when i was a child
my father never checked the closet
i never asked him too
i knew what was hiding there
the secrecy and the skeletons i lay to rest
i kept it shut tightly
locked and sealed
like my mouth
never open long enough
for anyone to know what was going on inside
not even a locksmith could pry open
my closet doors

closed doors
no sense of light
put your hand on mine
when cracks form
color will pour through
your head on my shoulder
a foot more or two
making out shapes

you kiss me
and the door breaks

in back alley ways and missed phone calls
i let the world know i couldn't stay
i waved goodbye to the front door
as i walked to the end of the world
i gave my body permission to decay
and gifted my soul to the north
i took a bite out of the sea
and rejoiced it overlayed
the acrid taste the pills left in my mouth
i layed down to take my bow
and woke up in the same place
and i don't know why i woke up.

girl,
with an accent of blood
a foreign tongue
vowels that sound of metal clashing
warrior,
with fire flowing through her veins
armor for skin
feet that crush the earth beneath her
immortal,
with electricity streaks through her hair
iron filled lungs
each breath invitingly toxic
princess,
with lips of silk
a voice cut from steel
thunder and war in her bones
heroine,
with a grin made for battle
eyes speckled in ash
striding, powerful into the arms of death.

a bird ***** its wings in Rio and there is a tsunami in Tokyo.
there is a tsunami in Tokyo and your father takes your mother to bed, calls her beautiful, does not raise his voice at her, does not leave her alone in a ***** motel room. she unpacks her suitcases and never leaves Missouri.
you do not form in her womb and she stops screaming.
a tsunami occurs in Tokyo and you do not exist and there is a break in the violence of our bodies. you disintegrate before me and I melt back into the earth where I belong and you never stopped loving me.
we unbecome the casualty of our own flaws.
we were never here. we were never gone.
a bird becomes road **** in Rio and you crawl into the womb of your mother, you are the 7th of 7 and the cause of your mother's stress. there is no tsunami in Tokyo and your mother packs her suitcase and leaves for Texas, she unhappily marries your father and stays with him to the bitter end.
there is no tsunami in Tokyo and your mother dies of lung cancer, your father leaves you in may, does not kiss you goodbye, does not look back at you, you pack your stuff and he sends you away.
the birds in Rio do not sing, Tokyo bay does not roar to life.
you are here. you cannot leave.

i am...

A-bstractly addicted to absolute abuse
B-y basketcase boys with nothing better to be
C-autious when I caught chaos
D-riving me delutional day by day
E-ven when everyone echoed into my ear
F-uck this familiar fatal feeling
G-oing after guilty guys
H-ardly having healthy habits
I-njuring my inner innocence
J-ustifying jaded *******
K-indly killing all
L-ackluster lovers so they dont
M-ention me making mistakes
N-ever not nervous
O-ver obsolete oblivion
P-inky promising people to stay
Q-uietly questioning my
R-eason to resolve all emoitions ripping right from my
S-tomach snaking their way to satisfaction
T-hrough tounges I never even wanted to taste
U-nable to grasp unhappiness
V-isiously turning up the volume
W-aiting for any kind of wasted warmth
X-eric eyes
Y-et again teary
Z-oning through endless time

until i'm right back where i started...

they say a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down
so we bought my mom some cookies
to help the shots of morphine slide down her throat

they say pain is never permanent
so we all and hope and pray
that she'll go in peace

they say we should live in the moment
so we all sit around her bed and laugh
hoping we'll make a better memory than the last

they say it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all
but every time i watch her struggle to breathe
i think it would've been easier if i had never loved her at all

then i think losing her wouldn't be as hard

you said you need space
so i grew the solar system
from my neck
in hopes you might make
me your space

He thought she would stay
but she was smoke
dancing from his cigarette
entangling herself in his lungs
he could not hold her
she left swiftly and softly
flitting away through his exhale

something i believe with all of my heart
the exact moment you are hurt, you hurt
without warning you are torn apart
you hurt yourself and those around you
darkness isn't something you can easily outsmart
but i will say piece by piece and day by day
you will learn to heal and your life will restart

Into your mind



S h o w  m e
Your deepest thoughts



F e e d  m e
Your darkest lies

What is this?

Spilling from my eyes,

Caressing my cheeks,

And falling to my lips?

I taste slightly salty texture

Oh ****....I must be crying