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MalakF Jul 2018
This sadness ebbs to my bones,
it shakes my soul like an earthquake shaking the earth’s crust.
The monsters will always be with me but is following them really what’s good for me?
They bashed, broke and bruised me.
If I continue this way then soon they will be the  end of me.
This is not the life I devise to be good for my mind.
Mida Burtons Jul 2018
i'm gay.
no. i can't be.
i must be staright.
ok fine not straight.
but there's still no way i'm gay.
that ****'s just not okay.
maybe I can call myself bi
and suddenly it all seems right
i did though honestly really try.
but no, definitely not straight
which should be okay.
i shouldn't be scared to go to my parents and say.
mum, dad.
i'm bi.
i shouldn't be judged by the public eye.
for my decision not to date a guy.
the word love isn't up for debate.
regardless of who i choose to date.
love is always the same.
love is love.
it's the butterfly feeling you get in the pit of your stomach each time you see them.
it's the fear in your heart that they might not always be yours.
it's the hope you have for the future.
the smile you see on their face.
love is just that. love.
i've finally accepted myself for who i am.
why can't you do the same ?
Tommy Randell Feb 2017
Truth is hard to come by
Harder than Love

Love is hard to recognise
harder than Need

Need is hard to justify
Harder than Dreams

Dreams are hard to testify
Harder than Hopes

Hopes are hard to simplify
Harder than Choice

Choices are hard to live by
Hardest of all.
Dess Ander May 2018
I fell hard, head first, in love
Damaged my brain and couldn’t recover my mind
Whole but in pieces and believing you could save me
But your every truth was a lie
Whispering romantic **** convincingly like the serpent
And just like her I took a bite and didn’t want to let go
I let myself be poisoned.
Dimitris Sarris May 2017
Is it too late? Has it been too long that i can not
separate right from wrong anymore?
So tired i feel if i make another step my soul will scatter
into pieces. All i can do now is to face the consequences
of my choices and as a knight you once called me i must
fulfill my duty to the bitter end. But all i care now is to
see you smile, hear you laugh again and i would
sacrifice everything to see it done on the altar of your
love. I learned so much from you, of true love and pain,
of the past and the future. Before you i was just a blind
fool chasing butterflies.
You are my living proof that there is still hope in mankind
and i believe that is your greatest virtue.
Thank you, thank you for everything.
Tommy Randell Nov 2016
Now -

It feels like if I loved you half as much as you deserve you wouldn’t eat chocolate until it comes out of your ears.

It feels like if I had been there for you for more time than I have spared of late in my rush to be your lover I would have seen more truly what loving you could mean.

It feels like if I had practised only part of what I preach I would be better off for your love toward me and not feel nearly so alone or far away.

It feels like if I understood that giving back to you in equal measure is only all that is required and of what beginnings this would not be the end.

Then -

It feels like if I had remembered about myself the open-handed have the tighter fist sometimes I wouldn’t be such a ****** friend.

It feels like I should be sorry for something as the moments pass now between our searching but disconnected eyes.

It feels like a glossary of Me stacked up like synonyms in a book of self condemnation and righteous self-focus.

It feels like I am falling backwards into a cloud with the air being ****** out of me with the mountains of hard truths jaggedly jaggedly just waiting to say they told me so.
you talk as if you sleep on flower beds
you told me a pointless conversation
is just a waste of breath
i'd rather hear your soft voice - instead
of being in this room with women who
hate each other's guts and look like death,
they talk about their friends which they hate and
down this moonshine until
they can't feel their heads

you look like you pluck petals and leaves
and that's the best part - your grace -
your heart is on your sleeve
and your soul is on your face
sitting next to you - why would i leave
as i know that there is no better place

My first collection of poems, “teenage memorabilia - déja vu and other poems” has just been released on payhip. It is a free/pay how much you want release for everyone to indulge in. I hope it is an emotional read, as it is a piece of me. You can download it below, from which the download link will be emailed to you.
- t.m :)
YH May 26
life is beautiful
but it is also sad
of all the good things
there is also the bad
and it feels as though the bad is always embracing the good
that there is more bad than there is good in this world

and when the mind is overloaded with the negative
sometimes the drowning can't be stopped

the world starts to understand
that the happiest people may just be the saddest
and it fills me with grief
as it is anything but untrue
true to the point it hurts me

my secret was being revealed

it strips me off my feigned confidence
and leaves me with an empty shell
empty of love
of all the good things in life

i am sad for myself
who have turned out this way

and in the end i only have myself to hold
but i do not like me
not now
not ever

so tell me

how shall i live?

— Y.H.

my own personal epiphany,
gentle fervor.
i'm asking
how do i appreciate the good
if the bad never goes away

it is my mind that i have no control over
it is just me all along

(c) Y.H.
Jacob Reilly Sep 2018
I smile to keep my pain and suffering hidden away from the people who make my life a living hell... Because they don't realise the effects that they have on the people who they hurt. Sometimes, the pain gets so bad, I don't smile. I just keep a neutral face... without emotion because emotions are what lead to other issues.
Every time I reflect on myself
The more I realise I’m somebody else
The real me is somewhere deep down
Drowning inside, screaming for help
However I ignore this & create my day
I live life in many interesting ways
Some say I’m quirky and very strange
Very unique but ****** in the brain
Some say they know the rise & fall of my story
The drugs, the lonely hearts
The regrets & the glory
Everybody knows my name and my fox like personality
The attention itself slowly suffocates me
But when you see me sitting quietly
Looking lost, feeling everything
That’s me saying so long and farewell
Goodbye to my true self
The one I ignored and left to drown
RedD Sep 2018
You got me drunk
You got me ******
Invaded my weakest moments
So desperate to please
To feel something
I had my doubts

I told you what I liked
Hoping you liked the same
We tested the waters
Pushed the boundaries
Learning together
I had my doubts

You punished me
Took my breath momentarily
Hurt me, made me want more
I came to you for all of this
You made sure
But I had my doubts

I got me drunk
I got me ******
Feeling everything but nothing
I had my doubts

From the haze I awoke
Standing on the filthy kitchen floor
No longer in doubt

I didn't want to hurt
Didn't want to get drunk
Didn't want to get ******
Just to feel something

I had to let you go
To get on with your life
Of getting drunk
Of getting ******
I like to think you've changed
But I have my doubts
One of the hardest points in my life recently, at my most vulnerable. Luckily I woke up
You have been my shadow
Cast on a distant wall
I have danced as your echo
We have shared a single soul

Often I've wished you nearer
Always I've wanted to know
How you made of me a believer
Why I've never let you go

My head says you were ever
Always worth the knowing
And my heart says, still together
We could get to where we're going

Your Life is all beginnings now
Honestly you have my blessings
I see you looking back and know
What we know has no ending
phil roberts Aug 2018
I have little thought for these days
As the future evaporates
And the past grows fat and vivid
I amuse myself with games of flashback
Faces and places flickering
Across an empty mind
Dragging their stories behind them
Dead memories metamorphosing
Into living visceral dreams
Where the flowers of love and loss
Are intertwined so closely
That with the passing of time
They each rob the other
Of some pain and glory
As reality gives way
To a realisation of truth

                                      By Phil Roberts
Umi Mar 2018
Of ones heart with shadows lurking to take over spite is made precious to be felt exciting while it is in fact trecious, but a sleeping terror awakens at times as well, thus a rampage is made amongst it,
A thrill wandering down your spine when you wrong someone and see them tremble through your actions a cold shiver followed by spite
Choosing a carefree life, yet unable to hide the fact that no spark would be able to illuminate whats in your dark, where angels fear to tread, only to explore this loitering abyss within you for some time,
All this blood lust must bring you to insanity, make you a lunatic,
But let it happen, in this emotionless shell it's what feels majestic,
The storm raging inside, waiting to feed on this caused chaos,
Evil and vile, heartless not carrying a smile while mercilessly continuing this riot of a resented soul waiting, longing for destruction
Feeling alike to be burning up, priceless about this act of cruelty until the wanted realisation drives its way into your soul and you question yourself what you have done, or why you have done it for anyway,
But the time will come again for sure, so be ready for it to arrive
When the sleeping terror awakens for another dance

~ Umi
PC classic Mar 2018
Feeling powerful and powerless at the same time
like being in a self driving

Love is the world's stupidest illusion like putting on sunglasses and being convinced that the world outside has gone colder

Love is reading a self help book to change your life
and pretending to not hear the writer laughing at you
inside the hardcovers

Love is listening to an imaginary song and being afraid the music will leak out of your ears

Not being in love is like calling yourself proactive for taking
the alternate route to avoid the traffic jam ahead
only to find yourself driving alone in an extremely ****** road and reaching an hour late instead

Love is falling for a person who is high thinking they have sad eyes

Love is the panic attack you get when you are high
because your hands are sweating in cold December

Love is the realisation that
it's actually mid Summer
and you were wearing sunglasses this whole time
Poppy Dec 2018
Realisation of thrilling intimidation
Silenced words and holding looks
The second I gaze up and find your eyes, for those seconds I am stuck in a fragile moment
Not wanting to leave but unable to admit what’s keeping me so transfixed.
Caught by your eyes in something, that I cannot back away from
Stillness of those exhilarating moments
Wishing you would reach out and touch me, lighting this electricity purring through my blood
Too cowardly to act on my own desires, my own wishful fate
I patiently wait.
Wait for a little more secluded occasion, away from fear of opinion or judgment
Enjoying the lost moment and loud vibration,
Drowning out all conversation and surroundings
Unnoticed by others, whilst being unmoved by others
Hoping that my feeling doesn’t go unrequited, but if it were…
We wouldn’t play these games together

I smile and shatter the glass bubble in which we have held ourselves
PC classic Jan 2017
Of course there are lies you keep telling yourself
how else do you keep your bones fierce and electric
as sombre reality tries to swallow you whole
the usual dragging of the usual yourself back home
the killing of cockroaches with rolled up old notebooks
the same old bars and aimless conversations
the slow realisation that love or no love are two sides of the same torment.

We go to the lake and listen to the madness of the mosquitoes as they get drunk on human sorrow.
We keep searching for that part of the brain where
the right words hang
because after a while it just gets tiring trying to hurt people.
Anger is a faded dice held by a blind man
Life is the gamble
so always think twice
locate the words that help you or me
aim and blast
and help anyone to keep on going even when there is no kindness waiting tonight behind closed doors

to keep on keeping on
as long as life flows red
frances Jan 2014
if you have never found yourself
picking splinters from your veins
because you tried so hard to reconstruct
you forgot that not everything is fixable
then maybe you should stop reading

if you have never found yourself
scraping the earth into your own grave
wanting nothing but nothingness
and the silence that comes with departure
then maybe you should give up on me

because I have spent too many days
hoping my mind would suffocate my being
and trying to bind myself to the air around me
because I hate it when things change
for me to explain this only to be dismissed

there comes a time when the nights seem longer than the years
and the sky stops being black velvet
if you stare then you will see
ink spilled across a page

there comes a time of realisation: you are a stranger to yourself
you only notice you are dead
when you're coughing up soil like blood
only to swallow it again
Aniron Jul 2015
But how the realisation of my very existence
has grown like flowers, yet none beautiful.
I have somehow stopped knowing myself
long ago, yet I thought I did find ”me”
just yesterday, but I assume I was only wrong;
it was again a pretending song.
Sometimes as I sit in quiet
I think of my childhood hours
proceeding to days, to years,
and how they won’t cease to haunt
deep inside of me,  screaming
from locked up and shaky towers,
far up in an unknown pointy castle
built of fragile flesh - a stupid body.
But, oh, to only have the key to these doors,
to find my breath again longing for;
to feel my heart once more throbbing for
that what I once thought was everything -
the things that now seem nothing.
Umi Mar 2018
Urges through the night, a blade dancing with its mistress, discarding what has summoned up in her way alike a ****** crazed devotion,
Scarlet tears make their way down her cheek, washing the sand off as the pillars around begin to collapse alike cards one by one at the time,
Phantoms rage as a pure flower appears to commence blooming,
The warped moon embraces the shadows of such fools as it rises,
Actions with not much meaning seek their rampage as the battle field becomes frail and soulless through this sleepless night of lunacy,
When the flood of realisation arrives she will be swept away unlike the wise who make a more solid, stadfast decision. How trecious,
Does she want to take a dance with this cruel world she rampages on, are her ideals fitting for this battle she is about to win for now,
Drenched in blood and impurities of her work, her mind remains pure, innocent, not even sweating one thought to the consequences,
Mercy nor compassion are unlikely to be granted in this darkening realm, not to her dancing knife or her lunatic ****** devotion,
Time is moving, as she sacrafices her soul for her actions,
Taking another dance in this distorted dark

~ Umi
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