Life's never too Ideal, it's like stormy weather
Two eyed child with his third eye's perspective severed
Heard of blessings, received a curse & wants it tethered
Hates the weights on his consciousness & wants it feathered
Fate states he's never to end with this endeavour
Forever to be displeasured
He's just sought the comfort he so vividly treasures
Taught effort won't make him triumphant, doesn't matter
***-for tat, in tatters, with his hope set to shatter soon
The night sky is his mind & his dreams are the moon

I can never make up my mind
Don't know if I want day or nighttime
Can't choose if I want to be in or outside
Maybe I want to be alone, or have you by my side
Can't decide if my cry for help is justified
Should I tell the truth or should I have lied
To be open about my feelings, or to hide
Is it ok to not hold back tears & to cry
Let waters swallow me or ride the tide
To be closed off or have my arms open wide

Sinking moods, forever stuck in interlude
Staring at grey skies like it's a reflection of the mind
Bearing no fruits of labour; a slave to life's servitude
Constant excessive sighs & an inability to unwind

Only light in one's eyes, is a reflection off one's phone
No life in one's voice, only a overcast monotone
Vessel's surrounded, but one's soul is alone
Drained from weeping & can't even groan

Liquor & ******; distractions from the consciousness
To put the anguish at ease, digressions is a necessity
Shut the door on itself & swallow the keys
Endlessly stuck in a state of cecity

Mother only had a father figure until '75
Only up to a few days before her first candle was he alive
A singular heart attack to cause multiple heartbreaks
Widowing a woman with four kids...they need to strive
Despite being born in '98, I only had a father since '12
Fourteen years of searching for a father figure; i'd delve
Chapters worth of excuses for disappearing, the nth book to shelve

Get in the bed like you get in the coffin
Supposed to have the last breath, but he's still coughing
Breath in, exhale. An accordion
Sign the accord, have the wealth be accorded too
But according to accusations, his health has been recorded too
Can't run, born acaudal. Bit tipsy off the caudle
Birthed with ton weights to the ankles
Non-progressive like he's earthed
Moral state, oral debate, heart rate
More slate, foresee hate, i'll wait

When he wakes, it ends his sound dreamscapes
Profound takes on the world around him
We're all walking through sorrow
& gasping for air as we drown in sin
Today is akin to tomorrow
So he hopes tomorrow doesn't follow
He just needs to borrow some love
So his head can stay above, when push comes to shove

Endless struggles
Shrug away & fend against the endless hurdles
Feint & sway from self-pity that's internal
External words of wisdom & health are eternal saint
Convert hurt for something  more divinely quaint
Reminded that fate states & destiny is what awaits
Blinded by paranoia that one's mind creates
Find mistakes that cause focus on repercussions
Hopeless individual like the rest of your kind
There's beauty that we all align on this basis
Our collective tears could form an oasis
Daydreaming from being reflective on past cases
Stay believing that the sorrow is in its last traces
Pray the endless fray ends tomorrow, it'd be gracious
Littered with thousands of thoughts until we're senseless
Bitter from being weak & defenseless

A letter for myself to fall back on
I know you're tired and alone at heart
& perhaps next time you read this, you'll be feeling the same
But I know you'll find someone to open to, someone who'll stay
I know you had constant lows and highs that are far & few
But you're young & you have time still, so relax & focus please
You have a path waiting to embarked on
You're just struggling to find the start...but it'll come
Be patient & everything you'll desire will arrive at the right time
The warmth you crave, the ideal place in life where it at it's peak
It exists, you're truly too kind not to find what you're looking for
You're broken, but time & the right person will heal you
So please don't give up
Do yourself proud, do your mother proud
Do your Nana proud, we know she's watching over us
They sacrificed everything for you & still do so now
So you could be at the place you are now
They pointed you in the direction to your path
So let's do everything we can to get there

We'll make it through the nights alone where we dread to end the day alone & the mornings where we dread another day of sorrowful thoughts and pessimism. You'll be ok...we'll be okay.

Don't falter & don't give in. We got this.