Stress so bad
It's got you puking
And now you're losing your hair
What's this?
Didn't know stress could do that
Oh, now you're puking in the toilet again
Got another fever
What's this?
It feels like appendicitis
Didn't know stress could do that
How did you get yourself in this mess
You can't believe this
Should I spell it out for you
Because if I tell you what it is
You going to go insane
Because you know it's true
This doesn't happen to you
This isn't happening to you
What's this?
Crying and laughing at the same time
Turning around breaking things in anger
Falling on you're knees
Alone in your room
Curling up into a ball
Tearing up all day and night
Why are you laughing
You don't know why
You feel like you're brain is fried
Oh, now you're crying again
You don't sleep any more
You know this isn't right
What makes you think you should go against your gut this time
You promised you'd always listen
No exceptions
You're blind
You love him too much
It doesn't matter that he's been your friend for years too
You know this ain't right
You ******* know it
Now you're in denial
You've made every excuse for him
You answer his every whim
He's got you controlled in fear
You're afraid to lose him
So you listen to every crazy whim
Not doing yourself any favors
You ain't doing him any either
Children need to be taught
Wrong and right
No matter how old they are
Should you be ashamed?
Think you like it
In some twisted sense
You think you deserve it
Now you're doped up on Xanax
You had some wine too
So desperate
It's all you had
Want to be knocked out
Because it stops the thinking
To take away all the stress
You could barely breathe
Drinking with your meds
That aren't even yours
But now you need them
Because now you feel like fainting
When you think
Didn't know stress could do that
You think you like it
Hell no
You don't like it
But you convinced yourself otherwise
But in the end
That's still an excuse to protect him
What are you doing
So lost in those rare moments
Of what he used to be
Still is
Behind it all
That's him
Not this
It's a broken record
Same two songs over and over
It's a game for how long each side lasts
Pretty soon he'll hit you
You know this
You know it
That's why you just had a mental breakdown
'Cause you know what's next
Cause you're blind
You know the truth
You just don't want to look at it
I just want my sanity back
But I won't leave
Not without you

I don't know
What is left of me
Or even
If there is
Anything at all

Ground down to nothing
I am not here
Not anymore

You see
Looking back
I can see


All the signs were there
Over these last four years

Memories can't be trusted
Were they all lies?
Your sociopathic inferno of illusion

Little by little I played into
Your game of chess

Thinking I was an opponent
In good spirits

But only was the pawn
From the very beginning

Spiraled into your manipulative ways
You were the puppet master

Now I see

And now the damage is done

Over
But not
Really ever

And yet
You still find a way
To pour salt in the wound

And you are not
Even here

Just sharp words
That cut me down to size
Smaller
And smaller
Until I cower once again

My mistake was bowing down
My mistake was valuing
Y O U
Over  M E

Now I'm left
Deeper in the pit
Damaged beyond return

I am broken

Left less of a being
That I was before

Seems that I always came last

Didn't know how to put myself first

Took care of others to fill a void
That I couldn't place

Tried to be there
Tried to give
What I didn't really have

So I gave up myself
All of me
Everything

To others
Gave it all away

Gave everything I cherished
To those I cherished

Because happiness matters, right?

But my own happiness
I could never find

I don't think I ever had that in mind

Because I gave it to others
So they wouldn't have the void
That ate away at me

Couldn't find myself
But I never had an idea of who I was anyway

Serving the needs of others

So I didn't have to face
The lack of self
That I never gained

So I put myself on a shelf

Saved for later

And collected dust
Forgotten and left alone

For all the years that came
A love that was boundless

Never shined bright enough

So I left myself on the shelf
Hoping someone would
Return the favor

And here I am collecting dust
Left to myself once again

Lost to the world and
Lost to myself

Forgotten
Always forgotten
Always picked last
By those you picked first

A shine that was just never enough

Push, pull


Take me away
I cannot stay


All I can say is that
I loved you anyway

Feels like you're gone
Don't know if I'm referring to
You or me

Common sense tells me to run
At least until this is safe for me again

I like the hurt
I must be delusional  

I'm watching myself set me on fire
But you're the one pouring the gasoline

Whatever.
This pain in my chest
Brings me to my knees
Crashing down on the floor kneeling
Can't take this any more

Who's the god ****** liar?

You're lying to yourself
To accept the things that you do to me
That you know are not ok

I'm lying to myself
To accept the things that you do to me
That I know are not ok

I know you feel terrible about it
It doesn't make you bad
Just gotta get yourself back

What is this mess?
Where did you go?

My heart is breaking
Piece by piece
It's not just a metaphore
Not anymore

I feel it in my chest
Right in my heart
These pangs of pain
You said it's for the best

But how can you decide
What's right for me

I can't let you be

But I'll give you that space
If you could just look at my face

I'm sorry I tried to understand
I went too far
Into those walls built from scars

The tears run down my face
There is no light in this place
You are the sun
But you always run

I'll let it go
If I could just have
Things as they were

Not a fabricated distance
That is only another wall

Please look at me
The way you used to
I miss seeing your face

Your sincere smile
I cannot erase
But I fear
I made it disappear

Cringing
At the memories you
Left me with

Backed into a corner

Broken on the floor
Tears streaming down

You

Towing over me

As I cower

Covering my naked frame
From your threatening punches

That you stopped

Right before

My face


Over and over


Laughing
Asking

If I really thought that
You were going to hit me


This is the terror
I relive thinking of you

Left shattered
With thoughts suffocating

Shattered
With marks

You left me for dead

Shattered with the thought
That I once trusted you

Memories only prove
To me once more

Trust no one

Love means
Being backed into a corner

Love means
Terror

As you wrap hands around my throat

Love means
Testing me

To see how far
I'd let you take it
Over the edge

That's what love taught me

You weren't the first
But I had prayed
That you weren't the worst

Selfish
Vain
Asinine

Those are words
That convey
Your entire being

I'd rather see you burn
In a cold endless flame

Than have you lecture me
Of lessons you never learned

If only I had seen
What my life would mean
To me
If only I had seen
How I would watch everything crumble apart
If only I had seen
That I let it fall apart
And fall back inside of me
If only I had seen
What happened to me

A face washed with sorrow
Looking down
As if tomorrow
Should never come
She is
Always tired
Always sad
Always crying
Always mad
Water dripping down
A small little frame
She is lost in this world

Reality has always been
So far away from me
I had you once
But maybe I never really did
Only created the illusion

Acting the way you do
Makes one feel like those feelings
Are returned
For once

Maybe for a moment they were
Returned only in those moments

I still love you
And I'm sure I always will
For everything that you are
You are still home to me

I wish I could be yours
I thought I was
Never official
But who needs labels

But that was wishful thinking
Being led on by encouraging actions

We do have something special
But I wish I had you to myself
I think I'm selfish after all

At least I have you in my dreams
I dream about you often
And in that time
I have you
And you have me
And both are equal
Everything I have ever wanted
Continues while I sleep
Sometimes I never want to wake up
Why would I want to wake up
Only to be slapped across the face
I wish I could dream forever

There is a strange beauty in darkness
But it seems to devour you
For it too wants to reach
Out to the light
Perhaps it has forgotten how to

Things that meant the world to me
Never meant a single thing to you
Wasted three years
Now I'll be wasted come 3 'o clock
Climbed over mountains
Trekked through the bitter coldness
Of a soul that was insane
All for you
And my misplaced love
That never was
Only a figment of my imagination

Dirtied faces
Tainted with flowing crimson

Walking a dead dusty path
Rotting with decay

Feet dragging with discontent
Splintered bones aching away

The journey endless
Days blistering into nights and

Nights that make sub degree temperatures
A blessing of warmth

Traveling souls
Corrupted by life
Stained by regrets

Walking endlessly into oblivion

A passionless day
A Sleepless night
Empty of emotions
Tell me why
I cannot feel
Anything anymore
Is is this tiny pill?
Or is it me,
Getting worse?

The last trace
Of your kiss
From seasons ago
Still lingers
Upon my lips
Oh how I wish
That I could hold
On to you
For just
A little longer

The kindness
In your voice
Resonates
Within my soul

The gentleness
Of your actions
Speaks to
These once
Lost eyes

The caring tone
Of your voice
Hugs my soul gently

Dreams of you
Lull me to sleep

The
Anxiety
Of actions
That never mattered

Haunt me

Like an
Abandoned thought

Stored away
In the back
Of my mind

Digging its way
Into my conscious form

Consuming me entirely

Until
I fall
Once again
Into the oblivion

You lack emotion in your eyes
I can see all the fears you face
All the tears you've cried
I see it in your eyes
You hide the pain
I'll never let you deal with it alone
I'll be right here
If you'll let me
I'll sit outside the door when you cannot bare to talk
I'll be right here
Picking up the broken pieces
No matter how many times it takes
I'll fix you
I'll love you
If you let me
And even then I will still try
I'll be right here
To show you the love you lost
When everything seems to fall away
And hope begins to fray
Don't believe all the lies
Meant to bring you down
I will always be right here
I'll show you the way out
When the way seems so far
Let me love you when you break
Just take my hand

It's not you when
You intentionally hurt me
With a voice laced with venom
And words like  knives  
                                      
It's not you when
You crush me
After you've built me up
It's not you!

I know you
It doesn't feel like you
Shivers go down my spine
Your energy feels like a malevolent stranger
I wait for it with feared anticipation


Where did you go?

Once I felt safe
You were home

Comfortable
I was happy

Now I'm just
Afraid      
                      of you
Paranoid                  just like you

For you're own actions
That you blame on me
I accept it
Because I believe you


Where did you go?

You aren't my friend I once knew
You aren't who I fell love with.

Who are you?

To me
You are the epitome of wonderful
You bring the light into my hollow world
But you see
That I am swallowed
By the dark
Every day seems so much
Further away
I return to the depths
And every day
You pull me out
But every night
I return to the depths

Frozen in time
I sit inside my mind
The screaming has halted
But a silent chill has crept up

Frozen in time
I see what can't be felt
The times that never happened
They were only a glimmer of hope

Frozen in time
I wish what I felt was real
But alas I only can ever have myself

Frozen in time
My shadows cradle me
Lulling me to sleep with the lies of my mind

Help me
Please
That is all I want to ask
Just sometimes
Just a little bit

It is seldom existent
In my own mental vocabulary

But ah, you see
For others
That is the first word
That comes to mind

Help
Help others
Help people
Help yourself

But never
Help myself

Well, I'm asking now
Someone help me, please
Just this once
I promise I won't ever ask again
But someone
Please
Help me

Sometimes
To disappear
Is what I want

To be hollow
Is what I am

Let me out
Of this encased mind

Let me out
Of this trapped body

Let me out
Of my thoughts

That drag me down
To the pits of Hell

Can you hear
The demons that
Surround me?

Let me out

Help me
Let go
And release
All of this pain

Down on the floor
I forget
The sparkling sky
I forget
The happiest moments
Down on the floor
I look up to nothing
For there is nothing
Down on the floor
I coil and remember the things that I abhor

This is how I died
Trembling in the cold nothingness
Dark shadowed hands groping at my form
Only inches tall
Walking, slowly
With tears running down
A dirtied face
Staring at the cold unpaved ground
Clothes torn and frayed with lost time
Wasting away
Crumbling into dust
My bones start to break
Frail and useless
Falling into the ground
Where they belong
Along with my unconscious form
Into the dirt
I am buried
Shadows pick away at the remains
For I am faded
I am nothing
I return to nothing

There is something deep inside
Burning like flames within

Witness to all the suffering
This world is an empty promise

Build me up
Watch me crumble

Keeping this saint-like mind
Is hard when I know
I'm dying inside

Suffering for myself
And for others
I find myself lost
Wanting to shoulder all the pain

Do I give in
Or keep on going

You say I'm too good for the world
But baby, I say I'm stripped away
Everything has been betrayed

This will be the end of me

I'm far too young to fade

I want to give in
To the pain
The rage

Everything is black and white
Stripped away of the grey

Breaking apart
This will be the end of me

There's gotta be a way out
From these chains holding me

My heart is breaking apart
Spinning around in this illusion

Or am I disillusioned

My mind is breaking down further

I walk through these shards of glass
Just to be with you

Desperate for some kind of revelation
Holding on to desire

You are the only hope I can see
Dying to believe

It's part of me
You are the light to me

Perhaps
You really did
Steal my heart
Are you running away with it?
Or did you throw it to the ground?
I don't believe you would do either
But I am so unsure
Of what you want
Do you even want it?
You seemed to
Now
I'm not
So sure
Anymore

Sometimes
It is the lows
That make
You feel
The highest
You have ever been
Soaring through
The skies