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5.3k · Dec 2017
Impact
Mims Dec 2017
I knew you

and you knew me

Our messages told stories

of us taking over the galaxy
Diary #1
4.8k · Jan 2018
It's All The Same To Me
Mims Jan 2018
"You're really good at poetry!"

*"ha, I'm good at romanticizing toxic situations"
Don't know if that's good or bad
But thank you anyways
4.5k · Oct 2016
paper cut, paper cut.
Mims Oct 2016
Paper cut, paper cut,
Words cut me,
Paper cut, paper cut,
You don't scare me,
Paper cut, paper cut,
You make me bleed,
Paper cut, paper cut,
Kills you,
As you roll your ****
3.4k · Jan 2018
Poetry
Mims Jan 2018
I don't even care what it says
just as long as it's out of my head
2.8k · Jan 2017
Ciggerette smoke
Mims Jan 2017
Let,
The smoke go to your brain,
Even though,
We're told,
It only fills our lungs,
Cuz you just wanted fun,
For a night,

And now,
Your obsession growls,

While you try,
Not to let,
It,
Engulf you.
2.8k · Mar 2017
Why i don't like la la land
Mims Mar 2017
There's nothing wrong with la la land,
But,
For me,
It is a reminder that there just aren't movies like that,
For me,
That display my love,
Accurately.

I don't get,
Musicals,

Or duets,
Or colorful sets,

I don't get pretty dresses,
Twirling in an over head shot,

I get over sexualized,
And movies,
That are not,
Actually,
For me.
2.1k · Feb 2017
Food is toxic love.
Mims Feb 2017
I don't like being alone.
Rays of kitchen light,
Beaming down on lime flavored tortilla chips,
With mild salsa,
That's still,
Too hot!

Or cheap tea,
Flavored with lemon and crystalizing honey,

I do not like being alone,
Stacking,
Molasses cookies,
On my shaky finger tips,

I do not like being alone!
Shaky, shaky,
Three,
Round plates,
Stacked on top of one another,
And I'm not saying I have a standard,
eating disorder,
But when I am depressed,
And,
Alone,
I just,
Don't,
Get,
FULL.

No I don't think I'm fat,
I love my body,
And I'm not over weight,

But my stomach,
Is the new home,
To the black hole in my mind,
It's fine,
I say,

You don't know how many plates today,

And it's not every day,

But I find myself stealing snacks,
The way people steal kisses,

Enjoying meals hot or cold,
Instead of going in the snow,

For if i lept into turning waters,
Like people leap for love,

Or if my mind,
Got that black back,
Transferred from my stomach,
You,
Wouldn't be the only thing crushing.
The best is the last bit.
1.9k · Aug 2018
A message from you
Mims Aug 2018
You ever look at a message and don't open it
Because you know if you do
You'll have to respond
And you just dont know how to



Right now
He kills me
1.9k · Sep 2017
It's a mess
Mims Sep 2017
Caring is stress,
*Love is a mess.
Is this stressful
Is this beautiful
Is this us?
1.7k · Dec 2017
We Grew Into Poets
Mims Dec 2017
We all grew into our ears and our teeth
Our opinions and our feet
Our clothes and chubby cheeks
We grew out of our music tastes
And other peoples mouths
Learned what it was like to love and be loved
Learned what hate looks like
What scars on hearts instead of arms looked like
We grew out our colored hair
And washed career dreams like astronaut and superhero
Down the drain
With someone else's sweat
Got used to sleeping in someone else's bed
Burned our memories of them
We grew into our faces
And out of our blind faith
We lead more then we follow
We fall in love with the concept of tomorrow
We learn the ability to bully instead of being bullied
And finally learn to rise above it all
We learned where we come from cannot change
But we can
We learned the city isn't always beautiful
That there are problems and trauma in silence
That sometimes the most peaceful thing you can do is scream until it makes sense to you
"Write, write until you've used every metaphor in your library"
1.7k · May 2017
Generation: mistaken
Mims May 2017
I don't like cold technology,
I'd prefer bulky computers,

I don't like kindles,
I prefer books,

I prefer blue eye shadow,
To contouring.

I,
Was born in the wrong time.
I wish life was like the 80s,
When children still played outside.
I like old 'scary' movies that aren't scary at all,
But today's 'horror'
Is,
Not even laughable.

I wish I could've watched Star Trek the original series on tv,
When I came home from school,

Or at least seen the original Star Wars, in the theaters.

This generation just doesn't do it for me at all.
Mims Oct 2018
The Bird is never still
Flying from one topic to the other
Her chatter loud and uncensored
Her friends twittering at her to be quieter
The Bird has many friends
But Birds always sleep alone
And cold
With their hollow bones

The Fox is the Bird's friend
The Fox is tricky
Weaving in and out of conversations
Gorgeous
And sleek
The Fox makes rabbits fall in love with her so she'll have plenty to eat
The Bird and the Fox are unconventional friends
Friends no one would think would click
But the Bird will chatter and chatter and the Fox will quietly sit
Listening to everything
Retaining information

The Chameleon is the Fox's and the Bird's mutual friend
When with the Fox they match their red
When with the Bird they match their blue
And so on
So no one really knows the Chameleon's true colors
Whoever you are
They'll match you
Blending in
A social camaflouge
That they think keeps them safe

And when together they are quite
A sight
Wandering loudly
Through the night
They are a strange group
And when together they're tight
Exchanging advice
Or judging each other

But never outright


You'll never catch the bird
But be careful if you do
If not gentle with your touch
Her bones will ***** right in front of you

The Fox puts on a face
Bearing teeth and changing mates
But under all that glossy fur
She's scared that you won't want her

If you catch the Chameleon off guard
You might be surprised
What you see is never what you get
But if you look real hard
The chameleon will freeze and fall down to their knees
please, please, just like me

......
A tale of a friend group
1.5k · Sep 2017
Love poems to no one
Mims Sep 2017
Writing love poems to no one,
Is like making cookies for yourself,
Its still enjoyable
Even if you do it alone.
Anyone want some cookies?
1.5k · Aug 2016
summer road trip
Mims Aug 2016
Bring me along!
To your road trip of fun!
I'll hop In the backseat,
Unbothered by the summer heat,
And we'll drive till your fingers blister on the steering wheel.

I can ride along!
S'long I can pick the music,
Ain't really nothing to it,
But we might hit some old superchic,

Oh! Bring me along!
My skin itches to touch the hot air,
Blooming through the window,
At 60mph.

Oh won't you let me tag along?
Mims Feb 2018
When we're in the car
After we had an argument
And I know he's stressed
When he doesn't understand why our sister is on medication
Or why somedays I don't get out of bed
Or why we're back in court
Or why our parents are divorced
Or why my mother cries
Or why sometimes I have to parent him
Take care of him


Sometimes
On quiet nights
I hold my brothers hand
Because when I was young
I would've done anything
For anyone to tell me anything was okay
That I wasn't going crazy
That sometimes people just hurt
Sometimes I hold my brothers hand
Because when I was young
I would've done anything

For someone to hold mine
Because I know how it feels

He will not go through what I went through
He will not be raised like me
1.4k · Oct 2016
Prima ballerina
Mims Oct 2016
Will I be,
A prima ballerina,
Will I get that far,
By 19?
Will the world be my stage,
Will I dance every day,
Will I be strong.
Will my feet be blistered,
From the point shoes?
While the lights from the stage,
Warm my dead soul.

Will I be,

A prima ballerina.
It's funny how at 14 I am forced to create a life plan
1.4k · Oct 2018
Can't Help It
Mims Oct 2018
There's things that I don't say
In between kisses
And bowls of ramen noodles
On weeknights

There's a quiet sadness settled behind the couch and on the inside of my ribcage during our twilight marathons
On the weekends

Things left
To hopefully be forgotten under the bleachers at your soccer games
I go to whenever I can

It hangs with your hoodies in my closet
In the pit of my stomach
It's small but I can't stop it
And it takes me out for days at a time

I see you every day
But sometimes I am distant
In a different way

It's been done to me
And I'm sorry I'm doing it to you
I'm trying to phase the disappointment that has nothing to do with you
Out of my life like cycles of the moon...

The stars are ours
And that is true
I've never felt like I do when I'm with you
But I tried to tell you
I don't think
You completely understood
You have never felt
Such a sadness before.
.
.
.
.


"What's wrong?"
"Is something wrong?"
"You would tell me if something was bothering you,

Right?"


...
Listen to, in my mind by, dynoro while reading this. for the full effect
Mims Nov 2018
"Having someone doesn't mean ****"

"The loneliness doesn't go away with someone sitting next to you"

"If someone says they 'love you' it doesnt make you love yourself"
Deep conversations with strangers that are maybe considered friends by the end
1.4k · Mar 8
Empty
Mims Mar 8
Eyes are the window to the soul,

But what if,

You don't have one of those?
Cold
1.3k · Dec 2016
you don't really love me.
Mims Dec 2016
don't say you love me,
when you don't even know me,

on tuesday,
I will be attacked by fake I missed you's
and uncomfortable, unnecessary hugs,
because,
I can't miss strangers,
the same strangers that filled my living room this time last year,
the same strangers,
that give me things I dislike,
and have nothing to talk about with,
because they know nothing about me,
our conversation,
hangs in the constellations,
on the night you stopped by,
because no one looks hard enough to understand,
what they are,
you never,
care enough,
to understand who I am,

you repress your emotion,
like you clench nimble fingers,
into,
white hot,
pain,
I see it,
it drips,
from our name,

you claim you love me,
but I am not a fool,
I don't understand the love you claim,
for you use it like a tool,
thinking,
that seeing me,
once a year,
because of your,
own,
guilt,
of not knowing,
or caring,
about your little sister,
counts,
as a relationship.
happy holidays everyone.
Mims Aug 2018
We used to say **** like
I should've kissed you

Now all we do is ask for nudes
But now that I'm here
I wonder who the **** would want this
Over that
Mims Sep 2017
Love,
They say,
It will fix all of your problems,
All your broken,
All your pain,
Love,
Will take that all away,
All I can honestly say to that,
Is how can you put that kind of pressure on someone?

heal me
fix me
save me

Because "you're all I have"
Or "I'm lost without you"
Love,
Will fix everything wrong with me
Don't care if it makes everything wrong with you.

Someone told me,
That love,
Is a lie,
And that we only think we need it,
Because everyone tells us we do,
And we do,
But not from her,
And definitely not from you,
We need love
Because society convinces young girls,
That it will fix everything
And it will.
But its not the kind of love
That is taking over 13 year old girls,
The love,
From another human being
Isn't what's gonna fix you,
you have to,
Because yes,
Love will fix everything,
If you love you.

And believe me,
This is something that I wish I knew long ago,
Because I went so long,
Hating myself,
And wanting love from someone else,
When all the healing I needed to do,
Was inside of me,
When I figured out,
That love for yourself is beautiful,
It makes everything clearer,
Everything,
Makes sense,
My love,
Your love,
Is what'll fix you,
That's not something I can do.
Said love so much, it doesn't even sound like a word anymore
1.0k · Feb 2017
Bad days (slam poem)
Mims Feb 2017
I've had bad days for as long as I can remember,
Anxiety, loneliness and depression swirling in my head.

(You might think loneliness and depression are the same but that's not true, loneliness is just a SYMPTOM of depression)

I used to have good days,
Light,
Days,
Where it didn't hurt as much,
Any more,
But these bad days come back,
And the came,
And they stayed,
For weeks at a time,
Anxiety had me mumbling,
"I'm fine"'s

(The actual act of being 'fine' is something I've never had the privilege of experiencing)

I got so many bad days,
My therapist,
(Along with my mother)
Tried to convince me they weren't,
ALL bad.

So,
I'm depressed, turned into:
The weather,
And, I'm alone,
Turned into:
Call your friends!
And,
I'm suicidal,
Turned into:
Philosophical.

I don't think you understand...

That this plan,
Of telling me my feelings aren't real,
Or that I shouldn't feel what I feel when I'm feeling it.
Isn't helping me,
Or saving me.
Because I remember being 12,
In an emergency room,
With death on my mind,
And burns on my wrist,
Being told,
I couldn't be admitted to a mental ward,
Because they only accept 13 year olds,
That, the qualifications,
Where there,
That I wanted to die,
But You were,
Just to young,
To be feeling,
What you were feeling,
When you were feeling it.
You shouldn't,
Be feeling what your feeling,
When your feeling it.
976 · Feb 2017
Blood, Sweat, Tears.
Mims Feb 2017
Blood is good on muddy hands,
Worn from work,
While calluses harden.

Blood is not good,
On the blades,
That litter your dresser drawer,

In the middle of the night.

Sweat is good,
When coming off your shoulders,
From running,
In warm air,
Through your yard,
With friends around you,
Laughing at your races,
While sipping lemonade,
Under the stars.

Sweat is not good,
When its on your palms,
And the back of your neck,
And drips from your forhead,
From shaking,
And breathing to fast,
From rocking back and forth,
On the floor,
Because your brain,
Is bleeding out of your ears.

Tears are good,
On lover's shoulders,
With your hand on their stomach,
Feeling,
Life.

Tears are not good,
On phones,
Over messages,
You screenshotted from 2 years ago,
Because you just want to feel something again,
Even heartbreak
...

B
L
O
O
D
.
S
W
E
A
T
.
T
E
A
R
S
...
970 · Oct 2017
Space mermaids
Mims Oct 2017
Swim through
Darkness
Cling to stars

Swim through uncertainty
To a frozen lagoon on mars

Blue tails with
Silver scales

Pink hair
That drifts lazily

Eyes like diamonds that rain on Saturn
Fingers like Milky Way's
Rings like Jupiter

Hearts
Like the black holes
We're all afraid of

Vast
And terrifying
Unable to see
The inside
Without getting ****** up
Into mystery
This is my 300th poem on this site, which probably isn't entirely accurate because I like to delete stuff, but I've been on this site a little over a year and it's been a journey. I feel like I've grown a lot as a poet and a person. Thank you all for sticking with me.
935 · Oct 2016
Elegant death
Mims Oct 2016
Elegant fingers.
Picking apart.
Light beams
Shining above.
Apple trees.
Listening to.
Buzzing bees.
Diaries.
Life stories
Poetry
932 · Nov 2016
Our Christmas tree.
Mims Nov 2016
this is,
my Christmas tree,
not matching a thing,
really,
ornaments,
from years ago,
to lights that don't all work,
you know,

this,
is,
our,
Christmas tree,
a little broken,
like our family,
presents underneath,
are less each year,
as ones i love,

disappear.


this is our Christmas tree,
a little dead,
but still pretty,

this is my Christmas tree,

and its,
a lot like,
me.
don't get to close to the twinkle lights i'm sure they'll bite
875 · Nov 2016
A ballad for Bethany
Mims Nov 2016
I've known you since I was seven,
We were both so far from heaven,

We didn't know,
We would grow.

Apart.

Abused, he was your light,
But he just wasn't right,

For you.

This is for you,
My ballad for you Bethany,

We became friends,
Our parents divorced,
Our life out of sorts,

This is how our lives are bound to go,
But i still can't let go,
You lived with us for three months,

Three months of pain,
Three months of healing,
Three months of me,
Stealing your razor blades,

Because blood doesn't stain sheets.

Not on my watch.
856 · Feb 2017
Suicide in public schools
Mims Feb 2017
"Why do you only wanna talk about the problems with public school and suicide?"

Because the blood in the restroom stall,
And the ghosts that walk the halls,
Are only increasing in numbers.
853 · Oct 2016
Words-18
Mims Oct 2016
*** is not an insult,
but she desperately tries to make it one.
Mims Sep 2016
POINT YOUR TOES!
Lift one foot high up In the air!
Sashay left,
Sashay right,
Make sure to keep you legs up high!
SPLIT REASONS LIKE YOUR LEGS,
FOR GODS SAKE LIFT YOUR HEAD,
POINT, HEEL,
TUCK your ribs,
LETS GO ACROSS THE FLOOR,
QUICKER THEN WHEN YOU TRIED TO RUN,
COUNT.
one, two, three,
Hands around me.
Sunken faces,
You weren't drunk,
Just a water,
Was just enough.
LIFT YOU LEG OVER YOUR HEAD,
KICK IT HIGHER!
Try to kick away the pain,
Or set you memories on fire!
Burning hotter then your limbs!
Keep your form tight!
Keep your feet just right!
If only it would have stopped,

Him.
I understand this is out of character but it's been running through my mind all day, the way people keep comparing pain.
771 · Oct 2016
Your lies.
Mims Oct 2016
you get twisted up in your lies,
webs weaving back and forth,
they spin around you,
restricting you,
causing you not to function,
i watch them cover you,
till the thing people see isn't even,
remotely you.
till the thing you become,
is something you, yourself
have grown to hate,
but you can't stop yourself,
you don't want to help yourself,
743 · Jul 2018
I'd Sink For You
Mims Jul 2018
If I lay in the grass
And try to push myself into the ground
Make friends with the leaves and the roots of the trees
Let the earthworms make a home out of me
Reduce my skeleton to nothing but fossils
Have I

S
U
N
K


Low
Enough for you to



Reach?
I've never been "ground bound" I'm a lot more spacey
735 · Jul 2018
You Were A Lovely Liar
Mims Jul 2018
My heart broke into a million pieces when I fell for you
But not one of them ever ended up in your hands

Darling, it was all part of the plan
·
·
·
And I loved you
But who's the liar?
Me or you
Or
The Moon?
734 · Oct 2016
i'm ready to be me
Mims Oct 2016
I'm not sure who I am yet,
I'm sure where I'm going,
I don't know if I'll ever be,
Really truly me,
We spend our time inventing ourselves,
And i guess I'm just spare parts,
The way my mind thinks,
Music is my art,
A titles half the story,
A picture worth a thousand words,
I've spent my life regretting,
And feeling no self worth,
I've gotten sick and tired,
Of being sick and tired,
I've felt the way we all we feel,
At 3am alone.
I've started to stay on the internet,
Into wee hours of the morning,
Gathering scattered information.
I see my week,
A flashing blurr of distorted colors,
Emotions whirling everywhere,
Trailing one another,
I'm not sure where I'm going,
Or if you'll follow me,
I'm not sure of my roots,
If I was planted like a tree,
I haven't spent much time,
Inventing myself,
Not as much as wishing I was someone else,
But it is time to own up to,
The real and true me,
And maybe then I'll understand....

Who I'm supposed to be
i just don't know
725 · Aug 2018
You Were Wrong
Mims Aug 2018
Did you die?
After you fell in love for the first time?
Did the summer sun soak you up,
Did the moon blow you one last kiss?
Did you look at them and smile,
Because you assumed you were ready for it?
I was wrong.
702 · Nov 2018
.
Mims Nov 2018
.
I miss being friends
Were we ever friends?
I miss being in love
Did I ever love?
I miss the fighting
I miss the passion
I miss the heat
The pain
The healing
The art
The late nights
The wondering

The writing


But,
Was any of it ever really there?

-Disecting
685 · Feb 2017
I'm alive.
Mims Feb 2017
Breathe,

I have so many reasons to be alive.

Breathe,

But I get tired.

Breathe,

I don't think I scare myself anymore.

Breathe,
Just,
Breathe


quiet car rides,
On starry nights.
Warm seats,
Cool air,
Mildly,
Unwashed
Hair.

It's late,
And,
I'm tired.

But.
Im.
Still.
Alive.
And.
In.
My.
Own.
Time.
I,
Might even learn,
To enjoy it.
685 · Mar 2017
Skip
Mims Mar 2017
I want it to be summer,
And I want to be in love,

But I can't just skip to that part,
And it's starting to depress me.
658 · Oct 2016
Because the bedroom's scary
Mims Oct 2016
Purple walls,
Waiting anxiously to be,
Blue,
Waiting desperately to be,
Fixed,
Holes and scars,
From you,
From me,
Writing on the wall,
Only from my insanity,
The floor is covered,
Laundry undone,
Old art projects,
Failed dreams,
And notebooks.

The bed,
Is where,
Where I like to rest,
However I'd sit there,
When I felt a pounding in my chest.
Stare at the ceiling till your eyes bleed,
Stare at the ceiling,
Till your demons flee,
The same room where,
I said my first i love you,
Where,
I meant my first I hate you,
Where friendships fell between the wall and the box spring,
And I,
Was too tired,
To retrieve them.
My depression holds me a hostage inside of my bedroom inside of my head.
618 · Oct 2016
words-16
Mims Oct 2016
I don't regret anything,
Well except lying to myself,
There's that....
618 · Oct 2016
Your sickly sweet smile
Mims Oct 2016
Oozing goozing syrup drips from you lips
It disgusts me
With each drip a lie unfolds
Your sugared teeth as yellow as corn.
Dripping, slipping, slurping.
Your smile disgusts me.
As the ooze starts to fall from you cheeks.
And I glance at that sick smile
I can feel my head spinning
My teeth aching from your sick twisted smile.

The sweetness is not like chocolate. No.
It's the sweetness of swallowing honey with a dry mouth.
It stays with you.
Nothing to wash it down

Your smile gives me cavities,
that hurt almost as much as you do.
Syrup is still syrup in a sippy cup.
Mims Oct 2016
I've been there,
I've walked that road,
I've had those feelings,
So many times before,
I've wanted to hurt myself,
Or someone else,
I've felt that pain,
That hate,
And I know,
How hard it is,
To let go of everything you have spent building,
Every nasty feeling,
I've been there,
I've walked that road,
So many times before,
I
Remember when I started punching walls,
Bleeding fist,
Inner anger,
I've been there,
Had those feelings,
I have been angry,
For not doing more,
Don't try and say,
I'm not gonna tell you what happened,
You won't understand,
You have probably never felt these feelings before,
I've been there,
I've walked that road,
We all have one,
A road we walk,
Not particularly knowing where we're going,
In the middle of the night,
Thinking,
What if I don't turn around,
I've felt those feelings,
I've MEMORIZED that road.
Mims Mar 2017
I'd love you like I love,
Summer,
And a warm breeze,
I'd love you the same way I love rusty old swings,

I'd love you like grass,
And  trees,
And love you like holding hands,
While we walk on the beach,
I'd love you like,
Entangled feet,
Under soft blankets,
With the tv casting shadows on your face,
While you laugh,
Oh God I would love to make you laugh,

I'd love you like thrift shops,
And old photographs,

I'd love you like summer nights,
On the roof,
Or in bed watching movies,

I'd love you like I always would,
Forever,
Never waver,
I'd love you like all these things,
Like warm coffee on cold fingers,
Or sunsets by the lake,

I'd love you day,
After day,

Like the ice skating rink,
I'd love you like, the song,
Temporary love,
By the brinks.

And I know I am young,
And you're miles away,
But there's a feeling here,
That's making me stay.

And I'd love you like this,
And i promise I would

Please let me darling,

I promise I could.
593 · Apr 2018
Explanation
Mims Apr 2018
When she asked me what happened


I told her that the night ran out of love


That love was not made for people like us


That it was not a privilege
Not a magic

I could dabble in.
No reason to play the blame game
589 · Oct 2016
to hold a moment.....
Mims Oct 2016
To
Hold
A
Moment
In
Your
Hand
Is
Like
Trying
To
Hold
Sun
Dried
Sand

Escaping
Through
Each
Wrinkle
On your
Palm


To
Sing
A
Song
In
Your
Heart
Is just
The
Same
As
Pulling
One
Apart
Each
And
Every
Symphony
Waiting for its
Destiny
To change
A
LIFE
580 · Oct 2016
throw caution to the wind
Mims Oct 2016
Once you've grasped it throw it up,
Toss it higher, and higher,
When it comes back toss it back up,
Throw caution to the wind,
Once you know that they're bad news,
But you choose to love them anyways,
You throw caution to the wind.

Let the wind push it farther from your grasp,
The closer you get,
The more you let yourself dream,
The less it all means,
Throw caution to the wind.
will you get it back?
578 · Sep 2018
Summer loving
Mims Sep 2018
We're both jocks
We come home from practice achy and tired and raw
We both shower and I go to your house smelling like lavender body wash
You spray versace on your chest and your hair is still wet when I get there
I laugh at the bruises on your neck
From me last time
I say hello to your mother and your dogs and complain about how hard I worked and we compare exercises
And how bad they hurt
Then I sit on the couch
Next to you
Your mother is watching some show but she's going to bed soon
Your house is warmly lit
And laughter keeps our faces wide
My family wonders why I love to be here all the time
Your mother offers me food
Like she always does
And I politely decline having just eaten dinner
You put your arm around my shoulder while you ice your knees and we talk about how we **** our bodies up for our passions
But we wouldn't change it for anything
We talk about how we don't want school to start
How we can't believe summer is over

I leave
Usually
Too late
Or too soon
To me and you
Wrapped in one of your hoodies and smelling like your cologne

Then I brush my teeth wash my face and go to bed

Wake up
And do it all over again.
8/18/18
556 · May 2018
The Day I Was Born
Mims May 2018
I'm older now

You told me you loved me tonight


I cried

I'm older now
I held him and kissed him goodnight

I'm older now
I went to a restaurant and my mother handed me a glass of wine

I'm older now
Kept quiet in the face of violence

I'm older now
Helped make breakfast

I'm older now
I'm the age they thought appropriate for me to love fiercely

The age they thought okay for you to want me

The age we always talked about like some distant memory

The one we used in all our arguments
All our reasons

Now

I am here

And I don't know what to do with it.

Almost scared to want it

Almost.

I loved all my presents
But they weren't what I really wanted
Despite asking for them

What I want
I am scared to want
What I wanted
Once,





Was you.
Just a fact, perhaps. No double meaning I guess,
Just
Admitting distance
556 · Apr 2018
This too shall pass
Mims Apr 2018
I am depressed again.

I'm not mad at myself for it.

I realized because things that don't usually bother me
Are starting to eat away at me like invisible cancer
That doesn't show up on the scans
But I can feel it in my chest
An illness only I can see

I am diseased
Mentally

My brain has been infected with bugs lately
Everyone of them attempting to convince me I am not worth the work or the money or the hurt
That maybe none of this matters
That maybe I miss them

That maybe
It still makes me sad
To wonder about.  

I started staying up late again
Feeling sad and alone into the early hours of the morning

Depression is so frustrating because everyone around you has no idea what's happening so you just stand there talking nonsense trying not to let them peek but some part of you wants them to understand so badly

But how could they?
After all

Depression lusts after lonely
Depression sweeps isolation up in his arms and twirls her
Romantically
Depression loves that I love how I write when he's here
Depression doesn't have a name
But when he visits me I am split between angry and nostalgia

Because I know sad
Well
It is familiar
It is like family
It visits me
And I cannot decide how long it will stay
But I can brave conversations

I cannot run away.
I know my brain. I know it will be over in a few days
But I also know that right now
I'm in a great deal of pain
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