i’m cursed
with escapism
when i care
too much
that i can’t bear to see
the hurt

Curse or cure?

Call me what you will,
I'll always assume it's a typo.

A thousand feet
All below mine
Nothing to lose

Use my mind
Before I start to.
Before I go to waste

use your pillow
as a veil,
the way a river
uses the soil.

and when the thrill
of being alone
subsided with the tides,
you will see...

Deep to your soul
Why do you help?
Is it for your own gain?
Maybe for emotional wealth...

You lift others up
But do you get love?
You may not think you deserve it
Because you’re so above

Are you really yourself?
You haven’t been a Self in ages,
That all that’s left of yourself
Is on weathered written pages,

You discovered you were kind,
You made that your forefront.
But you realize people like that
And that you were a prize won,

That got swirled in your head,
That you were needed,
Always being used—
Your fields were seeded

The plants grew tall.
The plants of your egos
Because you were crucial,
And helped with all woes

You took their pain.
You took their burden.
But they took things too!
They stole your person.

Dirt flying like rain
With feet forever churning,
Grass and plants uprooted
His muscles moving and burning

Stop for a much-needed drink.
The only chance for him,
Look up from the water
As he goes for a swim

Rabbit runs from me,
I move slowly to not scare
But my dropped blades are too loud,
And off goes the hare!

Ripped grass from my hands,
He meets me as he coasts over the ground.
He glides in my direction,
He feet slap the earth as they pound

Fur to dazzle a crowd
Browns as the eyes of few
And streaks of red, with power he fled,
While I was left to stew

I saw his tracks
Detailing his run
He strives only for warmth
But was blinded by the sun

Drifting over asphalt,
stars slipping through the sunroof.
Full throttle.

He turned all to suddenly
(and not suddenly enough)
right into me.

Jokes on him,
he turned with plenty of room
I just never hit the break.

And as the story goes
he’s blamed as the guy
who killed my parents daughter,

when actually she slipped away,
through the sunroof and to the stars,
many years ago...

Empty promises,
from an empty girl—
with a grin she’ll say
“I’ll give you the world!”

When the power grid crashes,
let's dance under the streetlights--
lit up only by the moon
and the tree sprites

you’ll never understand
the pure bliss that is
being loved by you

Eyes are not
the windows to the soul.
Eyes are nothing,
Just as we are.

now is when the leaves fall
and are swept up by the wind,
only to fall again
with the flutter of butterflies

though my blankets
touch me the same—
they will never be
as warm as you.

Curiosity killed the cat,
at least that’s so they tell me,
but alas! the 22 to your catch—
he must die to meet his cell-mate

no matter how long
you fight as a beast
you inevitably
will die as a man

somehow—
the glint of the moon
on the crystals that dangled,
turned the fog
to fireworks.

I thought I lost you,
but you found me in others.  
so long as you’re loved...

the peach twinkles
from the windows above
put spots over my eyes,
so that i could look
straight at the sunset

thank you cloudless sky
and moonlit night

as the docile yellow light
tickles at my fingertips,
rested tenderly on your cheek—

i can feel each and every
fleck of light on us—
piercing my veins,

and when the hue shuts its eyes,
leaving the chaos of light to blink—
that’s where we’ll be.

Cold morning dew
Dirt sticking to each ridged side
It was all so damp
Illuminated in something plusher than a sunset
The moon quickly disappearing
Gentle streams of light touch the ground
It was still cold
Cold enough for my hands to lose feeling
But warm enough to wear shorts
Smells of grass
Smells of flowers
And leaves
Nothing stirred except for the assorted bugs
Cicadas buzzing in the brush
No wind
But the air was not a bad stagnant
A chill swept through me
I rolled my sleeves down
My knees were wet and covered in tiny bits of grass
All stuck from the dampness
I placed my excavated carrot in the bin
It left my hands damp
I leaned back on my knees
My teeth were exposed rather quickly
I didn’t bother rinsing my hands
Too chilled
I rinsed off my fresh carrot
The frigid water brushed my hands clean
Ice cold from sitting in the hose overnight
The sunlight trickled down
It offset the chill seeping into me
I breathed in the air, eyes closed
Sun tickled my nose
The chill felt good as the sun rose higher
It slowly disappeared
The damp dew turned to sweat
I yearned for the peace of the quiet mornings
Busses roared, children yelled
No cicadas
I rolled my sleeves up and pulled the next carrot
My skin turns red
The heat seeps into my blood
Until it turned to a chill I can never break
The skin is much too thin
To keep any sort of heat in
I guess the morning sun is more forgiving
And embraces me in her warmth
Seated on a throne
Right next to the chill
Ruling over my fleshy expanses of land
A pair of monarchs
Deeply in love

you make my rainy mornings
not even miss the sunrise,
hidden by the clouds.

claw from the ground,
make a stand,
and get crushed doing it
over again.

my legs will always have scabs
and i dont think i'll ever be alone--
but in the mystery of the tabs
i'll sing to a place you call home.

let’s run for the woods—
write each other
love letters on the fallen bark,

take a dip in the lake,
walls of pine trees around us,
fish nipping at our toes.

we’ll nap in a field of moss—
ferns tickling our legs and
kissing under the canopy...

and someday we’ll go home
to the warm cave with a fire
and watch the sparks float like fireflies,

someday.

Hit me.

Let me have
something to take
my mind off
everything else.

Set adrift on the rivers of wind,
to course through empty gravity
while drawing in flames like moths.

We touch down—- not with a bang.
But with negative.
Lack of sight, mind, and everything in between.

I pry eyes from my future scars, lit up with pain.
The sun blinds me while I lay on my back
only to see vision digressing into millions of stars.

He spoke to me as if an angel.
Not a single limb left to count on,
but still secured to the newly vermillion seat.

“Fear can’t hurt you
any more than this dream,” he said—
voice seeping through the nightmare.

He dripped.
Along with the will from his eyes,
before his body hit the ceiling.

And with him, down fall sanity.
Not to be confused with humanity—
the greatest temptress of them all.

Your hair no longer
waves in the wind,
locks pin straight
from the overbearing gravity.

Bold yellow curls,
turn beige to match
the sand you blend into—
with eyes blue like the sea.

If I could reach out…
If I could grab your face.

If I could tense long-limp
muscles, fused to my sides.
If only I could pull my arm
away from the chains that bind me...

If I could be free where would I go?
no family, no home.
If I could reshape my life,
who would I mold myself to be?

A world built of the word “if.”
If only I could change that...

I forgot that I’ve
completely forgotten your voice...
I blocked your sound out
not by necessity, but choice.

Apologies must be much too hard
for my hindsight to be this clear.
I see you— now lit by my distant sanity
and despondent dreer.

One day you’ll get tired of me.
The chase will me done,
I won’t tag and run
for the chase is over and won.

I feel your arm around me,
like the skin in my teeth
the cold sheets beneath
and the water just out of my reach.

Is it only to me you share this laugh?
Brighten your smile,
just for a while—
ignore the taste of bile!

When you done with tag you’ll toss me aside,
but my heart flutters,
soaked breath stutters,
And my exhale mutters—

“I’ll love you when I’m sober.”

I lost my notebook the other day
It didn’t quite look like something
I had made.
It looked too pristine, too manicured.
I wrote on its pages with all my heart,
I could have no way of knowing it wasn’t messy enough.

It had a grey cover.
My last name written on the inside.
It wasn’t exactly filled yet…
But the words inside tumbled out like
I’d never intended them to.

It’s long gone.
Probably left in my classroom…
Maybe on the floor of my car.
Who knows!
I don’t quite have the energy to look right now.
Not enough energy until it’s too late to look.

I spent six dollars on it.
Down at the local craft store.
Its’ cover design fades from white to black,
Very different from the contrast of my pen.
I only ever used black ink.
Maybe it’s because, that’s what color pen was closest.

I lost my notebook the other day.
Hopefully someone will find it.
I guess they’ll probably read my name on the cover,
God help me if they read anything but my name.
They might think
I’m sad.
I guess they’d be right.

and just like that
the buildings fall,
hundreds of hours put into
their walls...

so illegal was it
to meet in this place
the one we spend hundreds of hours
and effort can't find a trace

i don’t know why a guy like you;
funny
kind
smart
would love a girl like me.

one who is bad at thinking,
one who’s very bad at slowing down,

why would you love the riptide
drawing you out to sea?
would you feel the Stockholm Syndrome
in your bones?

sometimes i say it’s because
of my devastatingly adequate looks
or my horrifically average mind,

you say you wish i could see me
through your eyes
and, on god, that scares me.
i never want to see the girl
you’ll leave behind

i never want to be the girl
you want to run from

but every time you run—
and it’s much too often,
i see you running to me.

i want nothing more than for you to trip
and never reach me
never love me
never need me

when will you see that i’m a trap
a wreck who can’t stop going too fast
and can’t seem to move my feet
to run alongside you

so much wonder
seeping through your eyes
some genius buried under
the blue that shines like skies

Is it
Too much to ask

That I
Will be allowed to soar

Legs balanced
On translucent platforms

Maybe
For once in my life

My feet
Will be punching streaks of gold

I would run
So far down the river

That flows
Miles above our heads

But alas
I must lay down

And melt
Into the crowd

I study your story,
Earthly in nature.
Horror written by men,
Men with little to wager

I read the rules—
I read them like a prayer.
I cling to them in hopes
When I turn you’re not there.

My breathing grows cold,
My muscles bloom violet.
The fire in my bones
Obediently falls silent.

I ran all too fearful
I pushed my mind too hard
Your punishments were harsh,
And yours, only the start,