The equivalent of my past
Has burden more for my future than my present
Within night and day
There’s a universe unaware
To fit perfectly in the change of redemption
Confusion upon creation of life
Tiredness upon freedom to live
What an equivalence to have
Showing only what I must take by the foot and run with
Safety, has no need to be
Nor does chances of surviving
There is an equivalent
To what changes there may be
But until then
I beg for your love and understanding
Cause I’m trying too

A picture framed from pain
Brightened from negativity in a tin
Forced to be sold for more than its worth
That's the life she lives
Abstained from hope, forcefully on hold
With sweet lies to hold, but yet its cold
That's the life she lives
And with prayers grown in every word
No kingdom above has claimed her call
While many serpents shed new lives
She's stagnant in what may be right
That's the life she lives
And for the many souls she turns to for love
A profit they want from the little she owns
But at the end of it all
That's the life she lives
Without need for hope concealed by dormant love

Duties steered the heart away
Leaving guard
The brain that plays
Oh !
How naive of faith
Believing youth knows it’s way
Taking thrills from what age says.

And masking the beauty of being wrong
From delusional lies to insignificant fights

Oh !
How perfect is it to be here.
Doing duties
Without a soulful pay

My shift in revolution has pulled trickery far out its hat
A sudden wave of miracles have slipped through my life
Perfection has beaten down on my rights
And honesty has worn the cape of invisibility
So be gone with love
Be gone with worth
And leave that which comes on its own
For baggage's aren't rare in this life we bare
And vanity puts to ease a head on white sheets

Tampering flesh, beckons at saints
Bolting high a warm embrace
Sampling shame by demons we face
As fools run for the richness of fame
But never have I seen pride shine
Brighter than the outlooks of time
As morals bleed seemingly
And I face the repeat of actions burnt repeatedly
For I know of such disgrace
Feeding full the purpose of life and faith

3RD SEPTEMBER, 2020
HE DID IT AGAIN
HE MADE ME A ***** FOR HURT
SHAMED MY SOUL FOR BEING ALIVE
AND GAVE ME A WORD TO HOLD
DEATH IS MY WORD
IT WILL BE TILL TIME KNOWS OF ITS CALL
3RD SEPTEMBER, 2020
I WAS ALIVE, BUT THEN I DIED

AND THEN DEATH BECAME MY WORLD
AND THEN I BECAME WHOLE

FOR WHAT SHOULD LIFE THROW
IF NOT LOVE OR WORTH
WHAT SHOULD I HOLD IF NOT LOVE TO CALL MY OWN
I SAY ENOUGH, IS ENOUGH
ENOUGH IS MORE THAN ENOUGH
AND WEALTH IS HEAVIER THAN LUST
SO HOME I GO TO THE LORD I KNOW
AND MAYBE HE MIGHT OPEN A DOOR
FOR A SINNER WITHOUT A SOUL

Never have I, seen hate so divine
Pouting at the presence of hurt
Feeling only what favors have grown
As my entities knows not of fear.

For every minute, it has grown unveiled
Exposing only what dreams should feel
But am I rare in histories eyes
Or have I breached the self esteem line.

Pleading for freedom in its prime
Sorting only by what lies I have signed
But now I have seen,
Hate more divine, than the growth of families who denies.

Oh my little world
Tell me of risks in these twinkled eyes
Serenade passions of wrongs and rights
Shatter one's self with daylight's pride
Oh my little world
Where to, for peace from monsters that look alike
Where to, for strength to lift high this life
Oh my little world
Tell I of hope with silver linings
Help thou to make do with heaven's favours
Oh my little world
Carry I with thee to a world unseen

One ex drove twice around the block
Maybe to see twice what he had
Or to see twice where I am
One ex came twice into the store
Once alone and once with his new love
One ex came alone
Maybe to show me he’s around
Or maybe I’ve got a chance
One ex came with her girl
But too many times for I to keep tract
Once with her mate and many times
With other lovers
On ex came alone
But I never knew she still had concerns
She came brave and filled
And other times she reminded me
I’m still loved
One ex slide through
Unannounced and uninvited
He strolled through my paths
Unbothered but allured
One ex never showed memories of being owned
And he made it clear that I was alone
One ex never judged
But never said she felt love
And now
I’m planting more seeds
To reap more ex’s of my own

The more life feeds
The more anger I create,
Humbly I cry for passage, through hard times
Devastation within ones mind.

I'm sourcing hope from unsure love
Begging reflections to adore little efforts
But a persons freedom blooms only from winnings
And I have kissed the devil, giving all my medals.

But anger not the doings of others
As I've learn't to kiss the dust walked on by false honors
So why seclude emotions that differ
When only hurt flowers upon both that whispers

Mononymously I called for a name
Navigating words through memories
Sorting failed hopes by the thickness of its pain
But by what time have I to stop
To settle for what faith serves thee.

Inequalities of a family
Reaps burgeons of fantasies
More than realities.

As precautions mold happiness
Youth graze from beneath unfinished dreams
For family has lost its made

Convinced not, by the fall of grails
Fathom never, the edge of despair
As reverence fade lucidly, by how you've met with me.
"Do you know what trust is?"

As to whom must I read
As to whom must I feel
For savoir faire, needs not a heedless being
Like the one you see fit to be.

Surreal sins faced the contagious beliefs of life. Feelings forgive blindly what was once felt, and loudly concealed hurts of others. Making well the ill not easily seen, assuring years there’s more to come even In the darkness of happiness. Seating too often calmly besides guilt, inked dreams stained the outcomes of reality.
Retirement squanders all of its faith, deciding independently what happy sights should be

It fulfilled the desires of my eye,
but yet in my head it seems to be poison to my aspects of life,
I crave love, but we confuse this with lust,
I fear hurt
I crave trust but people forget their worth and in the end we all get hurt.

A life in fleet
Earning more than keeps
Reluctant by the many selfish acts of beliefs
Even through prosperity.

As a world would see
Wealth and prosperity
A life would feel
Disbelief and irony
Fighting for hope in dimmed sunlight
It’s all a journey we never reach.

A life in fleet
Will be the end of me
A life in fleet
Could be the end of me.

Birds will fly, away from troubles and demise
Towards happiness and realize, how free they have been throughout life.
A little hope many wish to have
A little luck many search to hide.
As we humans run, but never reach far enough
To say we now know fear
Isn't true in any way.
And with all trials we face, we somehow still make a way
To live happy without change.
But the universe knows more than what it may say
And change happens in the quietest of ways
Giving abundance to what we crave
A world without fear.

For what I’ve done wrong, I apologize
For the disgrace I have brought, I apologize
For the mistakes I’ve repeated, I apologize
I have apologize my entire life
For upholding the wrong
For we both knew the right wasn’t an entity entitled to me
I have tried to be better than my past
But it only consisted of you
It has only consisted of the many fragments I’ve had to hide in order for you to appreciate me
I’ve tried to shed this love, and I know I can
But it makes me a monster I fear to become
The many demons I know can be unleashed
I fear they would hurt the innocent
I fear many changes, and many changes I welcome
If I do make it out before the clock strikes my deadline
I will be happy
But if I don’t
I hope for hope to be a little more considerate to my fragile heart
For my fragments will linger forever
And so will the impressions I have knitted
And whichever weighs heavier on my name
I’ll stand by it
Cause I have seen what denial does;
It made you
And I’m unable to move on with your existence as part of mine
So kudos to me trying anymore
I’m ready to see how things go
When I let loose the bolts upon my ego

It came with a force, In whole of fear and faith, my love
Publicized through shepherds of the divine
written through scriptures, lost to manhood and lies.

A different feeling of hurt embezzled amongst all sort of ties
It came with a force., greater than lust deep within your shrine.

Faced with doubt amongst congregations, it came with its force
And countless tears warranted its host.
For time did do right.
But !

It came with a force,
But no longer could it win
for the love he gave drafted many forces that protected my faith.

A petition for forgiveness
Filled with happy lies and conniving rights
Sourcing change from numerous why's
Oh my, what a life to hide.

Building hope from where the past has been
Only to grieve from what has been
But never have I dream't of love so divine
Until I met you, and it all came alive.

But why do I cringe at all that I have
Only to weep to have it all back in mind
I'm sorry, isn't what you desire
But my love, its all I own in this life.

Power stood, but strength fell
A capacity to fear, but no more burdens to build,
The forlorn of a daughter.
While fault became honey, sweetly puréed upon the flesh I wore,
The drought of one’s character left dry this flesh.
Sticky and shriveled, was my existence.

———————————-

No conquest could restore, dignity or integrity,
The forlorn of a daughter, lost to the hunger of confectioners.

Give time some time
The pain and heartaches won’t go away
But time will heal your hate
Give love some love
For whatever you have lost
Isn’t a once in a lifetime song
Give patience some patience
I know how draining the efforts are
But for many days the payments aren’t bad
And finally
Give life some life
Not a normal norm
But an affectionate one
To the soul you carry and the heart you feed
Give life some time

Fraudulent are emotions and dreams
Mincing outcomes by single grains of hope
Balancing shame of desires
For gains without essence

Love not, the soul unsure of a home
For its course has never settled for hope
Only wishing on pigments
That life knows it all

God deprives us of options
Oh yes, how sweet and good it is to have options
But how often have we picked the right options?
To have it all and not know.

We curse at his favoritism, dethroning faith and belief in his existence.
Spiting his love, and bargaining his hurt.
Only for him to deprive us of options, for love is his conception.

The many possibilities we find, pining all upon our hearts.
Only to discover, not all made us happy.

A prayer we never prayed,
Answered in right timings
He deprives us of options
Cause we can never know the right ones.

I’m learning to grow without his love
Embracing the fears on my own
Knowing that stability will only be as strong as I go
And nurturing my heart to be bold without love
I’m learning it all
And viewing the world as my very own
Seeing nakedly the ugly touch of a fatherless child
And I’m going strong
With adversity in not knowing how hows are done
And with no shame in plane sight
I walk with my head high
Calling on a heavily father, to fill that hole
And I’m desperate to make it on my own
To show him that a father isn’t all
So I’m learning to grow
While I hold myself together
So I can be whole at the end of this line

I grew up in a home
Where tears built foundations
Pain kept walls up
And hurt maintained worth
Where lies covered you at night
And despair prepared you for a new day
I grew up in that home
And I found fear
I found hate
And I found regrets
That’s the home I grew up in
And no matter the length of my hope
Those walls kept me in alone
But death knew my worth
And gave a hand whenever I felt alone
But my grasps were never strong
And even death slipped away from I
And now I’m here waiting on something to call home

I’ve seen strong trees grow on burial grounds
Mustered by many and every
Fertile and free
To stretch as far as it may see
With shade, with fruits
A strong tree for souls and me

Happiness knows itself
It knows of pleasures and possessions
Faulty revolutions and timid behaviors
Happiness knows
And I have met once that happiness in my life
Made new a friend and made aware a change
And through every corner of my life
Little wind of madness blew
And saved I from death

I did my best,
And then someone told me that because I was dark they couldn't see the dark circles around my life
My presence brought gloomy feels so strong they wish for me to be gone
And seldom grown was the belief that life can be used wisely
So I cried for help, with a pillow besides my halo
And religiously corrected my every hate
For I know I did my best
But better is what I have repent.

Help me,
My heart has become so heavy
My thoughts have been clouded by thick hurt
My past has found my safe haven
And my life has become distant from living
Help me please.
I’m tired and frail
Unable to feel, unable to care
Hate and ignorance has filled my cup
And no longer am I allowed to be sober
Help me please,
I’m scared,
My tears have changed
No longer can I see them, but feel them everyday
Running down my breast
I feel the filling up of my belly
But no feeding has been done
Help me I beg of you
I am giving up
Loosing my bet I made with my shadow
I don’t want to die
But I can’t find any other comfort to rely on

Parents always wants you to fix what they broke
Why?
To give meaning and rights to hurt and pain
I know I’m not good enough
I know
But why ?
Are my legs not pretty enough for you to claim
And say that is my offspring
Am I not accomplished enough for you to love me
What is it, that I lack
That keeps me away from love
Broken and ruined are the roads you put in front of me
And I wonder why
Every time I hold a knife in my hand
But why ?
Why force pain into my heart and soul
Why ******* my life

My little home knows
Of broken locks
And misheard knocks
And even through thunder and storm
My Little home knows
What comfort should hold
When days are harsh
And agonised are our faith
My little home knows
When strangers come more than love ones do
My little home knows
Just what to do
When pain sweetens our hate
And shed what little compassion remains
My little home knows
For my heart has been my home
All these years

How fast do you break
How fast have the little details of life stroke deep within your spine
How often have you seen the hurt you felt inside
Imputed by deeds and well wishers in disguise
For earnings soluble by what we all despise
And left vacant by how one must disguise.

I wrote a book and labeled it love
No one bought it
I wrote a next one and labeled it
How to love
And it sold out
No extras no one piece
And then I knew it
I found and discovered it
We aren’t a specie that needs to know anything
We just want to know how about everything
And ironically it’s sadly the same thing
But what can immortality do, to persuade truth
I have made decisions and I have loved with them
But never have I reaped from them
And that’s a seed that I won’t plant again
But then society is heard
And maybe I’m back to planting
Spending fruitful years on infertile land

How little of I
To be seen as purity in time
Spearing gratitude towards restitutes of mine
Toppling by, at decisions left untied
For riches have lost its rights,  
And poverty embraced the heart on time.

But whom am I to stifle at ones own life
And say how a-strayed the mind has dinned.

Show me
Pleasures and every equal reaction
The gasping love of infinity
That molds expectations
A wide eye view of love and comfort
In my feels I know
Where I should go
The happy times are at ease
And feelings blitzed on
But help drowns fear
And alone am I.

Confused by emotions
Rotten within souls
Grasping life from every breath taken
A sinner knows
The depth of my pleasures
And many would say
The scorn of womanhood
Stands here.

But I am trying
Maybe !
But I am lonely.

I built a home, from broken woods
I built a stream, through crooked floors
I built a life, without any need of hope
I built so many homes
With breezy milieu, a beauty I once sold
With quirky smiles, you couldn’t ignore
With gala of all sorts
Those are homes I’m known for
Missing shores?
You won’t need those, I built streams that fill all kinds of souls
I lay beside them, just to make sure of their flows
To see that life has not left home.
I built homes, more and more
I built pass dusk and so much more
I built, but never owned
It’s odd, when you decide to change old floors
It’s featureless, even after the grand tour
Homes I built, never broke down before
Now that you’re here, they’ve struggled to hold grimes
And I,
I struggle to have them sold

I challenge the wind that blows by, and scares me with its strong rage
I'll bring my wolves, and show it, how man controls all gales
I challenge the sea so mighty and free, with pride that it can flush away dreams
With pleasure, I will show how rain kneels before me
I challenge all that feels, superior to my inferior charity

Challenging, more than growth beneath my feet
I challenged wild roses that took seat in my field without my heed
Now they seek my favor, even though they're profound of rarity
I challenge all those, that nature bring forth, to intimidate me

I claim justice whenever, wherever the feeling of entail resides
For me I challenge all that shines bright, and night I hold with my might
No favors sought, no help in need of query, I feel above so many
I wish upon nothing more than my own throne

To challenge all those, who swore
I’m sure, of all that’s thrown
I doubt not, what I sow
I’m sure of what I know

IF BALLOTS FALL, TONIGHT MY LOVE
I’LL MAKE YOU SOAR PASS HEAVENS DOORS,
THROUGH DARK SPACE FLOORS
I BELIEVE MY NAKED HEART, NO SHAME IN HOLDING HANDS
I’M WITHIN THESE RAVING SOULS, THAT CRAVE FOR WICKED LOVE
IF BALLOTS FALL, TONIGHT MY LOVE
DON’T WAIT ON IDLE SOULS, THAT LURKS BY BROKEN DOORS
I’LL SEND YOU OFF, ON BLACK BLACK WINGS
TO MAKERS LAND, OH WHAT A WONDERFUL PLAN
MALHEUR UPON MALHEUR, EVERYTIME WE GO
IN NEED OF CONFIRMATION UPON THIS HATE
A CASKET FOR MY DYING FAITH
IF BALLOTS FALL TONIGHT MY LOVE
SHRED ALL PROOF OF MY WRINKLED LOVE
BEGIN ANEW, WITH A FRENZIED BLOOMED HEART
THROUGH LIFE’S GOLDEN FLAWS

I keep forgetting that I’m not your daughter
And I’m sorry for that
I’m sorry I try for a place in your heart
I’m sorry I do good only to keep you alive inside
I’m sorry my slip ups aren’t as normal as you desire
And I’m sorry I wasted your time on my desires
I know I’m not your daughter
But I’m hoping I remember that more often
So you never have hate grow from your fire
I know so many things
And yet I take a seat at the back
Only to let you say you knew that first
I’m not your daughter
And I know your thankful
I know your pleased at the decisions of where your motherhood streams
But please try to see
I’m trying to remember where I stand in your feelings and dreams
And remember that I’m not your daughter

I’m fed up
Of wanting love and it’s touch
Of pleading with wrongs and lust
And of speaking truth, only to be abused.
I am fed up
But time drags heavy on my life
And moments come shorter than natural
And sometimes prayers becomes like a drug
Applying only to what society allows
But I find myself still hanging around those wattles
Still reaping hope from my troubles
And even though I know my downfalls
There’s still respect to never ignore its wonders
But !
I am fed up
Of this entertainment I somehow manage to sum up.

I’m a poet
Despite the legacy made from the ones before me
Bold and energetic with words of untold secrets

I’m drained
Leaving my soul to wonder
Restraining all hopes, abandoning all efforts
Oh what crime have I made
For life to be harsh upon me
I’m drained
Leaving outcomes to be
Accepting all there is to be
For I have seen no purpose in going on
Shedding flesh for dreams
I’m drained
But still have to go on
Showing happy faces towards piercing hate

I’m happy
An endless new day
A brew of fresh fear
A determination for more bravery
I’m happy.

In the distance I’m here
Vivid and unaware
Chanting for faith, to know my name
And masking my fears with pride and dreams
Halting grief from what it shouldn’t see.

A pity life is all for free

But for whom, must I seek
To achieve happiness and be free
A rotten soul or a living me
And to all that has gone
With the past and the lord
It’s all a shame

That life is free
No matter the cost

I have used my life to stay alive
Nurturing death into its prime
Only to be saddened by facts
For my eternity resides
Within lines of defeat
So unique and rare
Even I,
Have questioned happiness

But I’m here
Making silver into gold
Bronze into the richness of life
For an unknown to profit sincerely  
That I am still here

It's better to be motherless
Than have you as a mother
It's better to be motherless
Than praise you as a woman
It's Better.

Your fertile ways of pretence
Has paved a hatred too strong for life
I'm disgust of my rights
For you have made me despise these sites.

It's better to be motherless
Than to be called your child
I'm at end with understanding of your crooked lies
Edging happiness with the sharpest of tools.

It's better to be motherless
For I care not what others say
Painting I, with ungratefulness
I'll take my stones as hard as they come
ANY DAY !
For
It's better to be motherless
Than to be called your child

Heaven gave us life, so we all could make miracles
Make wonders and feel alive
Appreciate joy and be careful with love
Sore from hurt to trust
From honesty to dignities
Heaven allowed and we becloud
For what is long life without joy

Bad things don't happen to bad people
Relics know,
Serving high the expectations of karma in disguise
Opting that time reflects a million lies
But deeds have never paid full its price
And stagnant are the perspectives of a rich life
But never has it been
A slight try at feeling alive
Boning traditions within the warfare of pride.

Bad things don't happen to bad people my child
Giving grace to strangers in the looking glass we hide.