And the voices begin....

For my life to end...

I dream to fly above the sea,
Not with demons under it.

I wish apon a golden star,
That my new life won't be far.

To hope for a life of light,
Not one where all I do is fight.

To sing with angels all night long,
And not cry over how life's so wrong.

To love you next to me,
Because your all I want to be.

But here I lay,
Like helpless pray.

Flying under the sea,
Instead of above, where I should be.

I dream of a world with light and love.
I wish for a world with hope and happiness
but...

I see a world that's dark and hateful
I live in a world that's judgmental and sinful
And I know there's no escape
Because...

It's all in my head...

One cut,
That's all it takes.
One cut, to leave my mistakes.

Hand full of pills,
For you to read my will.
Hand full of pills, for my final ****.

Lifetime of lies,
With truth in my eyes.
Lifetime of lies, before my goodbye.

If only you knew,
I only had one goal.
If only you knew, it was to leave my soul.

Stand for something
Rise for love
Speak for silence
Live for people
Forgive for yourself
Dream for happiness
Laugh for desire
Believe for us

Alone with a pen.
Thoughts walking along the coffee hue paper; it's life consisting of nothing but words with wanting.
Words that want a change in th e world that speaks, with tongues all the same.
Words that have lines, dots, loops.
Different placements have never tore the unity of worlds apart.
Alone with in emptiness.
Impossible feet, made possible with those with belief.
Of those who speak with not tongues.
Of those who mark with not ink.
But are alone with the many, and complete with the few.
Those that are the ancestors of the ancient tongues, and the creators of the scribbled ink.
Alone within and empty...
Alone with a beginning...
Alone with a pen...

Lay your angel rose on me
Lay it soft
Lay it free
Let all love surround both we
Let it go
Let it be
Remember all the words we shared
Remember it all
Remember it cared
Grasp all hope I gave your heart
Grasp it tight
Grasp it's art
Release all the hate that began to win
Release it now
Release it's sin
Lay your Angel rose for we
Lay it soft
Lay with me

The fog
Now sets
On
This world
Of ours
Making
Your love
Fade
Into abis...
I'm losing
Sight
I'm losing
You
I'm losing
The beauty
I feel
In love
With...
Darling
My love
My eyes
To the
World...
I'm going
Blind...
But your
Beauty
I will always...
See...

Blood.
Its stains the ground.
With a devils sign.
It has no need for a specified shape.
For the evil to be seen.
Just the splatter,
The pool,
The staining drop.
Of its sickling Scarlett hue.
It paints an un-washable picture.
On all colors that shine bright.
That is why the chilling color of black.
Is what I chose.
No evil can be seen,
When contrasted together.
Black is an invincible shade.
To to the devils touch.
For seen as blood.

Guilt has rapped me whole
How do I explain my heart
When you hold it safe

Dancing aroung the camp fire.
Listing to the sound of the world

Spinning around and around.
Just to fall to the ground.

Laugh on the grass that is cold.
But you keep me warm, making you gold.

We tell stories about love and loss.
And talk about how we don't give a toss.

I turn my head so I see your eyes.
And see the inner depth of your souls lies.

You tell me you wish you could freeze time.
That for it to go on it would be a crime.

Then you place your hand on my cheek.
Making my knees feel weak.

I place my hands against your chest.
Knowing this is the only place I can rest.

We lean in together.
Wanting each other.

Then I feel your soft lips.
And your hand move to my hips.

And I pull you closer to me.
Because you make me feel free.

You pull back just a bit.
And pull me in your lap, were we sit.

Brush a piece of hair from my face.
And speak softly about this beautiful place.

And the you say.
You wish you could take it away.

But at home there is enough beauty to see.
When you look up and see me.

Chains
What holds me to hate
What holds me from future
What holds me here...
Rubbing my skin
Till red and raw
The sting of blood on cool metal
An all to familiar feeling...
Each link
My breath
Each link
My mistakes
Each link
Breakable...
Did I know
I held the bolt cutters all along?
I saw the key withjn my grasp?
Did I know
It was I that held onto the chain?...
The past does pass
The chains do rust
And the skin dose heal
As realize...
Chains can be broken
And the future can be reached

Wondrous trees fly through the doors of my dreams.
The sun is that of shining black, and the moon that of dim blue.
Birds that dive to the depths of my eyes; fishing for cast away smiles.
Boulders that walk from ear to ear; releasing a sent of sweet, pouched apricots.
Grass that grows as ****** hair for the man that is the moon.
And flowers that bloom as coral in the oceans, coloured a violet hue.
Jumping clouds, and blissful sounds.
A lonely stool; untouchable to the madness.
Gray and bland; cold and stern.
The last state of sanity found within a single stool.
This is the torrent of my mind; the chaos of my thoughts.
And this lonely stool is the last hope of finding a place to blend with society.
But it colour of gray and it's form of sternness.
Is slowly fading to the abyss I have lost.
No worries I shall fear of, once all sanity has disappeared.
For a life with individuality is the reason why we life in a world that's full of rules...

Chilled to the bone.
Walking in a street, listening to the chanting of people with bombs falling from lips to ears.
Alone with a sea of bodies; bound together as one world.
Steps echoing the mind of confusion; that it's heard as steps leading to death.
Sliance held on my tongue, and screams forced down my ears.
Chilled to the bone, in the warmth of your breaths, that riddle lies.
As I walk in the street; knowing each step.
Is one closer to my death.

Its come again
For the clock to sound
For the voices to cheer
As a new year, comes around

Dancing tree
In the midnight sky
Swaying it's branches
To the beat of the moons cries

Dancing tree
Among the million star's
Jumping to each and every one
Wishing it could leap that far

Dancing tree
Singing as one with the sea
With whimsical notes
Begging to be free

Dancing tree
In the grass where I lay
Watching its beauty
All through the night till day

Dancing tree
Silently sits for forever
Because for its dream of freedom
Is something that can be broken?

**...Never

Slumped against the wall
Can in one hand
Pills in another
Slowly vanishing
Time fly's by
I never move
Slide of pills now gone
5 cans litter the floor
Head finally feeling empty
No thoughts in sight
I'm starting to feel sleepy
My eyes becoming heavy
'Not so fast.....
I'm back again...'
Mind now a storm of hate
Eyes held up by the black shadow
Stopping me from freedom
Collect my keys
And my bag
I guess death can wait till after school....
**Again...

Depression blue
When I think of you
Depression blue
Is what I think of you

Scarlett red
Shall take me to bed
Scarlett red
Shall make me dead

Dying gray
You did like to play
Dying gray
Making me pray

Hopeless green
Setting the seen
Hopeless green
Backing to my scream

Sickling yellow
You once made me mellow
Sickling yellow
Now your some strange fellow

But depression blue
That...
Is how I'll remember you

Dreams are little kisses from the clouds of gold, that never sees my lips.
Little drops of the purity called sleep.
Unknown... Almost forbidden, to my weepy eyes.
Its unfathomable touch, a world wide secret, only kept from me.
Never kissed, never loved.
Sleep a distant memory in this sea of intertwined demon's, that huant my ghostly eyes.

Down the rabbit hole
Such a strange place
Into a world
Were your gone with no trace

Down the rabbit hole
Oh wouldn't it be fun
To leave your life
Be free and run

Down the rabbit hole
My final dream
To meet with the white rabbit
And become a team

Down the rabbit hole
A silly wish of mine
Were you fear you are mad
But there, mad is fine

Down the rabbit hole
'Tis merely my own mind
Were dreams and ambitions
I there, do hope to find

These scars on my wrist,

Can not be missed.

But no ones knows.

At least they don't let it show.

What if one was too deep?

Would they notice then?

Would they help me?

Course not!

What are you thinking?

Of course they notice.

They see just fine.

They just don't care.

No one dose.

But one dose,

Somewhere I know one does.

Please show you do soon.

Before it's too late

A drop of life rolls down my cheek
Towards the earth where the soil waits
A manga of hope left in its wake
Faster, faster, it's almost time
Find some love. Some shelter and hide

Through the wars, through the death
A filed of hatred, hurt and regret
Another drop down my cheek
It's music I can now hear
And yet I run but do not fear

Safety in my distant vision of smoke and dust
Over mounds that come up from the ground
Over mounds that are made not of earth...
Another drop now on my chin
Another drop to wash the sin

Within my grasp I hold a flag
It's colour brighter then the snow
Hanging from a branch I found long ago
Stuck in fear and lost death
I still hold it down when I take my breath

Booms and roars of the skies now sing
In safety of shelter I now remain
As the rain now pours from the heavens above
A drop of life I felt on my cheek
Was the first thing i remember when war ended that week

I try to drown you out. But there never seems to be enough alcohol to keep you away...

*...forever

I drown your love dead, with the only spirits left with me.
Making me feel numb, making me feel free.
All night long, with my bottle of new hope.
Helps me sleep, cleans better then soap.
Now washed of your reacking love, finally feel alive.
It took one night to forget a bit, but a life time still awaiting for me to survive.

Silent on the dusty carpet, holding my head in my hands that shake.
Twisted limbs on the floor; uncomfortable of course, but feeling like I don't deserve the luxury of comfort.
I listen to the sounds of my music merging with all my violent thoughts...
All singing along to the evil that pulses through my veins that have stained my past for to long.
The mistakes I made when innocent and young; forgotten they should be, but vivid they are.
The future a buried thought, as I try to process the words that I fling from my mind.
Alone and finally afraid...
'Why did it take me so long to feel the fear of my thoughts...?'
Its cold outside, and its cold in my heart.
Yet the world is burning, a glimpses at my fate...
I breath in deeply, trying to understand why I cry with never any tears.
'Am I broken inside...?'
Well I guess we all are a little within this world...
Final after spilling my heart into words that you are now reading, I slowly shift my back straight.
And untangle my limbs to stretch.
I still feel numb...
'I suppose it just make me appreciate the joys in life more...?'
I'm not okay I say to your eyes that read this now.
But say that I hope I will be soon.
I dust my pants and stand again.
Put my smile on, and continue on with my day...

*'I will one day be okay...'

And I sleep atop a mattress of fallen stars; dreaming of each and everyone of their failed wishes.
For I shall adamantly aspire to complete each one; before I become nothing more then a failed wish myself...

Please forgive me when I say,
I really wish that I could stay.
I'm sorry it has to be this way,
But I just can't see another day.

My head is now feeling light,
And I am slowing going to sleep in the night.

The deed is done,
I know I have not won.

My eye lids are closing so slow,
Capturing the last of life's show.

I am starting to feel free,
Accepting what is to be.

I will go with a smile,
And watch over you for a while.

Love for all,
As I take my last fall.

Goodnight
In the not so much
'Good' night...

Small...
       ...Move
Loud...
      ...Bang
Drug...
       ...Filled
Eyes...
       ...Wide
Deaths...*
      ...Here

i'm sorry for the way i am
for the way i speak
for the way i act
for the way i shut you out
for the way i dream of a different life
for the way i held my bag at the front door and almost ran last night
for the way i cover my mouth in the shower and late at night
for the way i scream at myself when you think i'm smiling
for the way i disappointing you
for the way i cant do a thing right
for the way i want to die
for the way i want to leave
for the way i walk
talk
breath
speak
listen
touch
feel
sound
live...

im sorry for being me...

In the night of birds silence, and in the winds that forget to show.
I enter into my chamber, awaiting for blood snow.
I breathe with not of life, but stagnate broken love.
And plead for the path to end, to take me straight above.

You see I am a bullet; a bullet within a gun.
And I'm silently waiting for the world to have some fun.
Fully loaded I am; and sadly I've become unstable.
For when the trigger is released, my shan't be enabled.

Under stress of lost life, but the weight is soon to leave.
I ask you once, to run away... Please.
Don't be caught within the firing line; don't be trapped within my fury.
Leave, stay safe; be the one to stand next to the jury.

I'm a bullet within a gun; awaiting for my release.
Waiting for the trigger to be pulled, and for the pin to **** peace.
I can not be saved my love, so run run before it's too late.
I can not be saved my love, so please don't let me become your fate...