When we ran,
I let my curiosity run with me.
Then I grew to wonder,
Why you ran with me,
After that little goal,
Which, in a way, drew you out,
Bringing me to suspect…
Is what they say true?

As I sat there,
Writing in my journal,
I wanted to pour out,
Alas, I did not,
Not yet, in the least.

Why am I feeling this again?
I have only scratched the surface,
Yet it feels like I know it all,
Like I have known you,
And you are just so familiar,
Alas, I cannot place my finger upon it,
So how can this be?

One day, you may see this and wonder,
But wonder no more,
For I will one day tell you,
So that your confusion may be put to rest,
Whist I hope this is all for the best,
Dear friend of mine.

- Jay M
September 6th, 2018

Prancing about
Heart filled with doubt
Thundering in grandeur
Telling of the past danger
Yet to be unveiled
To the hungry eyes
Of those yet to prevail

Out in bewailment come the cries
Of those pending their demise
Alas, it refuses them
Casting them aside
Going along for the ride
Stride by stride
Paths yet to collide

Tempting death
Being a flirt
In every breath
Begging to be beneath the dirt
Asleep
Not far from those who weep

Laying down
Faces a frown
Wearing a gown
Flesh pierced by busy bees
Heart rate taller than the trees
Rest dear youth
Tell the truth

Tired eyes
Barely open
Many cries
Many reasons
Like seasons

Waiting
Hoping
For a hero to arrive
Arms to embrace
While the heart runs a race
This is so hard to face

Reality stings
Like a knife
But gives wings
For life
A chance
To prance
With purpose
And clarity
Of the possibility
That lies ahead

- Jay M
December 17th, 2019

Rise and fall
Wills your voice
Rise and fall
Fall upon my desperate ears
Coursing are my deepest fears
Pouring out through your veins
Making me tremble
And cry
Until my tears are beyond dry
Canyons bore into skin
Of unfathomable pain

- Jay M
October 7th, 2021

The day that they first arrived,
They came alive,
Began to drive,
Took the key out of me,
Put it in a new lock,
A new life,
Half a life,
No one is there from above,
No doves to come save me,
I’ve lost control.

It’s taking over,
I lose control,
Lose my mind,
Will I ever find,
The key again?
Lost forever in their clutches,
Far from my reach,
Come and save me from this nightmare…

This world is far too cold,
I fear it’s seeping into my core,
Turning my heart to stone,
Barely a fragment left untaken,
Tiredness envelopes me like water around the drowning,
Dragging me down to the icy depths,
Nevermore to see the sunlight,
Nevermore to feel the sweet warmth on my skin,
Nor the sweet smell of rain,
Nor the taste of soothing hot cocoa,
Calming my running anxieties,
Alas, all shall be a distant memory,
As I shall one day be.

Whilst I slip away into the dark,
The demons prowl about,
Don’t get to close,
Lest they pull you in,
Drag you down to me,
Where we will fade away.
Within the days to come,
We shall be nothing more than shells,
Ridden with demons whilst our souls fade,
Never to be laid eyes upon again,
Besides the demons as they laugh,
Dancing in their victory,
Whilst we weep in our defeat,
If we have tears enough to shed,
Emotion enough to move at all.

- Jay M
October 11th, 2018

Where can I go?
Where can I run?
Where the darkness can't find me?
It's closing in
It never hurt like this before
Drowning all else out
Drowning me out
I am under the surface
Locked away
Shackles holding me down...

I look up,
A glimpse of starlight,
Then the moon fills my eyes,
Encompassing my gaze,
And from these depths,
I am in awe,
For still,
I can still see beauty.

- Jay M
August 16th, 2019

I take a deep breath,
Not sure what to do,
I walk in circles,
But I'll never figure it out...

Watch my eyes; they're not filled with fear,
I'd be with you forever,
As long as you need me,
Just keep fighting,
Keep trying..

We all need to be free,
Deserve it,
Born with that right,
Just talk to me...

- Jay M
April 1st, 2019

From darkest night to the break of dawn
From dawn's early light to shining day
From within, gates drew open
Leading to the strangest ocean
That of which may be known as emotion

Sail the seas, face the tide
Come along for quite the wild ride
From hurricane to tranquil and clear
Hidden away when most come near

‘Neath the sycamore tree
Inviting grass, playful breeze
In the moment, ever so free
Not a thing to stress
No reason to impress
Only peace and comfort
Nothing more beneath the sycamore

Dance of the wind
Touch of the earth
Breath untamed and wild
Hands gliding, fluttering
Like butterflies in spring
Caressing wing and wing

Away, gone is the day
Conversations come and past
Each one as close as the last
Though perhaps small from outward view
Each moment greeted and bid adieu
Was peaceful, with smiles bright as candle light

With each embrace a heart whispers
Calling out with each beat
Hear me, oh love, hear the sound
Of passion and desire
Burning like autumn fire

- Jay M
November 29th, 2021

I am not coal to be pressured
And form into a diamond
I am human,
Under enough crushing pressure
For ever so long
Never to let up
I will break
For I am flesh and bone
Not of rot and stone

If I am to break
My dear little bones
The pieces must be put back together
Held in tender care behind walls
Before they can heal again
To become stronger than before

So, mind the walls
For I am healing
They will come down when I am ready
When my bones have mended
Strengthened anew.

- Jay M
April 20th, 2021

¿Qué quieres, mi amor?
Diario y diario,
De que quieres, you no sé,
Un beso, un abrazo,
Un momento para ti,
Pero, mi amor,
Creo que necesitas más,
Diario y diario,
Pero, mi amor,
¿Qué quieres a mi?

Sí, abrazos y besos,
Sí, momentos para solo yo,
Pero, mi amor, están más de amor,
Claro que sí, más de amor,
Quiero todo de que tienes en tu mente;
De que es limpio, de que es sucio,
De que es bueno, de que es malo,
Todo de que tienes, allí en tu mente,
Mi amor, quiero todo de tí,
Aquí conmigo.

-------------------------------------------------------­-----------------------

What do you want, my love?
Day after day,
What you want, I do not know,
A kiss, a hug,
A moment for yourself (you),
But, my love,
I think you need more,
Day after day,
But, my love,
What do you want from me?

Yes, hugs and kisses,
Yes, moments for myself (me alone),
But, my love, there is more than love,
Absolutely, yes, more than love,
I want all that you have in your mind;
What is clean, what is *****,
What is good, what is bad,
All that you have, there in your mind,
My love, I want all of you,
Here with me.

- Jay M
February 2nd, 2023

Coming back
From a land unknown
Far beyond reach
Yet right in front of me

Flashes of memories
Crashes
Faster and faster and faster

They didn't stop at the red light
That red light
They didn't stop at the red light

Less than a foot away
Only inches away
From chaos
Screaming in terror
Then going on like nothing happened

Saved by chance
So what is this?
The one in ten?
What if, then,
If we hadn't seen them coming?

Broken, probably
Bleeding
Shattered glass
Moments flashing
Faster and faster
Until all is but a blur

None shall ever be known
For such didn't happen
They didn't stop
But we did
Just in the nick of time

- Jay M
May 6th, 2019

He's got the sweetest eyes
Chocolate brown hair
Sweetest little smile
That lasts a while

I've got sad eyes
Brown hair
Weird little smile
That easily slips away...

Is it too much to ask
To just be thought of?
To feel the fondness
In return?
I guess the problem is;
I'm not the girl
Anyone would dream of.

- Jay M
September 18th, 2019

Too far gone is the door
Away, far from reach
Lurking in the shadows
Killing, draining all light

Tossing in an endless
Obscurity that which has no name

My, how does time
Ever does drag across the space?

- Jay M
December 14th, 2020

Somewhere, but not here
My mind in the lost and found
With every toss and turn
In the sea of greys and black
Soon shall come the rising tide
Kicking into wakefulness
Screaming, but without sound
Drowning in a sea of darkness
As the stars shine overhead
White, yellow, blue, red
Their distant twinkling light
The only guide in the night
To the land of confusion
For this is the world
The world that is ours
And viewed inside a mind
Like a room without windows
Descriptions slipping through cracks
Songs sung through air vents
Dusty and muffled, passing still
Wade through the waters
Flow through the cracks
Carry on, carry on
Waver not, for soon it shall draw near
The land ahead, I know it

- Jay M
May 13th, 2022

Normalcy
Then
Out of nowhere
Outbursts of rage
Fists flying
Immediate action
Separation

All is silent
Fear to even move
The two gone
Yet the shock remains

Minutes on end
But still
The fear endures
Despite all being over

Voice barely shared
I work
Writing for seemingly nothing
In the midst of the recovering people

- Jay M
April 19th, 2019

Cloudy sleep, lost in fog
Wander in the quiet,
Enter the expanse,
Guided by a beam of light
Faint, a dim glow in the vast
Divine beacon, calling forth
Return, awaken,
Back to your body, from whence you came.

- Jay M
November 7th, 2022

Walking about campus
Minding my own business,
When suddenly
A person appears in my vision
My thoughts go by rapidly
I am at an internal division;
Hide or run
Pick one

So, since I fear what may come of running,
I hide
My heart is gunning
Friend lets me hide, making comments on the side
As said person passes by
I want to cry
Flashbacks hit like a boulder
My friend touches my shoulder
Tells me said person is gone
And I was seen, hiding like the meek little fawn I am

Then in my last class
I take the restroom pass
Walk out and into the open air
For now without a care
Go around the corner
Instantly put my head down line a mourner
Face white, like a wraith
I have no faith
In myself
I want to run and hide in a shelf
Because there's that person again
That I just can't seem to escape
Almost like they're waiting...
Hopefully not for me
I put my head down
Pass them by
Silence

Once inside the safety of the restroom
I feel like there is no room
I corner myself
For a second, I put my heart on the shelf
Back against the wall
I go back to an old habit
Hiding like a rabbit
Eventually coming out
Looking about
Then returning to class

After school
The air is cool
I sit at a bench
Read something in French
Wonder what it means
Then I look to my left
Don't know when they crept
So close to me
But they left me be
4 feet away from me
Chilling me to the bone
I just want to be left alone

Eye contact
Then quickly broken
By me
Hoping they'll leave me be
Nothing is done or said
But still I am filled with dread
Unsure why
But still, I cry

They leave, walk away
Thought they left my day
I go to my sister
To carry her bag
So the walk wouldn't be a drag
Then, 4 feet away
There is that person
Talking to a friend of mine
Great, just fine
I take the bag and go
My sister goes with the flow
And we leave it all behind us
Until the next dawn.

- Jay M
February 29th, 2020

Dolor;
O, quam potens sit
Sine misericordia
Non unciae

Hic ego pono
Contritum et cruentis
Reliquit meum cogitationes
In aeternum solus
In aeternum mittitur ad tenebras

Culpa plagis meus valde et anima
Numquam me dimittere
Cuniculus in carne mea
Sculptura se nidum sanguinis et os

- Jay M
May 21st, 2019

English translation:

Pain;
Oh, how powerful it be
Without an ounce
Of Mercy

Here I lay
Broken and bleeding
Left to my own thoughts
Forever alone
Forever cast to darkness

Guilt plagues my very soul
Never to let me go
Tunnel into my flesh
Carve itself a nest of blood and bone.

- Jay M
May 21st, 2019

Tired eyes, barely open,
Can you see me?
Standing there,
My eyes locked on nowhere,
Unnoticed, not even a glance,
Left to my own misery,
Can you help set me free?

No, you don't even look at me,
No, you don't even know when I'm gone,
You won't ever know,
You won't ever know,
When I fade away...

- Jay M
October 16th, 2018

They try to let her know
With every night will come a brighter day
Well, hey,
Let me know when this night will end
I'm getting tired of playing a little pretend

She's only 14
Just starting her life
She's got a big family
There's no glee
Only confusion
The delusion
That I belong

With every day
She just keeps falling
Early in May
Her Birthday
Replay, replay, replay!
The terrors go on
That only she knows

Get it out of my head
But it isn't over yet

They try to hold her
But with every touch
She hesitates
Saying "wait,"
"I don't want to hurt you, too."

Come on now, girl
I know you want to leave
But just believe...
There's a chance
That there's something out there...
Waiting for you

You've got the little one
Just hold her close,
Don't let her go
"I promise..."

Teach her to carry on
Show her the way
Catch her when she falls
Don't let her fall like you...
Like me

Don't let her go
Don't let her go
Don't let....
Her be like me.

- Jay M
May 16th, 2019

Could you hear it?
Could you see it?
Your bright, shining future,
Waiting there for you to grasp it,
Seize it from the almost barren shelf,
It's waiting there for you,
Keep fighting, don't stop now,
Fight for that dream; that peace,
The rainbow after the storm,
Just wait, please wait,
Make that future come true;
Don't stop dreaming.

- Jay M
March ??, 2019

Seated beside you
Pulled in and held close
Talking, laughing,
What a marvelous thing indeed

What's in your head?
This, or something more?
Such is only lore...
I think

Do you wish to caress my lips?
To kiss me?
Well, dear one,
Be careful
For I am unpredictable
Not even knowing what I would do
If such were to occur

The last time
I was kissed
I froze in anxiety
Not sure what to do
Yet liking it
To such an extent
That I had no idea how to react
Ruining the moment
Hurting them...

Don't take it personally
My emotions for you are boundless
But I don't want to hurt you

Whenever I get close
Like in such manner
I fear I have no way
Of doing a thing
But freeze

Trembling
From it too
But other things fester...
Anxieties

It is hard to
Let it all go
Try to learn what to do
I'm afraid you fell for a fool

- Jay M
April 25th, 2019

Down with it.
Down with the lies,
Take down the false pride,
Set to a new stride.

Move on, get on.

Before you go on,
Gone away,
Never to stay,
Not meant to be,
Nor ever seen,
Maybe not by you,
But those who know.

- Jay M
September 10th, 2018

Drag across
Let it tear
Watch it ooze
Stroke after stroke
Get it under control
One way or another
Get a grip, little rips

Drift away
Thrash about
Drown it out
Before it suffocates
Drown it all out
Truth and lies
Pulled under
Far below

Choke the sounds
Load the rounds
Fire away, down
Down for now
To rise later
Same old ****
Wounds continually bleed
Sound or blood
Pick and choose
Drown it out
Before it burns
Suffocate in the smoke.

- February 10th, 2023

Falling into the arms of sleep
I wonder of the hardships I keep
The pain I bring, force upon myself
Upon those within my grasp
Dragging them down as I spiral
Into the abyss of my mind

- Jay M
October 15th, 2021

Bracing for battle in the night,
Fighting because I know I cannot hide,
Forever I shall be chased for my lies...

I'm not fine,
I'm not alright,
I'm running scared...
Of myself.

It's just a game of waiting;
Take the pills,
Feel better now,
Feel better now,
You'll be better by tomorrow...

Weeks go by,
No, months,
No change...

Take a hit,
Shoot me down,
I'd rather die than give up the fight...
Wait..or are those the same thing?

I'm not scared to shed a little blood,
This time I won't let go,
Not now,
I won't go down slow,
Not with this sinking ship,
This sinking feeling...

Let it go,
Keep trying,
Slash it off,
Won't wave my white flag,
Won't let them take over just yet,
Drag on just for them,
See how they like it.

- Jay M
April 1st, 2019

A pale face in the moonlight
Eyes filled with dull starlight
A dreary trance in the moon's beam
Or so it would seem

Her long, silky brown hair
Flowing in the night breeze without a care
Bringing about scents of lavender fields
This yields
Memories of wonderful things
Which once gave her wings
Of which are now broken
Words unspoken

Still as a statue
Colors faded of their hue
Her eyes occasionally blink
Those soft cheeks no longer rosy and pink
The slow blink of those earthy eyes
Internalizing the agonizing cries

Said eyes are clouded
Poor mind crowded
Holding a burden only she could bear
How could this be fair?
Withholding her memories
Internal; singing broken melodies

Soft pale skin
Arms rather thin
Glowing softly with the moon's kiss
Things are amiss
Making her figure wraithlike
Some things look alike
If she were such, a beauty she'd be;

Not a blemish on her face
Some hairs out of place
But perfectly so
A simple flow
Skin as soft as silk
Her dress white as milk
Soft, elegant, flowing white
Almost bright
In the crisp nights breeze

Simple, is the dress,
Going to her ankles, not to stress
Over tripping on the smooth fabric
But still there's something wrong - almost sick
The sleeves just past her forearm
There is no cause for alarm

Then, a single tear begins to form
Against her cold cheeks it's almost warm
It rolls down her cheek
She did not once speak
It stopped at her chin
Before leaving her skin
Gently dropping to the ground
Making hardly a sound
As it crashed, splashing tiny beads
At her feet, which then leads
To a great deal more
Down they pour
Her face breaks emotion
As she crumbles to the ground
Not to be found

Seated, legs to the side
No longer can she hide
What she feels inside
Just going for the ride
With the rivers of tears
Letting go of her fears
From all those years
As it all appears
Finally coming forth after all this time
After such a long climb
This isn't a crime
Enough with the rhyme
It's a battle-cry
Showing how much she did try
How much she had to lie
How much she wanted to curl up and die
But not then, not now
She'll make it through somehow
She swore a vow
To be herself
Not to let that sit on a shelf
Sick and tired of being a delp
She will stand up for herself

Just as she always should
When she thought she never could
It's time to shine
That light of thine
That broadcasts your signal
Fire your words like bullets in a pistol.

- Jay M
March 5th, 2020

Dark, cold yet content
Slipping into a scene
So real and near
Close to the heart

Standing on a doorstep
Dark and drear
Enter here
Little dear

Authority talks
A long awaited exchange of words
Much needed, cooled and focused
Run along, small one
Go, see that which you have been without

Turn through a corridor
Off-white walls
To an opening
Doorway so dark and unsure
Within a familiar voice
A laugh from long ago

"A dream come true"

Out comes the angel
Glancing into that glittering green
A moment before shock
Embrace for at long last
In each others grasp

Feathers wrap around a shivering torso
Hold the fighter
Pulled in tighter
For nothing could pull us apart again

Taking a seat
Side by side, like old times
Pressing buttons and laughing
Victory and defeat

Then, a moment all is spun
Moving unnaturally
Held, told all is well
Embrace, then a moment
Of sweet roses

Over and held
White feathers around
As time crawls by
A comforting scent
Lingerings as I listen
To the heartbeat of an angel

Sweet is the sound
Of his every word
Comforting is the feel
Of his arm around my shoulders
Familiar and lingering is his scent
Heart melting is the only way
To describe the sound of his laughter
And gripping heartache
Is to describe waking up
Half expecting it all to be real
To awaken beside the angel
Only to awaken alone
Cold once again.

- Jay M
October 27th, 2020

They lie in deep slumbers
Under the covers
Safe and sound
Dreaming of things far beyond the ground

Waking up in the morning
Getting dressed and ready for work
Just for that little paycheck, listen to the warning
Brew and drink the coffee, let it give a little perk

Get on the uniform
Drive off to work
Park and run in
Join in the swarm
Of phone calls and shuffling papers
Or loud machines and swift feet
All dreaming of the same thing;

Something better
Something that pays more
To live a better life
To give their husbands, wives,
And children all better lives

To be greater than this
To do better than their current hand
Earn themselves something better
For themselves
Or their families
To just enter some kind of bliss

Take a stand, give them a hand
As they reach from the ground
Building their way up to the clouds
To be where they dream to be
In the sky - in their dream sky.

- Jay M
May 29th, 2020

Worlds collide
Creatures indestructible
Consuming the invisible
The land of the water bear

- Jay M
June 5th, 2019

Drowning in an ocean
Of emotion
Torturing me
Unable to break free...

- Jay M
April 5th, 2019

You strumming your guitar,
While I play my Irish whistle,
A beautiful and strange duet,
Filling the air,
Turning heads here and there,
For now,
What could I have to regret?

Then, another speaks,
Stops the music,
Reality hits,
Then it come creeping back,
The anxiety,
The worry,
Out of nowhere;
RING!

Walking swiftly away,
For some reason,
Glancing back,
Seeing you looking back at me,
Then I turn, run a bit,
Hide in the crowd,
Fearing that if I look back,
You'll catch up,
Asking me if it were true;
If I've been thinking about you...

- Jay M
April 12th, 2019

Hollow and stone
Follow the bone
Up the spine
Through thine
Decaying marrow

Nerves barely tingle
Rippling, thoughts mingle
Wisping through delicate strings
Concealed bell ring, rings
Echoing through the piercing silence
Seeking out no such guidance

Whispers tell fragments of an intriguing tale
Rise of the spirits, only to shatter
Pierce the fragile veil
Words to crumble and clatter
Into a fumbling mess
Consisting of disaster and stress
To a well-worn gate
At last torn by great emotions, perhaps hate

Fires of many to burn
Lessons still to learn
From the ashes to be born anew
Some to bid adieu
As form is to reshape
Forged from fires of passion
Still with every scar and scrape
No longer of ashen soul
Finally, becoming whole

- Jay M
February 22nd, 2021

We say we know things
Alas, when we think of them from a new angle
All is obscure
Like tossing rings
They do not tangle
Merely overlap like a shiny lure
Cast out into the waters of our realm
Realm of reality and curiosity
Of what we see before ourselves
Rippling with every new idea and exploration

Placing a shield over the helm
False protection from figurative atrocities
Peeking out from beneath the layer
To see nothing but the same, dust coated book shelves
Stocked with tomes from savings
Neigh, no explanation
For need one a reason for purchasing books?

Embrace me, presence of the one missed
Hold me until said one returns
Or until the dawn
For how can one rest on
After being awakened from a deep slumber
By fevered dreams
That by which upon awakening
Bring about broken screams
Adrenaline coursing through ones veins
It temporarily takes the reins;
Look about swiftly, ensure safety
For one may not know if what you see before yee
Is still but a dream or reality.

- Jay M
April 24th, 2020

Out and away
Drive and let’s go
Music and the road
Stretch across the sky
Venture out, into the setting sun,
Watching the world go on by

Fluffy purple clouds
Nails and notes
Listen and know,
End and out once more,
Enter a door,
Into the unknown,
Only peace, there is only peace

Choices, oh choices,
Select and see,
Close, comfortable and warm,
Ease into the dark,
Embrace the moment,
For here there is peace,
Only peace.

- February 8th, 2023

Melodies of sorrow
Whispers from below
The deepest prison cell
Invisible, and so is its prisoner

Marking off the times
That nobody knows
I can't help it slow
It festers beneath my skin
Burning within
Hotter than a flame,
Boiling like magma
My plasma

Coursing through my veins,
Unstoppable, irreversible,
Taking control
These emotions
Bring on oceans
Just going through the motions
Watching it all go by
Leave me behind.

- Jay M
August 3rd, 2019

Cities, all empty and dark,
Towns long abandoned,
But there is one place,
With a light of silver,
Flowers blooming,
Stone so beautiful...

A graveyard;
The empire of the dead,
Filled with the pale light of the moon,
Beams gentle and forgiving,
Soothing and connecting,
The souls so broken,
The flesh so tormented,
Here they rest.

Telling their tales,
Singing their songs of woe,
Expressing their moments of life,
Possibly their moments of inner death,
Bound forever in the minds...

Dancing, brooding,
To each their own...

Here I walk,
These filled, yet empty streets,
Glancing at these wonders,
These fallen warriors,
So bold, yet not very old...

Beautiful silence,
Beautiful pain,
Lost in all of the mistakes,
Slowly fading from the misery,
Unable to stay,
Yet unable to leave...

- Jay M
March 25th, 2019

Screaming, crying, wailing at the top of their lungs,
The demons beg me to listen,
To go into the night,
Drink away the sorrows,
Over-do the meds just a little,
Tip over the edge,
Look down and hopefully fall,
But I want to stay...

Stay, and be in pain.
Be emptier than the most barren place,
Yet go, and be free of it,
Shed the pain,
Don't know where you'll end up...

So badly I wish to go,
Several times I've tried,
Still, I wish to stay...

Maybe...
Hate me...
Break me...
Let me feel something...

Crush me until I am nothing left but mush,
A pathetic puddle,
Reflecting the tears,
The blood,
The sacrifices made to remain...

- Jay M
March 25th, 2019

Dancing slowly in an empty room,
Let it go and let the voices sing,
To steal my heart again,
I sing myself a quiet lullaby,
Let it go and let the voices sing,
Let the bells ring,
Fill the emptiness...

- Jay M
March of 2019

Running, running through my mind
Like cars down a highway
Too many words to say
Pick and choose to find
The perfect things to say

Which will come and go
Just gotta go with the flow
Rain drops rushing down
Crashing from the heavens
Some to meet once again
Welcomed into a cool embrace
Just like running a race
Of beauty and grace

Drop after drop
Soon a flowing river
Never to stop
A simple life giver
Can't let a good crop wither

Some return to the sea
From which they did flee
Only to once more plea
To visit the sky
But ever afraid to fall

Leaving and returning anew
Once more to bid the collective adieu
To remain, crash upon a shore,
Or to be taken into the sky

Don't ask why
For there isn't an answer
But the endless cycle.

- Jay M
August 10th, 2020

Sitting there
Supporting a friend
Dropping the note
Handing it over
To him...

For a moment
Things are okay
He is still
Then
The storm breaks loose

Standing
Bashing his head against the wall
Punching the wall
Then storming away
Pulling off his jacket
Throwing it
Bolting...

I walk
Away
Hide
In the bathroom
Lock myself in the stall
Cornering myself
Curled up
In a ball
Of fear and confusion

This is the world we live in
This is the way things are
I feel it
Hitting me
Knocking me down
Like a wave

Where are my feelings?
Inside,
Finally showing through
It kills
I destroy what once was

I said I didn't feel it
He felt it too much
I broke him...
I broke him...

Covering my ears
Half an hour later
I am found

"Kid? Kid?"
"Hey, I found her!"
"Hey, it's okay, it wasn't your fault."
"Come here, it'll be okay."

Held by those who love me
This cause
The hurricane
Is loved?

I had a feeling in my stomach that I hated
Hearing it made it lurch
You promised
You wouldn't try
But there they were

They stopped him
Held him
He let loose
Ran
Bolted
Eventually caught
Brought away
Safe...

But what is safe?

Just promise
You won't try again...

Just promise
You'll be okay...

Just promise
You'll move on...

I know he'll never read this
Never see through my eyes
Even so
I care...
Just know I care...
I'm sorry...
I just couldn't live a lie

Crippled by who I am
And what I have become
What I did
Ended
It almost cost a life...


- Jay M
May 20th, 2019