Almost believed the girl when she said
she missed me
but she's not making an effort to talk to me
and thats okay cause i wouldn't talk to me either
i just wish she wouldn't have said she missed me
it's all i've been thinking about

Despite efforts to try to erase you from my mind
i still catch myself wondering how your day is going
who you talked to, whatever drama it is you have now
is this what love is? if so i have it for the wrong soul
if i can convince myself you never had a second thought about me
maybe i can get over this mountain of memories

Awful thoughts,
terrible ideas of departure in my own room
i dont wanna be like this forever
just hold me now, i cant breathe

i lose the mystery and i lose your attention
i'm better off as an idea in your head

up through most of the night
lights from the hallway
peering from under the doorway
shadows walking right up to the door
no sound
no heavy movement from foot
or creaks from the floor
slowly my door handle turns to open
then released
i think i'm going crazy
the voices continue on
from what seem to be very dark corners of my mind

I don't get it
i stood still for so long for this to work
finally we might have the timing right,
so why do i feel like this one is amiss too.
I can feel your love, it feels real this time.
I just don't know if i can say the same about mine.
I'd hate for you to read this.
I promise i love you like i always did
but i think this affection needs to be from a distance.

I mean if im being honest the love i deliver
is kinda creepy
but it isn't when you're on your knees asking for
the nastiest things you could think of

Memories
forever
only as long as i can remember
it starts to get blurry and i'm breaking down
i don't want the last thing i had of you to be irrecoverable
devoid of meaning
lost within the confines of my brain
ruined

We can lay here all day
*** every now and again
trips to get high too,
days fly by
is it Saturday? or Monday ?
i think we got together on a Thursday
i would let all my days fly by
as long as you were here

I feel like i know a lot
but i don't know
what day it is

Back to trying to write,
trying to write poetry, while i hear music in my ears
i can see myself creating a song
or at the least, trying to.
I'm worried my music wont
make any noise.
I'm worried it wont make people feel the way i feel
thats all i want, i think i could do it in poetry,
now i just have to find out how to do it in music.

I already hate myself for the things i do
their not good for my health
but they feel so good
no matter what
i find myself seeking out the substance to bring me up to the clouds
the change of character that comes with them
the confidence they bring
it's lovely
words are easy, songs flow out like a river
this feeling won't last
the ideas only exist under the influence
rinse and repeat

i hope they take me while i sleep

i tend to attract a lot females
is it the mystery i hold?
is it the toxic behaviour
whatever it is
they must love it
i'll use their bodies for my fun
but in reality
i only want my ex
and their just helping me drown all my pain in ***

Poems are lovely
simple words painting vivid images
lovely paintings of girlies who
have long since left me
with only words left to express
nothing left to leave my mouth
only write
soon, i will serenade my love to show her
how someone can truly love another human

The party is over, music has stopped
and all i can hear is the cries of a young girl whose heart
had just been broken
bright lights shining down on my dilated eyes
slowly coming down from the sky
body still tingling
feeling your body resting on mine, a glance
at the blue sliver of iris sitting beside the black void
that was your pupils, she is the epitome of beauty for me.
Down goes another one for the lovebirds
back to the clouds
^^^^^^^^^^^

I wanna fix everything i did
the stuff that nonchalantly came out of my mouth
was the loudest for you
i'm sorry i was oblivious to your suffering
you hide it very well
i wanted nothing but to help you figure life out, just as i am
but there's nothing i can do now
i hope i can treat my next love
with the love you deserved
i'm sorry, i love you

watch them closely
the lights in my room
changing
shifting
along with feeling
purple for numbness
i hate feeling alive
its pain
red for hate
i hate you
so much
because i knew you'd never love me
like i loved you
dancing with them
i see your face in the rain from my window
pain still exists
soon to exit
your exit.

I can still see exactly what you were wearing
the day i finally got the courage to talk to you
the necklace you wore was enchanting to me
but it was probably just the skin underneath it
hard to converse with you in the beginning
but i figured out how to get you to talk
i loved your voice so much
all i hear in it now is the animosity
that occupies your image of me

You have so much pride
But the liquor cripples your mind
And you make a fool of yourself
Every single time

It's been months now
i can somewhat
manage a smile when i hear your name
happy feelings are coming back
no more slow music

i feel like i am circling the drain

I want to Tatt
a Halo around my head
so i remember that i'm an angel

Need a break from airheads
empty people with empty words
nothingness to fill the void
Melodramatic emotion pumped teenagers
latching onto anything
i hope they find themselves soon enough

once i overdose
i'll see the rest of you
in hell

This time
it might've been real
she might have actually left me for real now
and i'm so scared
but i'm so high i don't care
once it leaves i am rushed
with emotions that were absent when i was in the clouds
I'm still gonna miss her too much for my own good
i need some downers

I could have only one night left
and i would gladly spend it with you
doing nothing
but enjoying the mere presence of your being
is all i would need to finally
rest in peace

i dreamt you had a journal
lined paper and black ink
my name written in bold
sickly words scribbled across
Sick and Evil
Sick and Evil

You do not have to forgive me
but i forgive me

So fast
i waited for you for so long
once you were finally within reach i sprinted for the chance to love you the way i always wanted to
this shower of affection was all too much for a recently broken
girly
i hope she actually loved me, it felt like it was real
but the way she left me without even a word
screams that she never cared at all

Drugs on the nightstand
i feel dead
but your alive for me
do you want to feel like me?
take one or two and we can spend
forever together

Let's try it again?
same book, same ending
it's my favourite book though
i'll never get sick of it

All i do is take
take take take
i cant help it
im just a ******* hole to **** all your energy
i did not realize i have this effect on people
this made me realize
i am better off alone
doing nothing but stimulants and writing pretty words
for people online who don't care

Why do we do this
we both can't seem to leave eachother
you could stab me in the heart
or leave me in the freezing cold
i'm still gonna come back to you

Jaw dropped
eyes dead
all i want
is to never wake up again

Something about childish love
playing with your hair, holding your hand
makes me feel full again
laying with you in a field
watching clouds
will forever be warmer than anyones insides

Oh, how lovely death looks
romanticized so much by the destruction i set upon myself
step by step i yearn for pain
the only feeling that is undeniably real
without the pain i would feel nothing at all
without the drugs
everything is hollow and my brain rots from broken relationships gone astray
once my plug texts back i'm back in the loop
no thoughts
no pain
no worries
empty
Death looks lovely now

I never dream but i dreamt of you
no idea why instead of nothingness until i wake up
you occupy my mind
it is odd
peculiar
unusual
my mind has an attachment to someone who left
in no more than 2 months

Demons that you only see in your nightmares
play with me all night
endless games
loops
nothingness
void of anything forever
i am everything and nothing
he has shown me that with meaning
nothing means anything

Lay here with me till i die
please and thanks love

I think the moment you find something that makes you happy without even trying, you had better follow it to the end of time
with enough energy you put into your passion
you will make this version of our universe your *****.

I remember
when you used to hold me close
and say you loved me

i guess i'm selfish but you are too
i remember you asked if we could just run away together
with tears in your eyes you wished we could run away and never look back
i want that more than anything right now
its like wishing magic was real
because it will never happen
not in this universe or the next one

I'm sorry emotions take over every time we talk
i can't hold anything in
i'm dramatic about everything
i dont wanna be alive anymore
i have never felt more comfortable with the idea of bleeding out
in my room while listening to good music

The more you complain about
your imperfections the more
i fall for you,
scars upon your skin are glimpses into the life you've lived
longing for the stories you hold
what made your soul so peculiar
it crossed with mine

corny and cheesy
i loved all of it
the idea of you staying. .  
constant
permanent

i think we fully believe it at least once right
fool us once shame on them
but twice ?

dancing around truth
language presenting love and care
true intentions of selfishness
hard to pickup
but we have played together before
no longer intoxicated by love
catching tone
body language
slight shifts explain everything before
voices ever do

itsnot numbing me enough anymore
i want to do harder drugs
if i had my own place i might leave earth there
fly me to the moon and never come back
over dosing the drugs because im not scared any more
its easier than pulling a trigger

Empty
like the drugs you do

Voices right around corner
conversations just out of reach
barely audible arguments to take up the
every bit of silence
fabricated by self
consistent
footsteps from nowhere
within an unknown setting i would be
driven insane with
gossip from the dome

I like pretty girls
and pretty words
more than anything else
who let these angels walk on earth?
with their long hair and gentle face
i would die for any one of them

when i'm feeling down i end up on here
typing out what i can
from the flurry of emotions and words
intertwined together in my head
they'll all be gone soon
only if i am lucky enough