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176 · Feb 2022
Morning Lows
Jay M Feb 2022
Follow in every night
Into the bleeding dawn
Filtering through
Dark curtains
To greet sleepless eyes
Gaze glossed over
Couldn’t get much lower
Than the echoing cries
Of hidden burdens
On countless pages she drew
Her secrets to burn
In small private fires
Freedom from darker desires

- Jay M
February 17th, 2022
176 · Aug 2019
Into The Void
Jay M Aug 2019
Tired eyes
Blank face
Staring into the void
An emptiness
Absence of mind
Simply a shell
Left to wander
Without knowing
Brought back to reality
What did I miss?

- Jay M
August 26th, 2019
176 · Jul 2019
Bit #2 - Future Curiosities
Jay M Jul 2019
Waiting
Longing
For something that may never come
Yet
I feel it as it approaches
The inevitable impossibility.

- Jay M
July 11th, 2019
174 · Jul 2022
Sink or Swim
Jay M Jul 2022
Sink or swim
Crash as tidal waves
In the vast, merciless sea
Sink, swim, or float
Effortlessly suspended
Beautifully balanced
Without direction or
Complex meaning
Simply floating
Lost to the waves
Lost to the sea
From whence it came to be.

- Jay M
July 29th, 2022
2:00am
174 · Aug 2019
Butterfly
Jay M Aug 2019
Weary with sleep
No longer yours to keep
In that night,
It takes flight
Moving undetected
An itching to be dissected.

A butterfly;
What more is there to it?
It goes through a grand
Metamorphosis
From caterpillar to a chrysalis
Chrysalis to butterfly
Then it mates
Lays eggs
And dies.

A human, on the other hand;
A spiders web of complexity.
It is born
It grows for years
Quickly learning
Speaking, crawling, walking,
Eventually going off to learn more
A few hours a day
Carefree, naive,
So blind to reality
That one day
It will mature
It might mate
It will have stopped growing and learning
Stuck as it is
Then slowly deteriorating
Withering away
Until one day
It dies.

Like millions before it.
It is insignificant
Unmemorable
Soon forgotten.

Why?
Because that is reality
You live, you die, & everything goes on.
In 100 years, it is but a skeleton
Just bones; mass
No brain, therefore no consciousness
Only black.

Unless it made a difference.
A change to the world.
Then it is still remembered.
But still,
All is black.

- Jay M
August 15th, 2019
I just kinda....followed my train of thought.
174 · Apr 2019
Soundless Cries
Jay M Apr 2019
Hopeless and left for dead
Going with what they say
Pretending
Hiding behind the mask
Never to ask...
"Help me."

Words, images,
This madness consuming
The darkness surrounding
Calling to me
Whispering my name
Making nightmares reality
Reminding me of what is to come...

Locked myself in the bathroom
Lying on the floor
Delicately, firmly,
Dragging the needle across my skin
My pain
Reminding me
That I am still alive
Still human...

Lying alone in my room
I cry out
But no sound escapes my lips
Not a sound
Aside from each breath
Each one forced

Closing my eyes
Hearing whispers
Too scared to utter a word
To a soul

Trembling
Back to the wall
Curled in a ball
Tears forced on
Pain throbbing
Thoughts bobbing
In the ocean of my mind.

- Jay M
April 15th, 2019
173 · Sep 2020
Grey Soul
Jay M Sep 2020
Floating in silence
Messages whizzing past
Images and words
Flash before unseeing eyes
Hands extend into the vastness
Never to be grasped

Cool grey
Uncertain of
Where the exit has gone
Vanished perhaps
Along with all other color
No longer anything vibrant
Viewing in muted tones
And a base of grey

Slowly falling
Without fear
Of hitting a ground
That will never come
Forever a loop
Of falling
Never knowing the ledge

Heavy heart
Unsure which part
Or even the whole

Care has fled
Leaving nothing
To burst or share
But a drifting soul
In a long forgotten hole

Knowing what is missing
But no will to chase
Nowhere to go
Remaining still

- Jay M
September 30th, 2020
Somehow emotions have fled, and I'm not disturbed by it. Caring has been difficult, sometimes managing to and other times not at all, and I've been easily overwhelmed (and managed to keep it primarily internal). This is life, I suppose.
172 · Jan 2021
Music
Jay M Jan 2021
Music is my drug
Plug it in
Let it course
Through my empty veins
Bring me back to life
Or just give me that
Much needed life support

- Jay M
January 6th, 2021
172 · Mar 2019
Slave of the Subconscious
Jay M Mar 2019
Through times of pain,
One can only do so much,
When it erupts and all is gone,
The heart takes over,
You are nothing but a puppet,
A slave of the subconscious,
Then you do an extreme deed,
Roses bloom,
Heart beats fast,
Rain pattering lightly,
The moment, sweet and unexpected,
Over in an instant,
Excitement fills the air,
Then it tumbles down upon you,
As all good things,
This, too, had a bitter end.

- Jay M
January 15th, 2019
172 · Mar 2019
Toxic Wave
Jay M Mar 2019
Alone in an empty house,
Alone in your sufferings,
Bathing in your own misery,
Searching for an escape,
But wanting to linger,
What can be done?

Reaching into the space,
Grab a bottle,
Pour a couple drinks,
Something small and quick,
Nothing ever happened...

Giggling, laughing at every word,
Suspicions, yet no accusations,
You try to hide it,
Nothing can mask this.

Get out, switch it up,
Tell a friend,
Go home
Ride the toxic wave.

Morning comes,
Head pounding, on the floor,
Then you realize it.

What have you done now?

- Jay M
March 20th, 2019
172 · Sep 2019
Misfit
Jay M Sep 2019
A shrew among the mice
A salamander among the lizards
Something so small
Yet so different
Hiding among them

People walk past
Not noticing the little creature
Walking among them
Almost trampled
Dodging the pillars of flesh and bone
Covering itself in strange fabrics
Silk, cotton, polyester,
Stripes, polkadots, plad,
Tassels, ribbons,
Until only they are visible
And at long last,
It is seen.
But, not for what it truly is

A coqui among the bullfrogs
A turtle among the tortoises
Almost unnoticed…

But then
A thread is pulled
The fabric unwinds
A small, unusual creature is revealed
Far, far beneath the textiles;
A misfit

- Jay M
September 23rd, 2019
171 · Jan 2020
Artist's Stress & Relief
Jay M Jan 2020
Creating titles, crafting lyrics
Working out the flow
Of words with occasional rhyme
Needing a pianist
But he's the only one

Hiding the purpose
Asking him to play
Hope to create a piece that flows
Or tell him
Create a masterpiece together
And share it
So, a surprise or a duet

The rest of the songs
To be presented
Writing no wrongs
All segmented
Overall;
Our story

Six pieces
Possibly new releases
For a new artist
Finally, something I shall have accomplished

So many things to do
Leaves dripping with the morning dew
Shadows long
Beneath the treetop
And I sing along
A lyric or two I'll swap
Just fix the flux

This verse needs repair
But as long as I'm with you
I don't care
About a silly verse
Or the color or the hue
In those eyes, I immerse

I hope to join a band
Here I hold your hand
Making you smile
While for you, I go the extra mile

For you
I won't give up
Won't back down
If I have one slip-up
It'll be not capturing you in words
I'm feelin' like such a clown
Messin' around
My feet barely touch the ground
As I fly with you
In the sky so blue.

- Jay M
January 11th, 2020
I'm writing an album for my love. So far I've started writing a couple of the songs, but it's hard coming up with the lyrics.
171 · May 2019
Time Is Running Out
Jay M May 2019
It's getting harder and harder to breath
Oh, so much pressure on me

I've got 2 days left...
(if you include today)

Then my fate is sealed
This is so real
I'll be the failure
They've always known me to be
I'll be the one...
Crawling under their skin

The oldest is supposed to be the boldest
But hey,
Is that really what we should say?
Will I be okay?
If i really do hit rock bottom,
What does that really say?
That I shouldn't have given up?
That I was the mistake?
Yeah, well,
I'll just
Show how
Purposeful a mistake
A failure
Can be

I deserve to have a chance
So I'll work
I'll try
Even as the sands of time
Every grain
Falls ever faster
Against me
Waiting to reclaim me
I'll make it wait
I'll make it wait.

- Jay M
May 30, 2019
I only have until tomorrow to get my grades up... It'll be nearly impossible, but here goes nothing and everything.
170 · Aug 2019
Upon The Queen Mary
Jay M Aug 2019
The day is long
But the night is longer
For reasons unknown
When the stars shine brightly
I tread lightly
Basking in the moonlight
Dancing in the starlight.

- Jay M
July 14th, 2019
Hope you enjoy this older poem of mine!
170 · Apr 2022
Forget Me Not
Jay M Apr 2022
Would any care
For a lost soul
A shattered heart
A scattered mind?
Would any dare?

Broken heart, fractured mind
What more is there to seek
What more is there to find
In this dark, desolate place?
What more can be seen
Within a worn visage,
Upon a weary face?

Eyes dim and dull
Framed carefully
Within a weighted skull

From its pale
Smooth surface
Cracked throughout the crown
Creep a peculiar flower
The sorts blossoms slowly
Bringing into full bloom
Petals of the soft hue
Forget Me Not
In its pale shade of blue

- Jay M
April 28th, 2022
170 · Dec 2021
Dearest S----
Jay M Dec 2021
Dearest S----, you hold my heart steadfast. It is as though thou hath cast thy spell here; within this blaze that is mine humble soul. Thine embrace is a comfort eternal; yours a shelter for my quivering self. Sing, darling dream, thy song, thine melody; 'tis the sweetest nectar upon mine ears.

- Jay M
December 27th, 2021
How love makes a poets heart sing.
169 · Mar 2019
Imperfection
Jay M Mar 2019
Imperfection;
It's all around,
So beautiful,
Yet some seek to destroy it,
To make it it's opposite;
Perfection.

Perfection is praised,
Thought of so highly,
Alas, it doesn't exist.

Not one thing in existence,
Or even in the imagination,
Is or ever can be this illusion;
Perfect.

People try to be perfect;
Try molding themselves after one another,
Or after their own little fantasies,
Yet none of it will ever come to pass,
None of it will ever be as clear as glass,
All of these people; they'll fall to their ***.

One, yet many,
Loud, yet quiet,
Void, yet whole...

- Jay M
March 26th, 2019
All of this from boredom and a single word....
169 · Oct 2019
Wonderful Trip
Jay M Oct 2019
Trip into a new world
Just
Trip yourself
Into a new world
A wonderful place
When your days are dark.
Just a wonderful place!
Trip yourself
Into a wonderful
Wonderful escape!

Running in the rain
Just trip into the portal
Appear where you are loved
Oh, yeah, just don't leave it open...
Don't leave it open...

It might leak...

But hey!
Just trip into a new world!
Trip
Yourself
Into a new world
Where you are loved
Where you are held
Where you can love
And nobody hates you...
Just trip!
Just wonder...
Just wonder...
But don't leave it open...
Or reality will spill...

- Jay M
October 3rd, 2019
I tripped over my own foot, and a friend caught me. Sometimes, when you trip you don't necessarily fall.
168 · Feb 2022
Ad Puerum / For the Boy
Jay M Feb 2022
Ad puerum...
Estis pulcherrimus angelus
Estis un ambulans somnium
Et salva me
Carpe diem, carpe noctum
Bellātor angelicus,
Carpe vitam.

(English translation)

For the boy...
You are the most beautiful angel
You are a walking dream
You help me
Seize the day, seize the night
Angelic warrior,
Seize the life.

- Jay M
February 3rd, 2022
Felt like writing in Latin. I think I did okay?
168 · Oct 2021
There For You
Jay M Oct 2021
Even in the darkest hours of the night
Even when you want to throw the fight
When your vision is black and blue
I will be there to help you through

Even when shadows will not leave
I will cast them back, call reprieve
Even if your heart does grieve
I will do what I can to relieve
The aching in your chest
Remove the heavy vest
Together we can protest
The wrongs done to you
Release your words into the blue
Let's take the first step, and follow through

Come with me, and together we shall see
The great things that are meant to be
So come on now, you can talk to me
And maybe we can both agree
On a path to set you free

Even when the days seem so long
Just remember back to this song
Here in this moment, you belong
Even if you don't feel all that strong
We can find what went wrong
And do what is right for you
Take the steps, and let's follow through

It's okay to get lost sometimes
It's okay not to know the way
Just take a step, take a chance
Just remember these little rhymes
And I will be there to help you through the hard times

Even in the midst of your despair
Just give me a call, and I'll be there
Even when you want to throw the fight
Just hold on tight, I'll help you get through the night

Take my hand, and I'll guide you through
Be the light, and walk with you
Even when you feel you're all alone
You don't have to do it all on your own
I am here for you, and I'll help you through
No matter the time of the day
No matter the things that they say
Right beside you, I will stay

Even when the bridge starts to sway
I will guide you on your way
Even when you tell me to go
I care about you more than you know
With you I'll stay, with you I'll stay
No matter the hour of the night
Even if you want to throw the fight
Just take my hand, hold on tight,
And I'll get you through the night

Even when the days seem too long
Just remember this song
Here in the moment, you belong
Even if you don't feel all that strong
We can find what went wrong
And do what is right for you
Take the steps, and let's follow through

It's okay to be lost sometimes
It's okay not to know the way
So take a step, take a chance
Remember these little rhymes
And I will help you through the rough times

- Jay M
October 25th, 2021
I'll always be there for you, no matter what. Let's get through this together, okay?
167 · Jan 2023
Trace My Mind
Jay M Jan 2023
Trace my mind
I’ll trace yours
Playful passage
Masters of words,
Writers we are.

- Jay M
January 31st, 2023
166 · Aug 2020
Labyrinth
Jay M Aug 2020
Time is a killer
And I'm walkin on the edge
Of its ****** knife

Singin' a little thriller
While going around the hedge
A maze of fear and strife
Throw in a bit of nightmares
And a drop of painful curiosity

Stumbling around
Nothing to be found
But the same **** green
Like a broken machine

Troubleshooting, here we go
Moving about, to and fro
One turn, then the next
Wrong way? No way
All as it should be
Don't try and stay
Go on and leave me

Not the first,
But certainly not the last
To attempt to solve this puzzle
Never able to escape the past

It'll chew you up
Then spit you out
Pour me a cup
Hush now, don't shout
Before they figure it out

The farther in
The worse it gets
It only gets worse
Before it gets better

Release the demon within
A battle, let's see who shall win
Soul or dark parasite
Just don't let it into the light
Oh dear, what a fright
A horrible sight
Is what's left

Nothing is alright
Not all is as it seems

Retrace your steps
Don't leave a path to follow
Or it shall surely leave you hollow

With a single touch
All becomes too much
Cold, yet hot as a flame
What victory was sought to claim?

Glass shatters
As to hearts
Into deadly parts

Grass dies
As do Hope's
Fading like color

But one thing does not break
One thing to never wear thin;
The chains around a melancholy heart

Sheltered by a maze of thorns
The ground laiden with broken glass
Trapped with fragmented dreams
Tainted with the blood of many
Even by the keeper of the heart herself;
Me.

- Jay M
August 11th, 2020
Make of it what you will..
166 · Sep 2022
Born to Regrow
Jay M Sep 2022
Born of a dream
Into flesh and bone
Ripped apart to regrow.

- Jay M
September 14th, 2022
166 · Mar 2019
Ticking Time Bomb
Jay M Mar 2019
As the days go by,
Hour by hour,
Dread fills my mind,
Scenes of horrors,
Fear haunts me,
My demons taunt me,
Whispering to me of times that could never happen,
Alas, there is always a chance,
Therefore, I am a ticking time bomb,
Awaiting, if ever, to go off.

If I were alone,
Going off on my own,
Death would come find me,
Lurking just around the corner.

- Jay M
October 26th, 2018
165 · Feb 2020
Just Can't
Jay M Feb 2020
Living in this broken home
I just can't
I'm better off if I just roam
I shan't
Linger in a place so vile
I shall walk every mile
To get away from this nightmare
Because none of this is fair
Not like many would take notice or care

A small load
To help me down the road
Bound in leather
I hope tonight shall have good weather
As I go along the street
On these silent feet

Going where?
I don't care
Somewhere safe
My confidence may chafe
But I shall be strong
To go a distance long
Find a safe haven
And read "The Raven"

Possibly as far as our dear western shore
Oh, I hope the road won't be a bore
And I don't run into any a *****
Dear me, am I ready?
Is my mind all a steady?
Surely so,
Or else I won't go

Chance it, I must
Free from the sickening rust
Of these chains of home
Oh, the streets I shall roam

Take me, oh night
Under your endless sky, with my plight
Guide my way with your stars
Whilst I hide my scars
Nearly faded
I hope the journey isn't jaded

Running free
That's how I shall be
All night if I must
In my chances, I trust
Hope for something better
Oh, should I leave a letter?

To flee a broken home
I must roam
These streets at night
My response is flight
I must
This home I shall ******
Behind me as I run
This is not for fun
No, dear, no
This place I must let go.

- Jay M
February 4th, 2020
So...I wanted to run away. I didn't, and I'm okay.
165 · Feb 2023
Questionable Queenships
Jay M Feb 2023
Questionable, queer,
Quickeningly quaking
Queen’s quest,
Quizzically qualified,
Questionless qualmishness,
Quarrelsome quacksalvers,
Quicksanding queenships,
Quirkiness quieted.

- February 23rd, 2023
165 · Jun 2019
Contemplating
Jay M Jun 2019
I'm only human
Aren't I?

I clean
I care
I run about
Like a headless chicken
For what?
Nothing.

Knives in my heart
In my back
Protruding from my legs
That have ran miles
And will walk
Thousands more

Was it worth the fight?
Living, I mean
Living with no defense
But your own fists
Turned upon yourself?

No, I suppose not
Even so
Here I stand
Never to release it
Into the open air
So innocent
Until I breathe
Into the vastness
Polluting it
Making it harder and harder to breathe...

- Jay M
June 22nd, 2019
164 · Mar 2019
Join You
Jay M Mar 2019
Those cold dead eyes,
Tell me what they see,
Can you tell me why,
Tell me why I wish to...
Join you!
Join you!

Reach out, to me,
Tell me, what do you see?
Can you tell me what's,
Hiding within you?
It's inside, breaths burning,
Like the fire in your eyes,
Telling of all those lies,
Bringing forth your demise,
A prize for the vengeful.

- Jay M
October 24th, 2018
162 · Mar 2019
Sides
Jay M Mar 2019
Mere mortals may laugh,
Alas, I am no mere mortal;
For I am strange,
I may act innocent,
But I am a caged beast,
Or at least part of me...

The other part is kind,
A truly gentle creature,
But if you dare underestimate me,
I shall be your undoing.

- Jay M
October 29th, 2018
159 · Mar 2019
Life
Jay M Mar 2019
Some say life is short,
I say life is too long to me.

It goes on for an eternity,
Never leaving me to a moments peace;
Never resting, forever testing,
Arrest of the soul.

Forevermore cast away,
To the depths of despair,
Eternal pain,
Stuck in a downward spiral,
Nevermore to see the light,
Could I ever see the daylight?
No, I was stuck looking at the moon,
Trying to navigate by the stars,
Learn from my scars,
You live a little, you learn a little.

- Jay M
March ??, 2019
157 · Sep 2022
Senses of the Senseless
Jay M Sep 2022
Blind eyes turned
Guilty, trapped in denial
Of what they have done
What have they done
To us all?

Words fall upon deaf ears
Ignorance is their bliss
Never would they confess
Or pay mind to their crimes

Wash their hands clean
Of our tears and pains
Blood unseen is
Blood undrawn

Swallowing pills
To cleanse our mouths
Of the bitter tastes
Of their spoon fed lies

Smell their smoke
From discarded guns
Inhale the fumes
Of their drowning misery

Force-fed the scraps of humanity
Broken and remolded
Burned in their kiln of pressures
To be formed into a strange
Misshapen figure
Manipulated and bruised
Dented and cracked
Not all coal becomes diamonds
Words can break bones
And all of it is real.

- Jay M
September 1st, 2022
157 · Mar 2019
"I'm Just Tired"
Jay M Mar 2019
"How are you?"

"Are you okay?"

They constantly question.

"I'm fine"

"I'm just tired..."

T     errible
I   nvisible
R  epulsive
E ntangling
D  owncast

F ailure
I diotic
N  aïve
E   rror

Why lie?
Because if I didn't,
All would crumble,
Crashing down upon me,
And all surrounding.

- Jay M
March 20,th 2019
157 · May 2022
Dance With Death
Jay M May 2022
I'm in love with death
Its warm embrace
Carry my soul away
Leave behind a cold
Lifeless trace
As tears flow
Down my face
Please, my dear,
Dance with me
In this night
Take me away
From this empty
Desolate place
Let me dance
Dance with death

- Jay M
May 6th, 2022
Thoughts.
156 · Jun 2019
She's Only 14
Jay M Jun 2019
She's only 14
Her whole life's ahead of her
Yet she feels like she's 30
And her life's about to end
Wanting it so badly
Her heart is hurting
Feeling the road has end

Tomorrow she's got school
Second to last of the year
Yet
Can she even last a minute?
She wonders
She ponders
She cries
Feeling her whole world
Took a hit from an avalanche
Of everything

What a loss it would be
What a loss

A waste of time
A waste of space
How could one so terrible
Be any good?

She's only 14
But
She's gotten drunk
She's overdosed
She's cut
She's tried to die
So many **** times
She's changed for everyone
She's almost ran away
Tried once
Didn't get far
When she got back
Nobody noticed
She could have been touched
She doesn't know!
She was asleep
**** it
She was asleep!

How can she
Be any good
When she's done these things?
How can she
Be any good
When she's reminded at least 5 times a day
That she's a tool
That she's hideous
That she's a mistake
That she's annoying
That nobody gives a ****
If she lives or dies
Hell
They told her
"Why do you bother?"

She's only 14...
Only 14...

- Jay M
June 9th, 2019
155 · May 2019
Past Regrets
Jay M May 2019
Whilst the sun doth rise
Bird and beast awaken
From slumber
So profound
Canceling all else out

In the cavern
Walking into the tavern
I should have known

Awaiting me
Temptations
Sins I should not know
Never should I commit such a terror
Yet
For reasons I simply
Can no longer grasp
Such was completed

Swiftly
Quicker than a hare
I flee
Feeling it
Closing in
Making my skin ripple
Crawling uncontrollably

Walking up
The stairway to hell's door
Have it
I shouldn't
It won't hurt...

A quick sip
Pain rushing in
Regretting all in an instant
Never touching it again
No
I didn't even know me anymore

Close my weary eyes
Open again
Peace to chaos
Wondering what went wrong
Then realizing
Panic
It's all over now...

Toss it aside
Bring it back
Tear myself apart
Drag the pain across
Blood oozing
Punches
One after another
Thump, thump, thump
Please
I plee
To me
Let me go...

Uh-oh
Watch it all go
Mocking you
Talking to you
Shouting
Screaming
Run
You do
Only momentarily eased...

Nothing I can do
About these past regrets
But look back
Take the attack
Head on
Then submit
To the painful defeat

- Jay M
May 1st, 2019
155 · Feb 2023
Shrimp Soldier
Jay M Feb 2023
Scuttle along
Cover to cover
Bit of rubble here,
A collapsed building there,
Just climb about, to and fro
Steer clear of the fray
Lest they find him,
Smallest is he,
Branded by fallen brethren;
Shrimp soldier.

- February 6th, 2023
From talk about lunch to a poem, how interesting.
154 · Feb 2020
Lover's Apology
Jay M Feb 2020
Dear A, you are the love of my life.
Darling, my shining light in the darkness.
O hear me, leave me not alone in this.
I plea, beg upon my very knees now.
Life had been unkind to me until you came in.
Please, I am only human, forgive me.
Together we laugh, we smile - we love.
Mi amor, what can I do to fix this?
Tell me; I shall do what you wish of me.
We can overcome this, can we not, Love?
I love you too much to lose you, my love.

- Jay M
February 18th, 2020
I made this last Tuesday night, when I didn't know how things were. It's in iambic pentameter, so it's not exactly poetry, but I wanted to share it anyway.
153 · Jun 2019
Breathe
Jay M Jun 2019
Swinging
To and fro
In the rain
Singing these melodies
Cold
Trembling
Yet soothed
The sent so familiar
Tranquilizing
Absorbing your every fiber
Until you are weightless
Yet grounded by the flesh

- Jay M
June 4th, 2019
152 · Apr 2019
I Thought Wrong
Jay M Apr 2019
I've been following every road I can find,
Falling in a hotel,
I cannot keep living with a delicate mind,
Waking up with it all in my head,
Running through memories I shouldn't keep...

What for?

I can't find an ending until I'm on my own,
On my knees in pain,
Why can't I reason with them,
To leave me be?
These demons in my head.

I thought wrong.

I can't ever get rid of them,
You can't get rid of something
That's been a part of you,
For all your life,
Unless you cut it out and off...

Every time I look up,
I try to put it up,
Out into the clouds,
But that doesn't mean they'll go.

- Jay M
April 4th, 2019
152 · Mar 2019
The Innocent
Jay M Mar 2019
Laughter fills the air,
This night filled with stars,
A rainbow 'round the moon,
Noticed only by me,
A terrible omen indeed.

Tiredness plagues the body and mind,
So young, so naive,
Taken alone, nothing done,
Then sleep, and in such came chaos,
With awakening of the body came awakening of the mind,
Confusion, then understanding,
Dread fills the heart,
Then true chaos follows,
The weak are the used,
The guilty are punished,
But so, too, are the innocent.

- Jay M
January 22nd, 2019
151 · Mar 2020
What The 26th Meant
Jay M Mar 2020
Love, I wrote you a letter
Going to send it, hoping things will be better
Darling, silence is hard
At least I'm not a bard
Writing songs day and night
While I fight
To speak to you again
To see you and then
Maybe things may return to normal

Do you remember the winter formal?
We talked, smiled, danced the night away
When I heard you say
You loved me
And we could be
Whatever we want to be

I said
This romance used to all be in my head
But here we are, here you are
That was then, that time so far

With every passing day
I say;
"Maybe he's missing me,"
"Just like how I'm missing him."
But then I wonder
And all my dreams are torn asunder
Whispering unto me uncertainties
Trekking through each day; little eternities

Such longings, aches, and bittersweet memories
Going through directories
In my mind
Hoping to go through and find
Answers as to why
Such a wonderful guy
And I
Can no longer be together
And what I find doesn't add up
Doesn't satisfy the thirst from my void cup
The void cup of my mind
Open it, see what you find
That which I cannot see
That which will not let me be

Today of all days
Has finally rolled around
I'm caught in a daze
Feels like I'm pinned to the ground
Out of breath
Blood colder than death
With the realization
My brain filling my view with signs of caution
Because today
Would be the 7th anniversary of the day
That you and I got together
But now it's just a severed tether

Still, today I wore a nice red shirt
Wore jeans, never a skirt
Wearing the necklace you gave me
The rose quartz one in the shape of a heart
The remembrance of you it carries wouldn't let me be
And the bracelet you made, adding the little charm
It's saved me from harm
Of loneliness
But that's besides the point -

I know not why I wear such things
The nice red shirt, to start
I wore one like it on our date night
With myself I fight
Saying I shouldn't
That normally I wouldn't
But if we'd still been you and I
Then I'd try
And do something romantic
Maybe paint you a scene; oceanic
Take you on a stroll
My goal;
Kiss you under the light of a thousand stars
Let the time be ours
Maybe sweep you up off of your feet
Dance with you in the street

The heart necklace of rose quartz
To say you're near my heart - in a way of sorts
If I run, it thumps on my chest
Makes me feel like I'm on a quest
And some part of you is running with me
Cheering and then I see
I'm at the end

The bracelet with the charm
Calms me when I am in a state of alarm
On one side of the charm is a heart
And on the other part
It says one sweet word;
"Love"

You wear, or maybe wore, one just like it
On the same wrist, but a bead on mine split
Didn't think much of it, but now I see
But still, I believe we were meant to be

You showed me what love is
Please don't let all of that fizz
Into nothingness
Tell me there is something I can access
To speak to you again
Tell me there is a road I can walk
To see you again
Tell me there is something I can do
To be with you
On one hand and knee
I ask of thee
What can I do to show
That I can go
Any distance and length
With all my strength
Tell me
What an I say or do
To be with you
Again?

- Jay M
March 26th, 2020
We got together on September 26th, 2019, and the last I spoke a word to him was February 26th, 2020 (our 6 month anniversary). Last I was told, I'm not allowed to talk to or see him. So here I am...still hoping.
151 · Apr 2019
Graveyard
Jay M Apr 2019
When the light turns
When dawn breaks
Illuminating this land
Unknown to the innocent
All too familiar to the ******

Some make themselves at home
Others run for their lives
While I perch
Overlooking the city
Filled with the dead

Here again
One of thousands
Miles apart
Yet never closer

I've lost so much
Yet almost nothing at all
Finding everything hard to bare
Yet taking it on in a heartbeat

It still exists
Though it shouldn't be
Not to me

Not supposed to be in pain
Not supposed to be down the drain
Washed over and over by the filth
Toxic waste of the world around me

There I was
Here I am
And always will be

- Jay M
April 23rd, 2019
150 · May 2019
Dad - Changes
Jay M May 2019
Musing through memories
For all I wish I could say

Yet when I hear the news
I cannot choose
So I act
I laugh
I say I am happy...

But the truth is;
I am in shock
How can this be?

I know
It's been 2 years
But even so
Can you do so?

Carry out the vows
This could be your last chance
Please make her happy
Please stay with her
If that's what you
Both of you
Want

I'm scared of what's inside my head
Don't make me right
Lost in a sea of doubt
Don't let me find out
What lies ahead
Unless it's good for me

What if
The game I always play
In my head

If
You are both so happy
And make a choice
Will I have a voice?

If
You agree
Will it be a gift
Or a curse?

Will it destroy us
Or make us grow stronger
As a family?

Remember;
I'm your baby girl
I want to see you smile
Do what feels right for you

But please,
Make it right

You only have one shot
Please don't throw it all away
Make this one count
Stay with her all your life
Make her the queen
Because no king deserves to be alone

Please
Dad
If you love her
That much
Then go get her
But don't stop loving her
Take care of her
This time...

- Jay M
May 7th, 2019
My dad proposed to his girlfriend that he's been with for 2 years. He told me this morning, and I'm shocked. I hope they are happy, and that he has the best life with her.
149 · Mar 2019
Who Is She?
Jay M Mar 2019
No time for regret,
Wake up, you're alive,
Finding who I'm supposed to be,
Struggling to see what I'm supposed to see;
The child in the mirror,
Running from who I'm supposed to be;
Who is she?

Outrunning flat-lines,
Keep the heart beating,
Every breath forced,
March on,
I've had enough,
But I won't give up,
Not yet,
Don't stop,
But questioning still;
Who is she?

- Jay M
January 28th, 2019
148 · Mar 2019
Wasted Lands
Jay M Mar 2019
Through the whispers carried in the wind,
Through the twinkling light of a star,
Even the smallest is heard,
Even the smallest is seen,
The beauty produced from nature,
Wonders beyond the imagination,
Forever flourishing in this paradise,
Birds calling, deer nibbling on the grass,
Wolves slumber in their den, resting their ever sore paws,
But what could they be sore from?

Shouting, running, ravaging all in sight,
They come like a flood,
Taking over the once peaceful land,
Cutting the homes of animal and insect alike to the ground,
The things that supply the very air they breath,
Soon there shall be no more left,
They will have suffocated not only the creatures of nature,
But themselves entirely.

Who are these vile beasts?
Why, they are the humans.
A race of intelligence,
Alas, where has that lead them to?
Are they certain their intellect isn’t ignorance?
Be warned, dwellers of the fortresses of wood and stone,
All actions have consequence.


- Jay M
December 13th, 2018
148 · Oct 2020
It Creeps And Captures
Jay M Oct 2020
Walls surround
Fabrics enclose
Music fills the space between
Coursing through cold veins

Walking sleep
Leave tea to steep
Warmth into the frigid air

Shaking hands
Cannot catch a running breath
Vision unfocused
Heart gunning

Take a seat
Take in the heat
Wrapped up in a sheet
Alone and ever fearful

- Jay M
October 23rd, 2020
147 · Dec 2020
Lost
Jay M Dec 2020
Cold, chilling touch
Withering, crunching leaves
Rustling as they blow
Right along the path
To a gaping archway
Of well-worn stone

Walls so smooth
Plain and grey
Whispering ever faintly
"Stay..."

Turn after turn
Corner after corner
Passage after passage
And still no telling
If there has been any progress
To the other side of the expanse
That is the troublesome maze

Take a moment,
Take a breath,
Let it all rest
Settle down
To the ground
Merely be...

Trapped in a labyrinth
Of grey, now cracking walls
Uneven, patchy ground
Leading to what
Possibly none may know

Rise again
Recall back to when
There was color

Pace after pace
Step after step
The walls
They begin to crumble
Gradually fall
The ground below
Sprouting with grass
A path left long ago

Lost in a field,
Not a trace of the passages
Just tall, towering grass
As each moment does pass
Nothing but a vision of stalks of green

Take a breath,
Take a moment,
Listen close, and listen well
Off in the distance
Water runs and it swell

Take to the feet
That aid oh so
Greatly on this journey
Into the unknown

- Jay M
December 3rd, 2020
Jay M Sep 2022
Gown of black
Covers the flesh
The weary legs
Propelling a ****** shell
A walking, talking hell

Boots of black
Cover sore soles
Worn from the miles
Within these shoes
Take them now
To then endow
What this soul
Has yet to sow

Veil of black
Covers a visage
The tired, dim eyes
Gateways to a fractured soul
Wailing, crying out, as does a wraith
Mourning the greatest of losses
A grand, widely gaping grief
For the sorrow and woeful
Most soul retching cry
Of a lovers loss

Keeping still the black veil
A crown upon the head
Heavy is the silver helm
Upon a fatigued skull
Full of fear and dread

A queen without her king
Fallen at her own hand
Her pen, ink, and word
All bid the love goodbye
Their hearts to surely die

As their kingdom crumbles
Stones crash to the ground
Their castle descends to the sea
From whence it came to be
A castle built stone by stone
To fall but once again
As the very earth rumbles
Quaking in the divide
A ruin on either side

The queen, her part of the land
Once so thriving and grand
Only to fall by her own hand;
From a land of bountiful prosperity
To but a wasteland of humanity

The queen, she walks among the ruins
Rubble scatters the once sacred ground
To rest heavily at her weary feet
Seeming to admit defeat

Into the old chambers,
The throne room they once shared,
Split at the space between the seats
Now ever so lonely she stands
Upon the cliff so steep and grand
The great divide of ancient land

Seated upon her throne of stone
Cracked and deeply worn
Now it seem it were
Surrounded by spine and thorn
Protecting the exhausted queen
Despite all internal protest
She warily sits to rest

Her subjects come to her cries
From her long cold bed,
She cries and cries but will not sleep
Remaining awake only to weep
Wrapped in her linen sheet
Longing for a distant warmth
Knowing it shall not return
T'was but a lesson to be learned

Rise and rule the day,
The queen knows that she must,
She sits upon her throne on high
Her knights to guard her people
Her heralds to aspire the people
Their souls, one day, to rest

The queen, forever she overthinks
Thinks once, then twice, then thrice again
As any a queen should hope before
Making but a single request

The queen, she rules over the dark
Her word is her solemn command
She considers her people with care
Before do anything she dare

The tired queen, she stands to greet
The soldiers of her fleet
To sail their hearts out to sea
No more, in this time they shall not flea
To tie up their ships to the docks
Not again to leave the harbor
Of their greatest labor

As the days go by and by
She stands and heavily sighs
Her people, they reflect her state
And quite frankly, as of late
They appear more ghostly than
The specters of her mind

As her sorrow grows and spreads
So, too, do the wraith-like folk
Of her long, forgotten land
Broken by her trembling hand
Both land, and fragile heart

Seated somberly upon her throne
The queen, her pain is known
Far and wide, beyond the reaches
Of her sullen, gloom filled lands

As the word spreads
To lands far and vast
The tales of her past
They know her by one name
At last she holds her title, bound;
The Queen of the ******.

- Jay M
September 7th, 2022
Decided to polish up this piece a bit. Also, never noticed it was censoring parts of my writing? The censored word is d a m n e d (hope that works so it can actually be read).
147 · Aug 2020
Chilling Summer Leaves
Jay M Aug 2020
Trembling in the night
Leaves in a cold summer wind
Shaking loose long held rain

Whispering and croaking wind
Reveals long sought answers
Yet still, there are more to emerge
Unspoken, yet aware

A sound
A fluster in alarm
Grasping an item of protection
Against an unseen foe
Soon relief
As nothing did come

Quivering once more
Weather didn't call for the downpour
But there it was
Falling from above

The soldier remains
Reluctant, yet there
Aside, yet present
To protect the inhabitants
So young,
Undeserving of wrath
Neither is the soldier.

- Jay M
August 25th, 2020
146 · Feb 2023
Plaguing Memories
Jay M Feb 2023
None shall, no not a one
Hear them, haunted echoes
Banshees, perhaps
Intangible, yet ever present
Inaudible, yet eternally wailing

Thunder approaches, deafening thunder
No place to hide, words spoken
Lines broken, simply run
Close, but only so far
Threaten, scream and cry
None shall ever leave
Figures, perhaps one day
Eternally, memories bleed.

- February 10th, 2023
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