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Nov 13 · 25
Untitled
Mims Nov 13
People tell me
Don’t indulge in the memories
But how can I not?
When photos are all I have left
Even though you still swim around in my head
I can’t help but wonder

Do you still think of me?
The way I think of you?

Have you ever stayed up at night
Wondering
If I was missing you?

Do you do
What I do?
Oct 15 · 225
Untitled
Mims Oct 15
I want you to prove me right
secretly
I want you to confirm all the horrible things I think about
I want you to leave me
deem me unlovable
Mims Apr 23
And you didn’t hold the kittens
They held you
In the upstairs of your barn
Behind one of the hay bails

Where summer was endless
lake days
holding hands
Climbing trees
And exploring

All of it made us feel like we never needed anything else
But we didn’t know anything else
Where even in the winter
The wood stove was there to help us keep our sunshine
Warm
And
Excited
Who could run the fastest
Who had the most secrets
We were
Terrified
Of the neighbors dog
And how he tore at our heels
If we weren’t fast enough
We were terrified of our older brothers
And how much our bodies didn’t belong to us

Both our fathers were too loud
And our mothers too meek
We
Were each other’s only escape....


There were red ones
That grew just out of the deer’s reach
Behind the best climbing tree
Littered with pots and pans as high as the eye could see
But the special ones
The yellow ones
Required some adventuring
We braved the feared boundaries by your neighbors where that Rottweiler could reach us
Just for something a little sweeter than what we had
But it was never as scary as going home
We would rather risk the snarling demon
Than go home and hear the screaming
Than go home and go to sleep
Only to wake up
And try to convince ourselves What happened in the night

Was a dream.
Mims Apr 8
....half on, the other half off
I swallowed your lies
We laid next to each other  
Arms around me
Holding me tighter than you ever had before
Back when we were secure
Back when we were together
Now that your hands are forbidden I want them so much more
And I know it’s bad for us
We can not make love where there is no love
And yet
You make me forget
All the repercussions
If only for a few minutes
So this is ***
And now I’m ripping off your shirt
And you’re crying into my shoulder
And I know that it won’t heal us
And I know that we both want it to
But it won’t
And we do it any way
We are not making love
We are having ***
I didn’t know there was a difference
But you cannot make love
Where there is no love.
Out of the archives
Apr 3 · 176
Writers block
Mims Apr 3
Medication gave me many things
A brain I could keep up with
A heart that wasn’t always racing
Rest
The ability to get out of bed

It didn’t fix all of me
It took many messy years to get to where I am
But it definitely helps

The only thing it took away
Was writing
A still brain
A calm brain
Is a quiet one indeed
And I like this
I like that I can sleep
But so many nights I stayed up
Writing works that flowed and captured
My pain so perfectly
But is there none left to feel

And without it
Am I me?
Apr 2 · 93
Untitled
Mims Apr 2
You feel a lifetime away
And now so does he
I wonder if this one is next
I’m trying to keep him close
But I’ve done close before
And I know how it ends
Mar 31 · 59
Untitled
Mims Mar 31
I am not confident
I am just naive
Shame is a feeling that is taught
Mar 2 · 89
In Like
Mims Mar 2
I laid on the kitchen floor
My heart begging to burst
i just want your honey skin
And your curls
Your laugh is music
Your smile the opening number
I kiss your cheek
Then bite your shoulder
i just want to devour you

you are so sweet
Feb 28 · 170
Ended Relationship
Mims Feb 28
Every day
I have to remind myself of the bitter parts
To keep from drowning
In everything that I miss
Mims Feb 27
Maybe one day I will throw away all the photos
Maybe one day I will wash all the clothes you gave back to me so they don’t smell like you any more
Maybe one day I’ll stop treating you like you’re dead
And I’m
Grieving
Our relationship is the only thing that’s deceased
Realistically
But god it really did feel like
You killed me
“Take his old t-shirt off and burn it”
Feb 24 · 1.1k
Control
Mims Feb 24
I
hate
everything you are

but you are still
everything
.
.
.
Maybe one day I’ll write a book about all who have wronged me.
Feb 24 · 65
Identity
Mims Feb 24
.
.
Who are you?
I look in the mirror
But my vision is blurred
I don’t cry anymore
Over him
But sometimes I still lose my mind
Sometimes I still feel sick
Sometimes I smoke because it makes the feeling go away
Sometimes I drink
Sometimes I just lay in bed all day
Mourning
Who are you?
I’m searching for peace
And it feels like something that doesn’t want to be found
I could lay in the snow
And the sunshine
And let myself melt
Just like the ice
And become one with the earth
The ice reminds me of your eyes
And now the earth reminds me of his
Somedays I wish I was more than just a broken heart
And a tortured soul
I wish my pain had substance
.
.
.
Mims Feb 22
Maybe
At the beginning of the end
Of a slew
Of bad dreams
And night terrors
I will discover
The darkest caverns
Where you learned you could hold her hands to silence her
Where did you learn you could hold her hands to silence her
WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO HOLD HER HANDS TO SILENCE HER
In the middle of a conversation, she was animated, she was young, and she would talk as much with her hands as her mouth
WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO HOLD HER HANDS TO SILENCE HER
WHERE
DID YOU LEARN
WHERE
DID YOU SEE
DID YOU WATCH IT OVER AND OVER
ON A SCREEN OF *******
AND THEN TRY IT OUT FOR YOURSELF

IF YOU HOLD HER HANDS SHE WILL GO QUIET  
AND
WHITE LIKE A SHEET
Was it behind closed doors
Was it upstairs in the crevice of a horror story


IF YOU HOLD HER HANDS YOU WILL SILENCE HER
BUT
WHERE DID YOU LEARN
That
WHERE DID YOU SEE
That
how could you know?
You showed us all
Like you had practiced
In the middle of a conversation
You would grab her wrists
And she would look back
Mouth sewed shut with a rusty needle
Covered in blood
  
That’s why I believed her
I mean god, how could anyone not believe her
When she said
You’d stolen her voice
I saw it
I watched it
Different context
But the action
Haunts me
The truth is
When my sister and her boyfriend broke up,
I was waiting for her to tell me.
Aggressive, young
Feb 20 · 112
Too Soon
Mims Feb 20
Your hands
Feel nothing like his hands
And it scares me
Your eyes
Look nothing like his eyes
But somehow that excites me
Everything about you is
Unfamiliar and new
You are dark where he was light
Your skin is caramel
And your hair comprised of tiny tight curls
That I just want to tug on softly all day
Unravel you
You have no strong opinions
About anything
Relaxed, laid back,
You make me laugh so hard it makes me a bad driver
And you hold the dashboard dramatically
You didn’t say anything as I drove miles under the speed limit on our way back to your house
Only us on the road anyways
And I wanted it to just be us for
A little longer
A former lover no longer lingers in our conversations
They are only ours
And you are different
And yet we are so good together
And yet

And yet

Any moment
A glance
Or a cologne
Or a break in our shared laughter
And the ghosts
Of our past loves
Settle between our knees
Not touching but so close
Keeping me away from you
And you away from me.
Right person maybe, wrong time.
Feb 6 · 156
“I miss you”
Mims Feb 6
The conversation
was a long walk off a short pier
But I was just happy to be falling for you again
.
.
.
Dangerous words
Feb 5 · 593
Fuck me
Mims Feb 5
All that stupid poetry
Makes sense to me
Tell me everything
Lose your shirt
Like your dignity
Get an answer out of me
**** me with poetry
Inside
Like that pain
Behind your eyes
Tell me why
I don't
Or did
Or do
Mean anything to you
***** me
Over
**** me
Over

Push me
Closer
Tell me why you couldn't love me

But you could **** me

Over,

And over
Again.

Criticize
Fantasize
Tell me
Why

**** around
Don't make a sound
Choke an answer out of me
Lose your mind like your
Virginity

I can tell
You didn't give it to me

**** me with your stupid
Melancholy poetry

Tell me why you didn't love me

Tell me
Why
You do now
You can't have me.
Feb 5 · 95
Untitled
Mims Feb 5
"Stop"
face inches from mine
"Do not do something you will regret"
you back away
"That's what I thought."
*****
Jan 31 · 107
End
Mims Jan 31
End
Suffocating under the duvet

I hope the comfort kills me


.
.
.
Jan 31 · 256
I had a dream
Mims Jan 31
I had a dream

We had a story

But when I woke up

Nothing was written


And that bothers me.
Jan 30 · 244
Peace
Mims Jan 30
I woke up
With a clear head
For the first time in two months
Misplaced longing not hiding underneath my pillowcase
For once
I knew what I wanted
And it wasn’t you
For once
I knew I couldn’t keep doing this,
Seeing you
Promising pure intentions
And ending with you curled up naked beside me

You can not make love where there is no love

And I no longer desire you.

For the repercussions have finally pushed me over the edge

I know what I want
One good night of sleep later

And it isn’t you.
For I have slept and slept, but I have not felt rest,
For so long.
Jan 6 · 219
Dysmorphia
Mims Jan 6
I don’t know if I’m really losing weight
Or if my self image has just become
Even more distorted
Collarbones
Ribs
More pronounced
Stick out  
Thighs
Arms
Shrink
But is it all in my head?
Do I just perceive myself as smaller?
trying so hard
Not to take up space
I could live under my bedroom floorboards
And still have room
For you?
My eating has felt normal but how could I remember
I don’t sleep
Did I even eat more than 1 meal today?
Yes.
Or was that yesterday?
Jan 3 · 1.0k
i was so happy-
Mims Jan 3
I  was so happy to have him after i lost you
i  WAS  so happy to have him after i lost you
i was  SO  happy to have him after i lost you
i was so  HAPPY  to have him after i lost you
i was so happy  TO  have him after i lost you
i was so happy to  HAVE  him after i lost you
i was so happy to have  HIM  after i lost you
i was so happy to have him  AFTER  i lost you
i was so happy to have him after  I  lost you
i was so happy to have him after i  LOST  you
i was so happy to have him after i lost YOU

no matter what part you choose to emphasize, the phrase stays the same. over and over again, i repeat it. i lost you, now i have him, over and over and over again.

I  was so happy to have him after i lost you
i  WAS  so happy to have him after i lost you
i was  SO  happy to have him after i lost you  
i was so  HAPPY  to have him after i lost you


i was so happy to have him after  I lost you
i was so happy to have him after i LOST you
i was so happy to have him after i lost YOU
-i lost you
Dec 2019 · 150
No one lives anymore
Mims Dec 2019
Boredom blankets thoughts
like snow muffled fields
Not growing anything this time of year.
The cold shakes us
To remind us it’s here
Sharp ice sneaks down
The once warm river
Dangerous
You can't blame nature
For fighting back
For hating us
And everything
Is quiet
And everyone is sleeping
With their eyes wide open
So this is winter
So this is life
Frostbite
As sharp as a knife
Skin cracks
And lips bleed
Warmth

A humane need.
Dec 2019 · 96
Betrayal
Mims Dec 2019
You will cry for hours
Until you cough up blood
And when you know it’s the end
You will do it again
Nov 2019 · 185
Untitled
Mims Nov 2019
Last year I was addicted to caffeine
I used to call anxiety spicy energy
Espresso shots and soft drinks tore their way through my veins
The year before that
I was addicted to you
I used to call the sadness inspiration
I used to call you
And you would always ignore me
I used to be addicted to writing
But people go through phases
We mimic nature
The moon is dark and darker and then it’s light again
Your heart is warm and warmer and then it’s cold
And friends
Will change and leave you behind
And you will cry in your car all night
After eating one too many edibles

This poem’s a mess
And so is my head

This year I don’t have any addictions
This year I am free
And I found that there isn’t that much in my personality
I tied myself to people and things
And being alone is scary
But I guess it’s better then being a slave
I guess it’s better to be ordinary.
Sep 2019 · 83
Untitled
Mims Sep 2019
I got so used to falling in love with people that lived behind screens

So you can imagine my surprise

Falling hopelessly in love

With someone who was right in front of me
Long distance, long distance, no distance at all
Sep 2019 · 90
Untitled
Mims Sep 2019
I smoke **** because it makes the headaches go away
My brain pounds against my skull
And the lights flicker and
The sharp pain follows me home
The drugs made everything dull
I mean, can you blame me?
A life full of sharp
Stabbing
Pain
Washed away with an inhalation of smoke
The tramadol didn’t work
The codeine didn’t work
But the smoke

Worked.
Aug 2019 · 247
Untitled
Mims Aug 2019
I say I hate them
The boys
All of them
Really I hate me
For letting them treat me
The way that they do
Jul 2019 · 118
Used To
Mims Jul 2019
You used to use it against me
You used to say
“You’ve changed”
“You aren’t the same person I fell in love with”
The pain
The blame
Of changing with your growing age
You used to smirk
After you flirted
After you insulted
After you won
I used to imagine what it would be like to kiss your thin pink lips
I thought I could predict the way you would kiss
The way the knives prickled off your tongue
Sharp
I am surprised they are not
Red with blood
You used to do a lot of things
You used to play god
But you kept forgetting your own rules
I
Was scared of your inconsistency
I
was scared of how much it took to get you to love me
I
Was always scared of something
And that something changes constantly

I
Used to
Be scared of you

I used to send you messages littered with
“I’m sorry”
And
“I love you”

We

Used to do a lot of things

But we don’t anymore

All the memories
All the ticks
Melted
With our friendship
Jul 2019 · 91
Support Out Of Sorts
Mims Jul 2019
Hold my ******* hand

It’s dark here
And the fire sizzles
And the heat hurts
So hold my ******* hand
As my head pounds
And the sobs escape
And the night takes another life
Hold my ******* hand
As I feel her grow farther apart from me
Constantly
I held your ******* hand
Through your parents fighting
And the nights spent crying
And your loved one almost dying
Even though I was tired
Even though I was hurting
That’s what we do
We hold each other’s ******* hands



And then you bit my ******* fingers.
Ungrateful; profane
Jul 2019 · 232
*
Mims Jul 2019
*
Do you remember it?
Do you remember me?
Do you miss it?
Do you miss me?


-Poetry
Jun 2019 · 132
Closed
Mims Jun 2019
Break open my subconscious

You won't like what you find
Back off
Jun 2019 · 404
We Weren't Meant To Be....
Mims Jun 2019
I didn't ask

I didn't want to know

I didn't need this feeling

Of almost
Of Incomplete

But its the nightmares of intimacy

That hurt me

The most.
....but I still dream of you occasionally

I don't need your love
Jun 2019 · 118
Sorry
Mims Jun 2019
How do I tell you
That the thought of your hands on me
Once where comfort slept
Suddenly sickens me
How do I tell you
The apologies weren't enough
That I don't forgive you
That I'm still angry

That I just don't love you anymore

For a thousand
Tiny
Unfair reasons

You hurt me
So I became disconnected
And I don't know how to connect
Me to you

Again.

Maybe I don't want to.
I'm not a sociopath I'm just hurt
May 2019 · 132
I didnt
Mims May 2019
I understand you
Is what I told myself over and over
But never truly could see
I love you
Is what I told myself over and over
But never truly could feel
Never knew what it felt like
I just assumed the mind games and the conjoined pain
Was something like it

If it hurts its passion
We've all played that game
But we know the ending
Yes, the ending
Stays the same
No matter how many times
I replay it in my brain
I realized it wasn't ok
May 2019 · 101
Dont smile @ me
Mims May 2019
The past few days
Have been pain

Pain in my heart
In my head
In my chest
Shallow breath
This week has been nothing but tiring
I feel like I'm sleep walking
Stumbling into class
Not participating in friendly conversation
My friends come up to me
Ask me
Smile at me
I'm just in my own little world
I don't want company

I want sleep
Apr 2019 · 403
open
Mims Apr 2019
if you read me,
you can watch
the crazy
flick




back                                                                                                                    


and
                                    

                                                                                                                   forth
Apr 2019 · 238
Easter
Mims Apr 2019
Loud
Yelling
Knuckles cracking
Sick on car rides
Holding hands
Running through snow
Runny nose
Tired
Tires
Screeching on the pavement
Two people in love didn't make this
This
Me
My
Fault
My
Family
Hurt
Hit
Scared
Soft
Big hat box
Full of soft
Gloves
And just too small socks
With ribbons around the ankles
Itchy hats
With lace
And flowers
One was always yours
And one was always mine
But my favorite
Were the handkerchiefs
Small flowers embrioded on the corners
Purple or blue
Or yellow or pink
One in my pocket
One in your purse

It was better than Christmas
It was like heaven
It was like some dream
Some beautiful dream I didn't want to wake up from

A calm in the middle of the storm
That was my household
It was
Sunday
And
The Lords day

And everyone was quiet

And everyone



Was beautfiul
.
.
.
Memories that stick with me. Are not all bad. My life before, big family, little money, mean daddy. but Easter, Easter was good.
Mar 2019 · 286
Fear
Mims Mar 2019
Nothing scares me more than failure

Except maybe success

Getting everything I ever worked for

And it still not being enough
Everyone just wants to be happy

Chemicals in my brain telling me it's something I will never be
Mar 2019 · 119
Untitled
Mims Mar 2019
Someone take my life from me and hold it in their hand
Just  
Hold it
Hold me

Please
Flickering
Mar 2019 · 370
It's 1:02am
Mims Mar 2019
And I am holding hands with my depression while it screams into a microphone
It's used to being center stage
The center of attention
Poking, proding
I'll kiss my love on the lips and it'll tug at my shirt whispering
"I'm still here"

It'll grab at me on car rides
Pinch my walking down the street
Make my nose bleed in bookstores
Break my fingers in urban outfitters
"I'm still here"
"I'm still here!"
"I'M STILL HERE!!"
Slowly getting louder as I try to push it down

Sometimes I muffle it
Quiet it
But I can never completely silence it
My hand slips
And a battle cry is released into the night
the duct tape wasn't tight enough
Or maybe my grip

I guess I stopped kicking it eventually
Stopped fighting it
Stop tying it
It was
The thing I kept in my basement but instead of me trying to make it stay and it trying to escape
it fought me to be cemented in my mind
taking all my resources starving me emotionally

Maybe sometimes physically

I accepted that it was a part of me

I let sing to me
Occasionally
After all
We're both in the basement
And we're

bored

It would sing things
Hopeless,
Frantic,
Scary things

They don't like you
There isn't a point in breathing it's mundane, it's uninteresting

You have hurt so many people and been hurt by so many people you're beginning to forget where the line is
And which side you're on


If she knew you now
She'd be disappointed
But she's dead
She died before you tried to let her learn who you grew into


They'll all die

You'll die

We are all just putting off the inevitable
Isolate yourself


You know you're happier alone
You know he doesnt really love you
So stop answering the phone



One night
My depression took out a knife
And slit her thighs
I was asleep but she bled on me all night
And in my dreams

I knew the warmth was from tragedy

Though I never bled with her
I let her keep me red

Keep me angry

"You'll never have a dad!" she yells.

"You'll never go away"
I frown at the shriveled little body of memories and chemical imbalances and tubes and guts and hearts and other dismembered parts
And I think

I've known you for so long
But i've never really looked at you

I am surprised
How different
How separate
We are

You grab me
Poke me
Yell at me
Hold me
Hurt me

But you

Are not

Attached to






                                 Me.
This poem could've gone so many different ways, but this is how it ended up.
Mar 2019 · 635
Low
Mims Mar 2019
Low
Cold
I love him
You don't
I want him
You don't

Love, surfing
High tides
But when it is low
Where does the love go?
I'm so selfish
Mar 2019 · 300
Seperation Anxiety
Mims Mar 2019
Please,


please don't leave.



...
Grief
Mar 2019 · 265
Miss...
Mims Mar 2019
My heart will never skip a beat for your name again.
...Fire
Mar 2019 · 1.9k
Empty
Mims Mar 2019
Eyes are the window to the soul,

But what if,

You don't have one of those?
Cold
Feb 2019 · 246
Valentine's Day Part 2
Mims Feb 2019
Suger kisses
Silly crushes
Candy hearts ask
"Will you be mine?"
Wandering eyes
A glance at her thighs
Thorns on the roses in the bouquet you bought yesterday
Two things that can pierce
And in between
Two things that bleed
Heart shaped cardboard boxes
Filled with chocolate
And caramel
Walking through target
Commercialised, consumerisim
And everyone likes talking about how
This holiday is what it is for more sales
Than romance
And its true
Sugar hearts do not equal ancient love
But we love to spend
Money and time
On someone we love
Or someone we are saying sorry to
Maybe its the same one
Humans are so cute
Making cards
Red and pink
And surprising with favorited
Chocolate things
But today is take out
The girl your 'one true' doesn't know about
Or maybe they do
But choose not to mention it
Because maybe they
Really

Love,

You.

Lacy black things
Long receipts
Long nights
Not at the office
Where you claim to be
Let me ask you
Were the flowers for her

As large, and as beautiful,

As the flowers for me?
Things I hear about in wine tainted conversations between the wives
Feb 2019 · 533
Glow
Mims Feb 2019
I'm not saying you made all the bad stuff go away!
I'm just saying!
You made me not care if it was there...

There was so much wrong in my head

I'd stare at the ceiling, lying in bed

Trying to figure out why my brain leaks out of my ears if I hear a certain song or
why when the sun hits me just right I get triggered for too long or
why in all my relationships I couldn't move on or
how the ******* priest thinks he can preach to me saying daddy never left and that's why you love buying Christmas trees

Family

A word that fits weird in my mouth
a word with a different meaning behind it than everyone else

they say blood is thicker than water but they both run in the river after you jump...

hold the edge of the bridge

hold my hand

feel my ribs

look deep

jumping was never in my plans but death felt like the option at the end of the tunnel for me

just exist

don't get ******

let the love wash over you
let the fear and drama drive you

let it make you want it so much more

I knock on your door twice

I used to dream that it was his but then I realized he, wasn't it.

God, fought so hard, never did anything but kick up sand now I'm trying to fit the love of my life Into my 20 year plan

it changed so fast sometimes I feel my love lag he's moving onto the next episode and I'm not passed the intro..

buffering

That's all this is, is buffering.
And if you wait long enough.

You'll unfreeze

trust me I know,


and I never trusted anyone but me.
The light at the end of the tunnel is not in fact a glowing exit sign
Jan 2019 · 454
*
Mims Jan 2019
*
I'm trying to be happy with the little corner of the universe I can control

I can not manipulate the night sky to call me back after 9

I can not ask to borrow the Moon's favorite dress

I can finish that book

I can wear those jeans

You

Have not taken

Everything

From me
Healing
Mims Jan 2019
Put the laundry in the washer
Turn it on
Twist the silver dial
delicate

Get the rest off of you floor
In a laundry basket
Years worth
a large collection of cloth things

Drag the plastic baskets down the basement stairs

You're halfway there

Carry the ***** dishes
Armfuls and sticky fingers
But at least you were eating
Even if some days its just mugs with dried tea bags you are accepting something into the shell you become

I sit on the floor
And start putting markers back into my craft drawer
Thinking about how she liked to draw
And how she was so good at it
But she will not live long
With her condition

I shake my head
Pick up candy wrappers and place them in the trash
I think about how my 92 year old grandmother is dying more everyday
And I haven't seen her in 3 years
Family difficulty

I carry the trash bags down stairs
And wash my hands three times

Fold the laundry

I do this every few months
After midnight motivation
Comes
And I'll take anything I can get
I lay in bed
Took a sleeping pill so I wouldn't have to deal with my head

The melatonin makes the nightmares go away

And that's because I can't stay up late enough to become scared of my brain

I can't control anything

But sometimes I can

Clean

....
Jan 2019 · 205
changes
Mims Jan 2019
I was her,
the girl in those poems you wrote
the girl you lied to
the girl you wanted, but never enough
the girl you argued with when you were lonely, or bored
the girl you made up with just so you could do it again

I trailed you
obsessed over you
some of those poems were true
but I know they aren't about
me
anymore
you said one day I would laugh at them. I didn't believe you until now
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