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...and as you fall in love with yourself,
You might lose your love for him
Do not apologize,
You deserved your own love more than he did.
You never liked the taste of coffee,
Until you tasted it in my mouth,
Who do you drink it with now?
there’s an open
wound on main street
and i wish people would
stop asking about it
because every question pulls
the hole a little wider

something was always
just a little bit
wrong

a constant drip
in the fridge

a fruit fly trapped
in the bake case

missing corners
of floor tiles

pictures hanging
slightly crooked

one foot of a table
unscrewed to a wobble

the rattle
of the heater

smiles from those
i couldn’t trust

a tiny pinprick of
stress behind my eyes

every year was
the year that would
make it or break it

so nobody was
surprised
except those who
couldn’t see the scuffs

last year
things were supposed
to be so good
everyone talking
mad **** about their
incredible ideas

i had a few
ideas of my own
nobody ever had to
teach me how to
dream big
overachieve
overexert myself
and fall hard

the quiche crusts stuck
to the bottoms of pans

and there was no way to
get the slice out
without the whole entire
thing falling apart

i might have been
the first slice to go

but at least i got
out of there

before the hand that
pulled me out
was the hand that
dropped the pan

a glass pie plate
shattered and
the way things were
supposed to be suddenly

over
just
like
that

and i’m still
reeling
on the sidewalk
staring at the
empty shell of
something i once loved

big hopes
big dreams
big plans
small town
too small to
hold them all

every piece of my
future points
backwards
arms of a clock
working their way
into the past

it’s not in how
the damage was done
but in how you
heal from it

there’s an
open wound on
main street
maybe if we gave
south street stitches
we could pull it closed

but still i question
my existence as if
scones and coffee
and thursday mornings
before sunup were
the only things that
gave me
stability

maybe
they were

maybe people
pull themselves into
an orbit around that
which keeps them grounded

an orbit of
routine and the
dissonance needed
to stir ice cubes
in a plastic cup
to create peace
in the moment
of chaos

or maybe
the one place
that always felt
like home to me
was just a cafe
on the four corners
and now there’s
an open wound
not so much
on main street
but the pocket of my
heart where hope lives
copyright 2/17/20 by b. e. mccomb
if everything love,
do not mistaken my worries for regrets,
for all the love i feel in my heart,
it is all for you.

i dont know why i feel so,
im still trying to find ways of out of this maze,
because it kills me that you want to know why i love you,
because there could be trillions of reasons,
but really,
which one will your soul fond the most?

if everything love,
i want you to know,
till this day im still trying to find the right words to say,
so that i will not hurt you in any way while saying it,
and i swear on my life, darling,
hurting you is never my intention,
it is never the ‘last thing i would do’ ,
as what some lovers might say.

but on top all, my love,
i swear,
i swear,
i swear,
this heart has always loved you.
I keep replaying the same moment in my mind
Your hand stroking my hair
I never felt so much comfort and happiness
And I’m losing you
And I keep, replaying the same moment.
And collapsing, and breaking down,
Nauseous. Because I won’t feel it again.
Pinky promises mean nothing all of a sudden
Oh what a foolish girl I am
For caring for the health of others
If you don’t hurt yourself I won’t hurt myself, I lived by it.
But you don’t care
So neither do I.
Goodbye.
I always hated the vulnerable side of myself
I know you so well yet you’re a stranger to me.
I’ll never go back to my own ways
Because I’m better than that
No more scars
I’d never hurt my younger self if she was to stand in front of me
So I won’t do it now.
Would you?
You wouldn’t.
So don’t.
But who am I to care anymore about you.
You didn’t have to take the pills
You don’t have to take the scan
You didn’t have to *****
You didn’t have to be in pain
You didn’t have to be scared
You didn’t have to feel the ******* that traumatises you for weeks with no end
You didn’t have to live with my ***** body
Don’t dare say it was your stress
Because you have nothing else
I made food
But I didn’t eat it
Waiting for it to pop out the toaster
Seemed like a lifetime
As I swayed in fatigue
Losing my feet
I hop into bed
Melt into the mattress
As nice as it seems
It’s exhausting
When you feel my skin so close to yours,
Do you want to place your fingertips where your eyes so often go?
And do I make your heart flutter and your mind go numb?
And am I that girl who just might turn your world around?
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