~Only blue in my eyes
Hard to lose the one inside
Speak up life is passing by
Don't let the darkness capture your pride~

Left on the rocky edges of life and death
50 feet to tremendously high
To wrap my head around
my mind slips,
as I slump down into cold cutting water
I can't swim I tell myself
As my body clashes against the tides
My limbs become powerless
The weakened lungs of my
endure torturous pain
The water sweeps my body
like wind sweeps the leaf's against the autumn grass
Am I dead yet? "I ask."

The seconds in this cold cutting water
feel as if it's been decades
my eyes fasten tight
as I hold on to the words of "hope"
I begin to pray.

The Purpose-

The quality of being determined to do or achieve something...
As you look in the mirror--
What do you see?
What is your purpose or who do you inspire to be?
It's a simple question,
however not an easy answer.

Humans wondering the earth,
Torn apart, broken and scarred
Maybe even,
Bent over and abused
Mistreated and used.

Yet the question still comes about--
What is your purpose or who do you inspire to be?
What is your meaning?
Do you wish to live carefree?
Most will answer as children...

However,
As adults they will act as if the question never came about.
What is your purpose or who do you inspire to be?
What is your meaning?
Do you wish to live carefree?
What is it like being---
Unhappy?

Enveloped in shadows
Darkness surrounding
Chain's binging
Hold me captive
But what?
What is it?
I've never seen it before
It's almost to bight
Too white
Could it be?
Alight?

No it can't be
For God forsakes me
My past and present
Makes me feel Imprisoned
Trapped with no escape hole
But the warmth of this sight
This beautiful bight
Shining into my core
Makes me alive more and more

An angel?
A demon?
What could possibly cut
Through me like this
It has to be
No it couldn't
In the dungeon of my mind
This "light" I find
It has to be no other
Than love

The saddest thoughts;
are thought's we are unable to explain

Hey gorgeous,
Whats going down?
Seems like you've fallen down,
Since the last I've been around
You speak not a sound
I can only feel your pain
when you push me down

Hey gorgeous,
Don't let them steal your thunder,
you're more than just a number
With them goddess eyes,
You give me butterflies
Others are quick to polarize your heart,
And tear your beautiful mind apart

Hey gorgeous,
I can only think back to when I felt your forehead
Cold to the touch,
I clutch on to you right hand
Holding it;
I felt hypnotized within a  depressed state.
No one was inside
You were just an empty case

Hey gorgeous,
You would think I have forgotten
The list we use to make
The reasons why we should live
And forgive ourselves for our mistakes

1. You can't control what others do
2. The world needs more beautiful people like you
3 you are in battle,
and a soldier may never surrender
4. The people you think don't care; 85% of them would **** for you
5.
Remember when we made those promises
on that cold winter day
I held your hand,
As the wind blew in your face
The sky was a cold dark gray
I said
"hey gorgeous!
Let's Make a Deal,
If I Stay Alive will you do the same?"

Sorry to victimize you with my lonely cries
Fabricate my brain under the sheets of lies  
How selfish am I
Selfish is taught,
by was selfish See's
Depression & suicide
Took me down to my knees
A man once told me-
Depression is a choice
My aching heart that feels suffocation
Before I'm able to speak my own voice
My aching heart that can't simply
Define what it means-
The guilt that destroys you
Or what it means to destroy the guilt.

I hold my walls strong,
Just like the others,
I am no more weaker than-
I am no more selfish than
Depression & suicide
Doesn't let me know that you are better than
Your not.

Love To Hate
A piercing scream
Only I can hear
The sound of a suicide attempt within my hemisphere
Windows abroad
Clawing my skin to the screams of why so serious?

Withholding aggression -
having a glass within reach
I cannot get more excitement out of the thought of throwing it at the ground of someone's feet

A single tear for the 1sec I willfully give
Pale white Feet Clashing against a white window sill
Only the depth of the world's finest pavement cracked within the ripples of my skin
Only then will this be real

Preaching to the already dead
Of how the sun rose once
The next day she never came into work
******* the very breath out of everyone's lungs

Single tears never falls
once fallen
Gripping onto nothing but the thoughts of concrete
"Why do you hate your life,
Mental health professionals ask?"

On the solid embankment of her head
lies a stretched out wire hanger
For her thoughts individually hung
The young girl who is 40 going on 13
Looks like a goddess,
Although slower than a turtle
Slurs out "I only love to hate you*..."

Sometimes I think
No way this world is this cold
I withhold my tears
And I stay on my throne
Old enough rule,
Yet still time to grow
Give me a chance,
To fit into my shadow

You say the sky's the limit
I believe higher,
Caught up in between these Saints and Liars,
Makes me believe that the devil is in fact here,
Compromise ya to leave himself at ease
My tears use to run down like the Open Sea
Used to cut myself open and see how much I bleed
Thinking disappearing would set myself free
Like Heaven Was supposed to be my destiny

I do not remember,
The goose bumps against my skin,
The ice cubes I would hold in the very palms of my hands
I DO REMEMBER the brutal Darkness I had within
Not of them
Not for him
Not for his group of friends;
For myself.

The interruption of trauma put fourth into my mind.
I was;
The outlined name on the piece of scrap paper
That everyone seemed to gossip about
I was the 1 out of 4...

1 out of 4
I had to feel the slim of shame through the outer course of my skin
It felt as if a vast sign was beginning attached to the back of my shirt
Everyone knew
Throughout the whole school,
Throughout the world
It felt to me...

The bitterness in my throat as I choke out the words of ****,
The word **** itself is not hard to say
The kids used to scream it on the playground each and every day
My life today is full of Rage,
Not for them
Not for him
Not for his group of friends
For I myself

Nothing like the rain pouring down
Nothing like a cold hearted tear
Hitting the ground
Oh I can't fly
Oh can't steer
Alone in this world without my lovely dear

I said make it a love that will last
To surpass the pain
But I guess I'm insane to think
I wasn't going to be left in the cold pouring rain

Days feel as if they never change for the better,
but the worst
I'm beginning to think this life is a curse
How could one Rome without the love and comfort of she
Till one and one Unite again and become we
R.I.P

Dark tracks of you follow me,
Taking the breath out of my lungs.
I choke on the thought of you;
Till my heart uplifts
To let you go.

Although you may think,
I'm Never to shed a tear for a past love;
I have shedded many
And felt unworthy of...

If you knew
How it made my heart feel
Each word of criticism
Peeling a layer of me off
leaving my soul left in the dark*
"Never to be loved for the scars of past loves."

The eyes of her;
Are beyond beautiful.
Much more than I, myself, can imagine.
The wondering eyes of me;
Can never stop staring at the beauty,
that swipes Thy heart for herself.

The kind heart of she;
hides throughout the brutal darkness,  
Never for seeing the need of light.
"Those who wonder in to such;
Futuristically get broken down,
And end up where I, myself am now.

For every slight attempt,
I am turn down.
No trust as expected,
For I am one of the unimportant.
Inside the brittle heart of thy;
And past the walls of hell,
She knows I love every part of her.
The mind of mine;
knows the beauty inside,
has been torture by those of the weak,
For past, and present centuries.
The brain of me;
Understands,
"For thy myself;
Think and feel the same."

As the shining stars cover the dark,
Night sky,
I think to myself
Beyond the darkness of her,
She still amazes thy heart and soul...
Never more

My tears wash down my breathless face
Like a cold winter night,
There sits my heart
Unconscious as ever,
Brutally beaten since the first I can  remember
Though the first touch,
I chose not to grasp onto the thought of the memory :(

It creeps to my soul;
In the loneliest of hours,
Devouring the last I have left
In every single breath

Wiping the weary out
From that moment on
Awaking the solid touching of him through out my bear skin
Chained down
Begging forgiveness for all my sins

Here I stand with my heart out,
I give it to you
Yet here is my future which stands empty without you
Here stands my life on the line,
life;
which is nothing worth living
more painful than the soul can fear, or mind can hide
More painful than giving out my pulverized heart
And receiving nothing in return*...

The closer we become
The more I feel numb
I forced the thought of love upon my skin
Gripping her body in the motion of love,
Attempting to feel something I can't feel
Such unreserved distance others would think its real...

Our love is real

So much realness,
that the brain of She and I can't feel a **** thing
That when our lips touch
I sense the warmth of a blanket
And not the softness that her skin brings
I go **** it
I can't even love the simple things
Because the mind of me still thinks
We our "we"
Together
"Me and she"
My mind can't process that we went our separate ways
Long ago
But still the nightly visions of her stay
It's been 2 years all I can say
Is *Our Love Is Numb

My face is pale
I can't breathe
The thought of me dying,
left him at ease
My murderous husband,
Squeezes the life out of me

My knees are weary,
as I plead on onto cold, solid ground for his forgiveness
I pray to god,
He will leave me be
I attempt not to cry
For my murderous husband will see the weakness in me

My mother said,
Never let a soul see you cry
They will take advantage of you,
and leave you to die

Dear Purple,
Said too much too soon
****** covered bathroom
Late night afternoons
Broken heart,
To death do us part
To many emotions as I depart
My soul fades to the dark
Dear purple,
I cry the coldest tears
On the warmest nights
Dear purple,
I can only pray for stronger days
As my body turns to gray

I can't anymore
unable to find the reasons why
Tear drops mark my eyes
It's the common demon I have inside
That keeps me going on this treadmill
not only does it hurts
but it kills
not only does it strangles
but makes me ill

I'm stuck in the dark
Trying to get back to the start
My heart has been black for some time now
Cold and dark as my mind
And I can only wonder why?
Just Why,
So cruel...

I was once an angel
but now Satan at its worst
This curse I face,
Makes my life feel like its going in reverse
Till there's no more of me
Life has become my worst enemy

I find happiness within a confined box
No one from the outside world cares to knock
This box is to old an brittle
I'm
To wise,
To nimble
To peek out into the outside world

So I sit,
An crumble myself into a tight fit
In a fetal position
With toes tight
Reserved to only an inch
My face stuck in between my lap
My hands hugging my back

Pigeons swarming around my box
I constantly scream
There's not a soul to touch or take
For heaven is where my soul will take

Borrow the time never given
Reliving and rewinding everything that confines me
In a place where I rather not be
Trapped in the wrath of the sea
Broken piano keys
In the middle of my one and only song
Scattered thoughts beyond this mind

I speak no evil,
Yet see and hear it
I have to admit
There's something wrong
in this head of lies


Broken thoughts of grief only for myself,
Made up excuses why I don't have wealth
Why I'm a diamond god made not to be the best
And Even a "nobody"  doesn't cares to listen to the chatter from my chest
So I sit back in this white-walled room
With me, myself and I,
A mess

Knock knock on your door
knocked a thousand times or more
I hope for your knock in return
Just one knock
That's what I pray
Each and every night
Hoping you'll stay
Knock knock on the door
Knowing someone's home
On the other side
I'm not mad or out of my mind
Im just hoping you'll be mine

So knock knock on the door
I'm scared to turn the ****
I'm afraid I'll be turned away
By the sternness of your voice
In the color of anger through your skin
And the words of
"You're not wanted in"
So on the other side of the door I stay
Praying before my love life decays
I knock once more
with no answer in return