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Aug 2021 · 46
object of obsession
Constantine Aug 2021
I come crawling back to familiar places
stuck inside a box inside my own head
need to be scared
move beyond this
emotions are all over the place
I get used for ***
and support
I am 2 caring and obsessive
Jul 2021 · 47
Constantine Jul 2021
want to erase evrything from everything
i have no aspirations
weaning off dreams from highschool
nothing matters for me
hoping for something to come to me
but i must go to it
Apr 2021 · 60
Constantine Apr 2021
i wanna be the picture on your homescreen
is that so much to ask?
you know i trust you
Mar 2021 · 66
hard work pays off
Constantine Mar 2021
You worked hard to earn the life you have now
many nights crying yourself to sleep
i dont have to be there to know we both did the same
many months have passed and now you have a new life
a new safety net
i had one for a minute too
it does feel lovely doesnt it
to have someone else's attention?
i know you're blissful right now
arms around eachother
lips interlocking before bed
you earned it
i denied it
i held onto hatred and pursued you further
you were planets away, emotionally.
To you, never seeing me is the best scenario

Mar 2021 · 56
being perceived sucks
Constantine Mar 2021
i hate worrying people i dont want anyone to care
can they just forget i exist
i want to be gone from their mind
read my poetry
listen to the songs i made
all while i was breathing
i wanted something to outlive me
what better than melodies and words
vibrations i send out of my mouth stay stuck in your head more than
my physical appearance
i had alot of words in my head but they never came out
not around you anyways
Mar 2021 · 65
Crescent Moon
Constantine Mar 2021
i know it seems like it but these are not cries for help
i am so content here
this bottom for most people
is my home
i feel better here
nobody bothers me or expects anything of me
they know i am hopeless
i skip daylight
streets are nicer when nobody is walking on their sidewalks
no cars in the street so i lay inbetween intersections
music playing so loud if a car was coming i would never notice
Mar 2021 · 57
dirt and mud
Constantine Mar 2021
its a never ending story in my head
nodding off somewhere but through all the euphoria
inbetween consciousness and unconsciousness
your voice stays clear
memories stay vivid
the car you left in the last time i saw you
it's every where when i go out
i know you have someone who loves you now
you deserve it
i deserve the ground
Mar 2021 · 134
Constantine Mar 2021
itsnot numbing me enough anymore
i want to do harder drugs
if i had my own place i might leave earth there
fly me to the moon and never come back
over dosing the drugs because im not scared any more
its easier than pulling a trigger
Feb 2021 · 72
Constantine Feb 2021
i wanted a safe space and i found out too late
that my safe space was never safe at all
you were reading all my words as i wrote them
Feb 2021 · 835
I read your mind
Constantine Feb 2021
i lose the mystery and i lose your attention
i'm better off as an idea in your head
Feb 2021 · 175
Constantine Feb 2021
I never dream but i dreamt of you
no idea why instead of nothingness until i wake up
you occupy my mind
it is odd
my mind has an attachment to someone who left
in no more than 2 months
Feb 2021 · 71
Apathetic For Living
Constantine Feb 2021
nodding off opiates i want a ****** girl who isnt afraid of the void like me
she knows what the ground feels like and we can lay there together
without a responsibility in the world
companionship is all we need to get by in this world
this version of us is not the most beautiful
but it is the one that we are stuck in

so lets leave together while we feel the most connected
she needs to know i was one of a kind
never to be seen again
in the sunlight or the moonlight
only in her dreams will i live on
Feb 2021 · 83
Constantine Feb 2021
i dont know you and you dont know me
but we can make this small room feel so serene
taking x and benzodiazepines
our brains melt away with so much ease

your not the one for me as i am not the one for you
but tonight we can make it feel like eternity in this room
Feb 2021 · 61
im obsessive
Constantine Feb 2021
we are worlds away
but i wanna make you feel immense pleasure
simply blissful
maybe there is no true connection
but our bodies were made for eachother
Feb 2021 · 58
Constantine Feb 2021
I am scared of getting old
can i stay pretty like a porcelain painting forever?
keep me in this frozen state
lifetimes pass
i stay the same
no changes to my young face with dark circles
no wrinkles around my neck and crows feet by my eyes
only pictures capture my beauty which is long from this earth
never to be casting a shadow from the sun again
ashes in the wind, one with the nature that kept me breathing in life

keep my memory close it is my way of living
Feb 2021 · 70
i keep waking up at 9pm
Constantine Feb 2021
i embarrass myself too much
i looked like a ******* idiot
like being on my hands and knees pleading for someone to come back
someone who doesn't want to come back
someone who i know loves me and has my best interest
but can never come back into my life
it is truly better that way
they know it and i know it too

we both knew it too well
those last couple nights we both felt like we were in limbo
nowhere to go

running in circles because our lives have very different paths

Young teenage Love, Real Love
which inevitably means your first real heartbreak
love is real and it only took me 17 years to find someone who i loved and who loved me
someone who loved me enough to realize being together was not healthy for each others future
love comes and goes like every other emotion in life
but i'm too young to know if their name and face will ever not make my stomach turn sideways
i stay awake at night i dont wanna see anybodys face i dont wanna use my vocal chords can someone play with my hair
Jan 2021 · 70
Constantine Jan 2021
i cry

how do you move on and im still crying
Jan 2021 · 154
Constantine Jan 2021
i guess i'm selfish but you are too
i remember you asked if we could just run away together
with tears in your eyes you wished we could run away and never look back
i want that more than anything right now
its like wishing magic was real
because it will never happen
not in this universe or the next one
i cry over her still and its been so long
how many years until i dont wince at the sound of her name
why cant we just be in my room again
Jan 2021 · 64
toxicity in humans
Constantine Jan 2021
you know
nobody wants to do drugs
maybe junkies
but then we are all junkies aren't we
so many drug users feel like their less than human
myself included
i feel like i am the enemy of society
push me under the decrepit buildings and never look back
i'm a monster with the look of a skeleton
this cant be right
we have to treat people better than this
we are all running from trauma from childhood
maybe later in life
who knows
we all have demons
the key to recovery is not cold turkey
it is
understanding of past traumas
coming to peace with them
learning to live with them
bringing old demons up to play and fighting them until their nothing
you have to want to get better
until you want to get better
you will stay where you are
this is random but if u like depressing music, MeatComputer: Soundtrack 2 the end of a world was just re-released on youtube.
Jan 2021 · 49
Constantine Jan 2021
The dark circles under my eyes dissuade most from looking my way
i look as if i am on dope
not yet

do not like to talk to people because nobody understands me
the circles under my eyes aren't from sleepless nights
maybe they are
i don't know anymore
days blend together
i don't use my vocal chords for days at a time
when i try to speak it hurts
can we just sit here in silence while i nod off?
Jan 2021 · 42
Singular Act
Constantine Jan 2021
i felt safe for a long time
maybe it was like having a net under you when your doing trapeze
no fear of falling
comforting to know someone would be there to catch me
if i happen to fall
if i hit the ground
someone would be there to hold me
make the pain go away

that person has to be myself
19 years and that's one thing i learned for sure
i have to be there for myself
nobody else is stuck with me but myself
we talked about nothing like blah blah blah....
Jan 2021 · 82
simply Human
Constantine Jan 2021
i wanna be mad at you
i wanna hate everything about you
but you are only human
and humans live for pleasure
selfish pleasures
i understand human nature, so i understand you
Dec 2020 · 181
i dont care
Constantine Dec 2020
tomorrow my brain might hurt
come downs ****
but the ups are so worth it
Dec 2020 · 180
Constantine Dec 2020
ecstasy makes me so comfy
but it makes me wanna touch your hair
and you will never be around
so i just listen to music
and think about you
because it feels really good
Dec 2020 · 447
pretty girl
Constantine Dec 2020
we met by accident
and i will never forget the words you said
in the short time we crossed paths
your smile will always be in my head
Oct 2020 · 178
Constantine Oct 2020
tender as you are
you are a nuclear bomb ticking away
i can see it , kind of
you hide it well
but i think i need to turn around soon
i do not wanna be around to see that one pop
Oct 2020 · 57
Constantine Oct 2020
i am so happy with my progress
you left me hopeless and helpless
i felt empty like my ribcage had been yanked out
but i feel better again
my heart has cooled down from the intense flames of our love

i have cooled down and i think i am almost ready
to fly high again and float weightless
in love
Oct 2020 · 152
Slowly Healing
Constantine Oct 2020
i was so close to unblocking you
and sending you a terrible message
but i had to sit still and think about it
its a sign of pure anger
i would only gain more pain and worries
i do not need that
i need to meditate
i need to get this out or i will do it. It is never going to make me feel better, it will only make me feel worse
Oct 2020 · 432
Constantine Oct 2020
i love the way your eyes look inside me
like they can actually see me

i haven't felt like i exist in other peoples world but my own
it is like the universe sent me you
so i can remember what it feels like to live
Constantine Oct 2020
You help me breath again
like really breath again
when i inhale into my lungs they feel full

but i smoke more cigarettes then ever
we share them and chain smoke
but i wouldn't have it any other way
Oct 2020 · 61
Constantine Oct 2020
i hate that you lied to me
and you think you got away with it too

if i ever see your face again
i am gonna look right through you
like a ghost
Sep 2020 · 139
Constantine Sep 2020
yeah i'm really high right now
a ouija board said i would die in September
so i will sleep on the floor
because i like it here
i like fogging my brain with chemicals

i wanna meet you at those pearly gates
i know we loved in another life
i wont be afraid
we all go in the ground one day.
i think i shoudl stop thinking about her but maybe i need to feel this
Sep 2020 · 61
Constantine Sep 2020
i cannot only feel my memories fading
i cannot hear her voice in my head anymore
i think its a good sign but i miss her voice from time to time
it was home in a sweet package
setting me at ease no matter the location
keeping me still and present
Sep 2020 · 69
Lightning brain
Constantine Sep 2020
Electricity in the brain causes all of this
the experience of everyone is condensed into one *****
if we could survive purely on instinct
i think the illnesses our important electricity ***** contract
would not be as ******* us
Aug 2020 · 57
Constantine Aug 2020
Our energies peaked together
not on this planet but somewhere far away
something a brain like mine could not comprehend
it is beyond the third dimension
its beyond thought and logical precision
it is simply, magical
i feel that energy intertwine and something keeps me calm
even when you are very very gone from my life
i can feel your energy wrapping back around
tapping me lightly on the shoulder, letting me know
the short time we both spend here on earth
is overshadowed by the eternity we get to spend together after our lives are done and over with, when we get recycled by this earth
our souls get to cross again
i will be waiting.
Aug 2020 · 192
Constantine Aug 2020
meet me there and i'll never forget your name
i will have nothing better to do than wait for you
keep your spot warm and sing while i wait
eternity is nothing
if i can spend it with you
Aug 2020 · 48
Constantine Aug 2020
Suicide is the most selfish thing you can do
i'm sorry if somebody sees this poem as the final nail in the coffin
but suicide is the most selfish thing you can do
dying is easy
death is easy
i'm so sorry your soul was not strong enough to handle the tragedy of human life enough to end it so soon
so many things to do, feelings to experience
and you cut it short because you thought pain and loneliness
would last forever
when both of these facets of life are not only inevitable
they are the key feelings we need to progress.
i'm sorry if this comes off as selfish
people are selfish.
Aug 2020 · 173
Constantine Aug 2020
bury me with my thoughts
leave me quietly in the cemetery to rest
for all eternity i will be silent

quietly i wait, for nothing to happen
it is all black now
quiet and peaceful
just like they said it would be.
Aug 2020 · 109
Constantine Aug 2020
sometimes i think you're all just bots
Aug 2020 · 367
Constantine Aug 2020
Lately i have been getting visits in my dreams from the person
i sought the most
but it wasn't a blissful loving euphoria
it was an update on you
it was my fears made real by the molecules
swishing around in my brain

i know they are just dreams
but i feel as if they have really happened
that i deserve some sort of closure
but i do not
no, i really don't
It is odd because i never dream, i can not remember the last time i went to bed and saw pretty pictures, it is always black.
Aug 2020 · 59
Constantine Aug 2020
i want to run away
to a place
with faces i'll only see once
and names i'll only hear twice
Aug 2020 · 58
Chaos Theory
Constantine Aug 2020
I not only have frustrated my inner soul
i feel i have caused an echo
from the one decision i made two nights ago
a shudder tingles my spine
at only the thought of it coming to the light
like a butterfly effect
i don't think the consequences will show themselves
for years to come
i want to run away
to a place
with faces i'll only see once
Aug 2020 · 57
Alprazolam 12mg
Constantine Aug 2020
I know it is not going to help in the long run
but at this point i just want to feel good
i want to take my mind off things
hopefully i forget and she forgets too
this burns the bridge i always wanted to have built
i can never go across it again
i have put the final nail in the coffin
no looking back now
Jul 2020 · 99
Constantine Jul 2020
she was not just my perfect porcelain painting
she was my best friend and i lost most of everything
i will try to fix pain with pain
it is very effective
and i forget very easily
soon it will all be gone
Jul 2020 · 82
Constantine Jul 2020
I've always heard the expression
"life is a movie"
but sometimes i feel like mine is only a picture.
Jul 2020 · 76
Constantine Jul 2020
i need the opposite of options.
i don't know a word for that
i just know that if i am given options

i will choose the worst one
Jul 2020 · 83
I'm just a daydreamer
Constantine Jul 2020
i keep getting older,
and you get younger
i see it in your eyes you wanna cry
i just want to see you smile
but you know where this leads
so there is no teeth in sight
no joy over the horizon

i think its getting dark now
because thirty times six is, six months of time

thats enough time to find someone to care,
to build a new foundation for a beautiful relationship
built on love and trust

like we were meant to.
I like to believe we are star-crossed lovers
we can never be together
cursed to be apart but to feel like our souls are intertwined
I remember i told you i'm not afraid to die, because i know you're going to be there one day too.
Constantine Jul 2020
I'm sorry that i had to start today on a bad note but
words just start overflowing in my head
and i want it to stop so bad
i meditate sometimes, but not enough.
i want it all to stop
just make it stop.
i want people to care enough sometimes. Sometimes i don't wanna lay in my room alone, high and self loathing. I just want what everyone else has, a minor inconvenience doesn't cause you to wallow in self pity and beg for love from strangers on the internet.
Jul 2020 · 163
Constantine Jul 2020
might only feel like my life is over
i know yours is still moving, so so so fast

im stagnant
i am stuck in quicksand
and i only like to thrash around and go deeper and deeper
until my head is under the surface and there is nothing left but silence.
She told me to take care of myself and im scared i am gonna do the opposite,
That isn't her ******* problem though, it doesnt matter to her because it shouldn't. It should only matter to me, right?
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