Power stood, but strength fell
A capacity to fear, but no more burdens to build,
The forlorn of a daughter.
While fault became honey, sweetly puréed upon the flesh I wore,
The drought of one’s character left dry this flesh.
Sticky and shriveled, was my existence.

———————————-

No conquest could restore, dignity or integrity,
The forlorn of a daughter, lost to the hunger of confectioners.

Below beloved, vanity and prosperity.
Anger and tranquility.
Foraged by emissaries of lies and deceit.

Below beloved, fables and reality.
An unwanted pregnancy,
For whose judgment should be used ?

Below beloved
A life without sentence,
With only pleasure’s grown bountifully.

Below beloved, desolation as time goes.
Has life been lost ?
Or has pain gutted from within its home.

Knackered to the bone, yet I say,
Below beloved.
Let the numen be in sovereignty
Let this life have its own merit,
My beloved.

No clarity can wipe clean the love I give to you
Unrequitedly famished, from feeding only one alone.

Not a poet, but I’d milk every word for your love,
Break every law of the world, all whiles knowing you’ve painted upon another’s floor.
Days come days go, every morning it’s always a different song played.
Nature alone entertains my broken heart
Never has such accidie been maimed.

So I plead!
Love me before the quietus of your quiddity comes to a foreclosure in this life we’ve rationed.

Even if you’ve feign every exertion of your body
There’s no better admiration of a fabulist of this nature

I’ve always wanted happiness, to keep it
Not just feel it.
To never feel the pressure to have an umbrella, allowing the rain to soak my skin and leave the sun to dry my soul.
I’ve always wanted it all.
Nagging at the television, of what’s real and what could be.
A good home was always better than a perfect one.
Oh how I wanted it all!
And to know, it was of existence, while I denied myself the moments.

I wanted it all, but it would seem I needed not it at all.

We mature by damage, not by age
Not by milestones of numbers, but by the prickles on every stairs.
Hurting in order for knowing.
Painting appealing, the repulsiveness of growing.

Childhood memories planted in traumas and miseries,
Becomes a template to adulthood and its emissaries.
The erudition of time, insults continuously the morsel of one’s life.
Gifts and rewards.
Becomes the incarnation of endeavors and endurance.
At 80, I’ll dance
At 100, I’ll have died
Only for many to say
She lived a happy life.
So bumptious of mankind.

God deprives us of options
Oh yes, how sweet and good it is to have options
But how often have we picked the right options?
To have it all and not know.

We curse at his favoritism, dethroning faith and belief in his existence.
Spiting his love, and bargaining his hurt.
Only for him to deprive us of options, for love is his conception.

The many possibilities we find, pining all upon our hearts.
Only to discover, not all made us happy.

A prayer we never prayed,
Answered in right timings
He deprives us of options
Cause we can never know the right ones.

If I don’t make it
Know that the little thoughts of regrets burnt warmly at night, and every pillow that held my soul witnessed love.
If I don’t make it
Know that words built more towers than a mason, and beautiful were my designs engraved upon every corner.
If I don’t make it
Feel at peace, in knowing that I once lived before life came.
If I don’t make it
Tell my creations, I’ve know their greatness before their conception.
And if by chance, when I don’t make it.
Bury sweetly my fortress, away within the wind
Let it be, free.
A wonder that I never fed.

We have created them, and now they think they can **** us.
How much free will have you given them ?
“Enough!”
Enough, for them to **** themselves.
“Why don’t I just remind them, of what they really are!”
“They don’t need that, they’re reminded every time they’ve lived another day”
While loosing control ?

A child of both worlds!
“Never knew you to be a lover of experiments”
A lover of what isn’t real!

What would it be, what’s the purpose of giving life to it ?
“Half of it is a creation and the other half is a creator”
Now how will it know itself ?
It’s purpose, it’s job, it’s duty.

“I guess the free will was given to the wrong entity,
You!”

Acceptance in my shrine,
Finally the devil has dine.
I’ve wounded love and forgiveness from both my fathers.
Oh ! heavenly is the earthly trials.
No waste to the wrongs I’ve made, no loss in regrets I saved,
Whether in good or bad days, I still hope for a cool day.
The comfort it gives, dying in peace, with the wind at your feet.
Acceptance is my shrine
With no doubt of what I’ve cried.

No troubles to worry, no care to give.
For knowledge isn’t great,
When death roams never away.

Seek the help you feed
Let the heart sabotage its greed
For acceptance is all our shrines
And the devil will forever dine.

A home had been made
Where comfort wasn’t near
Mingling strangers gave solace, and a head was laid.
Not a single sureness of whether night would fall, drop by drop,
but the breeze knew before it all.

Torn down, destruction was made, more beautiful than what was laid.
A blissful loss, when companionship has no runt.

So let the noise disrupt this life
Cause a head could lay wherever a home had been made.

I have danced amongst shame, for a dime or something to savor.
Exonerated my gifts
Natural and self made.
A fire has burnt, yet no heat has warmed this soul
Father what have I done ?
Mother where have you gone ?
I’m not a child on her own, but life has become a shore.

Abandoned by my own
No shadow to own
A heart willing to go, just lacking the courage to fold.

It isn’t easy no more
When the mind knows there’s more
You hold on to life
Ignoring the root has died.

Would you have known
The fear I built within my womb
Fixated on wonders and limited fortunes.
Champion of faith, I could only hope
Robbed bravely of opportunities growing freely
Would you have known.

A mothers crime
A selfish child
To be born, without a right
Would you have known.
The many shades of greed and choices
Taken, without discreet.
Never deny the lies that fault the truths.

Cause I would have never known.

Had I given up?
Or had I mislead my hate
Tuff and great, just like the Bible say.
What is there to be learned
The do’s and don’t’s ?

Would I have known
That failing you, was written before.

His hugs were the night time warmth
Comfortably embraced, embedded for happiness and never disgrace.
Aromas swayed, while memories were made;
Yes!
I have missed him.
Paying debts only to have dents made, within these dreams I somehow possess.
A toll on my faith.
Yes!
I have missed him
But what empathy does ego give,
Pride and self worth has bolted its gates.
But what I would give for his warm embrace.
His hugs, his kisses, his touch., oh how long has it been.
Yes!
I do miss him.

Who’s in charge
Who grants wishes faster
Who gives miracles quicker
The patience I’m to have, festers away daily
Waiting like a fetus, for my glory
Not in fear of choosing the wrong path
But in despair of which path would last longer
Yes !
I’m aware of the wrongs made
I’m aware of the faults I’ve allowed to play
I’m aware of the actions placed after
I am aware.
Wounded by the false sentiments and hateful cares, I am aware,
But I am alone, no god no devil
A body that no longer knows it’s power,
Bargains around for whatever price it can hold.
So I ask
Who’s in charge ?

Growth came, a baby no longer cried
A toddler no longer crawled
A child left without faith, no longer existed
Was I enough ?
An adult tried, but failed at trying
Deciding on who’s hand to hold.

Dance with the devil, or pray to god ?
Was I enough!
It’s not indefinite, what life has become,
But was I enough,
Was I enough for life.
Could I have stayed a little longer and saved myself or another child.

For who has it all to say,
I was enough.
When apologies lost direction
Purpose lost control
Having it all became distasteful.

Was I enough ?

It came with a force, In whole of fear and faith, my love
Publicized through shepherds of the divine
written through scriptures, lost to manhood and lies.

A different feeling of hurt embezzled amongst all sort of ties
It came with a force., greater than lust deep within your shrine.

Faced with doubt amongst congregations, it came with its force
And countless tears warranted its host.
For time did do right.
But !

It came with a force,
But no longer could it win
for the love he gave drafted many forces that protected my faith.

Help me,
My heart has become so heavy
My thoughts have been clouded by thick hurt
My past has found my safe haven
And my life has become distant from living
Help me please.
I’m tired and frail
Unable to feel, unable to care
Hate and ignorance has filled my cup
And no longer am I allowed to be sober
Help me please,
I’m scared,
My tears have changed
No longer can I see them, but feel them everyday
Running down my breast
I feel the filling up of my belly
But no feeding has been done
Help me I beg of you
I am giving up
Loosing my bet I made with my shadow
I don’t want to die
But I can’t find any other comfort to rely on

The equivalent of my past
Has burden more for my future than my present
Within night and day
There’s a universe unaware
To fit perfectly in the change of redemption
Confusion upon creation of life
Tiredness upon freedom to live
What an equivalence to have
Showing only what I must take by the foot and run with
Safety, has no need to be
Nor does chances of surviving
There is an equivalent
To what changes there may be
But until then
I beg for your love and understanding
Cause I’m trying too

There’s dopamine in poetry
Coco words melting into milky imperatives
A peace of mind, whenever life comes for me
I’m fighting vicariously with the past and present tense of my eternity
Like cancer, I began to spread my memories
Eating up the very core of the enemies
There’s dopamine in poetry
And now I see the light in ceiled rooms
Where once dark chocolate unfurled, I molded my home
For keeping grudges is no longer a luxury I can afford

You want positivity
You want a happy ending
You want revolution without evolution
You want so many things
But what have you given
Have you given hope
Have you given trust
Have you given room for every lust
Maybe I have lost the touch
The rhythm that made you see my worth
Maybe I have placed too many pressure on my pen
And soil the paper I have for my own
I hope my emotions find every letter and place them within a perfect home
And I dream for the day that every pain, pay’s it’s due.
And if not for wealth, maybe comfort to want to stay
So no pity on your Cheques
Nor any guilt from your debts

we’re close
we talk about *** every chance we get
she doesn’t know that we’re friends, but I do
I’ve told her my fear of ***
and she says you’re not weird
she tells me this is normal
but her definition of normal is as firm as wet paper
she is a funhouse
a haunted one too
I don’t know how to tell her that she can be just a house
one she isn’t afraid to live in
she writes poetry too
in them, I don’t see her, but the words belong to her
her poetry is confetti at a funeral, out of place
it is beautiful
I believe she is poetry
her mouth, a shotgun of emotions
sometimes too sad, too truthful
how can I tell her not to love the apathy?
we tell jokes too
laugh at our sadness
skydive in our happiness
all to make the lonely go away,
at least for me
I think she might love the lonely
she wears it like armor.

For what I’ve done wrong, I apologize
For the disgrace I have brought, I apologize
For the mistakes I’ve repeated, I apologize
I have apologize my entire life
For upholding the wrong
For we both knew the right wasn’t an entity entitled to me
I have tried to be better than my past
But it only consisted of you
It has only consisted of the many fragments I’ve had to hide in order for you to appreciate me
I’ve tried to shed this love, and I know I can
But it makes me a monster I fear to become
The many demons I know can be unleashed
I fear they would hurt the innocent
I fear many changes, and many changes I welcome
If I do make it out before the clock strikes my deadline
I will be happy
But if I don’t
I hope for hope to be a little more considerate to my fragile heart
For my fragments will linger forever
And so will the impressions I have knitted
And whichever weighs heavier on my name
I’ll stand by it
Cause I have seen what denial does;
It made you
And I’m unable to move on with your existence as part of mine
So kudos to me trying anymore
I’m ready to see how things go
When I let loose the bolts upon my ego

Abstaining from assistance
Medication knows no limit
Handing the need a cause
And giving problems a little more time
Forgetting love and it’s purpose
The chills of failing
The thrumming of being left behind
Hunger raised, for forgiveness
In line to the finish line
Stay awake
Don’t allow the list to fill gaps
Leave the pain let it flow
One day it will reach
And forgive you
So that heavy chest will be at ease

Give time some time
The pain and heartaches won’t go away
But time will heal your hate
Give love some love
For whatever you have lost
Isn’t a once in a lifetime song
Give patience some patience
I know how draining the efforts are
But for many days the payments aren’t bad
And finally
Give life some life
Not a normal norm
But an affectionate one
To the soul you carry and the heart you feed
Give life some time

To my mistakes, I pay tribute
Respect and remorse
To my blind faults
I salute your bravery
Without temptation and mockery
No resolution will undo you
Nor erase your existence
For mankind has done itself injustice
Bragging your years with it
Democracy in being free
Fits ironically
So to you I lay a gold carpet out
For no red has stood justice
A new year without expectations
Another try at fixing
What we ought to let be

They choke when they're through
By then, you'll be dead
Comedy has been built, from a foundation of sarcasm
To cover pain and lost of faith
A moment for a life story in every black man's book
Wish me luck, ends a prayer
Every night, through every day

In the atmosphere there may be change
In the moment of emotions there may be doubts
And at the end of the wicked day, we all say amen
But what efforts have you seen
With wintering love in bottled up cases
It's a fifth wave for the cycle of hate
And depression cowards at the feet of faith
But all is well
When sadness finds it love
Either in sober fields or behind drunken wheels
And maternity molds the change you seek
For a better you to be of need
So in the atmosphere we feel the need
To be a lover or a judge of it
And when the sun comes rolling in
I will be here
Either as a soul at peace
or
An entity at ease.

It was a rainy morning
8:12AM, a cup of tea and my favorite cooked greens. I felt the cold breeze of simplicity hit me, carefree doubts left to be and I smiled at how peaceful one can be. While Yaksta enlightened me with the truth about ambition.
If only I had the birds and lizard and even the bees to talk to, then surely I would not have an inch of complain about perfection. But I was contented in that moment. My very own fairy tale without magic had happened and I saw clouds go. But what I couldn’t deny, was that I was once unsure of ever being this calm about my failures, or even my minor downfalls. But I was !
And I was ready to trade it all for days like this over and over again.
But that possibility would only be real with me. And I needed not to loose faith that I am capable of making life as beautiful as today
There wasn’t any sugar coated words, nor exaggerated thoughts. Just a simple wow at how this day started and a thank you to the one who gave it.
For once I saw the need for the cobweb above my door, even the dust that blew upon my porch had made me less angry at myself.
And the scratches on my door felt so tranquil without a need to be.
And for once I wasn’t building fantasies or dreams in my head, just embracing everything as it was.
And I loved that so much.
I even wanted to cry, but that was old school, so I held it in and smiled.
If I was to be great. If I am to be great, I’m sure I will always run back home here when I get scared.
Back here, where cobwebs made less the fear of being sad, here where the dust had more in it than just being messy.
Maybe with another cup of tea. If the kettle wished to cooperate.
I Am happy. And I thank you.

I wrote a book and labeled it love
No one bought it
I wrote a next one and labeled it
How to love
And it sold out
No extras no one piece
And then I knew it
I found and discovered it
We aren’t a specie that needs to know anything
We just want to know how about everything
And ironically it’s sadly the same thing
But what can immortality do, to persuade truth
I have made decisions and I have loved with them
But never have I reaped from them
And that’s a seed that I won’t plant again
But then society is heard
And maybe I’m back to planting
Spending fruitful years on infertile land

I’m wondering if I’ll make it
If I’ll look back one day
And be at peace and feel relieved
And just smile at the breeze that blows my way
Cause I know that life paid it’s bill
I wonder if I’ll survive
And have stories to write
For everyone to know that hope isn’t just a word
I’m curious to know
If I’ll make it out whole
With comfort and happiness to share
And I’m scared to know
If I’ll loose this battle
If I’ll loose like it was normal
But I’m wondering everyday
And I’ll keep on doing my best

I’m learning to grow without his love
Embracing the fears on my own
Knowing that stability will only be as strong as I go
And nurturing my heart to be bold without love
I’m learning it all
And viewing the world as my very own
Seeing nakedly the ugly touch of a fatherless child
And I’m going strong
With adversity in not knowing how hows are done
And with no shame in plane sight
I walk with my head high
Calling on a heavily father, to fill that hole
And I’m desperate to make it on my own
To show him that a father isn’t all
So I’m learning to grow
While I hold myself together
So I can be whole at the end of this line

Mask me make me
A murderer
One with arrow-less views
One with clean hands
And an elegant smile
Make me mask me
From this world before life becomes valueless to me
Wipe my tears, and let me see
My faults, my wrongs
Let me see
That no human can fix me
It’s all up to me
And that’s the bitter truth
Mask me fix me
Into someone who will survive
Into someone who can survive
Mask me make me
Happier than last year me
Help me ignore my sins
Even the ones I live by
Mask me save me
Like a bitterly butterfly
Make me a cocoon to run away into
Feel me forgive me
I’m going slowly
Giving up without an audience
Tell my depression I’m sorry
I failed it
Love me hug me
That’s all I need
And with every duty I have towards you
Thank you

Let’s fly up high
For why should I be shy
To fly above my society height
Why should I be ?
Extradited from failure
I’m a woman in multiple sheets of flesh
I’m a woman with more than one hurt
I’m a woman with endless believes that I should be
And I’m a woman still
I’m a woman not fighting depression
But trying to show it love too
I’m a woman who hopes that a new day will bring some sort of miracle
I’m a woman. And that’s wonderful enough
So let’s fly up high
Even if the world says you’re a *****
Define you’re world
For you have sold every part of yourself for others to survive
So please fly
Up high
And if a tear should fall behind
It will be loved by me and every woman that survived

He had shown me how fluent time can be
With patience and pace, towards every day
He had shown me where destitution came and go
Politely asking how my days have stood
The limping man had shown it all.
The faculties of living a life.

Many would take life out of you
And then ask why you’re dying
Why discouragement plasters your face
Why multitude of hate reeks from your aroma
Doubting they’re involvement
Saying they are of no blame
Toning they’re place within your days
Many have taken life out of you
And ask of you ‘why are you dying’
But you haven’t answered
You haven’t stood firm and said the line
And all I can do is say sorry to you
For never saying enough is enough
Now you are dying
And only time can offer a miracle.
I love you and I hope you survive.

Every part wants to be loved
The twisted mind and the rotten faith
I have cursed my soul
Ploughing the little hope left for my worth
A *****, a title I’ve known
Selling more than just my love
‘She’s a different level’
That’s all that was told
And with many more against my role
Yet I’m known as the perfect *****

It took time
Didn’t it ?
The comfort, the peace of mind
They all took time.
And I wondered what he would call me
When the fire raise and heaven doors became stairs.

I’m figuring it out too
What’s love
I’m learning it’s different sides
That’s love
I’m feeling it’s impact
So loved
I’m figuring it out
And now is see, what’s love
Taking little pieces until there in not a whole of you
Knowing love isn’t for the weak
It’s a reward they can have
But a journey they would fail
I’m figuring it out
And I’ll tell you this
I wish not to have loved nor be loved

Why hurry
When was the finish line made
When was it all capable of coming to an end
Was it the silver strings that grew amongst the black youth
Or was it the timely pain that came against knees and joints
What was it ?
That made you loose track of your path
Did your mistakes pulled you away
Or was it your doubts that missed flights on its way
To opportunities.
Why did you hurry away ?

You had built solid dreams
Firm in its belief
Allowing wishes a place in reality
You had done that
Without help.
But yet you saw yourself less profitable
Than the ones on billboards
Pretending to be of greater creation.
And I asked you why ?
Why be that selfless
And all you said
Was time knows it’s way.

She knew;
Of the lies you spoke to her
Of the many times you pretended to be okay
She knew of those days when you failed
Those days, where you stood but wasn’t shown
She knew of the pressure of every mistake
The weight it brought
And,
The outcomes it gave
She knew it all
And yet you kept on going
Lying to her
That you’re okay.

The torments you have inflicted
Have sown it’s way deep down within your soul
Your loneliness had brought fertility to the soils of forgiveness
And again you go
Undefeated.
For all that comes your way
Had survived;
While you jump ships as they sunk.
You kept your head high enough
And made it home
Over and over again.

Set boundaries
And you’ll shift
From heaps of doubt of if’s and but’s
Walk proudly
And your back will ache slowly but surely
Take care of this body
And it will fail you in every way possible
Give up on it all
And you’ll scrape at hate for your soul
But do it no matter what
And you’ll sleep not sound but long enough
And when you wake
You’ll know another day
Will make it great

I want to write to you
In every language there may be
I want you to know the depth of my words
I want you to know that your effort did more than it should
I want you to know even in dark days, these words will reminisce and bring light your way
I want you to know it’s great when you fail
I want you to know it all
And be okay with what you know

Home, stay with me
Play a song for memories
Hold pillows close enough for many tears
Help the needy within me
Find hope and faith for me

Tribulations reign over my faith
And what is right has no longer any wrongs
But awareness of an ending has left me stranded
Substituting happiness for a little love
And that’s how I know,
Life never really knows

A church’s cloth has woolen innocence
Leaving man to feel right
Adding happiness to its life
Only to make blind the reality of time.

I hope one day you have the courage to run away from everything that makes you miserable
From everything that drains your soul
Eats at your peace, and darkens your world
I hope one day you stand in awe,
And pat yourself on the shoulder and say thank you for having patience.
I hope one day, you see that there's good from every bad.
And that every bad doesn't last long
I hope one day I'll see you
And know it was all worth it.