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Mims Sep 8
At my core
I am just a small, crocheted girl
Laying in the bottom of my childhood treasure chest
In the same pink dress
With only half of my blonde hair
Sewn on to my head
A blank cotton face
Only blue eyes stitched in
And Momma always said:
“I’ll get to it”

I’m sorry
she said

I hope that she meant it.
My older sisters loved their crochet girls
My mother loved to make them
I know she grew so tired over the years
But how could I ever blame her
Mims Mar 19
I longed to go to sleep every night
With someone I felt safe with
Someone who would take care of me
With somebody who really loved me
I wanted to be held
And my heart to be full
I looked for it in people
Who were nothing but frames
I fell asleep next to men who lied to me
I let people who have hurt me hold me
I’ve abandoned myself again and again
In pursuit of some kind of safety
It’s twisted
The desperation for that security
Left me in situations that depleted me
And now
Every night
I fall asleep with someone who has promised
To take care of me
Promised to love me
Become my sense of safety
I know that I can trust them
And I know that they will not abandon me
I know that all I invest
Will be worth it one day
And every night
I fall asleep

Alone
I am learning to love her
I have vowed to take care of her
Where all everyone else has failed her
Caring for her is my only true goal
Making peace with the past
Protection and safety
I trust myself
I do not abandon her
I will not abandon her
Ever again.
Mims Mar 2
I didn’t smoke before I went to sleep last night

And I thought about your arms the whole time

What a privilege, I said

I want to see you again

So I am sober
Mims Feb 20
Everything  I want to say
Settles with our touching skin
I missed you
I want you
Holding and having
Finally
Again
Mims Jan 5
I do not pursue you
But you linger still
I do not hold onto you
But sometimes we still wake up in each other’s arms
An accident that was not assessed properly
Honestly
I don’t know how this will affect us
Together, or apart
I just know I have felt alone
And unloved for a while
And I know you’ve felt the same
So with warmth I welcome you
I don’t say her name
I don’t mention the others
And you do the same
We are quiet in our shame
But seeing you brings me relief
Talking to you is still so calming to me
If we get loud enough and the room gets dark enough and the smoke gets thick enough
Maybe for a moment
We will not be worrying about who is who’s and how we feel
We will just be.
Mims Nov 2021
You looked at me
And said
If I closed my eyes
I’d be willing to die for you
The air outside was so cold
And I was In need of someone’s attention
So, violently
I cling to you
For some kind of September’s worth
For someone close to home
Who I would have no future with
I was tired
Of staying in my room day after day
I was tired of being alone
I wasn’t going to let my one life slip away
So I looked down
And I decided the ground wasn’t that scary
And if I just gave my self
A little longer
Everything would be so much better
At this point in time
I felt powerful
At this point in time
I was hopeful I’d survive
And then I
closed
my eyes

In trauma class
They tell you
A victim
Will blame themselves first
Will internalize a space of fear
Of their own creation
You ever notice that?
She says
A glance across the room
What
I whisper back
And then she says
Warm breath against
your lips-
Creation
Is only for God  
And

children.
Mims Oct 2021
I never loved you because I was lonely
I was lonely because I loved you.
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