Sometimes i just cant sleep.
My thoughts drive me up the wall and through a valley that i cant stand to go on
The pure thought of it alone makes me want to go to sleep and just never wake up again or be tortured by a thousand little needles poking at my feet
My thoughts always seem to eat me up
But at night it is usually the worst or when i am alone and the darkness of my life creeps in and tries to sweep me away into seeing the sad reality of everything i try to write off as a little bitty part that doesnt matter.
The sad reality that i always try to escape makes me want to put a bullet deep into my head bring all the voices to an end..
This is one of those nights
Even with the person I love most in the world sleeping next to me
The person who i have told the most to
I still feel lifes full force on me
Suffocating me
Pushing me deeper into the harsh belly of it's inside
My love is asleep and i am awake feeling all alone
feeling burned
feeling as if I am not good enough and never will be
Will life always feel like this for me

Broken hearts
Tear stained pillow cases and cheeks
Everything you do is wrong
Every breath you take is a sin
Your story shouldn't have been written
Your words you spit out
You must be a demon
Sent from hell
All you do is do wrong
You are so wrong
Yet so alive
Why?
You see a glimmer and then you see the brightness of a light you think it is mind uttering coming at you crashing into your heart it must be something big it must be good, life altering time changing you think! As it comes to you and sticks by your side slightly burning you from time to time you think this must be it the demon isn't alone anymore this feeling is slowly peeling away but then the light comes closer burning into your skin your body is weak your mind is sick of fighting you just want to sleep you want to touch the light but it winds up burning you when you do.. you love this light you love it so much that if you must burn yourself to keep close to it you will.. the light brings joy! The light makes you smile. you want to understand the light you want the light to understand you and stay by you.. it is so light yet so dark.. it brightens your worlds but you are so dark you start to think maybe it is me maybe I am the reason why it burns because I am a demon and it is a obviously an angel. Demons and angels can they excist side by side?

I wish
I wish
I knew who I am, What I could be, and who I was.
I feel so distant from myself
I feel as if I barely know myself
Who am I
What am I
Am I good or am I bad
What do I want to be?
Who do I want to be?
I ask these questions constantly
I still have not figured them out
I wonder if I ever will

The end is near
I feel it
It slaps me in the face with its
Rawness
I hear whispers gusting into my ears
screaming
telling me how near the end is
"The end is near!"
The whisper in the wind tell me
as if it is screaming
but oh so silent
nobody else can even hear
The sun and clouds drape over me
wrapping themselves around me
Holding my body closely
Telling me
"The end is near!"
I walk and walk and walk
Questioning myself the whole time
When Oh When
Will the end be here?
I am tiered
Tiered of not knowing
Tired of all the signs
Tired of everything screaming out to me
"The end is near!"

The darkness that follows me seems to be catching up
Every step I take
it comes closer
Every breath I take it gets closer
The darkness is following me
I can almost breath it in
The darkness is trying to catch me
I try to stay away
I try to find a haven
I try to go in the light
but there is nowhere to hide
I try and try but I cant escape the darkness
the darkness that keeps following me
I don't know why it follows me
I am scared
Scared of what will happens when it catches me
Scared it will take over and I will be lost in it
Sometimes I feel like giving up
letting it have me
But I know if I do
I will be stuck
I do not want to be stuck
I do not want to lose myself
I wont lose myself
I will keep fighting the darkness
Till I find a sanctuary

Baby now
times have greatly changed
kissing you
has become something old and unfamiliar
if I could kiss you I would
but life don't always give you what you want
and sometimes it is not alright to fight for what you want anymore
for what you want might not be the best for you and maybe what you want doesn't want you

Lately the pain is driving me a little crazy
but lately I am getting through it faster
Lately the pain is driving me a little crazy
Lately I feel as if you will soon move on
And
Life will soon move on
and I will always think of you
but as time goes by I know you will stop being on my mind constantly
even tho all I want is you
for you to be right by myside
because with you I feel the best
the happiest
Im in love with you
I cant help that ****
I feel for you
but im  losing it for you
cause baby as time goes by
Im not feeling like I used to about chu
I still want you I really do
but as time goes on I realized that you aint right for me
you never ****** treated me like you shouldve
you never loved me like you shouldve
been there like you shouldve
but baby lately
im losing those feelings for you
and lately im not thinking so much about chu
lately Ive been getting that money like im supposed to
and lately im alot happier with myself
like i shouldve been along while ago
and lately I realiezed
I can make money without chu
I can be better without chu
I can grind without chu
I can be alot happier wihtout chu
I dont even need you
I dont know what I was thinking
some reason I had it in my head that I needed you
but baby lately
I been feeling like *******.

She laid there
She was still
Her body ached
Her head pounding
Her heart broken
Tears on the brink of falling
How could this happen?
Why?
The man stole a part of her
He stole an important part of herself
He stole it and ran
He left her laying there
He left her on the ground shattered
The next time she saw him
She was on the stand
Her body shaking
Her body ached
Her head pounding
Her heart broken
Tears on the brink of falling
She told the jury the terrible things the man had done
Her body shaking
but she let no tears fall
she held her head up high
she had the man go to prison
after that day she forgot it all
she let her life go back to normal
she smiled as much as possible and enjoyed the rest of her days

I let him touch me in ways i shouldn't have.
I let him empower me in ways i shouldn't have.
I let him take me over.
I let him become my everything.
I let him do all the things i said would never let some guy do.

Lie to me
Tell me i'm beautiful
Tell me i'm smart
Tell me i'm the best you ever had
Tell me i'm the last one you want
Tell me i'm the most unique person
Tell me all the good lies
Tell me that when you look in my eyes you see a beautiful future
With me
Tell me I have the beautiful-lest eyes
tell me when you look at me you get butterflies
Tell me you want to touch me always
Tell me that I make you the happiest man alive
Tell me these lies while you hold my hand
Or while we're making love
Or when we take a walk and i steal your hand and hold it tightly in Mine
Tell me all these lies
And
Make me fall for you
Do these things out of the blue
Then prove it to me
Play the act
Be the perfect man
Tell me them
Make me feel loved
Tell me the lies
Make me fall deeply in-love with you
Then leave like i know you will do


*L.S.

You kissed me and my body tingled
You kissed me and you wrapped your arms around me
You kissed me with your arms around me and I wrapped my arms around your neck
You kissed me with your arms around me and my arms around you
and I didn't want to let go
you kissed me again and again then you let go and pulled away
with my arms still around you
my heart dropped
my tears I felt started going down my face
"Babe don't go"
He said it was the last time
but I didn't want to let go
"Baby please don't go"
"Goodbye" he said
and
Kissed my cheek
Off he went with his head up
and
His speaker turned up
listening to his Lana Del Rey



L.S.

Tell me
i'm worth the pain
Tell me the pain is alright as long as you get to see the beauty from me
Tell me the beauty of me makes you work harder for me
Tell me that working hard for me is what makes you stronger
Tell me the stronger you get the better you are
Tell me how you want to be better for me
Tell me all these lies
and don't forget to tell me how you will love me till the end of time