Chains
What holds me to hate
What holds me from future
What holds me here...
Rubbing my skin
Till red and raw
The sting of blood on cool metal
An all to familiar feeling...
Each link
My breath
Each link
My mistakes
Each link
Breakable...
Did I know
I held the bolt cutters all along?
I saw the key withjn my grasp?
Did I know
It was I that held onto the chain?...
The past does pass
The chains do rust
And the skin dose heal
As realize...
Chains can be broken
And the future can be reached

Small leaf with the veins colours purple
Falls upon the pale skin of mine
Like a drop from the sky
It becomes bigger at impact
Purple greeting blue like a friend
The veins of the leaf now unrecognisable
Looking like a plum to bitter to eat
Beautiful colour
Horrifying meaning
Leafs from the branches of the black tree
With it's evil shading it's world
Sending it's leafs to fall on the weak
The 'loved' one of theirs...
Small leafs with veins coloured purple
Beautiful when fallen on pale skin of mine
But small leafs is what I tell myself
To forget the purple truth called pain...

In the final wind that carried my warmth
I saw a world were love was so real
The chill of wilting petals
And pain of fading sunsets
Are seen as beauty for the lost
We had not loved the sent of the rose
Nor the light of the sun
Enough in our eyes
So it moves on from our presents
To the world after...
Were the sent dances in the sunset
Bathing in my warmth
A place were beauty is truly seen
A place were compassion is truly shown
A place...
Were love is truly real...

The light, shine brighter at dawn and dusk.
The rain, is sweeter when it falls from heaven.
My spirit, it fly's once more again.
The birds, sing effortlessly backing your voice.
The world, spins to a happier future.
The thunder, it roars to the beat of you heart.
And your soul...
Your soul, has captured mine, to fast for me to see.
Without you the world is black.
The rain is like acid.
My spirit, it dies.
Birds do not sing.
The world spins to war.
And thunder never roars.

Shining moon
Shining moon
What will it take
To see you soon?

Must I lose my last drop of hope?
To find my old frayed rope?
Must I feel my skin peal?
Or the hear the sound of broken foil seal?

Must I find my designer belt?
Just for your beauty to be felt?
Must I see if my final cry,
Will join me in trying to fly?

Shining moon
Shining moon
Please tell me what it will take
To see you soon?

My heart is broken
And yet no Angel could fix
Because only one thing will mean it
And that's the tender touch
Of our very first kiss

Love bleeds
From my body
In lay...
And yet
You still insist
To stay...

I step
And step
Right into
The trap...

Shall every cry
Be for the sky
Shall every scream
Be for a happy dream

And the voices begin....

For my life to end...

Gun in aim
Bone on trigger
Remorse long gone
Devil on lips
Teeth blood thirsty
Eye on sight
Target in range
Innocent is blind
Evil wanted ****
Your the reaper
With a gun
I'm the target
Cross on head
Pull metal back
Blood thirsty teeth
Grin at me
Now I'm dead...

The fog
Now sets
On
This world
Of ours
Making
Your love
Fade
Into abis...
I'm losing
Sight
I'm losing
You
I'm losing
The beauty
I feel
In love
With...
Darling
My love
My eyes
To the
World...
I'm going
Blind...
But your
Beauty
I will always...
See...

Rain drops
On
Ivory
Skin
Running down
With kisses
Of
Love
Time
And
Time
Again rain
Falls...
On the
Ivory face
That
Is my
World...
Your lips
Radiate
In summer
Mist
Your eyes
Pierce
My untouched
Love
Your cheeks
Speak
With rosey
Slers
Darling
My love
Your breathtakingly
Beautiful
In the
Rain...

Must have been such a sight, for the eyes of those who wonder the world between me and a new life.
I have suffered so much, but at the same time so little.
I have witnessed death, to love and life, from hate.
Everyday I think about the world that may or may not be real, where a soul can walk. But everyday I never find out.
I am still here, walking this world with no path to follow.

I'm lost, but I still walk...

Slumped against the wall
Can in one hand
Pills in another
Slowly vanishing
Time fly's by
I never move
Slide of pills now gone
5 cans litter the floor
Head finally feeling empty
No thoughts in sight
I'm starting to feel sleepy
My eyes becoming heavy
'Not so fast.....
I'm back again...'
Mind now a storm of hate
Eyes held up by the black shadow
Stopping me from freedom
Collect my keys
And my bag
I guess death can wait till after school....
**Again...

I'm hanging from the fan
Chair tossed over at me feet
I really found joy in this final ****
The feeling of my own breath
Leave for good
Taking all harm I could ever cast upon you
Yes it was really rather beautiful
As I stand in as a ghostly figure
Looking across the cold dim room
To my life less body
The fear forever stained down my checks
The hatred no longer healing on my skin
The terror from dying
the last thing to see through my dead eyes
Yes it was amazing to die
And take all my kindness
Support
Love
Hope
Dreams
I only ever offered to the world leave with me
Yes...

I'm so glad you told me to **** myself...

I can feel it
The pain bottled inside
Laugh in my heart
As I try and hide
It's not leaving
It's way to deep
'I think it's time
You learn your keep'
They whisper day and night
I clench my pillows
Trying to dream
Of freedom willows
Another time
Another day
They say it again
No other way
'Learn your keep'
What a thing to think
As I sit a my desk
Writing it down in ink
The pain no longer felt
Because I've found my keep
As I hang from a rope
And my eyes no longer weep

We all fight a war...

But just because we fight it...
Dose not mean we started it...

Or can not end it...

Dancing tree
In the midnight sky
Swaying it's branches
To the beat of the moons cries

Dancing tree
Among the million star's
Jumping to each and every one
Wishing it could leap that far

Dancing tree
Singing as one with the sea
With whimsical notes
Begging to be free

Dancing tree
In the grass where I lay
Watching its beauty
All through the night till day

Dancing tree
Silently sits for forever
Because for its dream of freedom
Is something that can be broken?

**...Never

Silent swing
Of rope and wood
Back and forth
While a young girl stood
Silent girl
Hands by her side
Remembering the past
When the swing was a ride
Watching
Remembering
Waiting
Contemplating
If she should snap the rope
Watching it fall to the ground
A tangle of past memories
Scream with no sound
Silent swing**
Hangs still of rope and wood
To remind her
Of the times that were good...

Dancing with the porcelain girl
Around the room you twirl
Speed up
Slow down
Dip her fragile head
Pull her back to you
Lift her cracked body to the sky
Never let her drop
Lower her softly to her chipped toes
Grasp with love her hip
Take her hand
Smile to her glass eyes
Around the room you twirl
Dancing with the porcelain girl

I have a tattoo
But its does not dance with color on skin
I'm not happy with it
But I have it
I did it myself
Wasn't one of my finer days
But still it reflects me
I wish to cover it
I wish to was it away
But I can't
Its with me now
Even if it was to leap of my body
Its still with me
My past forever to follow
Never to leave
Thin lines
My tattooed life
I try and hide

Smell of rain so sweet
Musician drops fall on leaves
At peace with the sky

I try to drown you out. But there never seems to be enough alcohol to keep you away...

*...forever

Band-Aids and bandages
My food for pain

Pills and blades
A starved hungry to please

Blood and tears
To quench the thirst

Dark and death
My final company

Press the barrel with splatted dreams against my head.
Sorry that my only skill was to lie.
It killed me, bit by bit every time.
Just making this time that has finally come, easier.
I have slowly comes to love the sun.
To appreciate each blade of grass between my toes.
To love how a drop of sweat runs down my face.
Accept the pain that comes from laughing.
What I'm trying to say.
Can not be expressed onto paper with ink...
No.
Now this is the point where I say how much I'm sorry for leaving.
And I truly am...
But as I write this letter.
I have removed the barrel.
And walking to your room.
To say...

The evil has gone from me now.
I'm gone.
What's left...
Is the one you feel in love with...
And I'm sorry I left for so long.

I love you.

I'm in my bed,
And its 2am.
Once again
I'm awake.
How many nights
Must I see new day?
This is slowly killing me.
I don't know,
What should I do?
The thought
Of blades,
And pills,
And endless sleep.
Haunts my weary eyes.
How much longer
Can I survive?
I don't want to die
Or life this life.
I just want to feel free,
I just want to feel.
Something that's not...
Nothing...
I want to swallow,
Every pill I see.
And use my blade,
In my draw,
To let blood spill.

All of the thoughts are true.
Nothing is made up.
This is what I think at night!
And it scares me all the time!
I need help.
But I'm scarred to get it.
I just feel so lost.
With a sign telling me where to go right in my face.
But I just can't read it...

Down the rabbit hole
Such a strange place
Into a world
Were your gone with no trace

Down the rabbit hole
Oh wouldn't it be fun
To leave your life
Be free and run

Down the rabbit hole
My final dream
To meet with the white rabbit
And become a team

Down the rabbit hole
A silly wish of mine
Were you fear you are mad
But there, mad is fine

Down the rabbit hole
'Tis merely my own mind
Were dreams and ambitions
I there, do hope to find

Bleeding heart held in your hand
Something I will not understand
How can you watch blood drip?
How can you be the one to rip?
I remember giving you my heart
Say 'here so we can never be apart'
You smiled at me
Say we will always be we
Than you placed it in a chest
Somewhere it could rest
You took yours out as well
And chatted some kind of spell
About how we will always love
Even if one is above
Than you handed me a blood soaked rag
And I placed it in my bag
I whispered that it will be safe and sound
Even when you 6 feet in ground
Nod your head
And you fell dead
Had I known you would die right there
I would change fate for something more fair
It took me years upon years to see why you died
And know that I know, all I did was cry
To you for the reasons why
To the devil for your soul he did buy
To me for making see that for you to die
Was the only way for me to live

Because you made a deal with the devil
You made a deal with evil
You gave your years to me
So tomorrow I could see...