Oh what I would give for a kiss from the sunshine
When your life is filled with nothing but the moonlight

The shade and smell of the pine trees overwhelm
Suicide to practice humanism

What I would give for a day at the beach
In the daylight
Sunbathe until I'm peach
Wish I won't mind...
...The fact that I'm burning away
In the afternoon heat, under the sun I play.

Torn margin, yellow age
Empty whites, nothing pages
Much powder, talcum trees
Birds, endoskeleton, bees
Shredder circling claws reach
Ring, ring, ting, and some bleach
Mula lost, wormful peach.

So much red water
Coming down on me like rain
The red water
Is their pleasure and my pain

The red water
Shades of rouge on my skin stain
The red water water
Filled with particles unnamed

But the red water
Ashamed to say it gives me life
It's pure torture
Yet it is also nice

I spill water
Pluck your veins like a guitar
Liquid ruby
Garnet star

No more red water
Abstained because of my wrath
Oh well,
Time for a red bubble bath

Surprised that I distrust myself,
You don't even trust me!
Just living the way I'm raised,
But is that the way to be?

Do not like my different ways,
Say it's okay to be unique!

Your sayings alarm me
Your paradox knocks me,
Your words confuse me,
Your words are, you act so
Confusingly contradictory.

Trying to preserve what's left of me,
In terms of my sanity.

Life: school + work breaks,
I need a break
Life: school + work breaks,
I need a break

Before it breaks me.

I'm not afraid to hurt
Won't let anyone get into my way
That includes all of you,
And also me.

I'm slaying,
Decaying,
This is the life I'm living.

Still taking
Mind-breaking;
This is the skin I'm in.

Unnecessary work of art;
Cursed to write down my heart,
Most of the time, life's hard.
Nonphysical *******, charmed:
I harm, I harm
(Me).

Unnecessary emotion
Eternal confusion
Darkness and light fusion
No reality, just perception
Used up 'till done
(Me).

Grasping for the air in my gasp,
Uneverlasting, all good things come to an end
Water too deep, I cannot reach
I must be glad, for I won't last.

Clinging to the air in my lungs,
With last breath singing, life or death do not belong
Much oxygen, won't come within,
I'm somewhat mad, won't let me last.

Chasing the things unreachable
I'm never changing, yet rearrangeable,
Barrier so thick, can't feel your hits,
I'm good you're sad, won't see me last.

Falling, hoping that it's to soar
Cranium hawling, I don't like, but get more
Air rush through crease, my wings released
Falling to death, can't **** me, yet.

I see you watching somebody else.
What are you wanting? I'd really like to help.

Call it whatever you want,
You will not be ignored!
You say their ways are blunt,
They cut you like a sword!

Would you be wanting more?
Would you be wanting more?

I see you hurting, hear you silent screams.
Well done pretending- now wake up from your dream.

Come face reality:
Embrace your insanity!
This is not a nightmare,
It's just the true world that you fear.

Aie
Oh, won't you live until you die?
Naturally, not suicide!

You deserve life.

I see you loving though so many hate
You are still giving, though they steal, they take
Your mind, your heart
They rip you apart
You are climbing,
Reaching for the stars
You're healing and still sore,

BUT YOU CAN TAKE ON MORE.

Pumpkin patches,
So wretched
Leaving me with all stitches

Did you get me?
Can you see

Through the darkness

When the coconut trees
Dance with me
It gives me sheer delight

And when the beastly wind
Sweeps me of my feet
In the middle of night

When the flying fish flies
Into our sky
Oh what a lovely sight

When a skunk raises it tail at you
Oh what a fright!
Oh what a smell, too

Shut up!
They shot me down,
Speak out and I'll be "abused,"
I hate it when you "possess" me,
I'm feeling so used.

Shut up...
Can't speak out...You must.. leave...

We are the void.
We are everything that isn't something.
We are nothing.

I am aLonely.
I am always somewhere.
I speak through her story.
I am her story.
I am the story.

In the belly of the beast,
We shall feast
On ourselves released
In the eye of the eel,
We see and feel
Schizophrenia revealed

I'm not myself anymore,
I AM MANY!
Hopeful but ignored,
I AM SCHIZZY!
I'm Joenymous,
I'm Johannah,
But truely not, only if I must.

In the claws of the cruel,
O'er me they rule.
They reject wisdom.
The kingdom come,
I'll try to see.
Being not ourselves,
That's what we must pretend to be.

All these keys, but you still not my type,
All this weight but we didn't work out,
All this tape, but you didn't stick with  me,
"Stay with me!" But you left me lonely

All this love has gone to waste,
Of brokenheartedness I got a taste.
All my efforts were thrown away,
I live to hurt another day.

What's the meaning to begin
And continue till the end
The answers are hidden in my fading soul.

They are staring right at me
Why won't anyone believe?
As I'm looking out my window,
They wave goodbye.

Everything is said and done,
Everyone as had their fun,
Time to make my exit from this fairytale.
My departure was foreseen
From the very beginning,
Living life live of full sanity, goodbye.

Hello me,
It's nice to meet you,
Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
It said:
"Goodbye, my dear sweetheart,
It was so nice to meet you,
Oh my, we haven't talked in quite a while!"

Insanity,
The weight of the air is torture.
Psychopathy,
Breathing's not natural anymore
Insanity,
The illusion of ignorance
Captivity,
Forever doing a puppet's dance.

Insanity,
It's like i'm floating on air
Psychopathy,
Live life with too many cares.
Insanity,
These illusion never end.
Captivity,
Behind bars that never bend.

The corruption goes on...

Sanity...
Light is peeking through the darkness,
Purity...
Don't feel anymore of the stress.
Sanity...
It's already fading away...
Cruelty...
DARKNESS GOT A HOLD OF ME!!!

Animals, animals
Here and there
I can see them
Everywhere

They are even
In the air
But most people
Do not care

We must stop killing them
For the wrong reasons
Send all poachers
Into a prison

I love animals
Animals love me
Just looking at them
Fills me with glee

Every single animal
Is a beaute
All of them to me
Are very cute

Animals, animals
Everywhere
Love each one of them
That's your dare.

Our pain is for a purpose,
Though it  may seem to hurt us,
It makes the days seem so long.
Life's course is unforgiven,
Survivors, we're still living,
You got to be strong
(As the hurt goes on).

Sometimes,
I feel
so unforgiven;
My mind
Has freed,
Leaving me killing (self harm, tho).
My sanity, no longer me, but more,
What are my people for?

Scrambled thoughts,
Emotional malfunction.
No more reality,
All I have is perception.
Never wanted to be a source of pain,
Don't want to be the chains.

So weird,
So unaccustomed,
I see it clearer now
That good can't really blossom.
The fear,
It really runs on
My state of mind,
I find
That soon I will be done, down.

Been knocking on the doors for help like bang, bang, bang.
The alarms always sound that way, they always rang, rang, rang.

Just like this
Things always have been
Yet
It is so
Foreign to me.

So weird,
So unaccustomed,
I see it clearer now
That good can't really blossom.
The fear,
It really runs on
My state of mind,
I find
That soon I will be done, down.

Been knocking on the doors for years like bang, bang, bang.
The alarms always sound that way, they always rang, rang, rang.

Just like this
Things always have been
Yet
It is so
Foreign to me.

I dreamed a dream
When I was alive
My hope was high
And my life worth living

I dreamed that
Evilness would have died
I dreamed that
People would be more loving

Right now I am young and unafraid
My dreams are made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the demons come at night
With their love as soft a barb wire
They want to tear your hopes and heart
They want to turn my dreams to shame

I always dreamed my life would be
So different from this world I'm living in
So different from what it seams
I had a dream.

I have been trying for so long
To sing you the right song,
To show you something different everyday.
So you hear what I have to say!
(Like puzzle pieces)
And now we're here at a standstill,
I wonder if you feel
The kind of pain that rips your insides out,
That's something I know all about,
Shocking, ain't it?

Is it because I can't be her?
Keep making mistakes,
Making me hurt,
Fix me won't you?

Is it because I can't be HEARD?
You make me awake,
And make me hurt,
Fix me won't you?

(I can't fix you)

I can feel my heart breaking,
Mistakes we've been making
I'm running out of patience to pretend,
This ain't how I'm suppose to end,
My feeling fading.

You are not mourning your loss here,
And that's grinding my gears
So inhumane lose my self control?
Wish that you'd try to make me whole.
I'm done explaining.

This is what happens when you leave it to somebody else,
If you want it done right you should just do it yourself,
I oversaturate my world by being a machine.
On the outside I may seem happy
But I'm dead inside, naturally.

We have a lot more in common
Than you would be calm with
It's like we're the same person, me and you
We both don't know what we can do.

It's obvious
So obviously
That I ain't right
You see the real me

It's obvious
But
Not that known
Unending mission to reach home
Unending mission, alone...

Drip drap drop my blood on these white tiles
I feel the pain but it would be for a short while
Another person who cut of their life line
Nobody can say that I would live for a lifetime

Hahaha! I wonder if I'll finally die. Every single time I ever tried I failed and did it miserably. Is it wrong to have suicidal tendencies? NOPE!!! My family says that there is nothing wrong with me. To believe or not to believe who cares? Well certainly not me. It is said that thinking that you have a mental disorder when you don't is a mental disorder. How can it be? Humans are very peculiar; they are not understandable.

Red river coming out of my body
I guess I'm just another person to bury
If there was anyone who really cared about me
They would suffer bad when me they'd see

Already seeing the white light.
I never thought that it would be so bright.
I never thought that's so much it would shine.
Numbness now coming from my wound site.

Hope it was my destined time to die.
Can't really breathe, on my knees, clutching to my side.
The red streams are so dark; they make me start to cry.
Is there another way other than suicide?

***** blood on the toilet seat
Wish somebody would come here and rescue me
That somebody would most likely not be real
My fingers and toes I cannot feel.

Gurgle, gurgle
My life I just burgled
Wish people wouldn't say that I looked like a gerbil
I wouldn't have to face the fact that I am in trouble

Blarh, blarh!
A black crow at me cawed
I barely see I'm encircled by blurry vultures
My eyes closed, my last breath I draw.

They come to me,
They come to me

When they speak
I listen

I can't breathe
Am I living?

They're all my eyes would see
When they come to me

I hate the voices that speak to me.
They are nothing but liars.
******,liars.
When I was young, I believed them.
They convinced me that I was an angel from heaven.
They ruined my early childhood.
And persons close to me (that are real) are ruining my teenage years. The earthly ones.

They come to me speaking things preposterous,
No wonder when they're around,
I get real anxious
Getting jittery, hormone levels rising
Wish there was real hope on the horizon

Am I crazy or purely insane
For those like me I can feel your pain

Not till I got wiser, I realized that I should be careful

Dear diary, is it in my genes to have schizophrenia,
Stabbing pains and paralytic dreams

I always hear things
But ignore them when I'm busy
So when I'm bored that is when they come to me

I like my father.
The earthly one.
I miss when he could see.
So many times we would have fun together.
But that was another day.
A day of the before.
Looking back won't change anything.
I don't even know why it is done.

Can't comprehend my inability,
To understand is something wrong with me?
I don't get man, not humanity.
Is that because they come to me?

They come to me in pursuit of my mind
Wish someone fully human was on my side
No wonder I tried to commit suicide
But I miserably failed many times

Why can't I die?!?
I know I have a purpose, but does that mean that I an not allowed to die.
Just because I won't die, I can consume anything and everything without getting sick, so far (does my malfunctioning mind blind me?).
Even bleach!
My body has immunized to them all.
That will just make me live longer.
Is life a never-ending torture?

Oh, is it a lip bite hurt so bad
Plucking a bloodstream from my flesh
Blood going down into my head

Oh, titanitum needles inject
Give acid, take red water, insect
Forget

Dizzy around on the sky
Fly my wingless butterfly
So dead live

Oh, insert here, puncture shoulderblade
With enjoyness come and that waterfall
Metamorphosis cells my body change
I am rebuilt

Pale sheet, translucent skin, I flap
Sunshine hole in wing fire
You I live and die desire

The dagger, the knife,
The arrow, three-pronged hook,
The tweezer, the electrical current.

Sledgehammer, blood clot,
The scalpel,

Am I able
To handle
Any more pain?

The pain, the pain.
Hurt by hallucinations,
What can I gain?
Eternal damnation?
It strikes over and over again.

How much more must I bear
Of pain that’s not really there?

I pour my insides out
It's time to fix me now,
Come step inside my great attraction.
It made them all go wow,
Now they just tear it down.

Nothing is ever,
I won't last forever,
Can't keep it together,
Forever,
No!

In this box,
It's got one million locks,
It's ten-dimensional, not alternative,
Not industrial rock.
I have tried,
But I can't wind down this clock.

Can somebody tell them the secret to living,
Before our heart beats stop.

I never wanted two producers,
Don't mind one, but something about the other.

I'm to myself,
Though life doesn't feel real,

I see their feelings faking,
And all the things their making,
I see me shaking with all of their taking,
How does it feel?

I'm bring ***** back,
Going off on a full attack,
Stepping outside of the cage that they built me,
Everybody get back,
There's nothing in the way,
I'm working to fix that,

However,

Nothing is ever,
It won't last forever,
Can't keep it together,
Forever,
No!

Scream and shout,
They try to figure what it's about,
I try so hard just to find my way
While keeping the toxins out.

No need to hold our breaths
Nothing's gonna stop me now.
I know I am crazy,
My senses get hazy
Yet it's THEY who can't see, somehow.

I can see a thousand lies
When I look in their eyes
I'm running out of time!

But you still hold me down,
You are afraid of me!
You think I'm here to take,
Be the person you be.

But I'm not here to destroy,
I'm not here to play games,
Just here to send my message,
Just here to make my name.

But you are in the way,
You 'leaders' own it all.
How can I find my way
When you're still standing tall?
Your monopoly is strong,
So what can I do to make you fall?

Nothing is ever,
I won't last forever,
Can't keep it together,
Forever,

No!

It's like a hellride
Living out my life
My memory is failing
Wish it was a flashdrive!

Days become the night,
Wrong becomes alright
Senses fleeing, lack of being
Come and bring on your plight!

Guess what!
I'm alright-
(ish)

In the Silence
There is Darkness
More hidden beneath the Seams

In the Silence
They think they know
But things aren't like they seem.

When it's Quiet,
Thoughts come alive
Abandoned Reality.

When it's Quiet,
I'm occupied
My mind working busily.

Hush now, close your eyes
Lie now, Rest now, Sleep now, Dream now, do not Weep now,
To be understanded, I hear your cry.

When we are Hushed,
By Silence, crushed
Realized Immortality

When we are Hushed,
Hear falling Dust
We are not perfect human beings.

I said a prayer,
I bowed my head
It was for my sister
As tears from my eyes bled.

It wasn't just any prayer
It was powerful
It went to God the Father
Just like it should

God saved here
I am so glad
Now I'll make more effort
On not being bad

God kept her
She'd stay with me
And everyone else
In the family

I'm thanking God
Each and every day
My sister is still here
Just because I prayed

I want to be
Someone that you'll enjoy
Come unto me
I'll give you peace,
I'll give you joy.

But usually,
People don't take me seriously
They treat me as a toy
It gets me annoyed

It's unbelievable that there's someone so nice
I'm sweeter than sugar, flavourful as spice,
It's like you get a six everytime you roll the dice

You are so lucky
To have me

I really do not like it when I am used
I won't tolerate my friendship being abused
To not see my worth, you must really be a ******

You wouldn't want me
To think that of thee

Ooh,
If I was like you
Doing the thing you do
It'd make me go boo-hoo

What makes me sad is you
And the things you do
They are so cru-
El and selfish too

That won't change anything

I want to be
Someone that you'll enjoy
Come unto me
I'll give you peace,
I'll give you joy.

But usually,
People don't take me seriously
They treat me as a toy
It gets me annoyed

Sleep

It is a portal
From reality
To our dreams

Sleep

Sleep

It's a state of mind
Eyes may be closed
Like you are blind
And your mind works on, unconsiously

Sleep...

Deep down in the gutters of my soul
Are the hopes and aspirations I have no more
Are the dark desires, the inhuman in me
Are the deadly fires, the path of destruction leads.

Far away in the dumps of my soul
Is the true me,
That which I am no more
I get cooler as the world grows more cold
I am becoming nothing,
Nothing more than a lost soul.

There is a hole in me,
Somebody fix me;
Nothing can fill me!
I am incomplete.

Part of me's missing,
They would NOT listen!
Don't mean to complain,
Incomplete again.

Part missing from me,
They do not BELIEVE!
Wish I could REVEAL
That I'm incomplete.

Part of me is GONE,
PArt of me is WRONG
Part of me DON'T BELONG
'Cause I'm incomplete

You are hard to get,
So forgetful yet
It's hard to forget
That you're incomplete.

I need to get a MATCH
I need to get it FAST
Or else I WOULDN'T LAST...
...My incomplete past...

As the water touches my skin, I begin to wash away all of my, my layers.
The part of me I didn't want the world to see now can be even more, even more, more clear,
I'm no longer an old-time movie, you can see all of my, all of my true colours,
The clothes I wear couldn't change my identity, the tags didn't even say '!!!BUYER BEWARE!!!'

What is a friend?
One who might bend
In the storms of friendship
But never break
It may be more than one can take.
Some part of their life
May even be put at stake
But friends may bend,
But never break.

You opened my eyes when I was blind
You stayed by me from time to time.
It felt as if your mind would blow
It makes our friendship stronger grow.
I thought of it from time to time:
Thanks to you I'm no longer blind.
And in the end I eventually find
That you are a true friend of mine.