there once was a mystic
known worldwide
who delighted in the blood and pain
and suffering brought mirth to his eyes

heartbreak gave him searing excitement
stress gave him nothing but smiles
he'd rather watch an be rortured by an iron maiden
than watch someone smile for a moment

yes he was sickening, deplorable even
but yet he resides in everyone breathin
wait... what? There's a twisted mystic in all of us,
yes, he lives and breathes in all beings

he arises when the lust for revenge overcomes our common sense

I do have a dream
like the good Dr. King
I know that with time
New trials life brings
I dream of a day
where kids can go out and play
and won't have to worry about
waking up in the hospital later that day

I dreamt of a place that is filled with beautiful things
and maybe, just maybe I can make a living with six strings
my mind wandered onto a plane where it's not considered insane,
to love everything and everyone, regardless of color, creed, or even their last name

Maybe this dream will be fulfilled,
maybe while I'm alive,
but I know that place exsists
it's in front of God's Eyes
I dream of that place
with a halo and that long white robe,
that place many call heaven
where the streets are paved with gold,

The buildings made of priceless jewels,
all our hurts and pain brought to the final curtain call
I dream of this wondrous place
where hopefully, once again I'll see you all.

They say the more you smile
the more wrinkles appear on your face,
if that's the truth then I'll be wrinkled like a prune come June, several months after I'm very old and grey

Now you may be thinking, Nero as much as you talk about heartbreak and lonely feelings in your musings you'll be properly wrinkly when your prime is long past?
well yes dear reader, because often times I've taken up the role of the man who laughs

The man who laughs where most would cry
the man who laughs where my tears have dried
the man who took up a mask of mirth
inhaled and it like incense or myrrh

So when will the man who laughs, laugh his last?

I'm tired
Fatigued
of what this crazy thing called life
has done to my heart
cracking it open like a walnut
eating it's fill of affection, love, and feelings
tidying up, tossing the shell back into my room
then saying "Thanks for this meal? see you again at noon!"

Seriously..... everyone I've ever wanted for about a year or so has either been taken hated me or been out walking the stroll

ya know it's earth shattering and depriving to the soul to know that everybody has someone perfect for them but that someone hasn't found me or I haven't them..

what then? what does it take, for me to find someone who's never even considered a heart to break?
who won't play with my head....
won't rip me to pieces over something stupid that I said

Can I trade lives
maybe with a lothario, just to know what it's like
to not get shunted to one side
my affections not having to bury until they wither away like dust and die
So I don't have my insecurity up with me at night screaming at me until I want to cry.

Can I trade lives?
Maybe with a car,
my lifespan may be temporary
but I'll be able to carry you, know matter how far
I could contain a president, hydraulics, maybe even a czar,

Can I Trade lives?
Maybe with a cat
I'd get to sleep all day
and lay in people's lap

I'll say this for you
I'm complete Jell-I around you
it's crazy
my mind goes hazy
my snappy comebacks come off as lazy

The wires in brain
start to fall once again to the strain
of trying yo control my hungry heart
and still use my brain to avoid getting torn apart

It's a never ceasing conflict
I can barely wrap my twisted head around it
maybe I should just go with the flow
but that's how we drown... ya know?

Nomadic
enigmatic
filled with emotional static
wandering away from the cold of the day
wandering away from the heart per se

Roaming away from my feelings
being frightened by what they can mean
isn't a pleasant sensation
it's the ultimate in fear
of your own feelings
**** I know
I'm in need of some kind of healing

I like being by myself
There are times when I require no help,
But when it comes to trying to find someone to share life's wealth
I keep being shot down, like a ninja that ***** at stealth.

The only girls that have stood by my side and lived with my crazy hide
Are my headphones and guitars because they never judge or deride,

My guitars cry, scream, laugh, yell, and talk for me when I don't have any words
My headphones give me insight on this crazy *** world we live with.

So maybe I'm not perfect, maybe I'm a big music nerd
Maybe the notes played by an artist show me more love than an extra drunk dove

Maybe I had the perfect girl right beside me the whole time
Or rather in my pocket, whichever you find.

But while my spirit is filed to bursting my heart and flesh grow grey and bleak
Now I know what they mean when the spirit is willing but the flesh weak

I've never known the kiss of soft lips, a warm heart beating in sync with mine,
I'd give anything to experience this, that elusive feeling so divine.
It doesn't help that the majority of my friends know this to well, what is it? What can I never seem to find?

God Blessed me with these two little angels and a Prince with a curly headed crown
to spoil rotten every chance I get to see them, one day I'm gonna take you all shopping downtown
i can't help it, you three stole my heart
and I hate that we're so far apart

They are my nieces and my nephews
so forgive me if I sound sappy,
in terms of poetic value this one may be scrappy.

Shyla, you were born on Christmas eve
you're growing so fast it's hard to believe
that I once held you in my arms and Fed you with a bottle,
now you're in school, getting A's, and your uncle is just full to bursting with pride inside, like a well written novel

Taurean, my little man, you're almost an exact clone of my brother, A.K.A your dad.
I swear it's crazy how much alike you two act.
You're playing football now? and you're on defense.
hopefully when you get older you can help the bears with no pretense

And Cheyenne, little miss moody
I love you you little stinker, I swear just taking to you is always different, so I'm always a rookie.

anyway you three, I know I'm not physically there,
but know that uncle does love you three very much, and know that I'll always be there,

:)

I'm a kicked puppy, well wolf in my case
a lot of my wounds are still visible all over my face
yet as I wander from place to place
my heart opens up, wanting Someone to fill the space

Maybe not as lovers, maybe just as friends
but you can always tell when something special begins
If someone sees you at your worst and knows you at your best
keep that person around because you sir or madam are blessed.

So thank you, for being someone to show this wolf care,
thank you for helping me write out of me,
pain I didn't know was there

I think I put back on the mask
that covers my feelings like a cast
that no one should ever know my past
or my future which the die hasn't cast

I think of pain I try to escape
I think of all the times my heart had to break
I think of all the hurt I've had to take
I wonder why do I hide my scars

I guessed I'm like a puppy that's been kicked,
******* the outside but soft like an old man's Dxck
Or maybe even a glutton for punishment

because I keep getting stabbed again and again like practice dummy or a much too trusting friend
I wonder.. when will this rain ever end
am I going to see the rainbow? or do I not see that magical light bend

I know Life can kick us around
but **** it my pride is already in the ground
My feelings are numb, what more can you take
just give me something to hold onto?
I won't trade it away....

I'm not even sure if this deserves a title
this is simply poetry not someone's idol
but it's vital that I get my feelings down onto this page
before my head splits in half from this self imposed rage

Question, have you ever been sick of being yourself?
like you don't know what it is but you never felt good enough, never happy enough,
always said that the heart is the poor man's wealth
in that case I need a return on my investment because mines gathering dust on the shelf

I've always been plan B never number 1
it's like getting smacked in the head with an empty gun
or being the moon instead of someone's sun
everyone says "Youll find somebody to love"


but my loneliness is burning my head and it's splitting my heart
can I help it? I don't like people but I hate being alone like an old ****.....

I don't like Jordan's, I like Chuck Taylor's
I don't want a Maybach, I really want an impala throwback or a mustang modern day
I don't speak in slang I don't have badly done dreadlocks
I don't sing in autotune and I don't sag my pants

I play guitar, and I listen to Rock music
I prefer classic hip-hop over trap, which is an anomaly in and of  itself
I'll take Charles Wright's "Express Yourself" to azalea banks 212
I love electronic music, Daft Punk, Deadmau5, Kraftwerk, Glitch mob and I live under the sun not the moon

All of these things differ me from others, hopefully I don't come across stale,
but out of all the things I do and like, I'm an 18 year old black male...

Strange Isn't it?

Ladies, do you wanna know more about your man? I'm sure you know by now he isn't ashes or sand. Or the area in which water meets land. A man is just a man, and this is a list of what your man can't stand.

1.*** isn't everything, any man could agree with such, sometimes being nice is equally a rush

2.Please don't expect to win an argument of it involves my family especially my mum, I swear that **** just leads to me perusing ***

3.if I go out of my way to please you then I expect the same respect and effort or I will leave you

4.it's simple, no lurking on a social media page that belongs to ME

5.expect to get uncle philled out the door if I pick a restaurant and you get mad about it, that I abhor,

6 If we get dull in bed and you make a choice to not address it please expect me to watch a dubious movie , in fact expect it

7.Don't tell a story without a punchline or point unless I'm drunk and reckless with a high dollar joint

8.Know what the problem is before you try to fix it, or trouble will find you because you picked it

9.Don't ask a question to which you don't the answer
Because if you do so across the floor you ego will splatter

10.I don't care for your friends, I care for you, if they have something to ask me, they shouldn't ask you

11.Don't be upset when I laugh, while you fumble or folly, it's a humorous affliction, light spirited and jolly

12.If I cut someone off I expect the same from you, if you don't expect me to stay with you

13.the past is the past, nothing we can do about it now,
so please stop bringing it up, it's childish and pointless now.

14.pets are great. I love animals, one and all
but I don't wanna hear about it holding hands in the mall

15.Don't ask me if I'm alright every five minutes, if I say I'm good. I'm good. I don't need you constantly asking it.

16.Don't be an overzealous zealot and by that I mean don't be overly jealous.

17.If you go shopping that's fine, just don't take me with you, it's not that I don't want to I'd just rather have 20 nails shoved into my skull

18. Don't expect everything I create or write to be about you, I'm not saying I won't but that won't be the only thing I do

19. If you know I have a crush and I'm putting forth the effort, at least acknowledge me, you know respect it.

20. If you know the right guy for you is in your friend zone then why aren't you with him? are you trying to be like Robinson Crusoe. all alone?

Lady you're a gem
and no I'm not just flirting
or trying to be disconcerting
you are a gem.

The most frustrating for any decent guy to witness
Is to see a girl be with a complete ***** it's like it's masochism do you enjoy getting your heart broken or just never learn to try the guy that's soft spoken?

I'm not saying be naive, not everybody you date is meant for marriage the house and the baby carriage but you'd save yourself pain and the emotional baggage
if you left the *** that just wants to get in your pants alone, seriously, that's not the one you wanna take back home...

Now for those that don't know Mr. Freeze is my favorite villain in batman his icy persona always appealed to me in ways Two Face and Clay Face couldn't hope to achieve.

Is it possible for me to posess one of his most famous features in life's grand quest,
the heart of ice.
if I had it that would be nice
it wouldn't sting at all of someone stabbed me in the back
or if someone played me I'd shrug it off and laugh.
And if someone broke my heart I wouldn't fall apart I'd simply move on to the next one, over I wouldn't have to start.

But his heart of ice came at a horrible price
his body decayed in search of a cure for his wife.
well I'm single right now so that wouldn't matter to me
in fact I'd probably not get annoyed by certain members of my family.

So all I'm saying is a change would be nice,
if I had Mr. Freezes Heart Of Ice.

Ding Ding
let me in
so I can cause doubt
in every place within
As much as you claim
to be a man that doesn't know me
we're familiar with quite the history
I mean who doesn't know me

****** fear, can't you just leave me alone
I can't stand to try to live another day on my own
I can't let my heart and mind roam
anymore, I'm scared to develop feelings again but
I'm gonna put myself thru the door

NO YOU WON'T! YOU'LL SIT AROUND WATCHING DUBIOUS MOVIES ON WEBSITES WONDERING WHY YOU CAN'T GET ANYBODY TO STAY IN YOUR LIFE!

SHUT UP FEAR IM SICK OF YOU TRYING TO CONTROL MY LIFE
GO **** A FAT ONE OFF, MAYBE ACTUALLY PLEASE DEATH YOUR WIFE!

Life's a funny thing
you never do know what it'll bring
on one hand you can be happy and vibing with the crew
Or on the other hand you could be on the street meeting certain defeat with no clue in what to do

Like I said, life is a very funny thing
Not by laughs but by the macabre or the odd things it does, like someone thinking they can sing but in reality the person has all the singing ability of a bootleg rappers bling

in my case in my space I developed a crush (again) I mean have you seen her face?
and eyes that can open a dead man's eyes
and I got stung before but something is making try again

but if I try... Will I lose another friend?

To Be Free as a falcon
my soul one with the wind
no problems beside me or behind me
just open road in front of me
Not caring for tomorrow
only appreciating the moment I'm in
that to me is perfection
it's no wonder I'm a speed demon
my bike is my wife
the streets my mistress
Those around me my friendly foes
they do know me and where I go
but tis the curse of a speed demon
you have to make foes without and within

To control the soul with a broken mind
that is a gift and curse at the same time
To live a life on the run
never knowing when you'll meet the wrong end of a gun
To be raised in a lab away from the bright and shining sun
must be indescribably errant
Clearly it's apparent
that Tetsuo you're only using those pills to get high
oh wait they enhance your psychic abilities?


snap!

now that fool is broken like a twig before my eyes!

All I want in a girl
is someone who I can show off with a deep sense of pride
who accepts the pain I buried deep inside

All I want is someone that respects my space
with pretty eyes and a wonderful face
Someone who's kind and supporting, but knows when I'm wrong
Someone worth dedicating an entire song

All I want is someone who's classy but nasty
and isn't afraid to be sassy
All I want is someone who's funny and meek
I don't want cardboard cutout, give me unique
All I want is someone who I can be myself around
I don't have to put on a mask or bury my head into the ground

All I want is someone... who's just as crazy as me.
but where oh where can she be?

I'm confused stuck at a crossroads with no idea what to do
I swore to myself I need no help that I wouldn't go crawling back to you
Now I don't know what to do, because it hurts to have to miss you
But I don't wanna get stomped on for wanting something beyond what we had to begin with, it's annoying because I shouldn'tve gotten attached to begin with
But I did get attached
Now I'm confused if you feel the same
It hurts to miss you, I may feel empty but it's for the best
Between the crossroads I've found my way, the road leading right away from you

It's like that Spark is fading
the desire to keep creating
maybe I need a quick respite
a break if you will
some time off wouldn't ****
but I love transforming my thoughts into words
I'd hate to be another buffalo in life simply following the herds
my hearts begging for more but the brains running dry
tell me, is it possible for this to pass me by?

When you get home,
I hope you know
I've noticed you've been stressed out lately
I intend to correct that posthaste

I've got your favorite on the table
waiting for you to eat up
I said no to hanging with my guys
so tonight my attention is all yours

I laid roses out for you
remember? Like our first date?
I hope you think of that night
with every step you take

I put on some music
lit the candles that you love so much
those weird minty ones I think
I just want you relaxed tonight, right before we make love

I hope you liked those pics I sent
I know you like when I model for you
just know that all of this is waiting for my queen to take her throne
all for you, when you get home

Darling I see you staring it is our first night I see hints of worry in eyes
Just take my hand and lets start it slow
Let me kiss you on those lovely lips of yours I'll be gentle with you this you should know I can tell the movies boring you so let's find something fun to do
Your kiss is has sweet and gentle has you
With your words the conversation is no longer dull 
I've something fun to do and I do believe that thing to do is you
Oh really? Did I awaken your inner minx? Methinks this night shall be entertaining and I can see your wetter than a nice cool drink
Can't you tell in my eyes 
By the moves of body 
 I want you here and now
I think I should turn this movie off, I can look and tell you're nice n soft
Dear turn off the movie and dim the lights 
Let's slip under this covers and just indulge
Thoughts of you and warm embrace going through my head
Excuse me for a moment I won't be too long I wanna make the night special is that so wrong?
Take your time my dear there is nothing wrong that I will wait here for short return
Okay honey I'm back I'll light some candles for us, go ahead and lay comfortably on your back while I kiss on your neck, let's make this a night well never forget
This is a night I could never forget our first night together under the blanket with your body moving with mine
I'm on top of you now. Your eyes bouncing off of the candlelight and kissing you softly if this is wrong I don't wanna be right
Pure bliss in this moment nothing is more right then now
Honey I think we're too dressed shall we derobe each other? I wouldn't want anybody ******* me but my lover
Darling there is far to much between us let's shed this clothes
So I'll help you get your shirt off if you help with mine good Lord dear you look Devine

Girl I'm telling you the truth
Music really does sound better with you
now I know it sounds corny
but you're the only person that doesn't bore me
you've gotten me to take my music out instead of plugging myself in
you've gotten me going crazy outside and within
is it wrong to think about you so much it's a sin?
it's crazy how we get about each other
I know it sounds crazy but we're closer than even the most obsessed lovers
so once again I tell you because I know is true
Music Sounds so much better with you.

just know that If I shoot you a long text and you reply with K.
then please understand the conversation is over for the day
I'm serious about this, this isn't child's play
I'm probably going to cut you off if you just text me K.

So you text me thinking we can resolve our problem
I'm still bearing wounds but I thought we could solve them
What's wrong then? I genuinely thought you were there,
But clearly it seems like you don't care

I thought you had my back,
But obviously you didn't.
Loyalty is what you lacked.
Bottled up animosity was what was hidden

And that we're channeling into what is written
So here's what I'm spittin I'm through splittin hairs about our problem
If you need me reach out to me
Don't expect me to read your mind

I'm not some kind of saviour.
I was just trying to be your friend.
Don't expect me to tolerate rude behaviour.
My hand I won't continue to lend.

Rolling in the car
family by my side
looking out the window
watching other journeys pass me by
On the pharcyde I see
another kid liking through the window at me our eyes locked I was shocked I was looking at a younger me
maybe I'm traveling down the highway
but in the rearview are my memories

So I'm sure you wanna know how I crafted this bizarre flow so I'll sit you down and tutor you let's go
step 1 draw off of everything under the sun treat your words carefully like a loaded gun step 2 now that you know what your words can do put them into verse leave others in the back of a lyrical hearse
step 3 Is the most important to me personally I walked into an asylum to search for a straitjacket if you don't have punch lines you definitely can't dot hack code or slash it
step 4 is getting your foot into the door caught with the drum beat drops leave your audience sweating like a wet mop
well that's all the steps I'll add some more usually involving clever metaphors now then you know the score

Somedays life will
seem like it's going all uphill
some nights you'll cry
screaming as if you wish you could die
sometimes your heart must break
sometimes you have to make mistakes
life isn't all cake and roses,
but those that I'm speaking to already know this

I know it sounds like I'm living a cliche
but you can't have the rainbow without the rain
you can't have a day without the night
so please keep going, don't give up the fight
I'm not saying that to sound preachy
I'm saying it because I almost ended it recently

I looked deep into my soul and saw my family
though they arent perfect they were there for me
not just my blood relatives but my family in ink
you're never alone, no matter what you think

First I'd like to say Merry Christmas
Happy Hannukah, And Kwanzaa, and happy New year, this time I wanna do something different
Or, if you will, present a twistmas to the happy holiday of Christmas.

See, I'm from the isle of misfit toys
yes it's real, I wouldn't lie Girls and boys
So this year on this holiday
all the misfits like us should be praised instead of betrayed today

So give to those people out in the streets
beside the beleaguered believers of the salvation army
to those people outside just looking for change
give to them too. time, money, whatever you can spare on the brain

And to the quiet kid in school who has trouble at home
invite them over for dinner, don't make them feel alone

This is Christmas, the happiest time of the year
but I'd like to present a twistmas, so that all are held dear.

No this isn't a Clint Eastwood movie
I'm just saying what's true about me
and maybe some other people besides
Go ahead find one person to which this doesn't apply
All I'll say is that if you decide to pursue me
you're going to have to deal with the good. the bad and the ugly
I have a past, I've made mistakes and I've hurt and been hurt before
I'm hard to love, and I don't know what my life has in store
if you can deal with all that, then I promise you this
I'll Love you like nothing else, I'm faithful down to the last wish

Well I'll tell you cats about an impossible feat
Why every single night I have to wrestle myself to sleep
It's because the ghosts of regret won't admit defeat,
When I get under the covers they wake up and bother me
Every mistake. Every pain. Non on the sunshine all the rain
Then there's the fact I'm on medication
Which silently causes the liver devastation
Oh, you didn't know this but I suffer from epilepsy.
So I have to consume pills on the daily
So there you have it, a rundown of why I can't sleep.
Although I should note I'm blessed to have a bed on which to lie my head and feet

Once there was a heart,
it was stomped on, stabbed, stitched clumsily, it was obviously falling apart
it was that close to giving up.

Then along the path the heart net a queen,
the kind queen stitched and repaired
a heart that had been brutalized throughout the years
and loved it until that heart was pristine again

Then the queen had to go away,
but right where she met it the heart stayed
it didn't care about the distance it just wanted her back
he couldn't bear having to try again only to have its fragile cast cracked

It had found it's mate of the soul, it's reason to go on
it found a love and affection that carried it to the stars and beyond
some say it still wanders around.. asking to this day?

Queen? my queen? where are you? will you stay?

So I'm standing at the lake
watching the waves crash and roll away
listening to the sounds of nature
caress my ears
like I've always been here everyday through the years

I'm crying out tears
Tortured by my gift
every blow cuts deeper
then most who can roll with it

but tis the curse of the Poet
to be sensitive when life is tough
to take heartbreak more personally
than those who claim to be tough

hello stranger, it's odd to me
that we may have met before, at least probably
sorry, forgive me, my memory is kinda wobbly
old age I guess, but I know I'm blessed
to have made it this far
without getting killed or ending up behind bars
but I ended up using my verse and the counted bars to let my imagination carry me up and beyond the stars...

Misguided
misdirected
I'm looking
with no reception
My path is blurred
This must be absurd
I know I have a path
but I can't see it all yet
I know it's bumpy
And slippery when wet
but I don't know where it goes
I don't know what it shows
it's this feeling of uncertainty
that sends chills down my spine and worries me
Will I ever mage something of myself
Will I ever accrue some degree of wealth?
Will I ever live without diminishing health

These are all questions which I can't answer
it worries me and hurts me to think that I should have to.

I was in trouble
And oh boy did I know it
I came home drunk last night
the hangover showed it

As I crawled out of bed, headache splitting my eyes
I saw my wife with that "I love you but I'm going to **** you" vibe,
but she held it in and on her face a look of concern was her guise

I hurled for about an hour
then my stomach settled down
I looked for my wife
but she was nowhere to be found
I drank some water, and soon after hit the floor
before I slipped into unconsciousness
I saw my wife come through the door

I woke up, and took in my surroundings
I was in a dark , medium sized room
caged in, and the floor was concrete..
And in walked my wife, with a crop and a corset on that hourglass body, she looked ready for a pounding

I wondered.. what the hell was going on?
how did she know I wanted to try this...
when did I let it on?
She walked into the room, I was tied to the bed,
but before whacking me, she surveyed me instead
She walked slowly around me
My eyes drinking in her features,
She whacked me in my chest and said
Look here boy, I'm going to tease you

She slid the corset down, showing one ****** off,
I was now hard where I once was soft
She licked herself slowly
Me getting aroused all the more
I knew my wife was the experimental type
but even she didn't know what was in store

She slid those ******* down
My God she was so wet
She slid her finger inside and said
"Nope, you can't have this yet"
I shook with anticipation. Pleading with her through my eyes
She remained adamant and continued weaving an arousing web, all truth here, I can't tell any lies.

She slid my pants off my legs
And threw them to the floor
She got on top of me and yelled
today you're my personal manwhore!
with that I found myself inside,
bouncing on my cxck
I had never seen her this aggressive
it came off as quite a shock

After an hour and hundreds of welts later
it Appeared she was done with me
that's when she layed next to me and whispered

"Happy Anniversary"!

So who's names can I drop
obviously some people that mean a lot
So let's start by thanking all those people that read what I have to say
because without this great community
I may not be here today

Natasha ML my personal diary and friend
We've written together and told each other everything, all the dirt aired out
That's how you know were closer than most friends

Midnight Writer my sister,
one of those people I can tell anything to
I swear *****, if I didn't bounce stuff off of you I wouldn't know what to do

Renmar, Dash, Doc, Blue Star and cashby,
even when I was ******* about pitiful ****
You were supportive and didn't laugh at me

So thank you all for being here, reading my stuff and supporting me on this crazy Unpredictable journey we call life
I'll always do my best to provide something interesting when I read and write :)

Sometimes you need to lay back let the stress fade away
it's Christmas time anyway no need to make the skies seem grey
Instead be thankful for what you got
and say one good prayer for those that have not

So now I'm gonna just kick back and relax
put some Sade, Kendrick Lamar, Maybe even The Beatles on blast
inhale on the good and exhale all that bad
I've lived to see another day, that's enough reason to be glad

Had it crossed your mind that maybe I try to grow up, and mature but I work on that in my own way and on my own time?
Did it ever occur to you that not everyone is equipped for the world at the age I'm at? No? so please go on. tell me I'm lazy and worthless, a burden to you now. I'm certain no remark will go amiss
Did it ever occur to you in still learning about myself as a person and as the world turns more lessons are learned.
Did it ever consider that I'm already insecure. I'm a pathetic epileptic thanks for not meeting your concern. if I don't feel comfortable about something I'm not gonna paint a smile on my face and fake it. I'll be authentic and do my best when I'm in a better place.
Did any of this occur to you? That yes I have flaws but if my own mother doesn't believe in me any more than maybe I should die today or tomorrow and relieve your sorrow. Why should I keep going? if no one believes in me or even truly loves me anymore why should I? clearly I'm not good enough for anybody yo put in any sort of faith?

We may be a long way apart
but you still are an angel and dear to my heart
when others held knives to my head you nursed me back to help and calmed the demons running around in my head
Do I even need to say it? without you I probably would be dead
Aura the Angel I'm crazy about you like I've already said
You're my kind of crazy because we're both cuckoo in the head
Our bonds stronger than Krazy Glue more reliable than my favorite shoes Converse all stars you're my shining supernova I've fallen for you harder than a rock off of the white cliffs of Dover

I've been ****** over and left for dead what makes you think I can't rise up and lyrically behead at least you were honest and said that you genuinely didn't like me but ******* I tried to pursue you I put my pride to the side told you all my demons i contained inside now I have to excorsice my hell from this ****** hellion I'll burn your soul like Ether either you or that ashy **** that's been on your nuts since day one I slay son ******* and him he can have your drunk *** I've blasted on to bigger and better things than an anorexic ***** who only is honest when she's of the **** I glimpsed what could've been and you through it away it's too late now watch me make millions and you'll be the first call offering up ***** like it's on a dinner plate ******* ******* wasting people's time eating my heart like a sandwich you should've made me now you can eat these nuts oh wait you've already had enough dragged on your face maybe even had a few golden showers you little coward

I met this girl not too long ago
bit what I loved about her most was the gold in her soul
She wasn't a church girl, she did have a past
but I didn't care because her future was where my mind was at
So she went back home but we did stay in touch
we laughed and joked, but over time I developed a crush
it wasn't based in lust, not love but somewhere in between
it seemed like it was perfect, at least to me
so I got my nerve up, and told her how I felt
how I would try to give her the moon and stars and the asteroids as a belt
She said she was glad I confessed to her my feelings
but she was talking to someone else, I was hurt but figured I could keep on dealing

Then one day her and the other break up
I played crying shoulder again because I knew they couldn't make up
can't you see I wanted your heart and not what's between your legs
so I held on and rocked with her, opting to wait it out again,
I told her I still had feelings for her, and that I was going to be happy either way
she wasn't waiting on anybody I could understand that, but crying shoulder I'd no longer play,
so I stopped talking to her, and aimed to cut her off

but I miss her.. I think I'm going soft.

This year I resolve to not curse my heart or curse at my feelings because owning up to that begins my healing

I resolve to live and love as hard as I can and always cross those lines drawn in the sand

I hereby say ******* to any haters and people who never had my back because I never gave you reason to attack

I also swear to never compare myself to another unless they're my brother I can't follow anymore I'm going to lead

I also resolve to let down my pain forged armor and fight on in heart and in spirit.
I'm through paying a victim. I'm going on through with this.

Hmm... I guess I'm making more changes than I thought I'd do at all
I guess I'll call this a new years overhaul

When you called me last night
you sounded really hot
when you called me with that sultry voice
all my troubles I forgot
I heard your voice thru the telephone
my god how I wished you were right here
but at least you can hear what you do to me
how crazy you get me
how ***** I get when the thought of you comes up
how badly I want to drink from your cup
how I want to spread you wide and give it to you until I bust
how I want you in every single position
how I may be a ****** but I know my way around your body
oh my god I love it when you get bossy
how loud we get, I hope we don't wake up the neighbors
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.;)

now I don't mind taking criticism but those who disrespect me should expect to be seeing light like a prism you shouldn'tve said anything you little troll you never commented on anything I wrote inboxing me trying to scold me for reposting something I found funny you'll learn not to **** with me the blast master you little ******* can't type more than ten Words while I can drop bombs and bars for hours I'll scour the internet and *******'re no original self up on here or on wax if you wanna take it that far man **** it I'm done you're a waste of dissing bars

Let's take a trip back in time to when I was still young
naive bit smart, hyper and dumb
I was about 4 years old and on christmas that year I got a bike
when simmer rolled around it was time to learn to ride
So my cousins and I went to the park across the street
we started off slow, I learned to balance on my feet
I started rolling with support, two hands then 1
I was cocky like a spring loaded gun

So my cousin suggested that I do one run by myself
I thought "I can do this now I don't need any help!"
So my cousin pushed me and I started to ride
I lost my balance and into the air I did fly
I landed in the grass but I knocked my two front teeth loose
I was crying like an innocent man headed for the hangmans noose

Several weeks later, after I calmed down
after I got my bandaids for my scabs from that mean old ground
my cousin who at the time was pursuing a career in dentistry
decided I would become his first vict- I mean patient, yes young innocent me.

So he pulled my teeth out, by hand I might add
I did stop playing with them, of that most were glad
but here's something I'll probably tease them about until I'm in my grave
those teeth he pulled out? didn't come back in until the first grade.

It seems the only things that don't change
are music and the words written on the page
but the media changes minds and defines
what beauty is even though that trait is only skin deep
And Now to get brutal like ice cube on No Vaseline.

ahem

Okay first off **** "reality" Shows because all they do is objectify humanity and encourage men and women to become hoes because then you'll get A Tv show
**** Fox news because all they do is try to criminalize my skin tone or the way I express myself even though I may be trying to go ahead and spread wealth to the wealthless so ***** them for blindly supporting the wealthiest
**** Congress up the *** with no Vaseline or oil why did we vote those morons in if they weren't even thinking about anything but oil
**** Society and all the double standards because of one thing goes one way it should go another I know this anger is random but I had to get my feelings onto the page because I had to vent this bottled up rage