There's nothing wrong with la la land,
But,
For me,
It is a reminder that there just aren't movies like that,
For me,
That display my love,
Accurately.

I don't get,
Musicals,

Or duets,
Or colorful sets,

I don't get pretty dresses,
Twirling in an over head shot,

I get over sexualized,
And movies,
That are not,
Actually,
For me.

you with all you're ****?
i'm getting bored

I don't regret anything,
Well except lying to myself,
There's that....

time goes by and soon
the colors and wonders begin to
fade and life begins to fall,
the sparkle that she carried,
has drifted far away
the world so harmful and unsafe.

Songs are
in my head twenty-
four -seven
Guess I thought
I could build my
own heaven

Three months of me,
Stealing your razor blades,
From your pencil case,
Because blood,
Doesn't stain sheets,

Not on my watch.

the plastic girls are
Always having friends
Never needing rules

My fingers,
Recognizing the
Softness.
Of your touch.

Roses in full bloom
As shining as solid gold.
My arms outstretch to reach for you...

I open my eyes and your not there.
The magic disappears and I am alone.

i wasn't as interesting as you believed me to be.

my poems of you will be deleted.
along with our memories.

"aren't you scared?"
"i'm too naive to be scared"

I'm uninterested,
In your choice of conversation,
I am unamused,
By the abuse,
You speak.

Oh,
I'm not surprised,
You said your fine,
One too many times.

i want to be your knight in shining armor on the nights your wrists are under attack

It's hard to believe that you exist.
Outside of my own guilt.

Medication gave me many things
A brain I could keep up with
A heart that wasn’t always racing
Rest
The ability to get out of bed

It didn’t fix all of me
It took many messy years to get to where I am
But it definitely helps

The only thing it took away
Was writing
A still brain
A calm brain
Is a quiet one indeed
And I like this
I like that I can sleep
But so many nights I stayed up
Writing works that flowed and captured
My pain so perfectly
But is there none left to feel

And without it
Am I me?

Hey,
I'm ****!
What?
Oh sorry,
Let me explain.
I ****** my life,
So much.

Yes, I'm a ****,
I don't like to keep track,
Of the people I've ******
Woah Woah Woah,
Not like that,
I've just,
Messed some people up,
A lot.

Don't ask me why,
Maybe I was bored,
Or maybe I'm just an 'I love you'
*****.
What?
Is this getting confusing?
Cuz its not always me,
Who does the abusing,
I'll tell you I can count the people I've dated on my toes,
However most of them were hoes,
But its not the ones I've been with,
Its the ones I know I never will be.
So when you already emotionally distanced yourself from me...

Of course we made out on the floor!

Relationships are messy.
Especially,
If you don't have one.

Smells like sleep,
Like sweat,
Like peaches,
Like fall,
Like clean hair,
And not so new,
Shoes.

Like skin
Like soft
*like you

don't say you love me,
when you don't even know me,

on tuesday,
I will be attacked by fake I missed you's
and uncomfortable, unnecessary hugs,
because,
I can't miss strangers,
the same strangers that filled my living room this time last year,
the same strangers,
that give me things I dislike,
and have nothing to talk about with,
because they know nothing about me,
our conversation,
hangs in the constellations,
on the night you stopped by,
because no one looks hard enough to understand,
what they are,
you never,
care enough,
to understand who I am,

you repress your emotion,
like you clench nimble fingers,
into,
white hot,
pain,
I see it,
it drips,
from our name,

you claim you love me,
but I am not a fool,
I don't understand the love you claim,
for you use it like a tool,
thinking,
that seeing me,
once a year,
because of your,
own,
guilt,
of not knowing,
or caring,
about your little sister,
counts,
as a relationship.

I'm disposable
Its simple to you
I don't mean as much to you
As you do to me
And that's the age old problem.

I over analyze things
Thinking I'm crazy
And everybody tells me I am.

But somehow
with you
I'm always right.

And it isn't right,
The way you push me out
And it isn't okay.

Kissing you,
Was a mistake.

And I'm over it
Complaining about things I can't change
Yes
My social anxiety is annoying
You don't have to tell me.

You have to pretend to be bad,
To make up for your lack of personality.

And you still try to talk to me,
(Eventually)

Normally.

You.
Fell.
For.
Me.
Like.
The.
Rain.
Falls.
For.
The.
ground.
Onl­y.
To.
Disappear.
Into.
The.
Night.
Sky.

Oh.
You.
Fell.
All.
The­.
Time.

you get twisted up in your lies,
webs weaving back and forth,
they spin around you,
restricting you,
causing you not to function,
i watch them cover you,
till the thing people see isn't even,
remotely you.
till the thing you become,
is something you, yourself
have grown to hate,
but you can't stop yourself,
you don't want to help yourself,

Oozing goozing syrup drips from you lips
It disgusts me
With each drip a lie unfolds
Your sugared teeth as yellow as corn.
Dripping, slipping, slurping.
Your smile disgusts me.
As the ooze starts to fall from you cheeks.
And I glance at that sick smile
I can feel my head spinning
My teeth aching from your sick twisted smile.

The sweetness is not like chocolate. No.
It's the sweetness of swallowing honey with a dry mouth.
It stays with you.
Nothing to wash it down

Your smile gives me cavities,
that hurt almost as much as you do.

It scared you


I know it did

....half on, the other half off
I swallowed your lies
We laid next to each other  
Arms around me
Holding me tighter than you ever had before
Back when we were secure
Back when we were together
Now that your hands are forbidden I want them so much more
And I know it’s bad for us
We can not make love where there is no love
And yet
You make me forget
All the repercussions
If only for a few minutes
So this is ***
And now I’m ripping off your shirt
And you’re crying into my shoulder
And I know that it won’t heal us
And I know that we both want it to
But it won’t
And we do it any way
We are not making love
We are having ***
I didn’t know there was a difference
But you cannot make love
Where there is no love.