Stargazing is an affirmation that our problems
Are as small as can be for the universe is bigger
And more mysterious then the future at head
To be honest stargazing is a testament of
The curiosity  of the human race and
The creative and destructive force of
Nature, be it on here or in the universe
This is my church
This my worship
Stargazing at night

I remember the author during
A boom reading mentioning
Not to edit yourself for other people
That is why I am one hundred percent
Me
With my tattoos and piercings
With my unique heritage
And my even more unique brain I see that I am
Unedited
By nature….
Don’t edit yourself for other self
For other people!
Just be you!
If they don’t like it
That’s on them

In the distance I hear sirens in the night
As the clock strikes 1830
I hear the eerie sounds that
Sound like air raid sirens and then a news real
And some buzzing
I dare not to look out the window as this monster
Can mimic human voices
Thus every day on the dot
At 1830 I hear these ghostly sirens in the dark distance of the night
With in the forest beyond the window
Is a terror that is beyond comprehension
Something that is beyond nighmarish
But more ghoulish
To be honest I (f)ucking hate the end of the day
For this will
Never more
Come and take me away,

The Big Dipper
An asterism of the constellation
Ursa major
Seven bright stars that
Have been there
For the best and worst
Of my life that I can remember
Over the age 3
That is why I want to take a picture
Of the group of stars
As it has guided me through
Everything
Not just telling me where north is
To me the Big Dipper
Is proof of god and his/her will!
Tell me it’s just stars
And I will say that it is more than that it’s art

This is an ode to freedom
To be free of you finally
Means I am free from the
Risk of an orange jumpsuit
For I am free from all the
Hate and anger
That was consuming me
Like Ebola!

I had to this
Or it would have been
My freedom at stake
As you are so controlling
You won’t even let me
Have any friends
To this I say
(U)p yours and
Good bye as I
Find you more toxic then
Sarin gas!
The pictures of you
Gaslighting me
You taking everything that isn’t my skin
I hope there is a place for you in the hell fire
Might I suggest not being in another relationship
Again!
(B)astard

One persons can be called crazy
For their observations on society
When other people conform to
It
At the risk of selling their souls

I don’t fear the supernatural
But I am fearful of things
Unnatural to me this concept
Of marriage is worse than the
Hellfire, the qazim I can
Not face this fear for it is the
Fear of lying, covering up
Who I really am the person
That god intended me to be
So I rather just be spiritual
And happy to be lying to
People that I should care about

As I drive along the country side
I see that everything when white
And then the days are short
It’s 2 pm….but the sun is setting
Soon it will be night and in that dismal
Sunset
I see a silhouette of farming  equipment
It remained me of my ancestral homeland
The vast and dismal wastes of siberia
And Central Asia!
For know I am in the land of the dead!

This I say on friendship
That the only down side to friendship
Is that when will the betray you
Is that when do the break your
Heart
For this is the springer show
Note the dope show as
There will be trauma
And drama

And so this person complains to
My video about how they hate
Mentally Ill people
I was floored as I saw my
Soul poor out of me
I was amusing my self with
Music
Actual music but then  comment
Remains
Causing me  to think am I
The only one with a brain
Lord only knows what crap the listen
To

As I walk to the mail box
In the late evening I see
That it’s the  twilight
hour!  I look up to
See the new moon
But only to see that
It was eclipsed  
How do you like those
Apples

As the vampires dance in the night

They sing a tune and that tune

Rock lobster, rock lobster

The chant until the night is done

And the belly’s full of blood

Rock lobster, motion of the oceans

He was in a Jamin a giant clam

They sing hoping to attract more

And fresher meat!

Boooooooooooooooooooo!

This is a memoir

Of how my thoughts

Are so film noir

These thoughts both

Beautiful and horrific

The idea of being human

Is to overcome it all in the end

Both the beautiful and the horrific

Think about that

28 years old
I tried modeling by accident
Thought it would be good
But it was more food for
Thought
As the poses good more ****
The consequences of those poses
We’re too
Where did
                  Your brain
                                     Go to?

The most brave thing
You must do in the day
Is to wake up and face it!

As I stray from my relatives
I see that there is a burning
Bush, a bush that is on fire
It mysteriously burned
Curious I learn that it
Was  a divine fire as  
This bush also talked
It told my things
That it was only telling me
As it burned it talked I tried to get my phone but
It instructed me to put it away
It tells me how to help the world as
The world was falling apart
As a starseed I was give the gift
To lift humanity up form it’s loss times
Is this the same burning bush as Moses

To say this I must say proudly
I am who I am and I will be
A human being as well as
A starseed
For that Is what I am
I am who I am I say
Take it or leave it
But to sat thru I must say Proudly
I am a good person through and through
Isn’t that what matters

I am tired of feeling with this
You are ruining my life
Why can you go to hell
It would be really swell
But then I have deal with jackassory
I am not accessory
Why can you move
The (f)uck on
But your fixated
Thinking that I will comeback
Take a (f)ucking pill
Or chill
In the hell fire
For I have no room
For your tomfoolery
The next time you do this
I shall report
(A)sshole

I really can't stay
Baby, it's cold outside
I've got to go on
Baby, it's cold outside
This  was shure hell
Hoping that you'd drop a message
So, very nice
I'll hold your heart, it's just like ice

My mother will start to worry
Beautiful, what's your hurry?
My father will be pacing the floor
Listen to that heart beat
So, really I'd better worry
Beautiful, please don't hurry
But maybe just a hald a drink more
I'll put some records on while I pour

The neighbors might think
Buts, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink?
No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how
Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell

I'll take your hat, your hair looks like hell

I ought to say, "No, no, no sir"
Mind if I move in closer?
At least I'm gonna say that I tried
What's the sense in hurting my pride?
I really can't stay
Baby, don't hold out
Baby, it's cold outside

Ugh, you're very pushy, you know?
I'd like to think of it as opportunistic

I simply must go
Baby, it's cold outside
The answer is, "No"
But, baby, it's cold outside
The welcome has been
How lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm
Look out the window at that storm

My sister will be suspicious
Gosh, your lips look delicious
My brother will be there at the door
Waves upon a tropical shore
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious
Gosh, your lips are delicious
But maybe just cigarette more
Never such a blizzard before

I've got to get home
Baby, you'll freeze out there
Say, lend me your comb?
It's up to your knees out there
You've really been grand
I thrill when I touch your hand
But don't you see?
How can you do this thing to me?

There's bound to be talk tomorrow
Think of my life-long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied
If you got pneumonia and died
I really can't stay
Get over that hold out
Baby, it's cold
Baby, it's cold outside

Okay, fine, just another drink
That took a lot of convincing

Snow falling down
It bring beautiful
Peace to the world
Blanketing ti to  make
It sparkle and joyous

A frozen river
Still and glass like showing
Nature's reflection

I am multi coloured
As in multiethnic
For I am arab,
Chechen, Roma,
And central Asian
Himalayan and Uighur
But that has been me since
I always all over the ****
      M
                       A
  P
That is my DNA
Hence I am multicoloured

When I think of the book box
I think if not just material
Items.  But things that give you
Joy and happiness as well as
Intelligence.    To be honest
When I crack open the fruits of
This box!  I see that I am smiling
As I am learning
And being happy
Visit one of these box’s one day
I swear you won’t regret it

I am a misfit since age 14
I used to have friends before then
But they all turned out to be fake
I was a misfit since age 14
But that don’t mean broken
Crayons can not colour
Of  I am a misfit….
Not dead
I have  been a misfit age 14
Being misunderstood  for
Everything and everything
But this I will say now I am
36 and I am no longer a
Misfit
I am a someone who matters
With I fit in or not

There are memories that I have
Some I like some I would rather
Forget.  But the ones I want to remember
That make me. ….me !  Are the a
T
  A
       M
            O
                G
                    O
                        T
                           C
                               H
                                    I
Fall leaves as my niece and nephew played in them
The sight of a jack o lantern
These are the memories that made me
This is my brain finger print of the past
Now
O
      N
To the future

I am at the zenith
Of my
A
    N
        G
           E
              R


I am at the zenith
Of my
E
    M
          O
               T
                   I
                       O
                            N
                                 S

And why
                       D
                     O
                    P
                  E
                O
             P
           L
        E
Act like unsubs

Dear Netflix
(F)uck you

As I tried to sleep
The full moon is saying
Never more
Quoth the moon
As I have a nightmare
…..nevermore
When I have joyous thoughts
At night
Quoth the moon
….. Nevermore
When I sleep a stressful day away
Quoth the moon
……Nevermore!!!

The memories I had of my father are
The following as I look at the night sky
And the Big Dipper, I remember my father
Teaching me about the constellations,
Planets and other things in the night sky
As I read a book I remember him
Teaching me  to read though Stephen King’s
The stand, and goosebumps
As I watch tv or a movie
I remember him teaching me
About the appreciation of the
Performing arts
This are lessons I will never forget
As he is in the spirit world!
Thank you Peter Melanson

Hello Elena how are you doing
I must say that those idiots got to you
As you are not FBI as I hoped to be
But instead an artist and writer
Bold choice!  This right now is the pits for
Me.   School they don’t accept me and they
Make me look crazy! Instead of someone
Who wants to make a difference.   Can you try
To be a polygraph examiner, but I you want to
Be creative I understand as that the bullying is intense.
You say it will get better, I hope it will
I am writing this as I am crying my self to sleep
I believe it will get worse before it gets if any better
So many psychopaths that I have to deal with
It is sai to be honest.   Will I ever have friends
Or will I disappear!    I hope I don’t, please learn
From me!

Me as a fourteen y/o

As I see my self as a fourteen year old
I see that she was week of heart beaten
Like a dogs as I see her try to fight back
Not just for her dignity but also her dream
She finds her self getting into trouble
Her dreams crushed by bullying
As I try to talk to my younger self
I will have to tell them that it will get
Worse before it even gets better
It brakes my heart but then
I say it will get better sooner
Then later…..but she does not believe
Me but I can not push her to believe
She will have to experience the goodness at
Some point in life

This you need to know
That shamanism
That Wiccan
And pagan are the idea of natural
Healing
The 3 great nature based
Religions are not about
The devil but instead about
Curing and healing the sick
Helping people through nature
And spirituality but it is
Not about demons nor the devil
Just thought you should know!

Yes, shamanism involves the belief that a shaman's soul multiplies after death, with each disembodied spirit carrying the shaman's soul image:
After death: When a shaman dies, their personal spirits disperse back into the forest and on the mountaintops.
Soul multiplicity: Each disembodied spirit becomes a carrier of the shaman's soul image.
Shamanism is a religious practice that's often associated with Indigenous and tribal societies. Shamans are believed to have a connection to the otherworld and the power to: heal the sick, communicate with spirits, and escort souls of the dead to the afterlife.
Shamans are also believed to have the ability to: foretell the future, advise on the whereabouts of game animals, predict impending catastrophes, and control the forces of nature.

I never really noticed you for the simple fact that
That men grab at me all the time, when you do I
Thought you were one of them but…..I felt the
Love in your touch….. turn around and see you with your
Darkly and dangerous good looks  I want ed to talk to you
But I had to finish my dance after that I talked to you … you
Kiss me softly as well as well as your touch I still don’t know
Much about you.   But yet I loved  you being with me
Or love I thought was going to last that was until
You said that we could not I insisted to be with you
That drove you insane, the idea of being with me
Instead of you job
It hurt more than you strangling me
Why this betrayal of me
As I stilled loved you to the last breath

The first time we kissed
My heart awas a wash with
Adrenaline and love something I did
Not understand for my first 23 years
On this planet.  As you caressed me
All over my body I want to be with
You and only you.  But you were
Married to you job.  My love
For you was forbidden, how I
Wanted with you  for my self
But can I …..

I thought I found love but
Only found my self  dead
On a hotel bed in a ******
Hotel room,
Murderer was the
One who I thought loved
Then I wake up in my own bed room
It’s 2024 and I am safe I think I am
But I am not sure
Memories of a past reincarnation

As I feel asleep
After a stressful
Coffee feel day
I find that I see mushroom clouds in the distance
An omen of
What is  going on
This impending war
This impending hatred towards our fellow man
This empending genocide
This I will not stand for
I have has these prophecies
Of this
Since age 14
Now it 13 years later
Or so i still
Receive
Mushroom clouds in the distance
Like evil psychedelic shrooms that
Are from hell!
What we need is more security
More love for each other

As I am  writing in my diary
I talk about the strange dark
And wonderful
But that might just be
For a dream journal
As I am writing in my diary
I see that I am dissociating
From reality
The reality that is oppressive
As I  am writing in my diary
I am writing the final chapter to my memoir
Thus far

The microcosms of the brain
Something that is beyond belief
Something that is beacons comprehension
You can be a psychiatrist
You can be psychologist
But it will still bell
The hell out of you
God’s biggest wonders
Of the world

A true testament of gods power
This this look up and find it
What do you see the Big Dipper
Good!!!
That simple
Asterism is the only proof
That something
Bigger then us is around
Something that want peace for all
Man kind
The Big Dipper
You should look at it
One time

I might not be FBI
But I do know and see
Evil when the zit pops up
As I see the same zit of evil
I see a constellation of behaviour
That is unique to the person
But I have seen to much evil in
My life
You can not fool me
You can not call me heartless
If I smell the stink of evil

Let me send (d)ick picks
Let me send (d)ick picks
Let me send (d)ick picks

Or


Send me new(des)
Send me new(des)
Send me new(des)



Does this annoy you
If so report some who says this **** To you!

What is goth
But certainly not Machiavellian
Narcissist nor psychopathic
But yet it is the creative
Unique
And beautiful
Think about that
Before you judge a book by its cover

The  idea of  selling
Friendship
But true friendship
Could not be sold or
Bought
It is like the air

The ghost or a demon
From the blasts of hell
Will you trick me not
But I will lead my self to
Salvation
For I am only human

You doing now what
Freedom is until
You flee a war torn country
You will never no the need to
Eat unless you’ve been in famine
You don’t know what’s
Sick
Unless you’ve been in see the human soul
And what is pure good too

To live in glee
January 31, 1935
Ottawa…..
To rest in peace
October 15, 2024
Ottawa

The coyotes
They shapeshift
In the Night
When there is no
Moon you can hear the
Yipping and yapping
Looking for food
Pure protein
Is only good for them
So they can change form

As I sit
And write this poem
The full moon
Of yesterday Is cutting
Through the darkness
Like a a disc
This is
My comfort