I changed one day when I wasn't looking
but not for the better, in fact this was worse.

I no longer say I love you at the end of the day,
finally you understand I do not feel that way.
I've been silently  begging for you to tell me
that I was never really a part of this family.
This is how I'm feeling.
And I'm not certain I am healing.
Some days I crumble to the floor
from the pain that  is settled in my core.
One day I won't come back,
for in my heart, you've left a crack.

When winter comes as it has now,
you are blanketed softly in layers of snow.
The ice melts away
leaving grass in springs wake.
The hot sun is exposed
tanning skin that's unclothed.
after summer is complete
the cycle, once again, repeats.

I hold on tight
but you push me away.
     You want me to leave
but I choose to stay.
     I want to fight through this
but you think we should quit.
     You want to give up
for a wall we have hit.
     You're no longer the one
that makes me smile.
     You'll forget who I am
in just a short while

I am hollow and empty, with only good intentions.
Surrounded by the darkness of pain I won't mention.
With no will to go on, my sadness flares
I sit alone and withdrawn from those who once cared.
I stumble blindly through life with no one to guide me

I loved you, oh how very much I loved you,
and I can tell you that with every waking breath that I breathe
but you will never believe me.
All you've chosen to remember is the day I left you.
You seem to have forgotten that I was always there for you,
until the day came that I grew old of you always pushing me away.
I gave you every piece of my heart.
It was only until you took everything and I was left with nothing that I realized
I needed someone willing to build me up, not tear me down.
Oh how I love you

How do we live when we know one day, we will no more?
How can we care for someone who may not feel the same?
How could a situation so simple stir within us for the entirety of our lives?
How can such a small decision affect our well-being?
Although these problems are complicated, the answer itself  is simple: we are human, It's how we are programmed.

In the time that I had believed you were angry with  me, never once did I consider the possibility that all along it was you mad at yourself.
And since that day I’ve made my hugs a little tighter, for I realized just how broken you truly are. And maybe, just maybe i’ll hold you long enough to glue your pieces back together.

"I love you"
One of the hardest things for me to say to you.
Not because I'm shy,
but because I'm not necessarily sure it's true.

I've been praying for a sign, something to let me know
That you are here for me, and there's no reason I should go.
But everyday is the same, I get no results
I have no feelings to claim, and I've barely a pulse.
I struggle through the days, and I cry through the nights,
hoping it's only a phase, and one day i'll be right.
But so far I've been wrong, nothing has changed.
I've waited so long, and my survival is challenged.

It's hard to think, I'm on the brink of Nonexistence.
I could jump from the earth in just an instant
But would you miss me?
Would you care that I'm gone?
If not what's the point in "So long"
Why should I live with the pain, and suffering you bring?
I wish you'd back off and let me do my own thing.
But I'm tough,
I'm strong enough to live.
All I need's a little luck
But I won't get it,
I won't find it from you.
For all I know you probably hate me too.
I've become irrelevant in my own home, and all the places I once belonged.
But it doesn't matter.
In a few more years  I'll be long gone.

If you listened you'd hear
my  pain throughout the years
and if you looked you'd see
just what you meant to me.
You used to be the one
that I could laugh with,
and have fun.
But now you're just a memory,
I wish I could outrun.

You knew I was crying yet you chose to leave.
You knew I was angry and you blamed me for it.
You knew I was afraid and you showed me no comfort.
You knew I was happy yet you managed to bring me down.

I knew you were crying so I chose to stay.
I knew you were angry and I understood.
I knew you were afraid and I encouraged you.
I knew you were happy so I did everything to keep you that way.

You knew I was broken yet you threw me to the ground.
I knew you were broken so I held you tight.

I loved you, yet was shown no love in return.

They're only words, and they shouldn't hurt me as they do.
But I can't help it.
They rip through the deepest parts of my soul.
Allowing unbearable pain to course through me.
Pain that never seems to end.

For you,
I'd do anything.
But you,
would you do the same?
I see you,
I watch you through your window.
I watch you,
as you cry softly to your pillow.
I want to run to you,
But you don't want the same
I know you don't care,
You've forgotten my name.

I watch silently as you destroy yourself
You are only a shell of who you once were.
I reach out to you in a useless attempt to help
You push me away
I have become further from you than I ever imagined
You don't seem to notice
I sit through many sleepless night worrying  I won't see you tomorrow
You seem to think no one cares for you
I understand now that there is nothing I can do
You must remember
I am always here for
you

Surrender to the misery,
for I have no other choice.
Suffer through the agony,
for I haven't got a voice.
And if one day I'm happy
you'll take it all away

I surrender to this darkness,
that seems to be my life.
     I sink deep into this madness
that kills me like a knife.
     I withdraw from those around me
to give time to heal my heart
     For if what I've become, you were to see
we'd surely drift apart.

I was a moth.
Drawn to your flame, yet unable to get close without feeling the searing pain you’d inflict upon me each time.
And yet, I could never stay away.
However,
there came a time in which I learned to instead bask in the sweet nectar of another.
And it was then that I finally became appealing to you.

When I close my eyes, and I lay to rest
it mutes the cries that lay heavy on my chest.
I go to a place where I dream of good days.
I get to see you, and that smile on your face
I miss you the same as i had before,
and I'm just not sure i can do this anymore

This pain is too much for me to handle.
My chest squeezes my heart in a way that makes it impossible to breathe.
I miss you, oh God I miss you.