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Jess Oct 2016
Push, pull

Take me away
I cannot stay

All I can say is that
I loved you anyway
Jess May 2016
Could you blame me
For my mistrust of men

Could you blame me
For every flinch held back

My muscles remember

Your hand,  their hands,  his hand

He wasn't the first one

To show me     l o v e  ?
F  E  A  R

He was just the worst one

Could you blame me

For always looking down
Always leaning away
Always shutting down
Every conversation

Because I'm aftaid
Of where it will inevitably lead

Could you blame me
I've been

And abused


Hit and thrown

Could you blame me
I've been

Taught to be less than
Taught to be useful to others
Taught to be last

Taught that I am nothing

Shown I am nothing

So could you blame me
For being so afraid

Could you blame me*

For not trusting you?
Jess Apr 2016
It's such a lovely thought
To  have once had
Everything you've caught
In your palms

Crumble away

As sand does

On a windy shore

Through the spaces
From your fingers

Cascading back
Into  the tide
Jess Feb 2016
He told me
I was beautiful

O n c e

He told me
I was ugly

Countless times

In every way

His words always sharp
Laughing like a hyena
Circling a wounded prey

His words always cold
Laced with the venom of a snake
Slowly cutting every chord

His words always hollow

With an empty soul
Lost in its darkest thoughts
That he had proven right

But then
He would tell me that

I was beautiful

O n c e

Jess Jan 2016
I don't know
What is left of me
Or even
If there is
Anything at all

Ground down to nothing
I am not here
Not anymore

You see
Looking back
I can see

All the signs were there
Over these last four years

Memories can't be trusted
Were they all lies?
Your sociopathic inferno of illusion

Little by little I played into
Your game of chess

Thinking I was an opponent
In good spirits

But only was the pawn
From the very beginning

Spiraled into your manipulative ways
You were the puppet master

Now I see

And now the damage is done

But not
Really ever

And yet
You still find a way
To pour salt in the wound

And you are not
Even here

Just sharp words
That cut me down to size
And smaller
Until I cower once again

My mistake was bowing down
My mistake was valuing
Over  M E

Now I'm left
Deeper in the pit
Damaged beyond return

I am broken

Left less of a being
That I was before
Jess Jan 2016
At the memories you
Left me with

Backed into a corner

Broken on the floor
Tears streaming down


Towing over me

As I cower

Covering my naked frame
From your threatening punches

That you stopped

Right before

My face

Over and over


If I really thought that
You were going to hit me

This is the terror
I relive thinking of you

Left shattered
With thoughts suffocating

With marks

You left me for dead

Shattered with the thought
That I once trusted you

Memories only prove
To me once more

Trust no one

Love means
Being backed into a corner

Love means

As you wrap hands around my throat

Love means
Testing me

To see how far
I'd let you take it
Over the edge

That's what love taught me

You weren't the first
But I had prayed
That you weren't the worst
Jess Jan 2016
Seems that I always came last

Didn't know how to put myself first

Took care of others to fill a void
That I couldn't place

Tried to be there
Tried to give
What I didn't really have

So I gave up myself
All of me

To others
Gave it all away

Gave everything I cherished
To those I cherished

Because happiness matters, right?

But my own happiness
I could never find

I don't think I ever had that in mind

Because I gave it to others
So they wouldn't have the void
That ate away at me

Couldn't find myself
But I never had an idea of who I was anyway

Serving the needs of others

So I didn't have to face
The lack of self
That I never gained

So I put myself on a shelf

Saved for later

And collected dust
Forgotten and left alone

For all the years that came
A love that was boundless

Never shined bright enough

So I left myself on the shelf
Hoping someone would
Return the favor

And here I am collecting dust
Left to myself once again

Lost to the world and
Lost to myself

Always forgotten
Always picked last
By those you picked first

A shine that was just never enough
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