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Jun 2016 · 755
Untitled
She doesn't love me.
He doesn't want to make love to me.
And I feel very, very lonely.
Apr 2016 · 677
Irony.
I fall in love with people that want to **** themselves.

And I'm afraid to die.
Mine.
Mar 2016 · 1.0k
This One Time I Had Friends
This one time I had friends,
It was cool, I guess.
I thought I found a soul mate
But she was a mess.
She over thought everything
She was always misunderstood.
I broke through her walls
And did everything I could.

This one time I had friends
You could say that it was neat.
I hung out with this artist girl
She was the coolest thing you'd meet.
She had all this potential
But her folks were really ****.
I tried my best to help
But I guess it was a miss.

This one time I had friends
It was almost kinda great.
This other girl I knew
Had to have been by fate.
Eyes as green as emeralds
She was always so much fun.
They say green stands for envy
I guess so, 'cause I was done.

This one time I had friends
I suppose it felt pretty good.
I tried to be the best
And show up when no one would.
She had poor self esteem
It started in her childhood.
We'd been friends for almost 16 years
That's probably longer than it should.

This one time I had friends
It was ******* awesome.
Then there was this tiny girl
And I should have used some caution.
She was the coolest girl I knew
I was addicted to her energy.
We were really close for a few short weeks
And then she up and left me...

This one time I had friends
And I guess it was okay.
I miss when they were 'round
I wish someone would stay.
I guess I'm not the type of person
Who was ment to have companions.
But I think I'd feel a whole lot better
If I weren't consistantly abandoned.
It's not that great. The flow doesnt do so well in some parts. But i was more focused on how i feel right now than trying to make it sound perfect. Mine, please dont steal it <3
Feb 2016 · 1.5k
I Want You to Want Me
I want you to want me.
With raw, unweavering power, I want you to want me.
I want my scent, my voice, to dance whimsically into your senses.
I want my face, my body, to creep into your memories.
I want you to want me as if your very life is dependant upon my touch.
I want you to want me as if you were addicted to the taste of my lips.
I want you to want me in the way that I'm always wanting you.
I want you to want me in the way that I never stop thinking about you.
I want you to want me with a  passion that burns hotter than hellfire itself.
I want you to want me with needs more intense than the wind and rain that falls from the heavans.
I want you to want me.
Jan 2016 · 959
Time.
Started off small.
The world in our hands.
Four years pass.
Like a camera flash.
Boyfriends, parties, now we're in my car.
Road trips, "I'm glad you're my friend".
You're unique and I'm consistent.
I understand you.
You appreciate me.
Soul-mates.
College, drinking, smoking.
I'm in your house with no one home.
Depression, obsession, times are changing.
You're drowning.
Your eyes are clouding.
I'm on the shoreline watching.
I'm throwing rocks like life preservers.
Waiting for you to catch one.
Blinded.
Undecided.
Sitting in the silence.
Waiting.
Mine, please don't steal it <3
Sliver of silver moonlight beams.
From the other side of the  window gleams.
Shines so bright in this dark lit room.
But I cant get out of this awful gloom.
Heart aches and I feel it cracking.
But I cant think of reasons for it to be happening.
I hate myself and I'm so ******* sad.
I'm no good at anything and it makes me mad.
I cant make music, I'm an awful writer.
I have no degree so I'm impossible to hire.
I grew up never knowing what to do.
With no interests, talents, or will to give clue.
I'm stuck as an adult with what feels like no future.
I'm stuck in my head and I feel like a loser.
I don't know anything and I hate myself.
Wish there was a way to escape this hell.
Mine
Mar 2015 · 1.3k
Midnight Meltdowns 2.0
I wish you would say every thought in your head
While you blissfully stay 'sleep in our bed.
I would stay awake the whole night through
Just so I could hear every word from you.
But you've been asleep for quite a few hours
And I've been having a breakdown that comes in showers.
I've been staying silent so I don't wake you up
But all I want is to be held and rubbed.
I love you so much and the future scares me
I know the road we're on is pretty bumpy.
I feel like when we talk I'm the only one speaking
I know saying what's on your mind isn't very easy.
So I wish you would say every thought in your head
While you blissfully stay 'sleep in our bed.
Then I could stay awake the whole night through
Just so I could hear every word from you.
Mine, please don't steal it <3 Previously titled "Communicate". I felt Midnight Meltdowns 2.0 was a more fitting title.
Mar 2015 · 851
One Year Ago.
One year ago today I hopped on a plane by myself for the first time.
One year ago today I laid my eyes on you for the first time.
One year ago today my hands held you for the first time.
One year ago today my ears heard you for the first time.
One year ago today my lips brushed against yours for the first time.
One year ago today my heart began to beat for the first time.
One year ago today I knew for the first time.
One year ago today is the day I met my current boyfriend for the very first time. I lived in Michigan, he lived in Maryland. We had known each other online since about 2009 but it wasn't until 2013 that he and I had really started to talk more seriously and get to know each other. After our relationship was still going strong for almost a whole year we told our families about each other. Shortly after that his mom and I planned it out for me to fly out to surprise him for his birthday. March 12th, 2014 I hopped on a plane by myself for the first time and I was jet set to Maryland to see the love of my life in person for the very first time. He was so shocked he was trembling and shaking. I'm his very first girlfriend so absolutely everything was so new to him. Our first kiss was his first kiss ever. After that visit I knew for sure that he was going to be the man that I'm going to marry one day. I'm so in love and I'm so lucky to have found someone as wonderful as he is. He's incredible <3. This past October I packed up all of my things and moved out here to Maryland to live with him, and it's been 6 months now living together and two years of being in a relationship together, and we're still going stronger than ever.

This is mine, please don't steal it <3.
Mar 2015 · 1.3k
Mommy Dearest
You're the source of all my anger.
You were the one who was a ****** mother.
You're sad, you're selfish, you drink every night.
Your words of abuse cut like a knife.
You think you're so tough and you don't give a ****.
Then you try to manipulate; well, tough luck.
I'm not falling for the guilt trips; I know your games.
I refuse to speak with you and I feel no shame.
You think you raised me to have respect.
But you were a tyrant who gave nothing but threats.
I remember being frozen with fear.
You'll never apologize because you don't ******* care.
You're never wrong because you're so ******* perfect.
I don't even matter, I'm just a reject.
You were the reason I cut so many times.
But don't worry, I'm doing just fine.
If you don't change soon you'll lose another kid.
But it's not your fault of course, we're easy to rid.
You're a wreck; completely broken.
You don't even remember how to be human.
It's mine, please don't steal it <3. It feels unfinished and some day i think i want to turn it into a song. PS. my favorite word is ****. It's so ******* versatile.
Feb 2015 · 1.1k
Midnight Meltdowns
He's asleep and I feel like ****.
I can't seem to cry but I want to throw a fit.
I work in the morning and I hate my job.
All I want to do is lay in bed and sob.
I don't know if my parents' plane ever landed,
And sometimes I still feel like I've been abandoned.
I call myself an artist but I don't think that's true.
I don't really put work into anything I do.
I'm afraid I might be an imposter just following a fad.
I don't know anything about anything and I know that's bad.
Mine, please don't steal it <3
Feb 2015 · 1.6k
Shower
I am Human.
My body sprawled out.
I am Human.
Close my eyes.
I am Human.
Feel each drop fall along curves.
I am Human.
Open my lids.
I am Human.
Inhale the condensation.
I am Human.
Lungs struggle; it's tolerable.
I am Human.
Watch the droplets on the curtain.
I am Human.
Colors change from blue to green.
I am Human.
Arms push up.
I am Human.
Legs stretch out.
I am Human.
Feet bend and toes curl.
I am Human.
It's mine, please don't steal it <3
May 2014 · 1.5k
Serial Killer's Sonnet
I see her in the bed; she's gone to sleep.
Wake up, Love, satisfy my lust.
My hand is wrapped around the knife.
I can't wait to see your flow of blood.
I can't wait to watch it fall.
Are you afraid to be a ghost?

But already in life, you're just a ghost.
You're lucky your floor is soft to break your fall.
I lean over to see my reflection in your pool of blood.
Before I leave I'll have to clean my knife.
I hope you thank me for your everlasting sleep.
Too bad I'll need to find someone else; you didn't satisfy my lust.

In your kitchen I run the water and wash my knife.
I think about your fragile ghost.
I remember the sound you made as you hit the floor from your fall.
I'm glad you're forever going to sleep.
I need to leave now so I can satisfy my lust.
As I leave I still smell your blood.

I'm on the hunt to quench my lust.
I'm on the hunt to find more blood.
I hope my next prey hasn't already fallen victim to sleep.
As I walk I breathe in the cold air of my favorite season; Autumn.
I pull my hand out of my pocket and stare at my sparklingly clean knife.
I can't help but think of your jealous I am of you; I wish so and to be nothing more than a ghost.

Through the window I can hear the pulse of your blood.
You sir, are about to have eternal sleep.
Maybe you will satisfy my lust.
I can't wait to see your ghost.
I can't wait to see you fall.
You're about to meet my knife.

I'm clumsy, and through your window I fall.
Give it back; you've taken my knife!
You're granted my wish; I'll be a ghost.
Thank you, Sir, for stopping my lust.
I feel it flowing out of me, soaking me; my hot , sticky blood.
Thank God I can finally get some sleep.

I'll go to sleep now and when I awaken I'll let you know what it's like to be a ghost.
It seems to be that only my blood was what could have ever cured my lust.
I love my knife. I love my fall.
Found a bunch of poems from high school :) Decided to put them up here today. This one was for an assignment.
To lie or not to lie - that is the question:
Whether 'tis better to keep the truth
Shutting the light in the dark,
Or to bring upon pain or pleasure
Why, by bringing truth, gain unwanted reaction. To lie, deceit -
No more - and by secret to say what we want to say
The will of truth and lie
That flows from lips - 'tis an infection
One craved by all. To lie, deceit -
Deceit, perhaps too much. Ay, there's the problem.
For in that deceit of truth what pathologic lieing may come.
When we have gained such filthy pleasure from this lie,
Must force us thought. That's the reality
That makes chaos of such pleasure.
For who really wants to hear or speak an ugly truth,
The lover's love gone, the child's art trash,
The woman's ugly face, the man's unattractive body,
The co-worker's stench, and the embarrassing blemish
That gives opportunity for lie,
When they themselves would appreciate
Why give them heart ache? Who would give them truth,
To give them hurt,
But the chance they would enjoy the truth,
The unknown glee from fate's unlucky victims
For the victim's mind confuses the liar
And makes the liar want to speak truth
And to see that reaction instead.
Thus turning pathologic lieing into suthe saying,
And thus the addicting infection
Is cured with the disease of truth,
And infection seems less appealing
With this regard the lies soon stop
And lose what effect they once had.
This was an old high school assignment I found today. We worked on Hamlet and had to turn his soliloquy into one of our own, so I made one about lieing!
I'll hug you because I love you
You'll use me because you want to

There's nothing left so take what you need
Pay no mind to how I bleed

I'll kiss you because I need it
You'll abuse me because you need a hit

Scream and cry; it's all in my mind
I look so broken and you wonder why

I'll ******* because I'm lonely
You'll **** me because I'm your one and only
*DISCLAIMER* I have never been physically abused by anyone in my entire life.****** Found a bunch of poems I wrote back in high school :) Decided to put them up here today.
May 2014 · 598
Monster
Pitty darling, how much you love me.
You must not be able to see me truly.
Come here, perhaps you'll see dear;
There's a monster in my mirror.

I look pretty? I know, I'll eat you alive.
Oh honey, get out before you die.
Come love me if you dare,
You'll find out, I swear.

This siren knows how to stay hidden.
To love such a monster should be forbidden.
I push you away but you draw ever nearer.
You're not seeing any clearer.

There's a monster in my mirror!
Why can't you see dear?
You should have gone, but now you're in.
You're a petty fool; you cannot win.
Found a bunch of old poems from high school :) Decided to put them up here today.
May 2014 · 525
Behind the Wall
Stuck here behind the wall
Warm places
Smiling faces
But I can't see it at all

Over here, solitude consumes
The group of friends
The books and pens
But over here, the loneliness fumes

The teacher preached, "It's not fair"
Oh the longing
The dramatic sobbing
Here I sit, forced to stare.

Stuck here behind the wall
Warm places
Smiling faces
But I can't see it at all
Found a bunch of old poems I wrote in high school :) Decided to put them up here today.
Aug 2013 · 4.9k
The Grey
I hope you're doing fine
I hope you're doing well
I crave you all the time
but I try not to dwell.

I'm not in love with you
And you're not the one for me
But I hope you crave me too
So the thoughts feel less lonely.
Jun 2013 · 3.8k
My Everything.
You're the moon outside my window,
And the stars in my sky.
You're the wonders down below,
And the birds that fly by.

You're the fish in my sea,
And the foam on my waves.
You're the leaves on the trees,
And the rocks in the caves.

I hear you, and see you,
I smell you, and feel.
I taste you, and embrace you,
I kiss you, and heal.

You're the plots in my dreams,
And the patterns in my bed.
You're the stitches in my seams,
And the thoughts in my head.

You're everything I want,
And you're everything more.
You're the one I want to flaunt,
And you're the one I adore.
One: You were my first one.
You lied and cheated on me.
I ******* hate you.

Two: My favorite one.
I have the most fun with you.
I wish we ****** more.

Three: I just kept staring,
Your body is like a god’s.
You don’t work out though.

Four: You weren’t bad or good.
I forget your name sometimes.
It’s probably best.

Five: Terrible rhythm.
Our relationship’s weird.
Never again though.

Six: There was so much pain.
Bigger is not always great.
I miss Zeus a lot.

Seven: You’re just an *******.
I hope you catch something, ****.
Don’t call me again.

Eight: You were a stranger.
I don’t remember your face.
It was pretty bad.

Nine: I think I love you.
It cannot happen again.
Please keep rocking on.

Ten: You shave, oh thank you.
You look like Josh Caddy too.
Let’s **** again please.

Eleven: There was so much sweat.
I was kinkier than you.
Some of the best ***.

Twelve: You kept choking me.
The *** was pretty **** good.
Felt so high after.

Thirteen: Known you forever.
I like what we've got going.
Life is weird sometimes.

Fourteen: You stay by my side.
You love all of my faults too.
I'm in love with you.
The numbers are not part of the haikus. i had them posted as numericals first, but "1." kept disappearing and i didn't like it, so i decided to just write them out.
Jan 2013 · 451
I Can't Save You Now
I can't save you now
Baby tell me how?
My heart is broken too
Just like you.
I'm watching the rain fall down
And I'm praying that we don't drown.
this is an old piece i found in a journal i wrote in years ago. there was a little bit added at the end that said "You're gonna run through traffic til you get lost in the noise. You tell me 'Baby it's ok, you don't need me anymore'". I like it, i might do something with it later, bit I didn't feel like it fit with what was previous.
Sep 2012 · 688
I am a Ghost.
Last night you were in my dream, and I was a ghost.
and now I contemplate on another dose.
I can still hear your voice ringing in my head
and what I wouldn't give to have you sing to me again...
You broke my heart completely by accident
because our last meeting was far too passionate.
I can feel the room spinning as I close my eyes
and I'm lying here wishing we'd had better goodbyes.
Jul 2012 · 15.6k
Power.
You could make my world fall apart
Or you could give me a brand new start.
Things are going up and down
And I'm fighting for something that can't be found.
Look in my eyes and tell me you're here
'Cause it almost feels like I'm losing you, Dear.
I can tell there's something wrong in the air
And all I can do is just sit and stare.
I wish you could tell me what is on your mind
Because I hate feeling like I'm deaf, dumb, and blind.
This is another shorter one. I always feel like it's kind of incomplete when they're so short like this, but I really don't think there's any more to be said in this one. Mine <3
Jun 2012 · 4.0k
Insignificant Other.
Today you told me you want something real
And when I’m with you that’s just how I feel.
I feel real, and loved, and a great sense of pride!
When I’m with you I get all these butterflies.
I look at you and my head starts spinning
And I can’t tell who is really winning.
We agreed that it was all just pretend
But now I don’t know if I want this to end.
It’s 5am and my thoughts you still taunt
But every day it’s my heart that you haunt.
I search in my dreams but you cannot be found.
I try to scream that I love you without making a sound!
I have all of these others to occupy my time
But when I’m with you I can really unwind.
You talk like you’re ready to soon dissappear
But all I really want is for you to stay here.
My problem is, can I stay committed?
I don’t even know how you can really admitt it…
You say you still love her, but you want another?
I thought that was why we were here for eachother.
You can see us together, you’ve told me before.
Now I wish you would tell me that it’s time for more…
I think I lied and I fear that I’m losing,
Or maybe I’m just greedy, it’s all so confusing.
I don’t think I’m ready to stop all my fun,
But sometimes I wish you were my only one.
Well *******. It's been like 2 years since I've written anything and posted it on here. This is mine, please don't steal it <3.
Nov 2010 · 839
This Is Where We Are
Question this and question that.
All these words seem to fall flat.
I know what you did, I know what you've done.
Why the hell haven't I grabbed the gun?
You love me, you love me, you love me, true?
Why on earth do I love you?
You'll leave me for her and I'll leave you for him.
All because of a jealous whim.
I'm done. I'm done. Why aren't I gone?
I knew I was gonna get hurt all along.
I'm so confused. What the hell do I do!
Leave or stay? Please can you choose?
I shouldn't have said it. Not so soon.
Everything's changing along with the moon.
I'm not done yet, what are we?
You've said for so long how much you love me!
Keep me please... maybe I'll change...
I wanna see what vows we'll exchange.....
Maybe I'm crazy and it just won't work.
Maybe I'm fickle and just want to be hurt.
I feel like I'm losing you and I haven't even got you.
I really, honestly, don't know what to do...
first good thing i've written in a while i think. i hope you all like it too. mine. please don't steal it.
Oct 2010 · 5.2k
Fuck Me Up
Come over here and play with me.
I need to feel some ecstasy.
come over here and play with me.
I want you to make me scream.

Come over here and use me.
I need to feel adequacy.
Come over here and use me.
I want you to be extreme.

I want you to **** me up, **** me up.
I want you to shut me up, shut me up.
I want you to give me up, give me up.
I want you to **** me up, **** me up.

Come over here and abuse me.
I need to feel like you're supreme.
Come over here and abuse m.e
I want you to make me plead.

I want you to **** me up, **** me up.
I want you to shut me up, shut me up.
I want you to give me up, give me up.
I want you to **** me up, **** me up.
mine. don't steal it. just wrote it tonight. i think it's ok
Aug 2010 · 1.2k
I'm Fucking Insane
The days are winding 'round and 'round.
When will I have this mental break down?
Everything will be okay.
I'm just programed to feel this way.

You want me, you've got me.
I'm your drug; like ecstasy.
You're calling, you're craving.
You don't see the way that you're behaving.

I'm your princess; so cute and frail.
I'm tired of being your ****** up fairy-tale.
I'm a binge anorexic and a promiscuous ****!
When it comes to your "love" do you think I give a ****?

Use me, snort me, get addicted.
Shoot me up like I predicted.
Tell me I'm pretty?
I'm neurotic and crazy.

You can never give me enough.
Pleasing me is just too tough.
I'll eat you up and spit you out and you'll come back for more.
Begging and pleading, as you lay upon the floor.

Shaking and shivering from your withdrawal.
You need me so bad you're willing to crawl.
Hand me the ******* bottle of *****.
Neither of us has anything else to lose.

Let me help you crush those pills.
Can't wait to see what else spills.
Get a ******* grip on reality.
You will never be able to handle me.

I'm a selfish ***** with panic attacks.
I'm a seductive ***** that always wants you back.
Vampire or victim, you decide.
The truth is really all mine to hide.
i've been working on this for mooooooooooonths. i ran into a huge bout of writer's block, still pretty blocked up in the creativity, imagination catagory : /, but i'm still trying to work on stuff :).
please don't steal this :(
Jul 2010 · 643
The Rose
This rose has far too many thorns.
Yet you insist on coming back for more.
Tearing your flesh, and bleeding upon the floor.
Just to hold such beauty in your hands.
This is insanity I cannot understand.
well, i would love to write more for this, but i can never seem to think of anything else, though i bet as soon as i get this posted i'll think of more to add to it, haha. oh, and roses are very special to me for a number of reasons :)
Jul 2010 · 1.2k
Nonchalant
So, this emptiness inside of me.
It's trying to consume all that I used to be.
All I'm asking is to feel again.
All I'm asking is to care again.

So, I'm trying to rebuild my heart.
This pile of junk is just the start.
All I'm asking is to want again.
All I'm asking is to love again.

So, this apathy is getting rather boring.
My head and my heart keep warring.
All I'm asking is to see again.
All I'm asking is to will again.

Who needs depression and angst?
I don't want that (I don't want that).
Feeling nothing isn't much better.

I'm not used to this heart being so.
Broken and empty (broken and empty).
I hope you know I'm trying to love you.
This is a poem I wrote earlier in the year, before writers block hit me, hahaha. I don't think it's that great, I just sat down and wrote it, my english teacher at the time very much so disagreed with me and thought it was awesome :). Mine, please don't take it.
Jun 2010 · 913
Frustration
Be patient, sit tight.
Everything will be alright.
Hold your breath and count to ten.
Maybe then it'll all end.
Be quiet, sit still!
You can give it all up, if you will.
It's temporary, you swear.
I'm lonely and just don't care.
Just be a good girl, okay?
What difference does it make if I stay?
I tell you I'm hurt and you won't help.
I don't think I'm capable of helping myself.
I always seem to find myself waiting.
Waiting on the person I'm currently dating.
I hate this and I want it to stop.
I'm just waiting until I drop.
yeah, my writing skill has gone down a bit, can't seem to write anything good lately, but i figured i should at least try to write something. god this *****, haha. mine. don't steal it.
Jun 2010 · 629
Another One Wasted On You
I feel my heart beating
But i don't feel like i'm breathing
Am I alive or dead?
Please tell me it's all in my head

I'll wake up one day
Tell me you'll stay
I'm sick of dreaming
And I wanna quit screaming
Burn a hole right through my soul
I guess you still have some control

I can feel my heart breaking
And my whole body's aching
Remembering all you never said
Now you ignore me once again

I'll wake up one day
Tell me you'll stay
I'm sick of dreaming
And I wanna quick screaming
Burn a hole right through my soul
I guess you still have some control

I'll wake up one day
Tell me you'll stay
I'm feeling so sick
You little ******* *****
Burn a hole right through my soul
I guess you still have some control
I wrote this, it's a song. PLEASE don't steal this or post this elsewhere.
Get me high
Get me drunk
Give me drugs
**** me up

Make me forget
How I feel
I'm here aren't I?
So what's the deal?

I want ****
I want ******
I want *****
I want ***

They all sound sweet
Like my best friend
I wanna be crazy
Until this ends

Get me high
Get me drunk
Give me drugs
**** me up

I want ****
I want ******
I want *****
I want ***

Acid tequila
Whiskey LSD
Go find me a party
I wanna be free

Fetch me some crack
I'll drink my liquor
Let me shoot up
I wanna get sicker!

Get me high
Get me drunk
Give me drugs
**** me up

It's quiet, I'm bored
I'm lonely, I've had it!
These are the confessions
Of a wannabe addict!
I wrote this. I have never done any drugs ever. I am very anti-drug. Drugs are stupid. Please don't steal this and PLEASE don't post this elsewhere unless you ask me first.
May 2010 · 612
Reminicing
Reminicing about the days
The days we did nothing but lay
Lay in that bed and hold each other
Talk about how we'd stay together
I adore you, I adore you too
God how we wanted to say I love you
All the pain, all the pleasure
Nothing else in this world could ever measure.
You'll never know, but this i must say
I love you the same as I did back in the day.
I wrote this. Please don't steal this and PLEASE don't post this elsewhere unless you ask me.
May 2010 · 777
Five Leaf Ivy
One child, two child, three child, four
Who could that be, knocking at my door?
Smoke creeping through the crack
Thick like a fog, can't find my way back.
The poison weaves its way around me
Crawling up like five leaf ivy.
*****, putrid, filthy, mean
Love how it's glowing that hypnotic green.
Their eyes are red, I know they're hooked
Can't get enough of how it looks.
Love how they smile, love how they sing
Love how their actions make my heart sting.
Dancing around me, grinning like *******
Trying to coax me with their laughter.
I refuse! I refuse! I refuse to ****!
Why don't you see you're making me choke!
Keep on whispering in my ear
Keep on ignoring that one small tear.
I swear I won't listen, I'm not going to follow
I see your face and it's hard to swallow...
You finally give up and the smoke uncoils
All of you leave; to the victor go the spoils.
I wrote this. It's an anti-**** poem. Please don't steal this and PLEASE don't post this elsewhere unless you ask me.
May 2010 · 840
Your Little Lifeless Doll
Listen to a shattering sound
Broken hearts are all around
No more smiles, no more joy
Let my sanity be your toy

Here I am, your doll on strings
No longer feeling anything
The look in my eye is dead and empty
Oh how I wish you would have left me

In a noose with such great haste
Laugh aloud right in my face
No more mourning, no more tears
My love for you is disguised by fear

Here I am, your doll on strings
No longer feeling anything
Listen to the screams; cracked and broken
Just like the promises you had spoken

Blood is caked up in my hair
You just say, "Chin up, Nightmare"
Here I am, numb and blind
Almost comatose of the deepest kind

I'm the Puppet, you're the Master
You've turned me into your disaster
Squeeze me 'til my bones soften
Your tight grip will be my coffin!
This is a poem my friend Shelby and I wrote. It started off as a poem that she wrote, and she gave me permission to turn it into a song, so I cleaned up a few of the lines and I added in a few more and this was the finished product :). Please don't steal this and PLEASE don't post this elsewhere.
She looked like she was sleeping; her flesh was warm and held what little color it had. I knelt down to listen for her soft breath, I felt her wrist for a rush of blood, but all I could find was silence and a dead pulse. I had killed her. I didn’t mean to, I swear I didn’t, but she had upset me. She was trying to control me, so I held tightly onto her neck and didn’t let go: her soft, slender, succulent neck. I admit, I began to miss her, I felt guilty, but I didn’t cry, I couldn’t cry, I didn’t quite feel wrong for killing her, but I felt guilty for taking the life of something I loved.
I glanced over at the dark grandfather clock that stood watchful at the end of the hall. Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, the pendulum swung back and forth. The time read half-past nine. My friends would be here in a half an hour. Should I hide the body? Should I leave it on the floor? Should I put her in my bed and tell the others she is simply asleep? I wasn’t quite sure what to do with her now. I picked her up and laid her down on the couch for the time being, I had to vacuum the floor, it was a mess. Hmm… I don’t even remember what she had done or said that upset me, all I know is that I was upset and so I killed her for it; such a shame, really.
I finished cleaning my home around 9:50pm. Alastair, Rune, Aura, and Skye would be coming one-by-one within the next few minutes; they would wonder what was wrong with, Valkari, the girl I had killed. To be honest I felt a bit odd that I had killed her, I mean, I was only sixteen, how often do you hear of sixteen year olds going out and killing other sixteen year olds? And what on earth was I to tell my parents? They were only gone for the weekend. I didn’t worry about it though; I knew I would think of something eventually.
I was right, five minutes later Rune walked through my door. He hung his dark black trench coat on the coat rack I had placed by my door. I heard the shuffle of his pants and the rattling of the chains that drooped from his belt loops as he walked down the hall, through the kitchen, and into my living room where I was sitting in a chair across the room from the couch where I stared at Valkari intensely. I turned my head to look at him; his physiognomy was puzzled. Rune looked at where Valkari lay, looked back at me, again towards Valkari, and finally to me once more. His lips, which were covered in a dark black color, parted as he began to question me.
“What’s wrong with Valkari?” He asked, “She’s so still… she’s too still. What did you do to her, Haldane?” Rune continued. He seemed to be calm, but behind his eyes held terror and confusion.
“I choked her.” I replied to him calmly.
“Ch-choked… her? You choked Valkari?” The terror he held behind his eyes began to show a bit more in his face. His jaw was dropped a little, and the confusion he had was turning into anger as his hand slowly began to make a tight fist.
“Yes, Rune, I choked her. She upset me…. I don’t really remember how, but she upset me, and so I killed her. It was an accident of course, I didn’t really mean to do it, but I just couldn’t seem to help myself. I miss her.” By this time Rune was so overwhelmed his legs gave way and he collapsed, he sat on my floor now, shaking ever so slightly. “So, what do I do with her?” I asked him for my own amusement. I highly doubted he would have anything to say to my question, who would? I didn’t even have anything to say to my question.
Rune stayed silent, he just sat on my floor, shaking, trying to soak in everything that had just happened in these last few moments. I heard my door open again; someone else was here. I heard the click-clack of a woman’s shoe and I knew it must be either Skye or Aura. I had no interest in turning my gaze away from the body that was, surely by now, cold. Out of the corner of my eyes I could see Skye’s curly, bright blue pigtails and the vague shape of her little ******[1] dress, I heard her give a small gasp as she was clearly just as surprised as Rune was.
“Yes, Skye, Valkari is dead. I killed her. I miss her.” I said calmly, not once turning my head to look at her, to see the horrid disgust across her face. I had no interest in looking at any other girl at the time; the only girl I wanted to look at right now was dead. I still couldn’t cry, nor did I want to really. Besides my longing for her to come back to life, to wake up from the deep dark desolate sleep she had fallen under, I felt, for the most part, apathetic.
She tried many times to say something to me, but not a sound escaped from her scarlet lips. The next one to come through my door was Aura. She screamed at me, at Valkari, at Skye, at Rune. She had gone in a state of hysteria for a few minutes. My eyes never once left Valkari’s corpse. Aura continued to throw her tantrum; she slapped my face with her ice-cold hand. While her hand was cold, I imagined Valkari’s hand would be ten times colder by now. I still refused to look at Aura, even though her long, raven colored hair dangled in front of my face as she stood, hovering over me, continuing to shout and cry over the death of her dear friend. I continued to ignore her as the profanity escaped from the back of her throat. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen someone as antagonized as she was right then.
Alastair was surprisingly late. It was now 10:25pm. The roads were probably horrific. He did come eventually. I turned my eyes to see him standing in the entryway of my living room. His bright blue eyes were furious and his fiery red hair had never suited him better. I chuckled to myself and cracked a small smile.
“You monster!” Alastair began to say. What he said after that is a bit foggy in my memory. He held Aura as she cried on him; Skye and Rune were still in a soulless state of panic.
“She upset me. I killed her. I miss her.” I repeated once more. I killed her. I miss her. What pathetic words to have been said, but I suppose back then I was a pathetic being. It’s amazing what a year can do to a person.
I looked back at the body and asked, “What should I do with it?”
Alastair sat Aura down on a chair in the kitchen. He walked back into the living room and began walking closer and closer to Valkari’s body. He bent down to pick her up.
“Don’t touch her!” I shouted as I stood up. I startled Alastair and he jumped a bit.
“Well we have to bury her.” He replied to me calmly as he began to back away from her corpse.
“But where?” I asked. I began to relax again as he stepped further and further away from the couch and closer to me.
He gently wrapped his hand around my neck as he said, “In the cemetery. Where else do you bury a body?” He tightened his grip slightly before he let go. He pulled Rune up to his feet and then went to Skye, tugging her up as well. “Come on guys, we’ve got a funeral to go to.”
Alastair gently grabbed Aura and took her to his van. Rune and Skye followed after him. Slowly I made my way over to the body that lay still on my couch. I touched her cold, dead hand with mine. I laced my fingers with hers. I brushed my other hand across her cheek, wiping away the tears that should have been there, wiping away the tears that would have been there, but most importantly, wiping away the tears that weren’t there. My apathy was quickly replaced with nostalgia. She was so cold; I almost couldn’t bear to hold her hand any longer. I quickly, softly, rested my lips upon hers for a moment. I progressed to carrying her as if she were my bride. My beautiful corpse bride. As I walked outside, the delicate winter breeze blew Valkari’s snow-white hair, it made her seem a bit more life-like. I liked that.
I kept her with me while I sat in the back of Alastair’s van. The ride to the cemetery was silent, too silent. Aura flipped on the radio and turned the volume up as loud as it would go, but it was still too silent. When we finally arrived, everyone piled out of the van and grabbed a shovel, everyone except for me. I climbed out of the van and followed the others to the back of the cemetery. They began to dig a hole right next to a tomb. I don’t know how long it took them, but when they were finally done, I didn’t want to let Valkari go.
“Haldane, please, just put her in the grave…” Skye pleaded to me. I continued to hold her in my arms, not listening to Skye or anyone else for that matter.
“Haldane! If you don’t let go of her yourself I’ll toss you both in!” Rune shrieked at me.
I shook my head for a moment before I sluggishly made my way closer to the grave. I climbed down into the grave itself while I continued to hold Valkari. When we reached the bottom I gently laid her down on the cold dirt. She was colder than ice as I brushed her face with my fingertips one last time, softly tracing her lips with them once more. I climbed back out of the hole with the help of Rune and Alastair. Aura said a few words before they began to bury the corpse of Valkari.
“None of you will tell anyone, will you?” I asked the group.
“Of course not. You might **** us too,” Skye said bitterly.
“You’re right, I just might do that if someone tells…” I answered bluntly.
“Should we make a pact?” Rune asked.
“Yes, a pact under these dark stars.” I heard Alastair answer.
They continued their conversation as they continued to bury Valkari. They seemed to want to turn this series of events into the beginning of some sadistic cult from what I could remember hearing. They talked on and on and on and on! Alastair placed the last shovel full of dirt and snow on top of the grave and began to walk away, continuing the conversation him and the other three were having. Anger began to swell up inside of me. It took over my lungs, my heart, and my soul; every bit of my body was consumed with a deep hatred for every one of them and for myself. I killed her. I miss her. I turned around swiftly and screamed at them, I shouted at them, and I yelled at them. I seemed to be vomiting profanity and vulgarity upon them. I tore the shovel away from Alastair’s hands violently and hit him in the back of the legs with it as I rushed back to Valkari’s grave. Frantically I began to dig up her body. Finally, I too had become hysteric for what I had done to her. Rune and Aura tried to pull me away from the grave, Skye tried to pry the shovel from my hands, clawing and scratching at mine until they bled. Still I refused to let go of the shovel. I refused to stop digging her up.
“I killed her! I miss her!” I shrieked. “VALKARI!”
I wrote this. I realize this is a poetry site, but I really wanted to post this short story I wrote a while ago. Please don't steal this. If you wish to post this elsewhere PLEASE ask me.
May 2010 · 4.1k
Fuck Me
Why don't you see the monster within?
My god, just look at my sins.
Why don't you listen, do I have to scream?
Just let go of your ludacris dream
I've become far worse than bile
Take a look at your ******* denial
I'm a little disease
I'm too hard to please
Spit in my face
I'm such a disgrace
I'm a stupid ****
I can't look in the mirror without feeling disgust.
**** my libido, wouldn't you know
It's done nothing but cause you pain and woe.
I'm a perfect actress, to have lead you on so well.
God I hope you can get out of this hell...
I wrote this. Please don't steal this. If you wish to post this elsewhere PLEASE ask me first.
May 2010 · 1.1k
Hey Baby
Hello baby, take hold of my hand
Let’s dive into your sea of lies
Kiss me, mislead me, **** me with your eyes
Oh my love, it’s your face that I despise.

Come on, Darling, show me how you never loved me
Open your eyes let those cold blues hypnotize
You’re sending messages across the sky
Honey, things are starting to polarize

Beat me, leave me, come back and steal me.
Wrap your hands around my neck and squeeze me.
Hey sweetie, **** me…
You know how much you mean to me.

You’re controlling the ride, let’s do it or die
Your touch is starting to burn
And to acid your lips have turned
Hey baby, show me how I’ll never learn

Hey babe, you hate to see me cry,
But you know you do it all the time
I’m gonna let you have my trust
And you betray me with your lust

Beat me, leave me, come back and steal me.
Wrap your hands around my neck and squeeze me.
Hey sweetie, **** me…
You know how much you mean to me.

Oh you know how I love you
Oh I know how you love too
Put the knife up to my throat
You’ll never read the words that I wrote

Beat me, leave me, come back and steal me.
Wrap your hands around my neck and squeeze me.
Hey sweetie, **** me…
You know how much you mean to me.
I wrote this. This is a song that I wrote months ago. Again, I have never been beaten by anyone ever at any time. Please don't steal this and if you wish to post this elsewhere PLEASE ask me first.
May 2010 · 932
Longing
I can’t stop thinking; the thoughts won’t go
All of these memories make the nostalgia grow
You see these sad blue eyes of mine?
They’re longing for you all the time.

You see, for you, I want to be pretty
However you’re gone, it’s such a pitty.
Hold me please? Say something to me?
I’m tired of being so ******* lonely.

I think it’s time to fall asleep
Can you please love me, just in my dream?
Come back, come back, that’s all I want…
I know that’s asking quite a lot…
I wrote this. It's short and sweet. Please don't steal this and if you wish to post this elsewhere PLEASE ask me first.
It feels like waiting for the phone to ring.
I'm waiting for your call.
I'm waiting for it all.

This hole in my chest, it won't quit bleeding.
I need to hear your voice.
I need to hear some noise.

I'm waiting for the world to end.
The phone won't ring.
The phone won't ring.

It's all wearing off, the pleasure you'd send.
I thought I saw your face.
I thought I felt your embrace.

There's dust where my heart should be.
My ribcage is empty.
My ribcage is aching.

I'M ALWAYS WAITING, WAITING, WAITING!
WAITING TO HEAR THE PHONE RING!
BABY I'M WAITING FOR YOU TO CALL!
HONEY I'M WAITING FOR YOU TO SAY IT ALL!

I'M WAITING FOR THE SCREAMS!
I'M WAITING FOR THE SERENE!
WAITING FOR "I LOVE YOU".
WAITING FOR "I HATE YOU".

I'm waiting... but the phone will never ring.
I wrote this. Not sure if it was meant to be a poem or a song, take it how you wish. Please don't steal it. If you wish to post this elsewhere PLEASE ask me first.
May 2010 · 728
Insomniac's Soliloquy
The notes of the songs we heard are falling like rain.
They shower me in nostalgia and pain.
The poison filled memories won't bleed out.
The words you said keep screaming so loud.
And you...
What you said was absolutely true.

There's a monster in my mirror that pushed you away.
I'm sorry I couldn't keep it at bay.
Lets ask each other questions and tell no lies.
Maybe then you'll see all the love in my eyes?
Haunt my dreams and slice me apart.
It's impossible to stitch back my heart.

This sudden change has made me sick and sore.
God how I wish I didn't need you anymore.
Let me go and I'll free fall through traffic.
I want to scream in your face but you're holographic.
Come back and pick up this mess!
This mess you've made in the whole of my chest!

And I don't think you realize, just what's been done.
I'm ******* sorry you weren't having any fun.
Love me in my dreams, because you hate me out here.
Watch me never wake up, it's not like you care.
Put your hand to my chest, can you feel my heart race?
It's racing like yours did, it's matching the pace.

It's pounding so hard, it'll pop out of my skin.
Exposing the desolate world within.
Come creep in my head, let's crawl into bed.
Why don't you beat me till i'm black, blue, and red?
I'll hide in my pillow as these tears turn to glass.
Just show some affection, that's all I ever asked.
This is titled Insomniac's Soliloquy because I wrote this over a number of nights around 1 or 2am, sometimes later. I did write this so please don't steal it. If you wish to post this elsewhere, PLEASE ask me first.
And for the record I have never been beat by anyone at any time.

— The End —