I hope it hurts
that I decided to leave
and never came back

He didn't want me,
so he used my poor broken heart as an excuse.

We have walked on beaches, and kissed in the rain, held hands in front of friends, have our picture in white frames... and you wonder why none of it has worked.

But baby, the truth is you just can't force love!

But, every time someone leaves me,
I learn to love myself a little more.

Talk to someone
They say it will help
But it wont matter
When I crash this car
And 'forget' my belt

They call it PTSD
A different kind of war
Instead of gunfire
Demons come knocking
At my door

"Stop thinking about it
I am sure it will help"
I used to call them nightmares
But now I have dreams
In which I **** myself

They say falling in love could help
That only broke me more
Like my beating heart
Kicked down the ******* door

My head floods with scary thoughts
A tornado clearing out the nice
A hurricane destroying the sweet
Now I don't sleep at night

I romanticise death
You know, it could be sweet
Maybe leave a letter
To apologise for being me.

**** I let too much slide
I have opened up too much
But it's crazy that it was you
That fixed me with one touch

I could sit before you and use beautiful words and rhyme to tell you how I feel. How I fell.

But that would be a futile attempt, because you never took the time to understand my heart, you understood my skin. Everything that looked pretty, but nothing that felt it, sounded it or lived it.

My eyes? Perfect.
My smile? Perfect.
My shape, stature, hair, epidermis art work? Perfect.

My heart, mind and soul were secondary, and when I asked you to learn them, to understand and study them... it was all "too much" for you, you weren't ready for love.

Yet, you were ready to paint a picture of a life with me. I can be your wife and you could have kids with me. All because your eyes liked the way they felt when they gazed upon me. But taking the time to learn my mind was a chore, clutter that needed clearing out that you could not get to just yet.

Maybe one day, you said, as though my mind could hold off and my heart could pause its affection like we were half way through a movie and needed a moment to grab a bite, as though my skin would wait for you to run your fingers upon it again to resume its aging.

You touch was stimulating, only half as much as your words, thoughts, ideas and dreams. I knew them all. I KNOW them all. I could recite them, because I listened, took them on board and you achieving your dreams became one of mine. Maybe I wasn't listening intently enough, I didn't realise none of these dreams involved me.

I wasn't listening when you were painting a picture of life with me, it was with my body, not my heart, not my soul and not my dreams. You heard the parts of me that best suited you and your needs, the parts of me deemed desirable. I heard every part of you, even the parts that should have made me hate you. Even now this part, the shallow, relentless, unloving-me part.

And yet, I love you still.

Maybe one day I will be old and withered, but my soul, heart and mind still beautiful, and you will be there telling me how you achieved all of your dreams. And in knowing that, I will have achieved one of mine.

I walked myself
off of the cliff
over the edge.

And for you
it still wasn't enough.

Her beauty was unmatched;
not because she had clear skin or a flat stomach,
she had neither of these things.

But, because she knew one day neither of them would matter.
Her smile, however, would last forever.

What isn't beautiful about that?

Next time,
do not let your walls come down.

Even the Trojan horse looked like a trophy in Troy!

They all say sorry
as they grasp my hand.
But you can't really be sorry
for things you don't understand.

Have I asked too much

Asking you to love me
I know it is a task
As am I

I'm a little lost
And I don't really get it
Why are we here
Why are you so close
Yet so distant

How could she leave you
All I can do is love you

Hold me tight and tell me
Please
Tell me you love me

He uses
your heart
to fill
his appetite

If he makes your heart pace, and your palms sweat, he's not the one!

You will know he is the one when you are comfortable enough to pull the ugliest of faces without wondering if he still thinks you are beautiful.

I once loved something
that was filled with evil.

And that scares me, more than anything.

Mysterious eyes
lead the way
met the man
knew not what to say.

You cannot call it love
for we have never met
your eyes fill with disdain
and mine with respect.

Just another girl in love
this is all you think of me
but close those mysterious eyes
only then shall you really see!

He bathes in the tears
of broken-hearted girls

But how
can you
truly
love me
when you
don't even
love
yourself

It wasn't meant to bee

I'm the honey
you the bear

because you stole me
from those that really
deserved my flavour

Hair of yellow falls like leaves
Rested head on a pillow
She no longer breathes

These lips of red I had once kissed
Your eyes of blue
Behind shut lids

This wooden box it holds no ring
It holds a diamond
A beautiful thing

Pink-cheeked friends stand in soft snow
A friendly goodbye
Casket lays low

Would it be selfish to ask you to stay?
Knowing you would suffer.
Knowing I suffer without you.
Which would be worse?

Why didn't you stay?
Is the emptiness fulfilling?
Does it make you whole?
Fill a void my love never could?

You will never see me in white.
Never see me with-child.
Never see me ache from love.
Never see me overwhelmed by joy.

Would it be selfish if I followed suit?
Knowing they would suffer.
The way I suffer without you.
It cannot be much worse.

He is the type
to stab you
and ask you
why you bleed

Sometimes you want to force the tears out,
just so you can say you cried
over something other than him.

It was too quiet
And my heart was too slow
Should I fight to stay
Or should I just let go?

It was hard to understand
How could this be
I said I loved you
You said you never loved me

My heart feels like ice
But my skin is on fire
Now I must let go
Of what I used to desire

I wish you could see me now
in person instead of from the stars.
But you would be disappointed
by my hate stricken heart.

You don't hear my cries,
all I hear is lies,
thinking you were nice
whilst falling for those eyes.

Eyes bluer than the sea
so sinking it shall be,
held under by debris
from hearts of the lonely.

He might say he loves you!
But does he really mean it?

Does he hold you when you cry?
When he says ****, do you feel it?

And he took my hand and said "I will never treat you the way HE did"

But I didn't believe him, because I had heard those words before.

These winds of time
weren't on my side
you took me by the hand

Leading me away from who I was
leaving footprints
in the sand

A pretty life I left behind
now a dark hole I am in
it feels like the emptiness
has stolen me from my skin

It is so sad
that I had
to love you
to know that
you never truly
loved me

Now I can make myself smile
so I am content in being alone

I look at you
And I am home
The door wide open
Hinges need oiling
But that is ok
Because I am home
And the stove is on


Who left the stove on?!

Fire burn the crops
Fire singe the trees
Wind blows hard
But the fire will not cease

Fire meets fire
Destruction greets disease
Fire burn the crops
Fire singe the trees

My heart is not a weapon, so why does it hurt the most when they use it?

He said he would fight
but he never did.

Said he wouldn't let me go
then he ran and hid.

We all sin.
But we aren't all sinners.

And you cannot really give your heart away,
until you know how to protect it.

Come find me here
I'm over here
With locks of fire red

Come find me here
I'm over here
Eyes lifeless and dead

You complain,
saying he treats you "like a mug".

But darling, he will always fill his cup
as long as you boil the water.

I love you but you don't see
That much I can't deny
I care for you more than the wolf
Cares for a moonlit sky

He turned my past into a weapon.
And then...
He stabbed me in the heart.

In the trenches
Dark and damp
Hear the feet
Of soldiers
Stamp

Falling down
Bullets fly
Many men
Will fall
Tonight

Holding hands
To reassure
They're not
Alone
Anymore

Bowing heads
A moment to remember
Silence on the
11th of
November

Bent double.
Sick.
And I cannot really blame you.
Maybe it was me.
Because I wrote so much about avoiding the devil, but little did I know I was sharing his bed.

You hold your heart
loosely in your hands.
You'd let anyone passing by
hold it too.

Protect that sh*t, man!

My smile may show
I am happy.
But my eyes will never
hold back pain.