It was a rainy morning
8:12AM, a cup of tea and my favorite cooked greens. I felt the cold breeze of simplicity hit me, carefree doubts left to be and I smiled at how peaceful one can be. While Yaksta enlightened me with the truth about ambition.
If only I had the birds and lizard and even the bees to talk to, then surely I would not have an inch of complain about perfection. But I was contented in that moment. My very own fairy tale without magic had happened and I saw clouds go. But what I couldn’t deny, was that I was once unsure of ever being this calm about my failures, or even my minor downfalls. But I was !
And I was ready to trade it all for days like this over and over again.
But that possibility would only be real with me. And I needed not to loose faith that I am capable of making life as beautiful as today
There wasn’t any sugar coated words, nor exaggerated thoughts. Just a simple wow at how this day started and a thank you to the one who gave it.
For once I saw the need for the cobweb above my door, even the dust that blew upon my porch had made me less angry at myself.
And the scratches on my door felt so tranquil without a need to be.
And for once I wasn’t building fantasies or dreams in my head, just embracing everything as it was.
And I loved that so much.
I even wanted to cry, but that was old school, so I held it in and smiled.
If I was to be great. If I am to be great, I’m sure I will always run back home here when I get scared.
Back here, where cobwebs made less the fear of being sad, here where the dust had more in it than just being messy.
Maybe with another cup of tea. If the kettle wished to cooperate.
I Am happy. And I thank you.

Many would take life out of you
And then ask why you’re dying
Why discouragement plasters your face
Why multitude of hate reeks from your aroma
Doubting they’re involvement
Saying they are of no blame
Toning they’re place within your days
Many have taken life out of you
And ask of you ‘why are you dying’
But you haven’t answered
You haven’t stood firm and said the line
And all I can do is say sorry to you
For never saying enough is enough
Now you are dying
And only time can offer a miracle.
I love you and I hope you survive.

I want to write to you
In every language there may be
I want you to know the depth of my words
I want you to know that your effort did more than it should
I want you to know even in dark days, these words will reminisce and bring light your way
I want you to know it’s great when you fail
I want you to know it all
And be okay with what you know

To my mistakes, I pay tribute
Respect and remorse
To my blind faults
I salute your bravery
Without temptation and mockery
No resolution will undo you
Nor erase your existence
For mankind has done itself injustice
Bragging your years with it
Democracy in being free
Fits ironically
So to you I lay a gold carpet out
For no red has stood justice
A new year without expectations
Another try at fixing
What we ought to let be

Set boundaries
And you’ll shift
From heaps of doubt of if’s and but’s
Walk proudly
And your back will ache slowly but surely
Take care of this body
And it will fail you in every way possible
Give up on it all
And you’ll scrape at hate for your soul
But do it no matter what
And you’ll sleep not sound but long enough
And when you wake
You’ll know another day
Will make it great

The torments you have inflicted
Have sown it’s way deep down within your soul
Your loneliness had brought fertility to the soils of forgiveness
And again you go
Undefeated.
For all that comes your way
Had survived;
While you jump ships as they sunk.
You kept your head high enough
And made it home
Over and over again.

She knew;
Of the lies you spoke to her
Of the many times you pretended to be okay
She knew of those days when you failed
Those days, where you stood but wasn’t shown
She knew of the pressure of every mistake
The weight it brought
And,
The outcomes it gave
She knew it all
And yet you kept on going
Lying to her
That you’re okay.

You had built solid dreams
Firm in its belief
Allowing wishes a place in reality
You had done that
Without help.
But yet you saw yourself less profitable
Than the ones on billboards
Pretending to be of greater creation.
And I asked you why ?
Why be that selfless
And all you said
Was time knows it’s way.

Why hurry
When was the finish line made
When was it all capable of coming to an end
Was it the silver strings that grew amongst the black youth
Or was it the timely pain that came against knees and joints
What was it ?
That made you loose track of your path
Did your mistakes pulled you away
Or was it your doubts that missed flights on its way
To opportunities.
Why did you hurry away ?

I’m figuring it out too
What’s love
I’m learning it’s different sides
That’s love
I’m feeling it’s impact
So loved
I’m figuring it out
And now is see, what’s love
Taking little pieces until there in not a whole of you
Knowing love isn’t for the weak
It’s a reward they can have
But a journey they would fail
I’m figuring it out
And I’ll tell you this
I wish not to have loved nor be loved

It took time
Didn’t it ?
The comfort, the peace of mind
They all took time.
And I wondered what he would call me
When the fire raise and heaven doors became stairs.

Every part wants to be loved
The twisted mind and the rotten faith
I have cursed my soul
Ploughing the little hope left for my worth
A *****, a title I’ve known
Selling more than just my love
‘She’s a different level’
That’s all that was told
And with many more against my role
Yet I’m known as the perfect *****

Pilot through my everything
See what envy has taken
Mold closely the wrongs and rights of trying
And say what you see fit to be accomplished
But never stoop below your own silence
And stigmatized failure as a lost in denial
But corner hope and stay strong
For what has been done
Will be done again.
And even though memories carry debts
Pilot on through everything
Make triumph in what society condemns  
And build the future in acceptance

I never understood, how being a father was different
I never understood, how safety was felt from his presence.
I never could understood, why a father had to be free.
Was it me?
Was it only me, who saw the less need of one.

I have a father, I guess it's compulsory.
He's thicken in the mind, and coarser in the heart.
He's mine, that's the documents proof.
But does he feel like mine?

That I cannot proof, I'm not scared of him.
I'm scared to continue living with him.
I don't wish death to carry him, anywhere
I just wish, to grow further away from him.

I'm not motivated by his speech.
Maybe it's his mind, confused,
So I let him speak, his liquor helps a lot.
It gives him purpose, I assume.
Since he never stops.

I can never change the facts,
The facts that I have a father.
We all do, whether it be an orphan.
But to change him, not mind or soul.

That I cannot control,
He's one day bright,
He's one day night
Never a weather, to go out and play.

So if you have a father that surely not like this other.
You shouldn't be bothered, mine can be cheaper than a dollar.

So I have a father, and a mother, I have both,
But if you we're me, I'm sure
I'm sure
You'll prefer another.

A totaling of benevolence
Conquered the coyest of artifacts
Dubbing the essentials given by patience and strides
While mankind bled for a tournament at life
And Daemons selected only the best of executants.

For pelf fostered greatly the denouements of entities
Taking prudence like time passing irrevocably
And snaring at what the future has brought to being.

I knew a little girl
A little girl with love
She knew of purity and happiness
She knew of faith and patience
I knew that little girl
Divine and real
She became less of the little girl I knew
Ruptured by pretense
Ruptured by having to be what she preferred not to be
I knew that little girl
And she knew me
Many days I smiled with her
Many days we talk on happiness
Many days I looked at her
And saw her pain
Many days I knew that girl
But reflections in a mirror never solved her misery

Would you have known
The fear I built within my womb
Fixated on wonders and limited fortunes.
Champion of faith, I could only hope
Robbed bravely of opportunities growing freely
Would you have known.

A mothers crime
A selfish child
To be born, without a right
Would you have known.
The many shades of greed and choices
Taken, without discreet.
Never deny the lies that fault the truths.

Cause I would have never known.

Had I given up?
Or had I mislead my hate
Tuff and great, just like the Bible say.
What is there to be learned
The do’s and don’t’s ?

Would I have known
That failing you, was written before.

Assure me, persuade me that I have not seen
Let me believe, my imagination got the best of me
Let guilt consume, filter my thoughts into misleading me
I have not seen, what my tongue perceive
Through years, I’ve abused, words I’ve choose
I’m saturated, with emotions unfolding in my throat
Assure me, I’m palpable, over my head with dreamy things
I’ve carved out my own thoughts.
Make me believe, I’ve airbrushed this dream
Just so to satisfy my greed
Have I presume, have I refuse, I must have presume
I’ve entailed my thoughts to presume
I’ve seen misdeed, that’s my tune
What proof have I, to subdue this court
My sight, has not been a warrior to call on
It’s long gone, that day
But sadly replayed, over and over again
In this small elfin I tote
Make me believe, I’m infirm, depress and wrong
Help me wash my thoughts
Cleanse my mind of all I bought
From visions I will never be assured of
Help me say
I never saw dad lay in bed with you my dear sis

Poem for you
From time and a fool
Rhyming freely by what a mind can give
Sophisticated by the changes of ink
To be spoken richly by the greatnest of things
Dued only by doers and fame
But ridiculed not
For its many to say.
A poem for you
My dear reader and friends

It has been a year
Trusting in faith
Feeling freedom from sins
For now dreams cost nothing
Asking statues for hope, reasons for pain

It has been a year
And seldom grown, is faith
In memories and dreams
Are we done, is it over between us ?

It has been a year
A year stooped below hope.

And the sky changes blue
Pleasing me and you
As !  
Strange things strive
In love we grow.
With life and small tunes.
Never much, to see where wrongs lay
As !
Mistakes forgive mistakes each day
Only !
Learning to hold the things with less say
And to smile to simplicity
For its everything we wish to change

In the many hurts I've given you
Redemption knows of every regrets
Silence embarks on its own, and leaves broken my soul
For every hurt I have given you
My heart knows them all
And says sorry, for my actions I know not of anymore.
But life must go on
Without apologies or remorse
And leave lonely the wrongs I have done
To us all.

I have a stepmother
One with intuition,
To know where I hurt
To know how I hurt
And to see that I hurt
She’s keen on holding such knowledge only to hurt my powers
I was loving
Now I’m scared
I was happy
Now I’m loosing faith
I was me
Now I’m growing to be
Someone I’ve never seen
I have a stepmother
And it isn’t easy
I doubt miracles and go blind looking for life
I’m weak with every new day I seek
I’m lost with every step I take
I have a stepmother
So I know, what not having love is all about
I know what anger and hate is all about
I know a lot more, but I’m not sure if I can continue on
I have lived only for being alive
I have grown for there’s no other option allowed
I have become because I have a stepmother
And it’s the only way out

It's been a while
But the wind still rises
The change we all crave still wonders in plain sight
And forgiveness hasn't made effort to mend any ties
But it's been a while
And I'm alive in the keepers eye.

So on with the lies, and shaming of a life
Bringing templates with secrets and wicked eyes
Giving heed to pretenders
Who claim to have lived a mile, in sadness and demise
But it's been a while.

And without doubt I have seen what life has done to quiet minds
With ratchet love and little hope
But it's been a while
So i'll give it time.

Make sure you know whose heart your playing with
Let it not be, ever the devils heart
For she eats such doers not by flesh, but by mind and pain.
Her sorrowful ways are sinful upon man’s rage, delusional enough to trick angelic eyes.
For !
Every woman’s anger are devilish,
But differently towards those alive.

Little life come alive
Inside this shield I've held so high
A blooming feel of happy times
A mother's dream has come to life.

In every means of satisfaction
You have been an inspiration
Towards a world always in growth  
I know you'll be more, than the keeper of gold.

So little life, come alive
Make paths that dreamers never had
Build firm your happiness on every isle
Of life and its playful mind.

Terror preys not on innocent victims
As solitude peers not on favors
Assumptions beckons on behalf of pleasures
And life grows in its own flavors
Bolting high for hope
Time sees you and me
Fortuning what desires wish for thee
I’m happy here
In this slowness of life, with you
For birds show me appreciation
Of what life can be

Look me in the eyes
Tell me what you feel
Show me what you need
So I can be not of greed

Feel what you would like
For only you and I can be worthy of claiming to be civilized
As shepherds call home for its dawn
A poet knows too well how fond the sky can become

So, look me in the eyes
Feel what you would deny
And tell me what lies
You can reveal

Ballistic love, feeds upon my cup
Feasting only in the presence of lust
Sampling hurt’s, like vicious trots
As gentle sinners speaks of us.

But naïve is the channels we gain
For righteousness takes time to prevail
And the nurturing of desires relapses on precious tome
Comforting souls no longer in need of a home.

What we have become
Shows clear in morning lights
Raising spirits beyond fitted growth
Ascetic as it may be
Health buckets the splendors of being happier
And leaving unanswered the question
Of why anger cannot be dishonest
Numbing hate with reasonings and Excuses
But triumphantly a society survives
Breathing differences more beautiful than before
And unequal in the holiest of ways

We have created them, and now they think they can **** us.
How much free will have you given them ?
“Enough!”
Enough, for them to **** themselves.
“Why don’t I just remind them, of what they really are!”
“They don’t need that, they’re reminded every time they’ve lived another day”
While loosing control ?

A child of both worlds!
“Never knew you to be a lover of experiments”
A lover of what isn’t real!

What would it be, what’s the purpose of giving life to it ?
“Half of it is a creation and the other half is a creator”
Now how will it know itself ?
It’s purpose, it’s job, it’s duty.

“I guess the free will was given to the wrong entity,
You!”

In the atmosphere there may be change
In the moment of emotions there may be doubts
And at the end of the wicked day, we all say amen
But what efforts have you seen
With wintering love in bottled up cases
It's a fifth wave for the cycle of hate
And depression cowards at the feet of faith
But all is well
When sadness finds it love
Either in sober fields or behind drunken wheels
And maternity molds the change you seek
For a better you to be of need
So in the atmosphere we feel the need
To be a lover or a judge of it
And when the sun comes rolling in
I will be here
Either as a soul at peace
or
An entity at ease.

How well the postures of sins,
Full of comportment towards life and its foes
Studiously unveiling the possibilities of hope
Withering profoundly by edges surplus
From wrangles of time and lust.

But rues are inevitable
And savored by many of us,
Whether gambled by the present or a past
Moribund by a future undone.

So note the consequences
Of what love can do
The silly pride of its excuses
And salute its behavior to all.

Believe me as I stay
Unbroken and lost from all grace
As fighters embark on what is all faith
Untouched by hurt that molded my heart
Believe me as I stay.
Unwilling to beg for love from peers and liars
No matter the lost I may face each day
Believe me
For every woman I grow into
Has loved unkindly the role she plays
And further the whistle I blow
The louder my role goes.
Believe me as I stay
For origins no longer confess our sins
And contention stays in our will.

You got big dreams
Full of sight and visions that never die
With heavy doubts you fetch until its time
To say it was worth your every fight
I respect thee
For many have said to be the one
But never shown how struggles have run
To reach a line, shaded in disguise
You got big dreams
My little one.

Abstaining from assistance
Medication knows no limit
Handing the need a cause
And giving problems a little more time
Forgetting love and it’s purpose
The chills of failing
The thrumming of being left behind
Hunger raised, for forgiveness
In line to the finish line
Stay awake
Don’t allow the list to fill gaps
Leave the pain let it flow
One day it will reach
And forgive you
So that heavy chest will be at ease

Why should I ?
Why should I give heed to thee ?
Why should I make calm the seas ?
Why should I feel all feels ?
Why should I be your trumpet for dreams ?
Why should I ?

What reasons have thee to hold tightly, my dreams ?
What reasons have thee to confine not, my mistakes and normal greed ?
What reasons have thee to let fall, my hopes of wanting to achieve ?
What reasons have thee ?

So tell not I, your reasons and why’s
For burdensome I have become, upon you and your families eyes
And on I go, not restituted.
Only ****** by the love I once sought out
To be mine

Blessings upon my life
To happiness and success,
Toast to the rough times that went by
For !
Feelings cannot collide in such a magnificent mind
Where gratitude is a muss.
~
Potentials and Possessions
Make hasty the patience from us
Assuring eminence of obscurity from hurt
~
Leaving only,
Blessings upon my life.

A mother feels for it's own
Despising intruders who wishes to bask in her love
Spurning one's that comes with unfeigned words
Nuptial only to the blood that flows.
But I stand aware
Ne'er to a reality blotched by facts
Rooting truth of where I stand.
For !
A mother feels for it's own
And I''m an orphan within a home.

Growth showed only happiness, from a parent's life.
Mommy and Daddy made everything right
Dreams and wishes came true before its time,
And miracles we're more real than lies.

While childhood had its rein over pride
Feelings and emotions do away-ed with crimes
Happiness grew without soil
And life,
For that short time
Felt more surreal than accomplishing veneration's

Freedom comes not for free
Fetching heavy the fee
As poverty brings comfort a warning
Totaled by tears,
And
Roots please shamelessly
Bringing forth belongings to thee.

I felt clustered by the world
Overtook by its law
Overlooked by its god
Searching for purpose in its raw divine
Meddling amongst all that resides
And with secluded time
Life became smaller and out of sight
Leaving a hopeless romantic lost and behind
But I was hoping, like every human in searching
That better days were not just statements
And no matter the little time given
I’ll not be clustered but free to believe
In whatever I feel to be

There’s dopamine in poetry
Coco words melting into milky imperatives
A peace of mind, whenever life comes for me
I’m fighting vicariously with the past and present tense of my eternity
Like cancer, I began to spread my memories
Eating up the very core of the enemies
There’s dopamine in poetry
And now I see the light in ceiled rooms
Where once dark chocolate unfurled, I molded my home
For keeping grudges is no longer a luxury I can afford

Summer time knows, of heated words
It's burning gleams and painful feels
It's unwanted endings and burnt out dreams
A validated life, by the changes of time
As winter cools not, but freezes all minds.

What a decision to comply upon
Of whether nature knows, its purpose
By feelings of fever, autumn decides
Now bonds are built with hallow seats
Leaving I, to reach for a life

We mature by damage, not by age
Not by milestones of numbers, but by the prickles on every stairs.
Hurting in order for knowing.
Painting appealing, the repulsiveness of growing.

Childhood memories planted in traumas and miseries,
Becomes a template to adulthood and its emissaries.
The erudition of time, insults continuously the morsel of one’s life.
Gifts and rewards.
Becomes the incarnation of endeavors and endurance.
At 80, I’ll dance
At 100, I’ll have died
Only for many to say
She lived a happy life.
So bumptious of mankind.

I’ve always wanted happiness, to keep it
Not just feel it.
To never feel the pressure to have an umbrella, allowing the rain to soak my skin and leave the sun to dry my soul.
I’ve always wanted it all.
Nagging at the television, of what’s real and what could be.
A good home was always better than a perfect one.
Oh how I wanted it all!
And to know, it was of existence, while I denied myself the moments.

I wanted it all, but it would seem I needed not it at all.

Paint thou a scenery of doubts
Enriched only by the essence of hurt
Forging forgiveness muted by love
As whom to escape upon, for patience of how's
Of whom must one be an architect of life .

For happiness has brought plight into many lives
And poverty seeks comfort at holy grounds
Pleading with shame to never deny its home.

But with gifts of deeds
I'm serving only what man's growth has to feed.

Have as a million lives
Dispensing luxuries upon its sights
Fondling favors, by its deeds
Only to survive for a one day feel.

Measuring obstacles, too polite to be at peace,
As precautions reign over the duties of being free.
Tokens fade, loosing worth for its games
Brewing fresh the dignity of being here.,

A soulful belief, of time being me
A mild deception of what shouldn't be
And the defeat that a past can be reaped.

My loneliness has become my love
My depression has showed me compassion
And my pain has remembered My existence
I have grown
And I have become
Alive only, for being alive
Giving way to being high
Has brought comfort to failures
Suicide has made me timid
And family reminds me everyday
That I’m a waste of precious time
For all of the times I have rained sober
Never was there justice
But now the devil knows my name
And now I feel all good again