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Benji James May 2017
In the darkness
of an empty room,
I cry in the corner
seeing visions of you.

I want to feel your touch.
Feel your touch, feel your touch.
You held out your hand,
but I couldn't grab on.
These guilty pleasures
are held, in front of me.
These guilty pleasures
are taking a hold on me.
I can't break free,
Can't get back up
There are no pieces
left to pick up.

As I lay in the dark
of a nice warm bath.
Planning how to take my life away,
I breathe in deeply
drift beneath the water
Until I struggle to breathe
That is when visions of you
resurrect me.

I want to feel your touch.
Feel your touch, feel your touch.
You held out your hand,
but I couldn't grab on.
These guilty pleasures
are held, in front of me.
These guilty pleasures
are taking a hold on me.
I can't break free,
Can't get back up
There are no pieces
left to pick up.

Kneeling in the shower
praying to a God
that doesn't exist.
Don't know the difference
between reality and make believe.
As I look towards the shower head
I still can't see.
These scars that cover me
may need rebandaging.
He's a lost cause,
an abomination.
He's a disgrace
to the human race.
We've been here before
I'm all alone, in this empty room,
Crying in the corner
seeing visions of you

I want to feel your touch.
Feel your touch, feel your touch.
You held out your hand,
but I couldn't grab on.
These guilty pleasures
are held, in front of me.
These guilty pleasures
are taking a hold on me.
I can't break free,
Can't get back up
There are no pieces
left to pick up.

Oh, I've lost myself
everything makes no sense.
I think about the time
you said that you'd be there,
I'm not sure you even cared.
But your smile saved my life
a million times before.
I'm in need of you,
but this time you're gone.
Not sure I will survive anymore.
As I kneel in the shower
praying to a God that doesn't exist,
This razor penetrates my skin.
The blood trickles down the drain,
He falls to the floor,
crucified he cried
Crucify me tonight.

I want to feel your touch.
Feel your touch, feel your touch.
You held out your hand,
but I couldn't grab on.
These guilty pleasures
are held, in front of me.
These guilty pleasures
are taking a hold on me.
I can't break free,
Can't get back up
There are no pieces
left to pick up.

Oh! My star has fallen tonight,
If they were there,
he might still be alive
every night,
he died a little more inside,
my star has fallen tonight

As I lay in the darkness
of an empty room
staring at the ceiling
seeing visions of you
I see your smile
it puts my mind at rest
I fall asleep
knowing I truly was blessed.

©2017 Written By Benji James
Praline Poet Mar 2017
The pillow's edge
Ornamented with an ant
Its siblings crawling on the pipe underneath
This one's rebellious
Debating whether or not
to cross the border from my sock to my skin
Come on, Little Ant
What are you - Afraid?
The smells and the texture
as my leg hair sways
Come on, Little Ant
I'm doing nothing all day
Except to face my few fears
The wind wants to play
You know when a horse drags his front foot
And hangs his head a little, nudging into you
His horseshoe catching the dirt
as it drifts towards your face
Just like that
The wind wants to play
Come on, Little Ant
What are you - Afraid?
Of the taunting
And haunting
that lives in your brain
Come on, Little Ant
I'm doing nothing all day
But to burn in the relentless sun
And blow you away
TD Aug 2015
Paramnesia
encroaching terrors diaphanous
insipidly peering
blank eyes.
The brume creeps
their glacial paraphs
clutch tightly around a naked ankle.
Nails vinous stained,
the wall tears,
shredded pieces of memories.

"I'd chop you up dice you into little bits..
toss you in a dumpster,
and no one would ever know."
Cantillates the augured words..
Cheshire grin,
startling white, gleaming.
Panicked, pallid,
the grisly image,
mangled flesh and bone,
uniform shapes wet with scabbed tears.

Screaming struggling amain,
against the futility,
skin to bone,
grazing, scraping,
silent and the
foreboding eyes are
staring back.
Malevolent,
pleading whispers, shouts
in fuscous pools of
black holes,
vacuum siphons
sound from space.

"Get out,
get out of my head."
Uncontrollable sobs
as a cold hand bruises a wrist,
laughing in the dark.
Pushed up against the shredded wall,
hands like vices on a throbbing skull.
Looking down the faceless demon,
echoes the past.
Confusion beats and emotion
hammers nails in the coffin of memory.

Trapped,
days are muddled greys
clotted streaks of red,
encased in a shell
that only gives
slightly to breathe,
wrists shackled to an--
unraveling thread
entwined with thorns.
Slippery fingers,
holding, dripping, bleeding.
When dreams and reality become a nightmarish combination.
celey Jul 2015
"c'mon! i dare you," i repeat more tauntingly than the last
and pull the trigger, he did.
the gasp i let out echoed.
he couldn't have intended on killing me, right?
that was just to make me suffer a little..
he knew how many bullets there were, right?
"right. there. i just made you suffer a little."
no biggie
Leal Knowone Mar 2015
Falling angels

Black evil
Whispering taunting tantalizing
Teaching you dark secrets
Fallen angel (echo)



Fallen angel once flew high
Life of humaneness gone rotten
Humble equilibrium
Both darkness and light consumes them

falling angel (echo)
tantalizing
Poetic T Dec 2014
The phone it just rings
RING
RING
RINGING
"I answer"
"The person you are trying to contact"
Iiiiiiissssss Nooootttt Hoooommmee
I smash the receiver against The wall
Shards of black rain
Upon the concrete,
Turn liquid in to the cracks, dissolve
Then I run in to darkness
I hear it once more
Taunting,
Ridiculing,
Mocking
Me in the distance I reach my destination
"The person you are trying to contact"
Iiiiiiissssss Nooootttt Hoooommmee
I once again smash
Screaming, Fu#k you,
I look out the window
I see everything
But the phone keeps
RING,
RING,
RINGING
I'm trapped within a mind
That never answers, I am
Lucid in here but
"The phone never rings out"
My subconscious, just leaves a message,
"The person you are trying to contact"
**Iiiiiiissssss Nooootttt Hoooommmee
Nightmares. I hate them.
They keep me awake,
They torture me.
They won’t let me wake up.

“Sleep! Sleep!” they say.
“Stay awake! Watch out!” they taunt.
                  So tired….

I’m falling…it’s so dark.
I grasp air, scramble for a hold.
                               I find it!

I scrape my hands and hit my leg
The jolt and the pain wakes me again.
I can’t sleep.
It’s not safe in the dark
Ah! I can’t stand the light
Nightmares…******! I hate them!

My dearest, yes, that’s it.
My darling!
My love, he keeps me safe.
He’ll talk to me; comfort!
No, he’s sleeping.
I cannot bother him.

Sleep.
Nightmares.
Falling….
                              ­          No!

My love…yes, there it is.
He’s so warm, I can feel it now.
Mmm, my darling;
he will not let me fall.
He will always hold on
Despite myself, despite my temper
Despite my rants, despite my antics.
Through all the…the…
Anger!
Frustration!
Overexcitement and
Fear!
Distress and worry!
Paranoia!
**** those nightmares!


I can’t help it.
I’m sorry.
I just….
So much feeling.
I get…
Jumbled.
I get…
Mixed up?
I don’t know

He helps me.
Holds me.
Loves me, even.
                                              How?

I cry and scream,
I back away,
He follows.
I’m sorry.
I just get so jumbled.
He holds me.
I’m so tired…

Sleep, oh sleep….

I close my eyes
And I’m falling.
It’s so dark, hands are grabbing for me.
The light, I want to find it
But I can’t! I’m being
                                                      Chase­d.

******!

Nightmares, I hate them!
Why can’t they be quiet, go away…
SHUT UP!
LEAVE ME ALONE!

I’m so tired
I just
I Get so
Jumbled.

Up and Up and Up
And I can’t stop
I’ll fall.
                                                           The light, why is it so bright?
Nightmares, voices, people, monsters
Get away all of you!

No,
Not you.
I need you, don’t go
Please.
I’m sorry.
I didn’t mean it.

It’s the nightmares
I feel like I’m falling,
Like I’m being chased
These things, they’re everywhere,
And the light, it’s too bright
And I get so jumbled
I can’t help it.
                                                             ­               I’m so tired.

“Sleep! Sleep!”
“Stay awake! Watch out!”
Will the taunting ever end?

Darling…wake up….
I can’t wake up.
I’m being chased
I can’t stop, or else
                                                            ­                                                  I’ll fall.
The point of this poem (originally written to be a poetic dramatic monologue) is to capture the perspective of someone who suffers from Schizophrenia. Through this I hoped to portray the surreal, jumbled feelings that one may experience as well as the difficulty in distinguishing waking life from dreams. My goal with the ejected sentences was to give the reader the effect of not only detached, desperate thoughts but also of someone running, and falling.

..
Criss Jami May 2014
It's a perfect day
Yeah it's made just to play an acoustic
But the first one
With roots with the frame of a huge stick
And it's just for
You it's ingrained oh with the name of The One and straight from
An unpolished and untamed platonic love so here it comes
A song prior to the Vinaccian fame because baby I'm

A pharmaceutical part-time musical carpenter of the heart and the

The first verse in reverse comes words we've never heard
Like a message from the best and it's a version for the birds
Where infancy's re-lived
To speak of infantry's a kid
And the reviver speaks Malayalam-sans and baby then he says
"It's the way I am and it's my way man"

Maybe you hear it
Girl I humor and I do it when I want you
Maybe incoherent
But I'm fluent in the music to taunt you

To be your pioneer
Oh it's like fuses to my ears 'cause
I'm deaf with nothing left
But yeah the music you can hear and
I lose it when I'm with you my dear so

Maybe you hear it
I humor and I do it when I want you
Baby incoherent
'Cause I'm fluent in your music to flaunt you

Oh you hear it
Girl I humor and I do it when I want you
So incoherent
But I'm fluent in the music to taunt you

— The End —