Mims 1h

You were the first person I destroyed

because I was destroyed

But no excuses right?
Mims 1h

you are not being smart
I whisper to myself
in fact your walls are looking pretty thin
Don't let this in

Fall back on the impact
Let the metal tear through my skin
Not sure what dimension you ripped through

Not sure what universe we're in

-conversation

Title is from a song by flatsound called 'you said okay'
Mims 20h

I just had the best conversation
I think I have ever had in my life
She cried
And told me so many things
And I told her so many things
We talked about everything
It felt so right
So relaxed
No yelling
Or screaming
Or hurtful words
Just two people
Talking rationally
And letting each other be heard

It might not sound like much
But with my family such grace is nonexistent
Such kindness
Such respect
Is nowhere to be found all my sibling's conversations always ends in insane screaming matches
But here
It is warm
And calm
Here we listen to understand
Not just to respond
I hugged her
We laughed
I love feeling accomplished
Like we're getting somewhere

I love speaking with kindness
I love getting to know her

There's 12 sides to every story
10 siblings
2 parents
One big broken family
Mims 1d

i met you at a birthday party when i was young
i do believe us meeting is what made me romanticize summer nights
as we were children
up far past our bedtimes
simply enjoying existing
for a while

i don't remember worrying about anything
except our marshmallows falling off the metal
as we sat next to each other huddled
and laughing

sometimes i think back to that warm night and smile
barefoot
and swinging
in a hammock with rainbow rope
while looking at the stars
and talking about everything we could think of

i still remember what the kitchen smelt like
as we walked the rooms of my then- friend's house

i do not remember what you looked like

simply that you were dark
dark hair
dark skin

the brightest smile
i'd ever seen

there was a barn there
with an upstairs
and a basketball hoop
but no rope
we laughed as we missed every time

i used to write your name in journals i've long since lost forever

but sometimes i wonder

if you remember

the pale starry eyed girl named Mim

before we were stupid teenagers
before i knew depression
before you knew anything past the fields
i think about us now
and wonder if we would be friends
Mims 1d

breaks are not giving up

rest Is not giving up

It Is understanding priorities

It Is understanding some things are better left alone

It Is understanding If you cannot deal with It
You can forget It

you can destroy It

You can leave It
And never look back

so take a break
relax
light a candle get some tea

I'm letting go of you
just like you're letting go of me
and It feels healthy


seeing you won't matter

because I will feel nothing

I will say nothing
do nothing
because It's just you
and I'm just me
and us without the expectations that we build to try and form a better reality
twist and bend an image that was never really there


what we were

what we could've been
does not concern me anymore

some things I will never know

and I've let them go

all of them

Because you could spend a lifetime writing an apology and it still wouldn't be enough for me.

you could spend years listing off all the people you've ever known and eons explaining everything you've ever said to them and I still would complain you do not tell me things.

you could give me every piece
dissect your brain and bleed all over me
and I would still claim you didn't trust me.

I am never satisfied
because the truth is

I am falling so quickly into who I want to be it leaves no space for any of this.

I am more then neutral
I am content
I am happy
Mims 3d

"lets call it nothing"

"why?"

"because then you can't get mad at me for loving someone else"

Sorry.
Mims 3d

And now I'm scared of driving anywhere
Because every person walking
looks like
you
And every car
looks like
they're going to kill me
And every ditch
looks like
they need company

4 accidents this year alone. 7 in total 2 people killed in total. 4 who should've been
Ever since I was a kid it scared me and now all my fears have become reality

Whenever I go anywhere I am jumpy
It drives my mother crazy
But when you have that much anxiety surrounding something
That starts occurring constantly
Or maybe you just start noticing

It breaks you.
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