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Caosín Mar 2022
im shaking cant type sorry shaky heands shaking breathing shaking ******* bones because you tried to ******* **** YOURSELF AND I SWESR TP GOD AND CHRISY AND MOTHER ******* MARY THAT I ******* TRIED but im **** at trying so all i can do is sit here and sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob because you tried to do it with PARACtetalmol? and ive told you so many times that its a **** way to killyourself because youll be in days of excrushating pain as you kidneys fail and you can do **** all about uit ecxept for taking something...
for the pain.
my friends keep killing themselves
Willow Branche Feb 2020
Why do I matter? Why should I stay?
Because where you leave your pain and suffering, many people who are still here will pick it up... Yes, you may feel like no one cares or they wouldn’t notice if you left, but you are wrong. You're worth much more than you realize. Every persons life is important and meaningful because of how we are all connected. Look around... how many people are in your world? How many people have you come in contact with? Even if they never met you in person, even if they've never said a word to you; your death would affect their life.
One of my brother’s best friends died when we were in high school. Geoff was never a huge part in my life, but he was in my world. He was always over my house because my brother and his were best friends and they were swim/water polo teammates.  His death was caused by meningitis, not suicide, but even so, it impacted so many people and took everyone by surprise. When they announced his name over the loud speaker that day at school, I felt a part of my heart break... Because I knew that right then, his parents, sister and his older brother were in so much pain... Because I knew all of his friends, my brother included, were crying, mourning and thinking of all of the times they had had with him. Even to this day, almost 10 years later, people still post things about him on Facebook. Every year on his birthday, I see people sharing photos and memories. I see his brothers posts on the anniversary of his death and my heart breaks over and over. I watched his brother collapse and scream — crying over the loss of his brother. I'll never forget that sound. I can never forget that image. His parents had a complete mental break down. His mom was actually institutionalized afterwards because she was a danger to herself. His father became an alcoholic very soon after Geoffs death. No one could comprehend what life was going to be like without Geoff. Even people like me, someone who only knew him in passing, were affected by his death. You may think that you are worthless, that no one will miss you, that this pain will never end, but you aren’t, they will, and it will. Trust me love. I’ve gone through 27 years of fighting mental illness, loss, and suicide attempts. I know exactly what you’re going through, but committing suicide would destroy a lot of people. This is a part of the reason I hold on. So, Please don't give up. It gets better.
Alice Swatridge Dec 2019
A dose of 30 paracetamol
And lithium to help keep sane
You lie in a bed with drips
Vomiting out your pain

The veins on your arm stick out
Blue against dark red scars
There are bags under your eyes
Black like a sky of stars

I hold on to your thin arms
And I hope it doesn't hurt
"Don't hurt yourself again"
But my words are lost in your shirt

You're home sometimes, or not
A long, long stay away
I miss you when you're gone
And you missed my birthday.
izzy Jul 2019
What can I say
I'm trying to send a message
A few words to portray
Exactly what's going on in my head
Things really aren't clear
I feel a bit dead
I don't know why I'm here
I need to get up, and get ahead
Outpace them all
Like I know I can
Scale the "impossible" wall
An became a woman
I know I'm strong
I know I'm intelligent
I admit when I'm wrong
(can't find a rhyme but you get the hint)
I'm a critical thinker
I see through the lines
But my mind's beginning to splinter
I'm not actually fine
The world's driving me mad
And I'm feeling homicidal
Then  stop feeling bad
For being suicidal
I don't like it here enough
To put up with ****
Lights out like *****
Don't think I tried well I did
Four times in one year
Guess I really wanna get out of here
I spilled one last tear
And knew death was near
First time I cut a tad too deep
Second time I took a little too much Paracetamol
Next I tried to hang myself, failed and felt like a creep
Then I thought a lot about jumping off of walls
Finally I overdosed
I was home alone
No one knows
It hurt a lot
My life flashed before my eyes
I knew I was going to die
Somehow I woke up alive
And now I'm here writing dumb ****...
And thinking about number five
this is silly
izzy Jun 2019
What happened ?
To that little girl
Where did she go ?
It all happened to fast

Something went horribly wrong
After four years I still don't know what
That little girl is dead and gone
Her innocence left to rot

I looked in the mirror this morning
Like every other day
And what I saw was torturing
Like every other day

Who is the stranger in the mirror ?
Whose are those empty eyes staring back at me ?
Why are the eyes so empty ?
What happened to you ?
What happened ?

I feel so very detached
My memories don't feel like mine
A ******* chain is attached
To my ever dying mind

Voices are getting louder
Asking silly questions
Why don't I know the answer ?
Why are they screaming depression ?

What ever happened ?
To the happy little girl ?
Was she stolen away in the night ?
Passed on to another world ?

I don't know
I don't know anything

Why are there scars
On my arms ?
My arms aren't as scarred as my heart
What's with all the scars ?
I don't remember falling

I remember the blades
Slipping through my skin
I remember the tang of my dark red blood
As my life line wore so thin
I remember the pills in my hand
I remember the feeling of them scrambling to get down my throat
I remember the soft feeling
Of the cigarette between my cracked lips
I remember the smooth cool of the beer flowing across my tongue

I remember all those things I shouldn't  
I don't remember the things I should
A little grave yard in my heart
For everything I've lost
Ray Dunn Apr 2019
Drifting over asphalt,
stars slipping through the sunroof.
Full throttle.

He turned all to suddenly
(and not suddenly enough)
right into me.

Jokes on him,
he turned with plenty of room
I just never hit the break.

And as the story goes
he’s blamed as the guy
who killed my parents daughter,

when actually she slipped away,
through the sunroof and to the stars,
many years ago...
This is about how whoever I get extremely suicidal I go for a drive around my town just to think about driving and the road instead of literally anything else
Casey Feb 2019
Ever since that evening,
I've come to realize that nothing I do will matter.

That evening, when you coaxed me into leaving everyone.
You told me that a better opportunity would never come, and I believed you.

So, that evening,
I followed your plans, I gave into your whispers.

You dropped capsules into a paper bathroom cup.
My hands were shaking.

You gave me the poisonous cup, turned the handle on the sink.
I filled it with cold water.

And there was the moment,
where I doubted the necessity of it.

Your hand grabbed my cheeks, sharp nails digging into my skin.
Screaming, shouting in my face.
"Stupid kid, worthless child! Do as you're told!"

I broke away from your grip,
downing the bitter liquid.

Only stopping to refill the cup,
chugging down the rest of the dissolved pills.

You walked me back to my room,
tucked me into bed.

Bade me farewell.
Told me there'd be consequences if I woke.

For an hour, I couldn't stop shivering.
My vision was blurry and splotchy.
My lungs burned with every breath until I finally fell asleep.

But, your plan had failed.
The next morning, I woke.

I spent the day laying around, barely eating.
Trying to get over sickening nausea and stomach pains.

Somehow, my body had gotten rid of the toxins
You're still here, I can't rid myself of you.

Ever since that evening,
I can't drink out of a paper cup without gagging.

Ever since that evening,
I've come to realize that nothing I do matters.
Written as if addressing depression.
The Lioness Oct 2018
You tried to pull a gun on me.
I just pulled mine faster
But what you don't know is
Three days later
I put my gun to my head.
I couldn't live with the fact
That I almost pulled the trigger on you
That I was ready to stop your threat.
What you don't know is one month later
I still had nightmares
That I overdosed on pills
Hoping to never wake up.
Six months later
I still see your face
I still think of the what ifs
One year later
I still wake up screaming
Fighting your invisible threat.
One year and six months later
You voice still haunts me.
You were eager to **** be because I wore a badge and gun.

My coworkers ***** me.
Two against me.
What you two didnt see
The detectives interrogated me.
Told me I asked for it
I should have fought back
One day later the detective picks me up
I tried over dosing minutes before they came
They noticed the cuts but didn't notice
That I was falling fast
I couldn't keep my eyes open.
My speech was slurring
I walked like i was drunk
I made it through the **** kit
I got home and slept for three days straight
One month later i quit my job.
My body couldn't handle the stress
I kept dissociating.
Six months later
I still couldn't have ***.
I started learning jujitsu
I had bought a gun
One year later
I was more confident
But i still feared ***
I feared men
I still had nightmares
Two years later
I'm still managing to struggle
I still hear your voices
Still see your faces
Still feel you in my dreams
Two years and six months later
I'm more confident.
I still have difficulty with men.
But now I am well on my way to be a police officer
I can't let you win!
These are real events that happened in my life.
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