My brain is stuck in cruise
And sometimes I get lost
Lost on words and emotions
Stuck on what I should be feelin
Head poundin and medication low
My brain is stuck in cruise
Just goin with the flow
Maybe I am addicted
Or maybe this is withdraw
But baby I am stuck
Stuck on words to stay to you
I had it in my sights.
My first right move.
I thought I had it.
Then the dream came crashing down.
One by one
Peel back all the layers.
To get to the heart of it.
Watch it beat and slowly shrivel.
Things were becoming okay.
I had taken blue and I felt right.
It ran out of my system.
I can't seem to make things right.
Will I ever be right?
Will I ever be RIGHT?
Will I ever...
Seeing in blue
Just do it
And don't look back.
right hand - cack hand
a heat of intoxicants
'Recover Your Presence Of Mind'
i don't even have my mattress raised
from upon the floor
and pages soaked to the boarding
snoring in spores
infested with messages
in nest with it all
best to withdraw
the 'madder than'
can one practice as a sober ?
I've never wanted to create more or been this capable before...or are the results missing something ?
hellish even ?
is it the reader ?
will we not be pleased with the results without some evidence of a soul in suffering
and numbing isolation?
I didn't notice until it was to late for me to change my fate
You used me for your twisted uses until you got bored
It was like a withdraw
You left me when you had someone new to play your twisted game with
I didn't understand I guess I didn't get the memo
Because the day you left I still tried to say hello
I should have said goodbye forever
'pon your voyages through my mind
mingling with memories cruel and kind,
amongst the shattered dreams that do lay
'neath darkened clouds so distant away.
Amidst the chaos of random thoughts
strands of discord forged and sought,
chasing nightmares you must flee
the ugliness deep inside of me.
Be you close or be you far,
Please think of Me,
wherever you are.
© Pagan Paul (20/03/18)
How I wish to disappear
completely, to unplug fully,
til I shut down-deep-withdrawn
and there focus on something
that's more internal
and less commercial,
less self-evidently marketable -
something less brand
and more a brand new venture,
out of sight, of mind
and of a sense of duty
to the me I left behind -
where the music inside
to the first bars
of the first song
when I first sang along.
Oh, how can I disappear
completely and get myself ready
for my next swan song?
Inspired by the graphic novel 'How to disappear completely' by Si Smith.
I watched you kick, you moaned and you sweat
I gave you all the pills I could get
I let you complain, ***** and than whine
I let you steal my only dime
I let you kick out on my couch
You deceived, you lied and made me vouch
Watching you kick was not a pretty sight
All your demons, all trying to bite
I helped you kick until you finally got right
So why are back at the dope house tonight?
Ya I once loved a ****** or two.
re to 08-17
I surrender to this darkness,
that seems to be my life.
I sink deep into this madness
that kills me like a knife.
I withdraw from those around me
to give time to heal my heart
For if what I've become, you were to see
we'd surely drift apart.
your eyes with questions dripping off them;
we need to talk.
*i've forgotten how to.
too far gone.