I never expect to be fuller than this,
but I still feel an emptiness.
Hands won't heal the mess that was made.
Hands won't feel what words have left.

And I'm sorry.

Every cell I am of begs for forgiveness.

On my knees,
I never see a thing.
On my knees,
I never feeling anything,

Please, be mine.
For a day.
For a night.
A thought.
A look.
A glance.
A wall.
A border.
An ocean.
A lifetime.

"All your bones are all intact",
That is what my mother said
When she held me
For the first time.
And I smiled,
For I thought that was all
I needed in life.

Closer to me
Than my own veins.
Right there in my pain,
Right here in my happiness.
You are here.

I am fading, I am decay.
My star soon meeting its makers.
Nothing you do will ever make me feel,
for my mission here is done:
I have met eyes with you,
And in that glance,
I felt the cold in me burn.

I'll never let you get so close.
I will not share my thoughts.
I'll not destruct myself in front of your eyes.
I'll never give you the satisfaction.

I'll never let your words hold me down.
I'll never let your fists break me into pieces.
I'll not give you the joy of seeing me on my knees,  looking for the shards of me.

I'll not let your kiss stain my skin.
I'll not let your heart regulate my own.
I'll not give you the gratification of seeing the white in me turn to red.

I'll never let you close again.
I'll never hold myself against your body.
I'll never touch your soul.
But with all that, I know I'll never find
Peace.

I needed you to be there.
No words, no touches.
I just needed you to be there.
To watch me rip myself out,
Cry my eyes dry,
scream my throat hoarse.
Waste myself away like the rest of them.
I needed you to be there

Hope is everything right now.
All things are caressing my fingertips.
If only I could move a step,
They would be in my clasp at last.
I try, try, try as much as I can,
But these feet are shackled.
You want me here, here, here.
You senseless pig,
You wall of concrete
Do you not see
That I am a bird?
Land is not my home,
sky is, and I am dying now
dying slowly, slowly, slowly
every moment more
that I stay here.

I will not sleep with you in my mind.
I made my choices,
and they have lead me thus far.
It is only temporary,
I tell myself,
Like everything else.
Envelops you like a sea
then releases you gasping on the shore;
I’m trying to enjoy this,
Take it by the ticking of the clock,
But Time says he’s leaving,
and Life says, "no".
I made my choices
You made yours too.
I will not sleep with you in my mind.

I never said I loved you, John.
But I did.
I never said I saw you, John
but I did.
I never said I heard you, John.
but I listened.
For all the good it did to me.

All will be lost,
And all will be found
once again when you are not looking.
But I can never not look.
It is the bane of my existence.
I survive on the meeting of eyes,
the nod of heads,
the shake of necks.
All is well,
as long as you keep your distance.

So don't come near.
Enjoy the looks, the smiles, but never think about touch.
I will burn you as soon as skins make contact.
I promise you,
I will make your body a living hell.
I will turn your soul into ash.
I am the Lilith's daughter,
You don't know what I am capable of.

I fend for myself.
I do not need your pity.
I don't need you.
You may stay in the fringes for the time being,
But when it is time for you to leave,
Leave and never look back,
Never think back,
Never talk back,
never never...
I am Lilith's daughter,
You don't know what i'm capable of

Keep your words
Keep your love, if that's what you want to call it.
Keep anything you could offer me.
Nothing you can give me will make me satiated.
I am so much more.
I am the Lilith's daughter,
And you don't know what I'm capable of.

I see the fighters waging their wars
against unseen enemies,
against the very air they breathe,
against the bodies that pull them down.
I hear their battle cries.
I hear the swords clashing.
They are on a mission:
to bring you down,
to bring all of you down.
No one dares to stop them,
Not even the blood they bleed.
They're here and they want to make it known.
They have found voices inside the caves you closed them in,
They have found freedom in the clothes you put them in,
They have found truth in the mouths of another,
They have found strength with hands collided,
They have found love in eyes intertwined.
They have found each other.
So to all the world: beware!
Beware, be alive, be awake!
For true love is waking from its cave,
Dormant all these years,
it wakes, with hunger
unforeseen, with thirst
unmeasured.
It wakes.
It opens its eyes to the world
Its ready.
Its awake and ready.
Beware, beware those who have tried to pull it down!
beware!
Its the tree of life,
it lives well on,
after you’re gone.

Mundane duties,
Breaths of air,
Lungs expanding,
Stomach clenches,
Heart hanging by a string,
Jaws threatening to cave in,
Hands no longer yours,
Eyes eyeing the world,
Legs rested where they fall,
No one to pick them up.
Melt to the ground
Become one with one you held so dearly.

Give my your hands,
Let go of any plans
you might have had
I am here to fill you.

Dream me and I am near you.
Hold on to this like fuel.
I am here to feed you.

Remember all this when it’s gone.
There is no use in love.
I am here to feel you.

Drink me and let me flow into your being
Let me learn and weigh you.
I am here to hold you.

Allow me travel your vastness.
Let me know your corners,
Break down doors, let me in.
I am here to consume you.

Lift me higher, take me to your mind
Let me run through your thoughts
soft and lush under my sharpness.
I am here to be you.

Call for something greater,
A horse with name long forgotten,
A smile given never to return,
Taken across the sea,
Where the lover might be.
But is not.

He is lost to our eyes,
We are lost to his voice,
He’s one with the horizon
Carrying our hopes and dreams.
They mix with the well of life,
They’re nothing now.

He’s nothing now.

Please let me stray.
Let go of my hand
and watch me dance.
Upon the graves of your forefathers.
They were once mine too,
but I let go too soon.
The mountains look down in scorn.

Please a kiss on forehead
would **** a thousand demons,
so bring out your lips
mix my blood with yours
and let's resist the call of prayer.
Here we have each other
That must be enough.

Heart it calls for everything it touches
Heart calls for it all,
A greedy child,
Who never wants to hear the word no
Who never says it at all.

I lived for the word.
I lived for the eyes
Meeting in the dark.
I am here,and you are here.
I am here, and you are here.
I am here, and you are .
I am, You are.

What a way to hold the knife,
and see for yourself
that it is all not the way you think it was.
You are in control.
The Fates have given up,
The Muses are yours to use,
And the Gorgons are all petrified.
Fear not, fear not!
This is not Jason’s tale
or the story of Hercules
It is just one girl
who learned to get up in the morning,
and see the light.

Six roses for Sarah, she knew how to swim
In and out of you consciousness.
She had you all figured out.

Six roses for Sarah, she learned how to smile,
And take that smile farther than any human dared to go before.
She was made of stones.

Six roses for Sarah, she walked all through the land.
just to get here and be in your arms
She was fragile as glass

Six roses for Sarah, she learned to look
To see beyond this putrid and know the light.
She had blinded her eyes for the truth.

Six roses for Sarah, she sat waiting
Not stopping her love, it flowed like the Nile river.
She was breathless, but she is all breaths.

Six roses for Sarah,
You give them to her ten years late.
Lay them by her rest, by the mountains.
She loved too much.

The hiding
Is so much worse.
All i want to be is symmetrical.

Symmetrical.

Knowledge rained
On them today.
They tasted the acid
and it burned their lungs,
it burned their lungs.

Symmetrical.

Run into darkness
For safety.
You never know what you will find.

Symmetrical.
Symmetrical
to me.

Find the treasures
On a lonely island.
Talk to the trees.
Find a friend in the fish.
Die an honourable death.

Symmetrical.

You will not waste yourself.
You still have years,
to think, to live, to breathe.

Don’t think this is the end
because she screamed,
he hit, you cried.

It’s just the night,
blurring you,
masking himself
as a friend.


He is not your friend.
Yes, he knows all your secrets,
but he also knows how to twist
and turn your insides.

You are his spaghetti for lunch,
his afternoon snack,
his shot of whisky
downed and ready to approach that girl by the bar.

He is not your friend,
though his smiles comfort, his touches
are the kind of silk you’d never afford.
He makes you forget who you are,
the hole you came out of, the land you belong to.

He gives you light, somehow, but know
it is only a mirror of the truth.
He is not the sun, with all her glory,
However you make yourself believe
.
You are wasting yourself in him,
The morning presents you with possibilities.
You ****** them with your own hands, for him.
You still have years, but left undiluted,
you will poison yourself.

I see you have given up,
You see in the darkness,
You are the surrendering light,
You are the desolation in the sky.

So the ending could be of ambiguous note.
And that all she will see now is the worth in the future.
The word of the past, will no longer be
in the back of her mind.
The scenes of the present would not matter as much.
She will learn to live and laugh,
Live and laugh until the time
she has to make a choice.

Empty, so unravel me.
Tell me that you see a spark beyond
these brown eyes, that have seen to little
of the world.
In want of travel, in want of love,
in love with lust, in lust with more.
Do you see the fire burning right
In the edges? A small spark
Yet with your heat, it could build up
To burn systems.
Your heat is what I need most in these stranded nights.
Your heat and that arm of yours.
Do you see something in me?
Is it why you always stay so far,
say too little, breaking whatever is
left in me?
Leaving me empty and unravelled.
Lost gems in this fast river.

The years are long enough in retrospect.
And the words tasted their own bitterness
As I mulled them over in my mind,
Over-chewed them in my mouth until there was nothing really left in them.

The hollow part of my neck breathes in the heart of hearts.
Your eye I see from within my soul,
All unravelling from the tip of a finger ,
Skins changing mingled in dust,
Jaws assembling
A head full of stars,
An eye in the centre of your being,
Seeing within
As you always were,
As you will always be.

Water will leak,
whether you make it or not.
From your eyes I read all.
I once was you, you know.
You will be me,
once this road clears
and you see him standing at the other side of the bridge.
And he will be there, never doubt.
He loved you before,
He will love you after
Though you do not know it.
The current uncertainty will produce all your poetry.
Let the words pour out of you
and care not for water.
Care not for water.
For there will come a time
when you shall not hold the pen,
And water will be all you breathe.

Don’t disappear
From my sight,
From my mind.
I feel your pulse weakening.
You’re fading away.

You cross these rivers of thought with me,
But do you know where I intend to go?
Do you give care for things like this?
Do you give grace now?
I feel you fading away.

Take the long walk home.
Tell me all the things you know,
All the things, your eyes have seen
All the things your tongue tasted
I want to know all that makes your heart storm
All that makes you dawn like the sun on a bright day.
You’re fading away.

I cannot find in me to make you stay,
Words won’t stick,
hands won’t fight,
legs won’t run,
I am here.
Don’t disappear from my sight,
from my mind.
I feel your pulse weakening
I feel the life in you escaping,
With it all our past and what-ifs.
You’re fading away,
but don’t disappear.