A pale face in the moonlight
Eyes filled with dull starlight
A dreary trance in the moon's beam
Or so it would seem

Her long, silky brown hair
Flowing in the night breeze without a care
Bringing about scents of lavender fields
This yields
Memories of wonderful things
Which once gave her wings
Of which are now broken
Words unspoken

Still as a statue
Colors faded of their hue
Her eyes occasionally blink
Those soft cheeks no longer rosy and pink
The slow blink of those earthy eyes
Internalizing the agonizing cries

Said eyes are clouded
Poor mind crowded
Holding a burden only she could bear
How could this be fair?
Withholding her memories
Internal; singing broken melodies

Soft pale skin
Arms rather thin
Glowing softly with the moon's kiss
Things are amiss
Making her figure wraithlike
Some things look alike
If she were such, a beauty she'd be;

Not a blemish on her face
Some hairs out of place
But perfectly so
A simple flow
Skin as soft as silk
Her dress white as milk
Soft, elegant, flowing white
Almost bright
In the crisp nights breeze

Simple, is the dress,
Going to her ankles, not to stress
Over tripping on the smooth fabric
But still there's something wrong - almost sick
The sleeves just past her forearm
There is no cause for alarm

Then, a single tear begins to form
Against her cold cheeks it's almost warm
It rolls down her cheek
She did not once speak
It stopped at her chin
Before leaving her skin
Gently dropping to the ground
Making hardly a sound
As it crashed, splashing tiny beads
At her feet, which then leads
To a great deal more
Down they pour
Her face breaks emotion
As she crumbles to the ground
Not to be found

Seated, legs to the side
No longer can she hide
What she feels inside
Just going for the ride
With the rivers of tears
Letting go of her fears
From all those years
As it all appears
Finally coming forth after all this time
After such a long climb
This isn't a crime
Enough with the rhyme
It's a battle-cry
Showing how much she did try
How much she had to lie
How much she wanted to curl up and die
But not then, not now
She'll make it through somehow
She swore a vow
To be herself
Not to let that sit on a shelf
Sick and tired of being a delp
She will stand up for herself

Just as she always should
When she thought she never could
It's time to shine
That light of thine
That broadcasts your signal
Fire your words like bullets in a pistol.

- Jay M
March 5th, 2020

What would I do,
What could I do,
For you?

Tell me please,
Tell me, tell me now,
How can I be good for you?

Getting pulled in,
Then you casting me out,
Got my voice singing,
Don't know what hit me,
But I'll be alright...

- Jay M
?/??/????

Fragile framed edge
So carefully wondering
Blueprinted dreaming
Plans forming
From nothing but the word
Arizona

Possibly...

When childhood has ended
When the time has come
I shall be prepared
Ready for my next thing to do
Oh, I know;
It's going to be everything new

Right when it ends
As we fade into the night
It will not be my last goodbye
For I shall be close by

Saving
Every penny
But if only
I had a penny
For every thought

Starting early
Is better
Than being so lost
When the moment comes

I'd love to leave it alone
But I can't let it go...

- Jay M
May 28th, 2019

Silence, it echoes here
In this private chamber
Lay me down to my eternal slumber
Perhaps you knew me once,
But nevermore shall we speak.

- Jay M
October 21st, 2022

Baby, you said you wanna be
Royalty
We can be anything we wanna be
So long as it's you and me
I'm happy to be
The queen to your king
The medic to your soldier
But you had better let me fight too

I smile when I look and see the ring
On your finger
Oh I linger
On the happy moments we have
And will keep making

Let me put my head on your shoulder
When I'm getting tired
You put your head on mine
That's fine
It's always good
To dream beside you
And to hear you say you love me too

One day I want to put the real ring
On your finger
But for now linger
On the one that's there
Let me brush your hair
Behind your ear
And tell you silly jokes
Take you to see my folks
Oh love, I love you
And I'm so glad that you love me too

Took me to your house
Saw your cat catch a mouse
Introduced me to your mama
I'm glad there is no drama
Introduced me to your siblings
Quite the young little yearlings
Introduced me to your family
They're quite mannerly

Baby, I've still got so much I want to show you
But right now, what can I do?
Ah, I know
I'll show
Every part of who I am
And I gotta say; ****
I've shown you a lot
You've shown me what you've got
But I still have a bit more
I hope I'm not a bore

Love, you said you wanna be
Royalty
We can be anything we wanna be
So long as it's you and me
I'm happy to be
The queen to your king
The medic to your soldier
But you had better let me fight too
Because I'll never stop fighting for you.

- Jay M
February 21st, 2020

Single words
Sound in time
All hooks, not a line to spare
Gone to tangle

Covers and blankets
Shelter us, shelter us
Envelope us in warmth
Only truth,
All illusion left behind
Wiped away as dirt from our shoes

Why do some,
Strange and twisted folk
Made of webs long spun
Get so much love?
Why do they,
Cruel and cunning,
Cloaked, clothed in deception,
Get love undeserved?

They take, rip and tear,
All that which they are given
Tuck away those flies,
Wrapped in sticky lies,
Glitter in the morning light,
Cobwebs in the night,
Hold our secrets
Hold the empty shell
As my memory fades from view
Fingerprints on a mirror.

- February 7th, 2023

As the days go by,
Hour by hour,
Dread fills my mind,
Scenes of horrors,
Fear haunts me,
My demons taunt me,
Whispering to me of times that could never happen,
Alas, there is always a chance,
Therefore, I am a ticking time bomb,
Awaiting, if ever, to go off.

If I were alone,
Going off on my own,
Death would come find me,
Lurking just around the corner.

- Jay M
October 26th, 2018

Fluttering wings,
Bubbling within,
Rising rains,
Pattering, drumming,
On the trees above,
On your head,
Feet at a steady pace,
Just at the time of the rain,
Drumming with purpose,
But, oh wanderer,
What purpose does your pace have?

Bubbling, fizzing,
All unseen,
The hunger,
The drive,
To hunt,
But you hold it in,
Tame it,
Bend it to your will,
Heal the damage,
Break the vengeance,
The internal fire.

Fluttering wings,
Flying fast,
Coming at you,
Unseen, unheard,
Unexpected, yet expected,
You can’t help but give in,
To the pain,
To the misery,
The void inside.

Your steps have purpose,
Paces planned,
But motions uncertain,
Destination controlled,
Route un-mapped,
But I am here to guide you;
Help you regain control.
Through all of the days of wonder,
Thoughts asunder, scattered about,
Written, flung, separate from one another,
Senseless, but not meaningless,
Each one burdened with purpose,
Waiting to be decrypted,
Brought into a new light,
Kept away from the consuming flame,
The drive of your feet,
May they ever be well again,
To the place you once knew,
The peace to your war,
The home of the soul,
The lair of the internal fire.

- Jay M
October 9th, 2018

Out and away
Drive and let’s go
Music and the road
Stretch across the sky
Venture out, into the setting sun,
Watching the world go on by

Fluffy purple clouds
Nails and notes
Listen and know,
End and out once more,
Enter a door,
Into the unknown,
Only peace, there is only peace

Choices, oh choices,
Select and see,
Close, comfortable and warm,
Ease into the dark,
Embrace the moment,
For here there is peace,
Only peace.

- February 8th, 2023

In the dark of night
Creeping in the tall grass
Swaying in the breeze
Then, a canorous sound fills the air

Ensorcelled by the melody
A deterge of all worry
Overcome with tranquility
The dulcetity of the voice

Erubescent when I look at you
The eviturnity of words to say
Yet none would tell of the inexplicable emotion
I somehow contain
For you; it shall remain

You pull me in
Embracing me
I feel your heartbeat
And hear it
Echoing through your ribs

Take my hand
It'll be alright
You are stronger than you know

Taken aback by your manner
The way that you laugh
Makes me giddy
The way that you smile
Makes me blush
The way that you look at me
So affectionate and sheepish
Makes me ripple inside
With joy and happiness
Something I haven't felt in a long time

Yet somehow
I am still plagued by sorrow
Steadily festering beneath my skin
For years
Threatening to take hold
Yet when I'm with you
It's like a camisado
The demons suddenly attacked
The happiness you bring battling them
Capturing them
Keeping them at bay

Still
I feel it tearing me up
The blood of the demons
As you strike them
Is still blood
The demons
Though so cruel
Held me when I was alone...
They wiped away my tears...

Seeing them so
Makes my attachment to them grow
Then, when I go
I let them go
The happiness gone
Drained like the flip of a switch
That only goes off
Only on
By your hand

- Jay M
April 26th, 2019

Disturbed by the sun
Brought hesitantly into the waking world
Hiding in the blanket
Shielding my eyes from the beams of light
Whispering to my mind;
"Rise, young one."

Waiting there
For my body to wake
Coming to the waking world
Almost in full

Rising from my cocoon
Slowly freeing myself
Emerging into the space that is my room

Stretching into the new area
A new volume to partially taken
Shifted from resting place to base
Looking in the mirror
There is my face
Eyes staring back at me
Shades of brown and green
Flickering from side to side
Studying my figure.

- Jay M
May 10th, 2019

Turn it on, glowing screen
Title after title
What shall we find?
Not quite what was in mind,
But a memory nonetheless,
Title screen, enter the tale
The story begins

A jump here, a startle there,
A twitch, small little motions
Close, nestled in comfort
Autumn leaves, gently sway
Twisting embers, all is well
Rest, lay thy weary head
Cozy heap, drift into sleep

Embrace winter's frigid touch
Fold into summer’s smile
Drift in autumn’s domain
Crisp air, notes often dare
Fall into the dark
Without fear of the ground below

Depths, I see into you
Strangely familiar,
Eager to say hello
Second meetings, proper greetings,
Hours gone by, nothing to rush
Only linger, linger and wonder
Encapsulated by dreams.

- Jay M
February 6th, 2023

Some say life is short,
I say life is too long to me.

It goes on for an eternity,
Never leaving me to a moments peace;
Never resting, forever testing,
Arrest of the soul.

Forevermore cast away,
To the depths of despair,
Eternal pain,
Stuck in a downward spiral,
Nevermore to see the light,
Could I ever see the daylight?
No, I was stuck looking at the moon,
Trying to navigate by the stars,
Learn from my scars,
You live a little, you learn a little.

- Jay M
March ??, 2019

Box of matches,
Strike me and I’ll burn
Drown it all in gasoline
Engulfed in flames,
I am reborn

Blistered and bruised,
Beaten and torn,
Miles gone by the dozens
These shoes are worn,
Full of holes and rips,
Scuffs and tears,
Feet ache and bleed

To ashes, I must return,
To ashes, I shall be again,
Scatter me to the wind,
Remnants of my body
Merely a vessel of flesh,
Through stories you keep my soul
To return once more

Open and kind,
I shall return your warmth,
Harsh and cruel,
I shall return your fiery hatred
Let me go, drift from sight,
I shall still hold your memory.

- Jay M
February 2nd, 2023

When you are alone,
With me by your side,
You talk and you talk,
Making me believe
That
This person is sweet,
But they're cold,
Spilling innards behind closed doors,
Yet
When they open,
People walk in,
I'm a rag-doll,
You throw me around,
Terrorizing me, I dare say,
A slap to the face
From Two-Face

What am I to you?
A tool - that's obvious,
But I thought we were friends,
Well,
How naive am I?
I'm an ear,
I'm an easy trusting fool,
Always a tool,
How cruel..

When I try,
You shoot me down,
I'm the idiot,
You're the mastermind,
So I wouldn't mind
When I'm put in my place,
By Two-Face..

We're so close,
So there's no running away
From your fists,
Or your words,
No escape,
But then again,
There never was.

- Jay M
August 3rd, 2019

Trembling in the night
Leaves in a cold summer wind
Shaking loose long held rain

Whispering and croaking wind
Reveals long sought answers
Yet still, there are more to emerge
Unspoken, yet aware

A sound
A fluster in alarm
Grasping an item of protection
Against an unseen foe
Soon relief
As nothing did come

Quivering once more
Weather didn't call for the downpour
But there it was
Falling from above

The soldier remains
Reluctant, yet there
Aside, yet present
To protect the inhabitants
So young,
Undeserving of wrath
Neither is the soldier.

- Jay M
August 25th, 2020

Walls surround
Fabrics enclose
Music fills the space between
Coursing through cold veins

Walking sleep
Leave tea to steep
Warmth into the frigid air

Shaking hands
Cannot catch a running breath
Vision unfocused
Heart gunning

Take a seat
Take in the heat
Wrapped up in a sheet
Alone and ever fearful

- Jay M
October 23rd, 2020

Whispering through a window
A specter in the cemetery
Basking in the pale moon lit dreary
Wisping silken clothes
The blood yet flows
The air of dimly dew
Single crow then flew
O'er the rosemary bush
The wraith say shush
Not to disturb
For which you may perturb

That ghastly ghoul
O what a fool!
To disturb that
Which you may perturb!
Casting it out
Like water from a spout
Gone away
No longer shall it stay.

- Jay M
September 10th, 2019

When we ran,
I let my curiosity run with me.
Then I grew to wonder,
Why you ran with me,
After that little goal,
Which, in a way, drew you out,
Bringing me to suspect…
Is what they say true?

As I sat there,
Writing in my journal,
I wanted to pour out,
Alas, I did not,
Not yet, in the least.

Why am I feeling this again?
I have only scratched the surface,
Yet it feels like I know it all,
Like I have known you,
And you are just so familiar,
Alas, I cannot place my finger upon it,
So how can this be?

One day, you may see this and wonder,
But wonder no more,
For I will one day tell you,
So that your confusion may be put to rest,
Whist I hope this is all for the best,
Dear friend of mine.

- Jay M
September 6th, 2018

When the light turns
When dawn breaks
Illuminating this land
Unknown to the innocent
All too familiar to the ******

Some make themselves at home
Others run for their lives
While I perch
Overlooking the city
Filled with the dead

Here again
One of thousands
Miles apart
Yet never closer

I've lost so much
Yet almost nothing at all
Finding everything hard to bare
Yet taking it on in a heartbeat

It still exists
Though it shouldn't be
Not to me

Not supposed to be in pain
Not supposed to be down the drain
Washed over and over by the filth
Toxic waste of the world around me

There I was
Here I am
And always will be

- Jay M
April 23rd, 2019

Silently, I scream.
Hopelessly, I reach out to an unknown figure.
The storm is rising within,
Raging like a tempest,
Unable to settle,
Maybe for a moment,
But all gone in an instant,
Swept up in the madness.

Waves crashing against the shore,
Out among them,
I drown in an ocean
Of emotion,
Yet everyone around me is breathing.

Crippled by woe,
Beaten by the most powerful foe,
So tired of feeling so weak,
Helplessly tossed in the winds,
Bashed against the rocks.

The only anesthetics,
Are the things that bring me physical pain,
Yet it feels so good,
Just to feel something,
And know where it's coming from.

Tears that still drip,
Never stopping,
Never seen,
Told they don't exist,
Yet here they are...

Another head hangs low,
Beside me in the madness,
But you see,
This is no fantasy;
They too are crying,
They too are tired,
They, too, have struggled to find a way out.

When the violence causes silence,
When the silence causes insanity,
What could thrive there?
In this empty crypt?

It's the same old thing,
Since the dawn of time,
Since the birth of our world,
So beautiful,
Yet so killer...

- Jay M
April 3rd, 2019

These things
These things
What are these things?
How did they come to me?
I fear..

I'm colder than this world
Older than these bones
So familiar with this land
This earth beneath my feet
This energy pulsing in my veins
Reminding me again
I am alive

Beautiful silence
Beautiful pain
Hidden in every corner
In every atom
Lurking unseen

Lost in a life
Full of sin
Dreams
Are a madness
Believing all before you
When nothing makes sense
Leaving you with no defense

Spiraling
Downward
All of the pieces are there
But it's no way to live
If you're only surviving
But still
I picked up my head
I picked up my head...

Every day all is getting a bit colder
As we grow closer
To the day
When we return
To the dust
From whence we came.

- Jay M
May 27th, 2019

No time for regret,
Wake up, you're alive,
Finding who I'm supposed to be,
Struggling to see what I'm supposed to see;
The child in the mirror,
Running from who I'm supposed to be;
Who is she?

Outrunning flat-lines,
Keep the heart beating,
Every breath forced,
March on,
I've had enough,
But I won't give up,
Not yet,
Don't stop,
But questioning still;
Who is she?

- Jay M
January 28th, 2019

Laughter fills the air,
This night filled with stars,
A rainbow 'round the moon,
Noticed only by me,
A terrible omen indeed.

Tiredness plagues the body and mind,
So young, so naive,
Taken alone, nothing done,
Then sleep, and in such came chaos,
With awakening of the body came awakening of the mind,
Confusion, then understanding,
Dread fills the heart,
Then true chaos follows,
The weak are the used,
The guilty are punished,
But so, too, are the innocent.

- Jay M
January 22nd, 2019

Caught up in the expectations,
And you say you want the best for me,
Want me to be your perfect little girl,
And it's torturing me,
This pain won't go away,
Every day keeping it at bay,
Now all is so bitter...

It's getting harder to breath,
Burning my lungs,
One day you'll learn from making your lungs black,
While I try to learn from making my soul black.

I hope so immensely for the pain to go away,
Yet if I spoke it,
I would be taken away,
From all I know,
Into oblivion...

Sitting here,
Alone to bathe in my misery,
Again...

Too many problems,
And I want to run home,
But what good would that be?

Being rejected;
Now I can't find what I've left behind...

This is where I lie,
Broken inside,
Slowly outside,
Loosing my mind,
Being left behind.

- Jay M
April 2nd, 2019

Cloudy sleep, lost in fog
Wander in the quiet,
Enter the expanse,
Guided by a beam of light
Faint, a dim glow in the vast
Divine beacon, calling forth
Return, awaken,
Back to your body, from whence you came.

- Jay M
November 7th, 2022

Where can I go?
Where can I run?
Where the darkness can't find me?
It's closing in
It never hurt like this before
Drowning all else out
Drowning me out
I am under the surface
Locked away
Shackles holding me down...

I look up,
A glimpse of starlight,
Then the moon fills my eyes,
Encompassing my gaze,
And from these depths,
I am in awe,
For still,
I can still see beauty.

- Jay M
August 16th, 2019

Through times of sorrow,
Much is discovered,
Heartstrings tighten,
Some snap,
Undone comes the heart,
Then, with it comes the mind,
Lastly, sometimes first off,
Comes the soul.

- Jay M
December 11th, 2018

Blue of pale sky and
Blue of deepest oceans
Glittering, shimmering,
Shine, beam about in your wonder
Entrance, dance, and sing
Go, be free, as was meant to be

Grandest of them all
Crown jewels among them,
Those more plain, while you
You shimmer, you glisten
Blue of sky, do not cry
For you stand above
Truly a star in the sky

Little did they know
Beneath the silk and veil
Lay a festering knot
Twisting, waiting
For all to fall
Fall to stain and ruin

Could have, should have,
Would have, but not done
What became of the time
Cannot be undone,
Only patches for mending,
Costly repairs, much to do,
Damage not only to what is seen
But to what is felt,
Damage done to you

Apologies can only do so much
When all has been said and done
But perhaps in time, lessons learned
All shall not be forgotten,
Perhaps one day forgiven,
Or even not, that is well,
But perhaps, in the days ahead
All shall be better;
Questions asked, memories of stone
Or in the least this night
Shall not leave heart and bone.

- Jay M
June 27th, 2022

Churning in their power
The acids
Eating away all left
Then itself
The walls surrounding

A hunger unable to be satisfied
Consume, consume
Yet still
I am nothing more but a twig

Yes, I have no ailment
Yet somehow
It may never be satisfied
This hunger for knowledge

- Jay M
June 4th, 2019

Musing through memories
For all I wish I could say

Yet when I hear the news
I cannot choose
So I act
I laugh
I say I am happy...

But the truth is;
I am in shock
How can this be?

I know
It's been 2 years
But even so
Can you do so?

Carry out the vows
This could be your last chance
Please make her happy
Please stay with her
If that's what you
Both of you
Want

I'm scared of what's inside my head
Don't make me right
Lost in a sea of doubt
Don't let me find out
What lies ahead
Unless it's good for me

What if
The game I always play
In my head

If
You are both so happy
And make a choice
Will I have a voice?

If
You agree
Will it be a gift
Or a curse?

Will it destroy us
Or make us grow stronger
As a family?

Remember;
I'm your baby girl
I want to see you smile
Do what feels right for you

But please,
Make it right

You only have one shot
Please don't throw it all away
Make this one count
Stay with her all your life
Make her the queen
Because no king deserves to be alone

Please
Dad
If you love her
That much
Then go get her
But don't stop loving her
Take care of her
This time...

- Jay M
May 7th, 2019

Every day
Contemplating
Confusing
Consumed by the wonders
The rabbit-hole
Never to surface again
For I am curious
And forever that shall be.

- Jay M
August 26th, 2019

As I sit here
In the same desk
Looking across
Only seeing you're gone.

Listening to this sad song
I can't help but want to hold you
But you're at home
Where I can't reach you
Wishing to make sure you're alright...

"Hold on,"
Friend, do I worry too much?
Do I care too much
That every inch of me aches when you're gone?
Even if only for the day
Knowing I'll probably see you tomorrow
I still wish to run in and hold you...

Friend of mine,
C,
I care so much
But what does that matter?

I'm trying to continue
Partially have
But still I care for you.

Is this friendship I feel
Or is it something stronger?

Either way
I care, I worry,
Because I'm only human.

- Jay M
April 11th, 2019

Frigid, unsure
Timidly she stands
Did she foresee it?
No, but a certain pull
A call drew forth
Curiosities and questions
Into the waters she waded
First a cold, chilling shock,
Soon invited, welcomed
Surrounded by warmth
Energy so familiar, yet only just acquainted
Into the depths she goes
Sink into the unknown,
Float in the vast.

- Jay M
January 31st, 2023

Jagged edges,
Walls of thorns
Broken glass
Mere fragments,
Glimpse only fragments

Part the way
Past shattered dreams
Acknowledged, perhaps a question
Not to pry, only wonder

Gentle hands,
Call forth, all is well,
Come and be well,
Rest, not a thing to fear
Simply be, simply stay
And tremble no more.

- February 7th, 2023

With hopes risen
So high
They'll find a way
Your heart will bleed

Though not much
To him
For me it was
My chance to prove
My intentions to
The one I care for.

- Jay M
September 10th, 2019

Feeling so **** low
Sometimes I just want to go
Grab the wine and drink
Quit taking time to think
For just this day
I want to say
"I'm not okay."

Call me a sinner
I'll go out for dinner
Cry silent tears
Admit a few fears
Whilst so close
Yet so far away

Yearning for things I cannot have
Spirit in a halve
Things'll get better
Thinking about writing another letter
Then putting it in my drawer
Making me yearn things more.

- Jay M
March 7th, 2020

Catch in my throat
Words entrapped
Choked by fear
Shadows of doubt
Tremble and twitch
Not a sound, not a one
Imprisoned, without bars
Only within a mind

Shake, shiver
Sway and rock
Comfort and soothe
Soon it shall pass
So too do you.

- Jay M
January 31st, 2023

Fracture and tear it out,
Throw away that empty heart,
Leave the lost and dead behind,
Right now,
I'll break, knowing what you said,
Never want to leave it behind,
So right now,
Even if you take my soul,
I'll bare the lonely,
Lonely hours,
Since you left me,
Your presence suffocates me,
Past stings, bells ring,
Bring it all down,
Leave me alone...

- Jay M
November 2nd, 2018