have so far...
</3
Lizzie Jan 2018
</3
I long to be, the beautiful disaster you see, every time you look at me..
Lizzie Mar 2019
Some days I find myself looking at the world with such wonder...
I admire the beauty of nature and the peaceful silence that welcomes me, the birds chirping, stream trickling, natures music...
The simplest kind...
Other days I find myself seeing the world through fogged eyes...
My mind blurred by the negative...
Yet I still keep a smile on my face and it seems like I'm never bothered by the bad...
But it creeps its way into my life sending my brain spiraling down, deep into the dark abyss...
Those days are where I'm at my lowest..
I don't hear natures music or feel the comfort of its silence...
Lizzie Jun 2019
Alone...
Whether I'm in a crowded room,
                                        or alone with you....
                                                          It never seems to be enough...
I guess it shouldn't bother me as much,
                                                           ­ this feeling of loneliness...
I'd grown all too familiar with it growing up...
Never fitting in,
       always the one being left out of parties and social gatherings....
This feeling of loneliness is something I'd grown accustomed to,
                     but i never expected to feel it from you....
I thought you'd be different,
      I know how much your gaming means to you and I get that,
                                                           ­                                         I really do...
I just need someone...
Someone who's always going to be there,
                                                            sure­ there'll be distractions,
      but nothing that's so self emerging and addicting that in that moment and time nothing else matters but winning...
I just need that constant reassurance,
                                       that you're not going anywhere,
                                                       ­                            that I'm ok...
All i want is to be ok..... Not Alone......
        I want, no, I crave that comfort, like a warm blanket and cozy socks,
       curled up at a window to watch the rain as it pours down outside...
God I feel so alone.....
Lizzie Nov 2017
It's just another performance... that's all...
Breathe, you'll be fine.... you've done this before...
Just smile, they won't notice you're crashing inside...
One... two... three... four... count till your next cue...
All with a smile on your face...
Lizzie Apr 2018
Thoughts racing, heart chasing.
You're mad, I'm sad.
Can't stop shaking, there's no faking
When I see you in the halls,
I stall, hide behind a pillar, a friend, anything
Just to avoid the awkward eye contact.
I'm not good at confrontations, at the mere thought of it I flee..
You might think I'm crazy or immature,
But when you told me to stop talking to you my mind went a blur..
My friends say you're overreacting, over something so small.
I fear you'll dump me, leaving me lonely..
I'm so sorry.. Please forgive me?
Happy 18th Birthday, I love you S.L.
Lizzie Mar 2021
I don't need you to tell me I'm beautiful, I need you to show me I am cause words can only go so far before the wrong one's leave a scar.
   I'm not proud of the way I look, I hate everything about myself, I'm so insecure and I know that, I acknowledge it.
  But just this once I want your action not words to show me how beautiful I am to you.
Lizzie Feb 2018
You make me feel like I'm floating in the darkness...
When your lips touch mine it's like I can finally breathe...
And when you hold me close, pressed against your firm body, you make me feel safe, and protected...
I hope to be the star in your darkest nights, and the warmth you feel on your lightest days...
Lizzie Nov 2017
Disconnected is black blurred into white
making grey;
He smells like black licorice coffee,
And tastes like an old piece of candy corn,
Forgotten... Left to go bad... Unwanted...
His mother is as light as the sun on a warm summers day;
His father is as dark as the moon on a solar eclipse...
His best friend is like summer rain,
blurring everything around...
He carries black spotted white roses in his pocket,
faded blue converse on his feet, his toe sticking out the end...
His hair, jet-black hangs past his ears and falls into his eyes
like tangled ropes...
He eats dispaire for breakfast and forgotten dreams for dessert...
Disconnected loves lost and broken people...
His dream is to dance in the night away from the light and out of sight...
He moves stealthy like a wolf;
Watching... Waiting... For his next victim...
I wrote this while I was in the hospital going on my third week.
Lizzie May 2020
It's 1am and here I am laying in your bed,
                                                   wishing you were here,
                                                           ­                             instead;
  You're 2,593 miles from me....
Lizzie Mar 2021
How can one have such sadness in her eyes, the kind that pierces the soul and grips the heart.
   How can the light and laughter dissipate, leaving behind the remains of being broken so many times before, like all the  life and joy went away leaving this cold empty shell filled with so much anger and hurt.
    How can i look in the reflection and see these eyes staring back at me.
Lizzie Nov 2017
Livid... Boiling inside...
I wan to scream, yell, bring myself pain...
I am i so stupid.... why'd I do that?
Lizzie Nov 2019
Depression washes over me, seeping into my bones..
Loneliness covering every inch of my body,
however crowded the room maybe.
I long for your familiar embrace, to help me feel safe,
but you're miles away..
Ice pierces my bandaged heart,
Please... don't tear me apart.
I'm falling...
Deeper...
Gone.
Lizzie Apr 2019
Why...
                                  I ask myself,
Why can't i be good enough?
       I'm either too quiet or too loud,
too energetic or too dull, lifeless...
        I'm too nice or too mean,
too dramatic or too emotionless, numb...
       I feel everything or i don't feel enough...
                     Why...
     Am i never good enough?
   I love myself yet i despise my existence...
                     Why...
Is it that the only person who thinks I'm
                                                                ­           enough,
    is the person who deserves the world,
                                                          ­           the world i can't provide...
  But maybe he can show me that for once,
                                                           ­                 I am good enough...
Lizzie Oct 2018
Happiness is the brightest blue in the shape of you,
making me feel brand new.
I'm falling hard with no regards for my heart,
my walls started to crumble from the start.
There are still things i haven't said,
so many thoughts and memories inside my head;
I want you to know, but i don't know how
to open up like that
It's not something i've done in the past.
But i want to make us last.
I know i don't disclose how much you mean to me,
And it's killing me.
I wish i could put into words how
you are undeniably worth more.
More than the moon and the stars and all the galaxies
combined...
I truly believe i could love you for a long time,
stay...
for just one more rhyme?
Lizzie Oct 2019
I feel so cold, an empty soul...
This hurt in my chest growing bigger with each step..
There's no going back all hope lost,
was there ever any to start with?
Or,
Have I always been this harsh... this distant...
looking out for myself is all i've ever known...
It's been ingrained in my brain that there's nobody out there,
nobody's going to save me from drowning...
Nobody's gonna hear me screaming so desperately for help...
It's just me, myself, and I...
Like always...
Feeling real down and lonely tonight..
Lizzie Dec 2018
They say be careful,
            that a ginger will steal your soul..
But this one in particular was different from the start;
    He stole my heart..
Matt<3
Lizzie Nov 2017
You silence my brains loud screaming and violent thrashing,
With a touch... How can you mean this much?
My heart, thumps rapidly in your presence;
Why can't I tell you...
My words of confession get trapped with aggression as my lungs fight the will to breath...
You take my hand and everything stops... As time moves on...
Can you feel my hand as it shakes in yours?
My pleas for help to save me from myself?
Or... Do you just see a carefree girl smiling with glee?
Please explain why you mean so much to me....
Feelings are new, I don't understand.
Him
Lizzie Nov 2017
Him
His smile warms me, as I melt into his embrace...
Leaning into him, my head on his chest,
Drifting to the lull of his heartbeat as he caresses my hand...
His head on mine... Jumbling my thoughts...
He sings in choir, his voice lulling my mind into a peaceful sleep ...
Unfinished but here's what I got so far...
Lizzie Dec 2019
I feel so alone, the hollow shell of an empty soul.
Wishing for someone to hold me as I'm falling, deeper and deeper.
You've been gone for so long,it feels like a knife's been wedged between us and I don't know how to fix it.
I know you don't notice the strain on my part trying to say something that isn't stupid or irrelevant to you, it's hard...
I feel like I'm swallowing glass, the shards tearing apart my throat..
Keeping me from saying what I'm thinking or feeling..
Please understand... I need a helping hand...
Lizzie Apr 2021
It would look like a beautiful sunset, the blissful hues melting together as the night comes alive.
It would look like the stars, burning brighter than the sun as they twinkle in his eyes whenever he looks at me.
It would look like little messages from him to let me know that I cross his mind throughout the day.
It would look like those small gestures to let me know that he still cares.
It would look like little get away adventures with just us and nature for a little while.
It would look like waking up in the morning and being happy to see me lying there next to him.
It would look like him not being afraid or embarrassed to show me off and scream it to the world that I'm his.
It would look like no more uncertainty or heartbreak, no more insecurity or fear that I'll be left behind again.
  It would look like pure unwavering love.
Lizzie Nov 2017
I woke up to my own face,
What was happening?
Then I felt heat and heard a pinging sound,
like a ball bouncing against glass...
Then I realized the bathroom mirror,
Old and stained,
Was taunting me... Ready to scratch...
From a wise sub who taught me a better meaning of poetry while I was in the hospital.
Lizzie Nov 2017
I told you I wanted to die...
You immediately said no...
Didn't ask why... Just a no...
Why so direct, no hesitation?
You surely don't actually like me... Like I like you...
Maybe I've been living in an illusion...
I'm getting anxious...
I'm crumbling, I don't think you've noticed,
I'm distancing myself again, pushing away...
I'm getting bad again, I don't know what is worse...
You ignoring me, or me pushing you away (everyone away)...
I'm a wreck, a lost cause, maybe you should give up on me...
I would if I where you... I'm not worth it... Trust me... Please?
Lizzie Apr 2018
I didn't mean to, please forgive me?
Lizzie Nov 2017
Him, he goes to my school...
Breathtaking is the first thing that comes to mind when I think of him,
Which ironically is often...
His short red hair soft as fur, skin warm and comforting...
He probably doesn't  like me in any way, and that's okay...
Gosh he's so talented, his voice is bliss...
He makes me nervous, when I'm around him my words get trapped... How wack is that?
I'm not one for showing emotions, but I'm trying...
He's a gorgeous person and, I really like him...
I wonder if likes me to....
Lizzie Jan 2018
People don't die until their memories are gone...
Lizzie Nov 2017
Nervous.... When I enter a room... Do I look okay?
I fidget with my bracelets, making sure my battles are hidden...
What will they think.... When they find out...
I'm not okay... I'm a loose *****... A walking wreck...
Held together by barb wire, the rough edges pierce my skin...
Will you hear my pleas? Will anyone answer me?
Or just pass by like a blurred figment of imagination?
Believing the smile on my face, the joyful laugh I make,
misguiding you? That I'm always this pleasant and easygoing?
But I'm not, never was, but I'm trying to hide and show you
all at once... Can you see me?
Lizzie Feb 2019
I feel so lonely...... I don't know why anyone like's me....... I try to be nice and show to everyone that I'm a happy person but every time I make a new friend I end up more in pain than before.... During my entire life I had given more love  than received
I just..... I can't do this anymore................ Being alive hurts too much........................... I just wanna die........... I can't **** myself
yet cause as always I think about my sister...... My mother....and I kind of give up....cause I don't wanna leave them here alone
but one day........................ One day i will.....and like dust i'll disappear...... Maybe no one will read this.....and it's okay
at least here I can express what is in my mind...............................................one day I will set myself free
Lizzie Jul 2019
I need someone...
I feel so lost, I don't know who I am or who I want to be...
You try to comfort me, tell me it's all going to be ok;
but it never is....
Why is it never ok....
I'm lost in this dark curtain of depression,
     searching for a way out of this hell i call my mind...
Please help me.... anyone..... I can't do this anymore...
I'm sorry... I'm so sorry......
Lizzie Nov 2017
She sits alone in her room,
Listening to the sound of raindrops pounding on the window,
Demanding to be let in.
She cries in silence, for the pain she bares is too much,
She laughs with friends, flirts, jokes, alive with joy,
But in the end it's when she's all alone..
She chokes..
The crushing weight of dread, loneliness, and sorrow stab at her chest..
She wonders, when can she rest…
The voices are upon arrival, telling her there's no survival;
She pulls herself closer to hide the demons within..
But how can you drown them if they know how to swim?
‘Dunk them under’, they say, ‘smother them’;
‘How can I do that’ , she asks, ‘If they are inside me?’
As the rain pours louder, her heart shatters like glass,
The sharp edges cutting fast,
She asks herself,’How much longer can I last?’
As she takes the final slash
Lizzie Nov 2018
I gave you my heart,        
right from the start.
You gave it away,          
the very next day.
I should’ve listened to my mind,
just leave you behind.
Turn and walk away,
the first time you asked me to stay.
Should’ve listened to my gut,
and kept my mouth shut.
Should’ve could’ve would’ve but I didn’t...
Lizzie Nov 2017
Sadness is crimson red, leaking from the skin;
He smells like gasoline; and tastes like cool liquor sliding down your throat. 
His mother is like black oil, coming and leaving with deadly amounts.
While his father, is like a warm summer breeze not rough, but comforting.
Sadness carries welting lilies in his pocket,
Maroon Convers tied securely on his feet.
His best friend is like the mountains,
Cold… sturdy… Distant…
His black- blue hair hangs in his face like vines from the amazon, his green eyes staring intently at by passers.
Curious… Firm… Dominant…
He eats fear for breakfast;
And pain for dessert.
His dream is to be free of society, and its flaws.
Sadness loves distressed lonely people,
He moves like a lion stalking its pre,
Silent… Low… Ready to pounce…
See
Lizzie Mar 2021
See
I don't like what I see
when I look in the mirror,
this whole situation seems way too familiar.
All I see are broken eyes
and a shattered mind,
too scared to leave it all behind.
Even if it's to be set free,
no I can't look inside:
where I have these thoughts.
Lizzie Nov 2017
Silence... Violent... Deffening... Destructive...
Silence is, dreadful... Desolate...
Yet all at once, silence is, the rain pouring down,
ricocheting off this small towns beating heart...
Silence is, the sun, blinding... Beautiful... Bright... Just like you...
A reminder that there's light in the night...
Though it may come as a bite... Full of disasters, could I ask her?
The weight of it crashes down on me, silencing my pleas...
When can I be free?
Wrote this earlier today, it *****, I know, but that's okay.
Lizzie Jan 2018
A cemetery is a dark, cold,  dreary place...
Where I can bury all my thoughts and emotions unable to broadcast on my face...
Lizzie Mar 2021
Here I am feeling hopeless, drowning in my own tears and despair while you're laying in the other room on your phone without a care.
  You don't know how I feel cause every time I try to tell you what is real you ******* off like it's no big deal.
  But I'm tired of trying I'm tired of fighting, I've lost the twinkle making my eyes shine so brightly.
  I'm sorry if I'm disappointing, trust me I'm really trying.
  I'm sorry I'm not what you were wanting, it's why my face has become so haunting.
Lizzie Sep 2018
You said you loved my eyes my smile at night,
You could look at them forever...
You whispered sweet compliments in my ear,
Though I never believe it.
I love the way you make me feel...
Like for the first time in my life I can breathe,
Feeling you hold me close half asleep,
Makes me think maybe there really is such thing as peace....
Not finished..
Lizzie Dec 2017
What is it when all the love you could possibly feel is gone?
****** right out one night.
I go to bed full of love & wake up empty.. distant.. broke..
You don't know what happened, you can't come even close to fixing it.
No matter who comes along I'll be there; a hollow shell.
Holding a mask of glee, yippee...
But there you are waiting.. watching...
Tell me, do you see the real me?
Just something I came up with..
Lizzie May 2020
I'm sitting here, the rain soothing my thoughts.
You're miles away, I wonder if you're thinking of me too.
The rain falling with it's melodic pitter patter,
lulling me to peace.
It's 2am. i should be long asleep, Whereas your days just begun.
3 hour time difference does that.
Lizzie Nov 2017
Unheard is a whisper in the wind,
faintly talking in your ear.
He's the figure hidden in plain sight,
Forgotten...
He knows everything that goes on,
because he is unheard he is not seen...
His dark blue eyes, watch all, waiting, to finally be noticed...
Unheards dream is to be heard,
for his silent pleas for help to be met.
He spends his time at home listening to his music, full blast
to block out the constant fighting...
He finds peace at the roofs edge of tall buildings, inching
further each day...
Unheard hides behind a curtain of black hair, like the roses he carries
in his pocket as he climbs the stairs to the top,
leaving white roses as a trail behind him...
He steps that final inch...
Unheard fades to the darkness as the commotion rises...
He is finally heard,
But it's too late, his stories over now...
Lizzie Nov 2017
Don't test me, 'cause when the time comes I'll make something out of nothing...
War
Lizzie Jan 2018
War
I'm... slowly... breakingshatteringfallingtumblinglosingairconfusedworrieddesolate­
And I don't know how to stop the constant war that goes on in my mind...
Kinda *****, but oh well
Lizzie Jan 2018
Work in class they say. Do what you're supposed to do they say. Well they seem to say a lot of ******* things. They say sometimes we need to do things to feel, a way to express, but they don't really care about what your need or feel is. They want you to be what they want and what they want to see. Nothing changes unless you try and initiate that change. Some people think that death is the most sought after thing for relief they don't really want to end it forever they just want to feel and they want to end the hurt, the pain, or just their thoughts. They just want relief that's all it is. People look at addictions and they see them as foul and derogatory, but the people who have them see it as an escape from the world or from their minds. That's what most of them are. We can't be a shadow forever.
Wrote this last year...
Why
Lizzie Sep 2018
Why
Why can't I seem to ever be enough?
You tell me I'm wonderful, smart, beautiful, caring,
but then you turn around and act like we never had a thing
that we didn’t run away into the night full of adventures and wonder...
I wonder..
Was it ever real to you?
Lizzie Nov 2017
Wondering...
I wonder if you're ignoring me...
Did I do something wrong?
Wondering...
Do you actually like me, the real me?
Did I say something wrong?
Wondering...
What if's cloud my mind...
What if it wasn't me you where into...
What if I read your messages wrong? Got the wrong memo?
What if I'm not good enough, to many problems, odd...
What if you never liked me to begin with?
What if... What if... What if...
What if I'm wrong?
Lizzie Apr 2018
I need a break from reality.
Headphones in, music blasting... Block out the world..
For a little while. It doesn't have to be forever.
Though I wouldn't mind if it was, you seem happy.
Or at least content.. I'll always want the best for you even if that means with out me.
Not quite finished just need to empty my mind a bit
Lizzie Jan 2018
You make me so happy, but I'll never tell you, cause my feelings are confidential... And my moods temperamental...
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