Living with anxiety and depression isn't easy. Anxiety isn't being nervous about giving a speech or talking to a cute boy. Anxiety is being afraid of living. Anxiety is staying in bed for three days straight because you're terrified of what will happen when you  step out of your dark room. Anxiety is making up a thousand unpleasant situations and being petrified that at any moment one of the situations might happen. Anxiety is a mental disorder. Depression isn't just being sad. Depression is slitting your wrist just to try and feel something. Depression is being numb to all emotion including sadness. Depression is lying to your shrink so that she won't put you in a psych ward. Depression is feeling nothing but emptiness. Depression is a mental disorder.

It's been 18 months since I wrote about you.
But just because my words stopped flowing,
And my eyes stopped crying,
Doesn't mean I stopped loving you.

It's been 18 months since I saw you last.
But just because we stopped talking,
And we stopped existing,
Doesn't mean I stopped loving you.

It's been 18 months since you passed away.
It's been 18 months of missing you.

and as quickly as God gave you life, he took it away

You almost killed yourself tonight.







I'm so glad you didn't

You said your last goodbye
the night you walked out on me.
I said mine about three months later
When I saw him looking at me.

It's not about self respect.
I could be walking around naked
And still respect myself as much as when I'm fully dressed.
So what is it about? It is about distractions?
If so why do we have to cover our bodies while boys walk around with their pants around their knees?
Leggings being banned for being a distraction?
I'm not gonna apologize for wearing pants if boys don't apologize for objectifying me.
I'm not a dog, don't whistle at me.
And don't slap my *** as I walk down the halls.
I'm not your *** toy.
So don't make me apologize for being a girl when these boys won't apologize for sexualizing me.

I didn't ask for this life.
I did not chose to be a woman.
But I am a woman, and I will not be shamed.
Us women did not ask to be treated different.
We did not chose to be judged.
But we are, and we will not let it effect us.
Women did not asked to be whistled at when walking down the street,
Or looked down on because our outfits are provocative.
But we are, and we are trying to fight back.
We women do not want to have *** with you,
no matter what were wearing or how drunk we are.
We women do not want to be attacked for saying no.
But we are being ***** and we are being hurt.
We will not take it any more, we will be heard.

WE ARE THE KIDS YOUR PARENTS WARNED YOU ABOUT. THE ONES WITH THE DEAD EYES AND THE SHATTERED SOULS. WE HAVE OUR MUSIC AND NOTHING ELSE. WE ARE THE GHOSTS THAT HAUNT YOUR DREAMS AND THE DEMONS LIVING IN YOUR HEAD.

I'm trapped in a mental institute.
I've been here since birth.
Always screaming,
Always crying,
Always someone getting hurt.
Most patients call the man that causes the pain, doctor.
I call him *dad.

I want to be the girl who's always happy. The one who is always smiling and laughing. I want to be to be the girl who falls in love with living.

Instead I am the girl who's always sad. The one who's always crying and at the shrinks office. I am the girl who wants to die.

I would not even mind if I was killed today

My best friends used to be blonde haired girls with goofy laughs and bright eyes.
Those girls left and I replaced them with shiny pieces of metal that were sharp enough to draw blood, and that's exactly what they did

I was just starting to get over you
When you jumped back into my life.
I tried to escape but no matter where I go you are everywhere.
It's like I'm trapped in a maze that only leads to you.

The poison filled your mind
While sadness filled my heart.
The plant ruined your mind
While you ruined our chances.
The drugs corrupted your soul
While you broke my heart.

I have this rage building up inside of me,
It's eating away at my mind,
And taunting my soul.
I am disaster waiting to happen.
Like a spark after a drought,
Or a bull in a china shop.
It's just a matter of time before I stop ticking and
**explode

ITS GOTTEN TO THE POINT THAT WHEN I LEAVE FOR COLLEGE I WON'T HAVE EMOTIONAL GOODBYES OR GOODBYE PARTIES WITH MY FRIENDS BECAUSE THERE WILL BE NO ONE THERE TO MISS ME. I PUSH AWAY ANYONE WHO COULD POSSIBLY CARE ABOUT ME BECAUSE I'M A SELFISH *****.

Because of you
My heart is cold,
My mouth is *****,
My body is trashed,
My words are hateful,
My mind is bitter,
And I am unhappy

people often underestimate me,

i am either

to dumb,

or to unskilled.

i am

to weak,

or to busy.

i am

to fat,

or to sad.

when in reality all i am is

m i s u n d e r s t o o d

Without me
My parents would have money,
My friends would be happy,
My siblings would be closer,
And the world would still go on.

As I stand here,
Above your open grave
I feel as though I should be in their with you,
Because a part of me died when you did.

I'm  not asking for much,
not for money,
or for work.
I'm not in need on twenty four hour attention,
or for you to buy me lots of things.
All i'm asking for is a text back,
or maybe even to see each other.
All I want is to feel *wanted

I was afraid of living

And all at once I realised what it was,
this empty space inside of me,
drowning me in sorrow,
it was the space you left inside of me
when you finally said *goodbye

It's 3am and I'm staring at the moon because I know you are too.
It's 12pm and I'm looking at the clouds because I know you are too.
It's 9pm and I'm trying to remember how we used to be
because I know you are too.

I asked when you will love me
you answered
"tomorrow"
Then I remembered
tomorrow never comes

These wrists are unfinished,
Not torn
And not cut.
A slice here,
And a slice there,
Now decorated with blood.

I wish I could be happy
Without pills
And without therapy
But I can't
And I never will be

The clock struck
                11:11
                       And I wished
                                         For you

Recovery is like the light at the end of the tunnel.
Everyone talks about it but I have never see it myself.
Maybe it only happens to people who get close enough to death.
Maybe I have to try harder.

First I fell in love,

                                     But then I fell out.

I saw someone taking your picture today.
You looked amazing.
I'm glad someone saw your beauty and captured it,
because I've tried countless times in my words
and in my art,
but nothing I do can truly show how special you are.

Waves have a very distinct sound.
When you hear that crash,
You know you're at the beach.
The same goes with thunder.
When you hear the rumble,
You know it's storming.
And I know that when I hear your voice I am not alone, because you are here and you are listening.

Think of the stars
You may think of shimmering lights in the sky while I think of her.
In the darkest times she would give us light.
On the gloomiest nights she would be watching from afar only peeking out for a second to show she was there.
And when you needed her most, she would shine the brightest and lead you safety.

Suicide and romance, two words that should not go well together. But they do because someone decided that when teens **** themselves they are just angels that want to go home. I was no angel, and my death will not be romanticized. I didn't need a boy to come kiss my scars, or for someone to save me from myself, all I needed was for someone to believe in me. I guess its too late for that now. I wish i could say i'm sorry but being miserable is no way to live. I'm not sorry for wanting to end the pain, I'm just sorry you got caught in the wake of my death...

I remember when we met,
We talked
We laughed
We fell in love.
I remember our first date,
We smiled
We kissed
We fell in love.
I remember when you asked me
how long I'll love you
I said always and meant it.
I loved you yesterday
I love you today
I'll love you tomorrow.
I even love you now
as you pull the trigger
to the gun pointed at my head.

Thank you mom,
For the late night talks
And the bedtime stories.
For the soup when I'm sick
And the cake when I'm sad.
Thank you for the times you cares
And for how much you love me.

"Daddy" the little girl yells
As her father comes home from work and scoops her into a bear hug.
"Daddy" the teenager says as she's asking her father to loan her some money.
"Daddy" the girl screams as her father throws her to the floor and begins to beat her once more.

So here I lay
Another bed
In another room
With another man
On another night.
And nothing feels
The same because
None of the men
Are you.

I believe in hell
I just call it reality

Everything starts to hurt after midnight

"She's so full of life" my teacher said.
So why do I wish I was dead.
"She's extremely bold"
My neighbor says, so why is my heart so cold.
"Her eyes are so pure" my mother says but I'm not quite sure.
I've seen evil and instead of fighting it, I became it.

When I was little I was afraid of the dark.
Who knew what was creeping around in the shadows.
But now that I'm older I am not afraid.
Because the darkness took me in
When I was alone

The voices are growing stronger
Calling me to sea.
They want me to hurt you
But I won't let that be.
The voices are loud today
Screaming in my head
Telling me to **** you
But I won't go through.
The voices are angry now
Telling me to die
They say I'm worthless
And I don't know why.
I'm going to quiet the voices now.
I am happy to be free
It's getting hard to see.
The voices kept me alive
Now there's nothing left
and I cannot survive

All I remember from that night
is our kiss in the street,
Heartbroken memories,
And the blur of alcohol.

And I won't forget the times we shared, dancing In the streets to the silent lullabies.