please get out of my head
I beg of you
every second I think of you is agony
Remembering how perfect I thought you were
How you'd talk to me and soothe me
with those kind eyes of yours
I want to forget you
pretend we never met
purge all our memories together
please stop taunting me with your handsome face
please get out of my head

In the darkness
of an empty room,
I cry in the corner
seeing visions of you.

I want to feel your touch.
Feel your touch, feel your touch.
You held out your hand,
but I couldn't grab on.
These guilty pleasures
are held, in front of me.
These guilty pleasures
are taking a hold on me.
I can't break free,
Can't get back up
There are no pieces
left to pick up.

As I lay in the dark
of a nice warm bath.
Planning how to take my life away,
I breathe in deeply
drift beneath the water
Until I struggle to breathe
That is when visions of you
resurrect me.

I want to feel your touch.
Feel your touch, feel your touch.
You held out your hand,
but I couldn't grab on.
These guilty pleasures
are held, in front of me.
These guilty pleasures
are taking a hold on me.
I can't break free,
Can't get back up
There are no pieces
left to pick up.

Kneeling in the shower
praying to a God
that doesn't exist.
Don't know the difference
between reality and make believe.
As I look towards the shower head
I still can't see.
These scars that cover me
may need rebandaging.
He's a lost cause,
an abomination.
He's a disgrace
to the human race.
We've been here before
I'm all alone, in this empty room,
Crying in the corner
seeing visions of you

I want to feel your touch.
Feel your touch, feel your touch.
You held out your hand,
but I couldn't grab on.
These guilty pleasures
are held, in front of me.
These guilty pleasures
are taking a hold on me.
I can't break free,
Can't get back up
There are no pieces
left to pick up.

Oh, I've lost myself
everything makes no sense.
I think about the time
you said that you'd be there,
I'm not sure you even cared.
But your smile saved my life
a million times before.
I'm in need of you,
but this time you're gone.
Not sure I will survive anymore.
As I kneel in the shower
praying to a God that doesn't exist,
This razor penetrates my skin.
The blood trickles down the drain,
He falls to the floor,
crucified he cried
Crucify me tonight.

I want to feel your touch.
Feel your touch, feel your touch.
You held out your hand,
but I couldn't grab on.
These guilty pleasures
are held, in front of me.
These guilty pleasures
are taking a hold on me.
I can't break free,
Can't get back up
There are no pieces
left to pick up.

Oh! My star has fallen tonight,
If they were there,
he might still be alive
every night,
he died a little more inside,
my star has fallen tonight

As I lay in the darkness
of an empty room
staring at the ceiling
seeing visions of you
I see your smile
it puts my mind at rest
I fall asleep
knowing I truly was blessed.

©2017 Written By Benji James

The pillow's edge
Ornamented with an ant
Its siblings crawling on the pipe underneath
This one's rebellious
Debating whether or not
to cross the border from my sock to my skin
Come on, Little Ant
What are you - Afraid?
The smells and the texture
as my leg hair sways
Come on, Little Ant
I'm doing nothing all day
Except to face my few fears
The wind wants to play
You know when a horse drags his front foot
And hangs his head a little, nudging into you
His horseshoe catching the dirt
as it drifts towards your face
Just like that
The wind wants to play
Come on, Little Ant
What are you - Afraid?
Of the taunting
And haunting
that lives in your brain
Come on, Little Ant
I'm doing nothing all day
But to burn in the relentless sun
And blow you away

"c'mon! i dare you," i repeat more tauntingly than the last
and pull the trigger, he did.
the gasp i let out echoed.
he couldn't have intended on killing me, right?
that was just to make me suffer a little..
he knew how many bullets there were, right?
"right. there. i just made you suffer a little."
no biggie

Falling angels

Black evil
Whispering taunting tantalizing
Teaching you dark secrets
Fallen angel (echo)



Fallen angel once flew high
Life of humaneness gone rotten
Humble equilibrium
Both darkness and light consumes them

falling angel (echo)

Nightmares. I hate them.
They keep me awake,
They torture me.
They won’t let me wake up.

“Sleep! Sleep!” they say.
“Stay awake! Watch out!” they taunt.
                  So tired….

I’m falling…it’s so dark.
I grasp air, scramble for a hold.
                               I find it!

I scrape my hands and hit my leg
The jolt and the pain wakes me again.
I can’t sleep.
It’s not safe in the dark
Ah! I can’t stand the light
Nightmares…******! I hate them!

My dearest, yes, that’s it.
My darling!
My love, he keeps me safe.
He’ll talk to me; comfort!
No, he’s sleeping.
I cannot bother him.

Sleep.
Nightmares.
Falling….
                              ­          No!

My love…yes, there it is.
He’s so warm, I can feel it now.
Mmm, my darling;
he will not let me fall.
He will always hold on
Despite myself, despite my temper
Despite my rants, despite my antics.
Through all the…the…
Anger!
Frustration!
Overexcitement and
Fear!
Distress and worry!
Paranoia!
**** those nightmares!


I can’t help it.
I’m sorry.
I just….
So much feeling.
I get…
Jumbled.
I get…
Mixed up?
I don’t know

He helps me.
Holds me.
Loves me, even.
                                              How?

I cry and scream,
I back away,
He follows.
I’m sorry.
I just get so jumbled.
He holds me.
I’m so tired…

Sleep, oh sleep….

I close my eyes
And I’m falling.
It’s so dark, hands are grabbing for me.
The light, I want to find it
But I can’t! I’m being
                                                      Chase­d.

******!

Nightmares, I hate them!
Why can’t they be quiet, go away…
SHUT UP!
LEAVE ME ALONE!

I’m so tired
I just
I Get so
Jumbled.

Up and Up and Up
And I can’t stop
I’ll fall.
                                                           The light, why is it so bright?
Nightmares, voices, people, monsters
Get away all of you!

No,
Not you.
I need you, don’t go
Please.
I’m sorry.
I didn’t mean it.

It’s the nightmares
I feel like I’m falling,
Like I’m being chased
These things, they’re everywhere,
And the light, it’s too bright
And I get so jumbled
I can’t help it.
                                                             ­               I’m so tired.

“Sleep! Sleep!”
“Stay awake! Watch out!”
Will the taunting ever end?

Darling…wake up….
I can’t wake up.
I’m being chased
I can’t stop, or else
                                                            ­                                                  I’ll fall.