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Jul 1 · 18
Untitled #17
She was there for you
When I had to be there for myself

    -  The only thing I cannot compete with.
Jun 21 · 52
my heart
Jun 10 · 85
A Guy Gets Too Lonely
He was more permanent than other men,
A little more friendly -
And it don’t make no difference.

I ain’t wanted.
Why ain’t you wanted?
I don’t know.

You think it’s a lie.
You won’t get out.
But it ain’t no lie.

He cried.
Lost his smile.
Helplessly broken.

I seen things out here.
Alone out here at night.
I don’t know if I was asleep.

It’s just in their head.
Yeah… sometimes.
But… not always.

You’re nuts.
You’re crazy.
We are too.
Found poetry for Of Mice and Men.
Jun 5 · 82
Running On Empty
Press “brew” on your coffeemaker.
Don’t put any grounds in it, no water either.
Just let it cough and sputter.
And when it’s finished, press “brew” again.
And again.
And again.
How many times can you press that button?
How long does yours last,
running on empty like that?
My best friend, hers lasted for two whole years!
My little sister’s wasn’t far behind.
As for me, well, mine's still going strong.
May 31 · 106
Untitled #15
If you so strongly believe that
Humanity is better under pressure together
Then why do you keep leaving?
Wrote it on her wall in rainbow bubble letters.
May 31 · 81
Halo Top Ice Cream
You may seem a little more
frozen than the rest,
but all you really need is
a little more time to
warm up.
May 13 · 57
Untitled #14
can't speak a word
without crying
can't form a smile
without lying
i hurt.
May 9 · 48
Lonely
Look there's the mail truck oh wait it didn't stop.
Journal! Yes, I haven't journaled in quite some time!
Hey so do you maybe wanna FT or something tonight?
Succulents need some water that aloe is lookin' a bit dry.
The calendar it's May 8th now not May 7th.
Only sent it 21 minutes ago give her time to respond.
First real cry in three months.
Musicmusicmusicmusicmusicmusicmusicmusic.
She's probably busy like a normal person don't be clingy.
He sent that text last week I should respond but should I?
She responded see I'm gonna have a fun time tonight.
That's alright don't worry go deal with your fam no it's fine.
But do you have just a minute no okay goodnight.
Will you just talk to me please?
I just need someone to hold me never let go.
Please?
I'm going insane with loneliness please someone just talk to me.
Apr 25 · 131
I don't understand
Why he broke my light.
Why she holds my love.
Why they invade my dreams
Both day and night.
Apr 25 · 38
Untitled #12
You think I can
be silenced
and I almost find
that funny.
Living at home again for 3 months, today.
Apr 23 · 82
Untitled #11
Why do I not write
Poems about good feelings
Will they ever last?

If I write poems
About the good feelings then
Maybe they will last.
Apr 21 · 64
Untitled #9
i wouldn't say i'm
"catching feels"
because i caught them
captured them
pounced on them
a good while ago.

i wouldn't say i'm
"heartbroken"
because i have been
heartshattered
heartcrushed
for a good while.
Apr 21 · 156
Smile back
I have figured out
that all I have to do
is put on my most
blissful
grand
lip-tearing
smile
for you to notice me.
So I will rip apart
every single muscle
in my face
for you to
smile back.
Apr 21 · 64
Untitled #8
That’s not the point, though.
I might be too good for her.
I might deserve better.
I might finally get closure.
But you don’t understand.
I don’t care.
I don’t care.
I don’t care.
There is just so much hurt.
Apr 20 · 54
Untitled #7
I can’t decide if
knowing the truth hurts more
than staying in the dark
because not knowing means
I will always
hope too much
and knowing means
I will never
hope again.
Who knew
a little social-distancing hangout
low-battery-mode FaceTiming
Snickers on a fishing rod
purple-like-my-hair haiku
and some birthday s'mores
could make me feel
so loved?
16 on the 16th.
Apr 11 · 25
Untitled #6
and suddenly sobs
held my body
rocked me back and forth
in the way
you never will
again
Apr 6 · 87
Loyalty Program
and when you call me
Rama
you'd think i had
one million Delta miles
from the trips my heart goes on
- except it doesn’t
because
my flight was cancelled
I've had this ticket for
nine months and twenty three days
it was non-refundable
but I'm already on the plane
Dunkin' cup precariously perched
on the armrest
they almost spelled my name right
my phone only has 11%
I knew it could charge
right when I boarded
I thought you were waiting for me
you made paper “welcome” signs
and set up the pullout couch
I've been waiting
two hundred and ninety eight days
and now you're telling me
this plane isn’t going anywhere

- my hope for us have jammed the engines
Might submit this to my school's magazine to be published, so feedback would be greatly appreciate (please!). I'm not quite sure if the title suits the poem.
no one is me
do you miss me
maybe you miss me
i hope you miss me so much
that is feels like your
esophagus is ripped out
when i say your name *
dont worry i wont say your name
i say it enough in my head
i hear it enough from my friends
but dont worry im not tired of it
one day i will finally
have the ovaries
to say all of this
but until then
maybe youll find
my hello poetry account.
its getting kind of sad
cuddling with Eloise
the stuffed elephant you gave me
for my 15th birthday
i mean i love her a lot
but shes not you
no one is you
i love you so much
just as a friend too as a person
you used to love me so much
how could you have possibly
just turned it off
will you please tell me how
i havent been able to
and im tired of loving you
and not being loved back
dont you understand
thats all ive ever wanted
thats all i want
just please love me back
and you take pleasure it seems
in ripping my esophagus out
because some nights
you act like were best friends again
andihopesosomuchwewillbe
and some nights
you wont even answer me
and it hurts so much
ive been trying not to cry anymore
but it hurts so much
and im so confused
just be honest with me
please
your ex girlfriend is actually lovely
and i should have been
angry at you not her
im not angry at her at all
do you know what she did
she texted me one thursday night
do you know what she said
she said sorry
she said this is so long overdue
she said i really really hope
we can be friends
do you know what i did
i let go that thursday night
do you know what i said
i said im sorry too
i said its okay
i said i would really really love
to be friends
do you know what you never did
you never spoke to me first
do you know what you never said
you never said i know i hurt you but you hurt me too
you never said can we talk about it
you never said i really really think
we can be friends
so i dont even know if we are
or if ive suddenly become
an optimist
sure you said sorry
i even think you meant it
i know you meant it
but you dont act sorry
and this so long overdue
but im making up for it now
oh im making up for it
and you be ready do you know why
you be ready because
im not doing it anymore
im not being polite
im not giving you the benefit of the doubt
without telling me the real reason
why you lied
why you ignored me
why you messed with me
why you are
still doing it
and let me tell you
let me tell you something
im so ******* tired of my *******
im tired of my *******
allowing your *******
and i let you
i let you because
do you want to know
do you want to ******* know
well you never asked
well ill tell you anyway
i let you because
i needed you i needed you so much
and you knew that thats why you did it
not because you couldnt talk to me
because you could talk to me
you just didnt answer my **** calls
how could i have not known for so long
how could you not have told me
and lets be ******* honest for once
please
we both knew that i knew
ive been lying to myself
because i knew all along
i knew you were capable of
i knew you maybe already had
i knew you still were
and now
becauseofyoubecauseofyou
all i can write
i can't even write
just
wavescrashingwavescrashing
waves of
c h a o t i c p o e t r y
Mar 31 · 285
Warning
hold onto your
berets
fedoras
sombreros
beanies
because youre in for
a tsunami of
angry
scared
hurt
love poems.
Get ready, folks.
Mar 26 · 33
Untitled
soul tearing
mind bleeding
heart soaring
love.
Mar 26 · 25
Untitled
i made her smile
.
.
.
that's all.
Mar 23 · 77
fragile
and it's so fragile
so let's start with
two-thirds of
our faces
every few hours
Mar 23 · 31
Untitled
i see that you have
now graduated from a
two-hour response time
to leaving me on opened.
Mar 23 · 562
waiting
keep her waiting
she keeps me waiting

i'll keep her waiting

fifty seconds
twenty minutes
one hour

she'll keep me waiting

fifty hours
twenty days
one year
Mar 16 · 45
Untitled
and i know
that to you
it's just a game

but you know
exactly how to
make my heart ache
Mar 16 · 101
streaks
icy blue eyes
fixed just below
the camera

almost
but not quite
calling me home.
Feb 29 · 102
Untitled
Eli S.                                  10/3/17
To: Eli S.

NO SUBJECT

Are you here yet?

Sincerely, Eli S.
Feb 15 · 28
Valentine's Day
Today I received
A pocket-warmed Hershey kiss
Not permitted by the laws of veganism.
An obligatory Orange Crush from a friend
Only because I bought one for her.
A fresh wave of desire
The sun colored your hair golden.
A complimentary punch in the gut
That smile used to be reserved for me.
A dose of Focalin
To focus on something other than you.
Happy f*cking Valentine's Day
Feb 14 · 152
winter beach
we were going to get married
on the beach
barefoot
in the dead of winter
partly because we loved
the cold salty air
partly because we wanted
to defy the norms
we certainly did.
#winter #beach #love
Feb 11 · 621
Untitled
But I guess it wasn't all bad,

because now I have a journal full of

poorly written breakup poetry.
I put my faith in pinky promises
and astrology apps.
It isn’t our mistakes that first come to mind
when I think of us,
Though they certainly do.
Instead, I remember the French cafe
From where I can no longer bring myself
to buy hot chocolate.
Instead, I remember curling up in a plastic chair,
feeding two quarters to a payphone
dropped them more than once
in my excitement for ten minutes of your time.
From Winter Beach Weddings to
Three months of “missing my calls”
I’m not quite sure how we got here.
High school rock music shook my skull.
I thought my kneecaps would pop off
and leave me sprawled on the auditorium floor.
Her angelic voice made my ears bleed.
A colossal, though unintentional, “*******”.
First heartbreaks are like golden retriever puppies:
They contain infinite stores of energy that somehow manage
to refill themselves after only a few hours’ rest.
Their blonde hair is everywhere.
You are everywhere.
We were like George and Lennie:
“clinging together in the face of loneliness and alienation”.
It was never going to end well.
And I could write (have written)
so many bitter, hurt, apologetic heartbreak poems
a million stanzas that are essentially
paraphrased Waterparks lyrics.
But none of this will change the fact
that I likely won’t receive an Orange-Crush soda
on Valentine’s Day.
In honor of Valentine's Day, this is a compilation of some of my favorite lines from breakup poems I have written.
Jan 31 · 84
FLHS fundraiser
high school rock music
shook my skull
i thought my kneecaps
would pop off and
leave me sprawled
on the ground once again
weakened defeated
by You
hadn't seen each other
in ten months
and there You were
laughing with Her on stage
a colossal
though unintentional
*******
to me
Her angelic voice
made my ears bleed
yep still not over her
Jan 29 · 76
us history
in us history
we are learning about
the civil war
and nearly every class
i am forced to hear
your name
Georgia
had one of the largest
slave populations
in the united states
so nearly every class
my heart
like sherman's neckties
is wrenched out and
twisted beyond repair
Jan 29 · 33
today at lunch
today at lunch
I saw lilly -
like the flower but
with another l,
a fake -
your girlfriend
(soon to be ex
but you don't know that yet)
she actually smiled at me -
i think she was surprised
i hope so -
in response
my ****** muscles
contorted into a
smile(?) more false
than i ever believed i was
capable of producing.
it wasn't really a smile
it was
******* For Ripping Her Away From Me
it was
I Would Like To Punch You But Self Control
maybe (fingers crossed)
it scared her.
Jan 29 · 106
You Are
You are my cropped leggings
You are my movie theater M&M's
You are my ridged fingernails
You are my slouchy green shirt
You are my knit blanket
You are my heavy backpack
You are my coconut oil popcorn
You are my frizzy hair
You are my softly scarred arms
You are eVerYthiNg
and I hate it
Dec 2019 · 198
but lately
Josephine Wilea Dec 2019
I go to sleep at
10 p.m
but lately it's more like
2 a.m.
because I don't want
to turn the lights off

I brush my teeth
every morning and night
but lately it doesn't matter
enough to me
because my breath will only again be soured
by bitter truths in the morning

I don't read or watch t.v.
before going to bed
but lately I've been
listening to children's stories
because they imitate the innocence
that was long ago stolen from me
Dec 2019 · 328
Pain Tolerance
Josephine Wilea Dec 2019
When you kissed me
your soft blonde hair
chilled by the icy wind
wrapped around my infected piercing
pulled at it painfully
dislodged the scab
and made it bleed.
I said nothing
not wanting to upset you.
In turn
I threw my arms around you
and buried my face against
your shoulder
compressing the fresh cuts
lined perfectly on your arms.
You cried out
and pushed me away.
Oct 2018 · 105
thisisdepression
Josephine Wilea Oct 2018
I am only alive
to see for myself if
I am truly wanted,
if people truly need me,
or if I am a burden.

I want break down,
I want to cry,
but all I can do
is suffer in silence.

My body is numb
but my chest is tight
with so much pain.

I feel nothing
and everything.

This is depression.
Jul 2018 · 213
Clinging On
Josephine Wilea Jul 2018
Sometimes there are days,
The rare days
When the medication seems to be working.
When life seems bearable,
And I see a future for myself.

But then I get to thinking,
What is it all for?
What does it all amount to?
What is my purpose in this world?

The answer is simple:
Nothing.

Spiraling once again,
I realize I want to be dead.
But right now I cannot die,
Too inconvenient a time.

So I turn to the next best thing,
To the scissors in my bathroom.
A tiny, silver, dainty pair,
That nobody would imagine the use for.

My left wrist,
Wearing a permanent white bracelet.
The skin on my hips, discolored with tally marks
Of each minute I wanted to die.

But I'm not dead.
Most would call that an achievement.
I call it weak.

I don't have the guts to get what I want,
I'm too afraid to take it.
I do though, and I realize
That at the moment I don't truly want it.
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