Since I didn’t get you a Christmas card
And you said I haven’t wrote you a poem in a while
I decided to put a little something together
And I hope it makes you smile

This time of the year is all about happiness and cheer
It’s about family, friends, and being for grateful for what you hold deer

Which is why l am so blessed to be able to celebrate our life together
I am so grateful that we make it a point to appreciate the outdoors in every type of weather

I am so grateful that with you I can be myself with all my different moods
I am grateful that even if you don’t know what to do, you usually try to cheer me up with your awesome dance moves

I am grateful that I end each of my days with your snuggly snugs
And that you were considerate enough to get me some custom ear plugs

I appreciate that I have you by side for all of life’s ups and downs
Especially since I know that sometimes I am not the easiest person to be around

I love that we have already named our future cat
And that we both get happy when we listen to purple hat

Thank you Teddy for everything that you do
And I promise I will continue to work on being the best version of myself for you

When I think about us, I am so proud of how we’ve grown
And I can’t wait to experience the future with all of its unknowns

I can’t wait until we move into our home with style
And for the day when we get to walk down the aisle

I can’t wait for putting the kids to bed
And ending the night with a beer and a glass of red

I can’t wait to continue to grow and adventure with you
I can’t wait to accomplish our goals as individuals and also as a pair of two

So with all that being said I love you with all my heart
And I look forward to many more date nights ending with you losing at darts

So I want to suggest that we raise our glasses and cheer
To adventure, to us, to love, to growth, to the future, and to the New Year

I just want to be happy
I want to live free
I want someone to cherish me

Always asking what everyone needs
When the real question is
What about me?

What do I want?
What do I need?
Who will be the one to make me a priority?

The truth can be a double edged sword
Your truth
Our truth
It tore a hole
A hole so deep I’m perpetually falling

Grasping for anything to help
To save
To stop
To change the direction
But instead I fall deeper

To a place so full of doubt
Of confusion
Of sadness
Of wishing things were different
But I’m falling with this truth

And it’s surrounding me
Like the wind
Like the sun
Like the ground that never seems to come
Falling, falling, falling

They say lying is shallow
Is wrong  
Is cruel
Is evil
But I would’ve liked that more
Because shallow is safer than a hole so deep

I couldn’t think of a gift off the top of my head
So I decided to tell you a story instead….
Once upon a time there was a girl with a broken heart
Bear with me, I know this isn’t a very happy start
But this girl, she was broken for quite a while
She needed to mend herself so being single became her style
She locked up her heart and threw away the key
A lot of time passed before she realized that wasn’t the way to be
She wanted a change but didn’t know where to start
She began to wonder if she could ever unlock her heart
So she decided to let her guard down and just go with the flow
Until one night she put on a black dress and went to Toads for a show
She had some drinks and the night was like any other
Except she mustered up some courage and asked a boy for his number
They started talking and a few weeks later went on their first date
She was excited and then nervous because she was running pretty late
Thankfully he didn’t think her tardiness was all that rude
But the kitchen was closed so he couldn’t order any food
They had some drinks and talked for quite a while
He had on a plaid shirt and had such a handsome smile
He suggested they actually get dinner sometime
And the thought of seeing him again suited her just fine
She unlocked her heart and freed up some room
And over the next few months their relationship began to bloom
They have the perfect balance of normal and weird
And sometimes he even lets her play with his very long beard
Getting to know him has truly been such a treat
He is kind, talented, smart, and sweet
So do you remember that broken girl from before?
Well these days she couldn’t ask for anything more
Being with him has challenged her in such a positive way
So she wrote this for their first Valentine’s Day

While we sit at the bar my body begins yearning
Then our arms graze and my depths are burning
I want to leave right then and there
But I have to stay put in my chair  
No one has ever made me feel this way
My attraction is so strong I can barely keep it at bay
I run my hand up and down your thigh
The anticipation that’s building is making me high
After what seems like forever we leave and head home
My thoughts fill with what we will do when we are alone
Once all the barriers disappear
And I can finally pull you near
We make it home and our tongues begin to dance
I know my patience doesn’t stand a chance
Our clothes are off as we go through the bedroom door
I’m getting excited now and crave so much more
We start to caress each other everywhere
I’ve been ready all night so there’s not much to prepare
I lay you down and begin my descent
You return the favor while my body relents
My senses take over and my thoughts become hazy
We finally connect and it drives me crazy
Moving together we find our sweet pace
The feelings of ecstasy written all over my face  
Sounds of pleasure fill up the room
We move faster as instincts take over and our desire blooms
I succumb and revel in every piece of you
Your eyes tell me that you are reveling too
Time seems to freeze
As we too quickly bring each other to our knees
I lay there in carnal bliss
With barely enough energy for a goodnight kiss
We fall asleep intertwined
And I’m smiling because you are all mine

They surround me
They threaten me
They do not scare me
Yet I am helpless
What do they want with me?
They make me angry
They make me empty
They are meaningless
Yet I give them power
What about me attracts them?
I am outnumbered
I am weak
I let them devour me
And when I am gone they choose someone else
And the cycle carries on

I’m laying here listening to the cicadas but all I can hear is your voice
I miss you
You were the first boy to ever leave me

I’m watching the raindrops on my window but all I can see is your smile
Is this how I made them feel?
If I did they never said anything the same way I can’t bring myself to tell you how I feel
What would be the point?
What difference would it make?

I’m drinking alcohol to numb my pain but all I can taste are your lips
You threw me away like I’m not even a person
A person who feels, who thinks, who talks, who feels
Completely cut me off, shut me out to never be brought back
Like I was nothing

I’m clutching this pillow for dear life but all I can feel are your hands
I miss you
But you left me
You left me angry
I had to clear my blue throat and admit it to myself that I miss you

I’m inhaling the scent of these joyous poinsettias but all I can really smell is you
I miss you
But you left me
You left me languishing
Now I have to clear my green chest and admit it to myself that I will never have you again
I miss you
But you left me

I know how you would hold me after a long hard day
I know that when I'm sad you will know just what to say  
I know that we will argue
and neither one of us will always get our way
I know that our love won't be perfect
but in the end all our hard work will be worth it
I know I will love you more than life itself
because I have moved on since I wrote "another chapter on a shelf"
I know that you will forever make me smile
and that even five minutes without you will feel like a very long while
I know that we will be best friends
and that we will talk for hours on end
I know that laughter will fill our time
and that I will be so proud to call you all mine

My view count has reached over ten thousand! When I started posting a little over a year ago, I never imagined so many people would see the words that come from the deepest places of all my selves. I am forever grateful to everyone and anyone who has ever read a single word written by myself. This whole experience has been completely cathartic. My poetry has helped me through my darkest times and reminds me of my happiest times. So I just want to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to everyone who was there with me through this never ending journey that we call life.

When you look at me, my heart skips a beat
Your touch sends chills from my head to my feet
I don’t know what I did to deserve you
You are the light after all I've been through

When I think about you, I can’t help but smile
I don’t know about you, but I want this to last a while
I can’t believe my feelings for you are this strong
Because we haven’t even been together very long

When I think about how you make me feel,
I can’t help but realize that happiness is real
I want to tell you that I love you
But this scares me and I don’t know what to do

When I look at you, I get butterflies
I swear I can see my future in those beautiful green eyes
I don’t know what else to say
Except that I hope I make you feel the same way

I wonder what his name is as he sits and drinks his beer.
I wonder how old he is, I think of going near.
I wonder what his dreams are.
I can’t approach, so I just glance.
I wonder if he will notice me, as our eyes meet and begin to dance.

You took my soul with your lies
My fault for believing you
You took my love and threw it away
My fault for loving you
You took my dreams and shattered them like broken windows
My fault for dreaming
You took my innocence with your manipulation
Will I ever trust again?

i sit here waiting
and debating
and contemplating.
What is happening?
I do not even know
what is
and what isn"t.
i sit here thinking
and listening
and tinkering.
I want to sit here smiling
now, that;
that is
something I am trying.
Because we all live lives
and we are all dying.

If ever in doubt about which inner voice to listen too, pick the one that resembles the voice of the angel's Wings.

Alieness
I am a lover not a fighter
Sad that as we walk our ropes get tighter
I am a hugger not a hater
Sad that we hate instead of love one another
I am a nurturer not a nagger
Sad that we enjoy using words as daggers
I am a peacemaker not a ***-stirer
Sad that we lie and lose trust in one another
I am a human not an alieness  
Sad that we deny ourselves instead of jointly progress

Treasure
As I sit here I heal, I think, and I wait
For it was not long ago that I escaped
Something so draining it needed to end
O look I see how life can bend

As I sit here I hope, I dream, and I plan
For a future made of love of oceans full of precious beach sand
Something so beautiful as the first child of my brother
O how I treasure the notion of someone calling me mother

(To:) Johnny
I once knew a boy named Johnny
We were good friends for a short time

He was my cousin’s best friend
Although they didn’t remain that way

Johnny was a gentleman
Whatever I was going through he held my hand

He made me laugh we always had fun
And from him I learned a lot of things

Like all about the softer side of the opposite ***
But he was too much too soon and I couldn’t handle it

So friends we remained for a short time
Until another man caught my eye

Johnny taught me how to kiss for him
In the dark at my aunt’s house no less




That will remain one of my cherished memories
In the dark with you listening to Usher and Alicia Keys sing “My Boo”

You loved me without guilt or shame
But I knew nothing of love then

Now I do, and I know it was you
Who comforted me after my first fight

You warned me then that Chris wasn’t right
How I wish I would’ve listened

But I didn’t
And we went our separate ways

It breaks my heart looking back on it now
What you must have been going through what you must have been feeling

All the ways I must have hurt you
All the while I was too young and naive to see




Then I got the dreaded phone call
With it came an invitation

It had been at least 3 years
Since the last time I saw you alive and well

I couldn’t handle that ugly truth
So once again, I wasn’t there for you

It breaks my heart to say that
Because you were always there for me

I can’t believe no one stopped me
So I could stop you

I can’t believe I couldn’t bring myself to see all the good in you
And then try to make you see it too

It breaks my heart to think about your end
About how lost and lonely you must have been




I should have been there and I wasn’t
I let you down time and time again

And through all that
You still considered me your friend

It is something I will always have to bear
How I let someone go who needed me

So please if you can hear me
I apologize with every single fiber of my being
I apologize
I am so sorry
So so so sorry
For not being there
For not being the person you needed me to be
The same person you always were for me
I know I let you down
I love you
I miss you
And I am so so so sorry
I always see us as those two cats on the fence  

~R.I.H. Johnny~

Tears

As these tears stream down my face
I am brought back to a different place
a place I wish could be erased
or at least processed enough not to leave a trace
a place where my thoughts race
a place where I can still picture your face
I wanted you to keep up the pace  
I hope in life’s true meanings you now chase
Instead of a high wrapped in pretty lace  
regardless I am rooting for you to win this race
I pray you do not let yourself go to waste
because of you, it is you I no longer taste
and it is you that needs to be replaced
and now I sit here as tears stream down my face

Ego
I have this thought every now and again
I feel like I am one of the few
who considers the suffering of all our friends
we are all each other’s friends
we are all made up of the same two strands
why doesn’t the world think like this?
I don’t understand.
Just think of what we could all accomplish if we all lend
to all our friends
our helping hands
and form lifelong bands
that could withstand
time, space, hate, and heat
lifelong bonds that could diminish all the negativity.
I would love if I could see
a world rid of pain, suffering and grief
a world where we could all agree
to put each other ahead of the notion of the me
for the greater good of all humanity.
Imagine if everyone could just let go of their egos
oh the places mankind could go
oh all the beautiful amazing things we could all know
oh all the things our brothers and us could show
oh all the ways we could make our human brains grow!
But like I said
I have this thought every now and again
just a thought I thought and wanted to share with my friends.

Let it be
Started off smiling
didn’t know what was coming
Started off smiling
didn’t know what was coming
So gone I was smiling
So gone in your lies and…

I knew I had to get away
with you I couldn’t stay
You just gave me away
you knew I couldn’t stay

I always knew we would fade away
we were doomed from the start hey,
so sad you lost your way
but with you I can’t stay

Never say never babe
At least that’s what they say
I hope that you’ll be okay
And that maybe one day
You find your base then make your way
Because with you I can’t stay
In my heart you’ll remain
But with you I just can’t stay

So to eleven fifteen,
Its just time to let it be
Because my love
Is worthy of eternity
And with you that just won’t be.

Ooooo 11-2 where are you??? sigh…rain outside my window makes my mind heal…I swear its your energy I can feel…still can’t wait till you become real…*soon

May your wings carry you to victory
may your back be strong and stable
may your feet balance upon the cable

May your legs guide you across the line
may god be on your side with time
may your machine be in tune and run fine

May love and luck be on your side

Maybe one day you could be mine

May one day true love we will find

Love is….
The feeling you get when your stomach suddenly becomes an expert gymnast doing expert somersaults.

The sound of your heart beating a million miles a minute echoing the raindrops in a monsoon.

The sight of beautiful eyes, the eyes of your dreams, wanting yours to meet theirs.

The smell of a man, in all his forms, radiating from his arms wrapped around you.

The taste of the future, the texture of happiness, upon the palet of forever

1 Ten Wings 0

May your wings carry you to victory
may your back be strong and stable
may your feet balance upon the cable

May your legs guide you across the line
may god be on your side with time
may your machine be in tune and run fine

May love and luck be on your side
may b you could be mine.

"There are two things scarce matched in the universe, the sun and the Thames on earth"

My metamorphoses is complete
and what that means, I can only dream
that in love I'll receive
and maybe this can be the final piece of me.

Generosities unaccustomed to,
I always hoped you were my muse.