It’s a good day the lord granted. Everything seems so perfect. Weather is sweet. Sun’s shining. What could go wrong?
I felt you coming. Like a hijacker through a rear view mirror. How I wish for a false alarm. Dear lord may this cup pass. A moment to accept the inevitable arrived.
Oh my God! you seized me once again. You came like a thief at midnight. You hijacked my mind. You exposed me to wrath of migraines. Horrible 30 seconds in a 24hour day. It's like a small stain on a white garment.
The cruelty of an epileptic seizure is inevitable. https://m.facebook.com/EpilepsyandCpfriends
This an expression of how a 30seconds encounter with with an epileptic seizure can ruined the whole 24hour day.
Nobody knows how it feels. How it feels to live in fear. Fear of not knowing my next seizure. When, where and how? Will it be in public or private space?
I fear the inexorableness of epilepsy. Is the devil you know better than an angel you don’t? I bet to differ. I’ve been living with this inevitable monster since childhood. That’s why anxiety haunts me even in parenthood. Nobody knows why and how it feels except God.
Just an expression of it feels waking up in the morning not knowing when my next epileptic seizure will come.
I laugh because it’s over, I joke because it’s over for now. I laugh and joke so others don’t look at me with pitiful eyes, their pitiful glances with eyes glazed over. I am not a pity project, I am and will always be “recovering” but that does not mean I am weak. This could have happened to anyone, my brain did not choose to be ill. Even if I did not chose this I decided to laugh. I decided to joke so you would not look at me though pity.
I realize this is a hot mess, my dearest apologies.
There is something wrong with my programming. It's the the way I was manufactured. Wires are crossed and some are missing entirely.
I'll probably short circuit again. Life will leave my eyes as they roll back into my skull and I'll fall down and I'll look dead. If I'm lucky my head will bang into the table and I'll fall on the floor and bruise myself everywhere. It'll prove I'm still alive.
It's not pleasant, but it's a human thing to do. Computers don't have seizures.
Old poem that I spruced up a bit. About my experience with dissociative seizures.