"ditching" poems
Depression. Oh malicious depression.
Always there, never fading away, or going away in this case.
Coming at me like she's my first priority.
Staying in my life because I guess I like the company, the feeling like there's always a weight on my shoulders, always a reassurance that I'm definitely not going to be in the mood for anything besides sleep and sometimes not even that.
Depression is my side chick, not only because I need some difference in my brain, some pizazz to keep things spiced up, or spiced down, but because my brain needs some company while the main chick happiness is away.
My side chick goes away sometimes when the main is in town.
While happiness is with me I'm always scared because what if depression finds out and comes to win me with pure determination.
So I ditch happiness...
Depression gets total control over me and I can't seem to find hope of ditching her and finding someone like happiness again.
Depression finds the time to insert unwanted thoughts into my brain, talk to me like I'm some slave to it, I guess I am in a way.
She's inconsistent in her time with me,
I talk to happiness still to fill in the times when depression isn't there, it's not the same with her.
Sure we're close and spend time together, but happiness is never really there with me like she was prior to depression.
Depression is jealous that I spend time with happiness, but I can't help it.
Happiness will always have a place in my brain.
Unlike depression happiness has been there since the beginning.
Depression came along for the attention a couple years ago and now we're in a relationship that only goes one way.
Depression loves me, I definitely do not love depression.
I hang on to depression since she's all I have left...
Happiness is at the back of my mind constantly wanting to be set free from my thoughts.
I just can't let go,
Can't let go of the feeling happiness gave me, can't let go of the love she gave and still gives to me as a far off friend.
You see happiness found relationships in the people around me, she is constantly prominent in their lives, they never fail to give her attention, treat her like the priority in their lives.
I miss happiness, she was great...
Now I have the ***** called depression and she's not leaving anytime soon, so I sit with her, attempt to love her and fail miserably at doing so.
I try and tell her that I don't want her anymore but she keeps coming at me with kindness and affection.
So now I just sit with her and happiness is held in the back of my mind slowly fading away and depression is now my partial past my entire present and most likely to be future.
Feb 17, 2017
Feb 17, 2017 at 5:24 PM UTC
I run downtown with the homeless on some Saturdays
Angelo and I ran together one sunny Saturday
He talked about the days when he ran track in high school
It was his high water mark of his life
top of the world then
the next year his mom moved to a different neighborhood
different set of friends going no where good
he never went anywhere good after that
running from the cops ditching the drugs on the ground
Angelo was a person trying to figure out how to get to a better place
to a new cycle, a new system
no good role model, bad friends, no support system and bad choices
he said the shelter is similar to prison, "the food they serve makes you fat at both places"
I don't know how to get out and no one listens to me he told me
If anything, I listened.
Mar 25, 2014
Mar 25, 2014 at 11:29 AM UTC
I was 14 when I first discovered love,
Colors bloom the day when he arrived.
His face was my favorite mystery to solve,
Please just please don't get on my nerves.
For the very first time I laid my eyes on someone,
For such beauty could make you go insane.
Even though he's hiding; you can see easily spot him,
And I'm just someone who has always wished that you can claim.
Forlorn figures painted on my face,
Someone like you that can't be replaced.
Even though you left with no trace,
I won't forget your tight embrace.
Ditching off with you when we both have a curfew,
Out of nowhere sketches of you that I even drew.
Even if those memories can count as few,
I still love you even if you love someone new.
Jul 1, 2018
Jul 1, 2018 at 12:02 PM UTC
Trivial beauty holds me captive as i sit near the flower
Reaching towards it, marveling at the colorful rainbow
It flaunts its
Sheer beauty,
Having it wave with the breeze
As i watch
The stripes came to take the juice
And then left to spread more
Lo, the beauty of the stripes and the beauty of its job
I followed. leaving the flower.
Ever so noisily, It buzzed, harmonically, lovingly
it danced in ways that intrigued me
so i left the flower
to pursue my bee
it took me to its hive
but disappeared back to join the others
back to its life
back to her lover
ditching me.
time flew by and by dark
the flower still glows with its rainbow color
no matter what comes to it
it holds itself tall and proud
it stayed in place
waiting for me to come
such purity
i watch
Dawn of fall came, and i opened my ears
As a yellow flower sang nearby
Nevertheless, a sunflower
Ah, yellow was such a pretty color
flower of the sun, reflecting the most powerful object in our vision
this flower had the qualities to shine like one
for it shined so brightly during the day
i started to watch this flower instead
and sing to it, hoping it would grow
cared for it with everything i had
but i failed to find it during the night
for it changed throughout the month, throughout the day
soon i found my efforts were nothing
and that the sunflower was always in its own flock
the yellow flower is still there
always will be
but its petals always faced something else
in the opposite direction
and as soon as i come close to getting it
it turns away, mimicking its sister,
the bee
summer came
and the rainbow flower, it was still here
it never left
why?
confused, i sat
i became sad
why did i leave this flower, ever?
it still stayed
so i've decided to stay.
forever.
Nov 1, 2018
Nov 1, 2018 at 3:34 PM UTC
Ask me how I’m doing and I’ll make it sell,
Tell you all is well,
When all is hell,
Falling through the sky,
Ain't hit the ground yet,
Just me and God here playing Russian roulette,
The wage is set,
A bet’s a bet,
Final stages of rage but my mind won’t reset,
Mental vegan, seeking only the raw truth,
I got a residence in present tense,
And the future on mute ,
I could be wrong,
But at least I have the courage to face it,
My word is gold,
Yours is a fake *** bracelet,
Three steps to forgiveness,
But life ain’t a waltz,
It’s a dance with the devil,
And he leads till you’re lost,
You see I paid the cost and got nothing back,
But pages of thoughts and a midnight snack,
They call it "hell and back",
Ah the hell with that,
I’m burning for my sins,
No matter what the habitat,
Fully packed and ready to die,
I’m ditching this life like a runaway bride,
Too young to hide but never too old,
To wreak absolute havoc with the anger I hold ,
I’m as real as pain,
Yet far from a heathen,
Only reason I left heaven,
Was to make peace with my demons,
Problem is they just want to get even,
And now I'm barely breathing,
Barely sleeping at night,
So to answer your question,
No I ain't alright.
Sep 18, 2018
Sep 18, 2018 at 10:02 AM UTC
procuring lexical polymorphism
synthesizing atypical signifier
playing blue album
awaiting tomorrow's celebrations
adding complex plugins
altering element content
watching office mascot
wheeling hue-named albums
undulating forest growth
pricing those yankees
finding layman's chaos
enjoying another victory
reviewing markup concepts
ditching error messages
enjoying relative obscurity
Sep 27, 2015
Sep 27, 2015 at 1:17 PM UTC
I tried to look without blinking,
I stared uninterruptedly for a long time
It got blurry for a while and it I almost couldn’t visualize for a splitsecond until I blinked and there it was staring right back at me
So I started drinking,
Wine, spirits and a lil’ liquor,
And with every sip and every glass I still felt my heart sinking from the weight of my troubled thoughts..
Day in, day out I was always caught by myself thinking,
Pondering and wishing everything away..
It was persistently adamant,
With it there was no going away, no shaking it off, no shrinking, no flinching..
Its sound piercing like tyres screeching,
Its sight gory like stealing in a lagos hood when its punishment inevitably would be lynching
It reminded me of an evangelist preaching,
Its effect was adverse 'cause classes I never attended about it whenever they were teaching..
I got my self into this mess so I guess its time to stop ********
Brace myself up for some ditching and dissing
I had it, I messed up and now its missing
In its place this monster I have created, I nursed it, I raised it
Now I gotta accept it, live with it and deal with it
Its not just a part of me, its now whom I have become..
It taunts me, it haunts me and constantly reminds me that;
I am a bad habit, I am an addict, I am eccentric, I am a misfit, and I am not going anywhere cause I am unique and I am you..
-r3d-
Sep 12, 2012
Sep 12, 2012 at 6:38 AM UTC
I thought till yesterday,
She was true anyhow,
Even as she ditched me.
But now a ****** name is here,
The Catalyst,
She was cheating me.
In search of the greater good,
She dumped me back then,
But she got back what she gave.
"The Catalyst",
Chose someone else,
Someone better looking.
She is never satisfied with herself,
Always looking for more beauty,
Physical beauty is what she sought.
And look at the comedy of life,
Sharvish sought the same,
He found someone more beautiful.
She was served rightly,
For her unfaithfulness,
For ditching true love for fakeness.
May 2, 2016
May 2, 2016 at 10:26 PM UTC
When you're normally
an idiot magnet,
Bur for some
malfunctional blessing
you're attracting something
that is positive
ditch the downers
and go get high.
Turkey tastes
better cold,
I like to quit cold turkey.
I just worked a nine hour shift too.
The human mind
is such a powerful tool.
I don't understand why people are so stupid.
We all have minds, right?
Mar 25, 2012
Mar 25, 2012 at 4:35 AM UTC
Last night at what seemed very late
I went on a quite grand date
with a boy on the moon who took me fishing
which we ended up ditching
to go see a queen with loads of hate
who wanted our heads served on a plate
then we fell up for what seemed like hours
and landed near a very familiar tower
with hair draped down the side
and a voice hurrying to hide
after all the help we thought we could give,
we ran away just to live and wound up
caught in a witch's lair
who had an apple
and a princess with short, black hair
she seemed to be dead,
though we couldn't quite tell,
until a prince came and kissed her and began to yell
that she was more than alive,
more than alright,
with just a small but of poison left behind
and the book closed at that very late time
for I'd danced with the past
and God only knows, that never lasts
Mar 15, 2015
Mar 15, 2015 at 6:19 PM UTC
Dear Mom,
As I write this letter to you, I hope you realize how much you have hurt me. And that all you are doing is making things worse. I can't seem to say these words you face to face nor will you let me.
I'm sorry that I'm not the perfect 5 year old again. I'm 17 I make mistakes. I don't know what the hell I'm doing most of the time, but I will never admit to your face. But that shouldn't be your reason for your actions.
I don't want anything to do with you anymore. You have made life more of a hell these past few years then you probably ever will. But the drama needed to stop. But you didn't seem to realize this. I hope this isn't breaking your heart but you already broke mine. As I sit here I'm not crying, and I hope you aren't either. But honestly, everything I'm saying I have tried to tell you before. But you don't listen. I hope this letter would suffice for you, because you aren't getting anything more from me. I am done with you. I am done with everything you so call "have to offer". I tried having a relationship with you, you see how well that worked. You haven't seemed to show me you deserve another chance. I have always resented you for moving away from me. Always have and probably always will. But that isn't the only reason. As a mother your duties are to take care of me. I am your child. I come first before anyone and everyone, including yourself. This might be harsh but its the real world. Time for both of us to live in reality. This is something you struggled with, this and making my life a living hell. But that isn't just it, you seemed to use me as a pawn or a spy for my dad, which i never seemed to understand why. You just ditching me to go hangout with your friends isn't okay either. You will always be my Birth Giver, but you really didn't deserve the title Mom. I can't keep going down this road that I have been going down. It really has been enough. I'm done shedding tears for you, done stressing, and done sacrificing my life. Maybe in the future when I don't need to be dependent on you. But right now I don't need you in my life. You are basically destroying everything I have tried to build and re-build in the past four years. Many of my friend relationships have been destroyed because I took all my emotions to them at the age of 12. What normal kids has these emotions? I bottled them up and expressed them at the worst times possible. That is what happens when your the kid of ill mother who strains every part of you. I'm sorry if this isn't something you wanted to hear. But this is what I need say. I wish you the best in life and all your health issues. I will always love you, but right now this is the best thing I can offer.
Jun 11, 2018
Jun 11, 2018 at 8:11 PM UTC
Hips hunkered, rise to dapple-blue-toned dusty seat
Flush arch cheeky blush, excitement
Droll eye-glazing blue pupil toned in sleepy drug haze
Wind whipping wild air rushing through tempered glass
Wubing whoosh of wheeled blacktop pavement
Colored in eerie sunshade yellow
Lined, darting-flash gold white boundary crossing
Tight knuckles, two hand hold
Blinking brown doe-eyed drowsy heavy lidded
Lolling head knocked back, head bash rested caressing faux blue
Ploom of dust
Dry-mouth open to catching fly’s
Or what’s left of dank-infused air
Quiet stillness
Blond hair crawling in busy wind,
Equally as gone
Thumping, jolting-momentum
White line boundary lost, wheels ended grass
Ditching down, dirt slid slide
Floating weightless suspended-nightmare phase
Snapping,
Awake! Awake!
Screaming slotted terrified,
Panic! Painful-heart-wrecking rob breath
Nose dive, mounded metal drive inching closer
Hairs-breath away
Afraid, screaming ****** ****** inside sealed lips
Brown eyes; lid white
Hands upon steering slack, loose light
Asleep, peaceful in calamity
Unnatural shake and tumble
Nail dug bleeding ache
Skidding gravel, tree lined doom
A god not believed in a prayer ensued
Shaking, the calm unglued
“Baby, wake I beg you!”
Brown quick electric wide
Screaming, Screaming
“Oh my God! Why!”
Swerve snake skin peelout
Black lane orange in night
An almost death.
Sep 21, 2012
Sep 21, 2012 at 4:08 PM UTC
when everything everywhere
whispered in irresistible languages
*hey you there
stop resisting*
i began to surrender
was flowing free
stretching
wings flapping
toward the unknowable
inside
experimented with ditching
body as identification
name as identification
personal history as identification
faded off
mad word searching
explaining justifying
reiterating too much information
i loosened my squeeze grip
on intellectualism
tell-me-how-to-be spiritual books
whatever the famous someone
said once then got bronzed over
i surrendered to universal unity
where i lavishly decorated
my living changing dream
with my own snap choices
i was flowing with fresh
synergetic synthesis
returned outside to pedestrian streets
where angelics mixed in
wore transparent disguises
i began to flow
forgiveness out and in
skipped a light fandango
splashing puddles was
answer to inclement weather
i set wooden faces
to smiling after
i switched my own
i rolled on through
perceived stop signs
of the everlasting no
incinerated all my karma with
nownownow
wonwonwon
made myself
stock still
experienced
yes yes
relaxed awareness
breathed
emptiness
opened all my hands
Feb 1, 2016
Feb 1, 2016 at 2:16 PM UTC
i remember once something like two years ago we were barely more than friendly acquaintances and i was a different person and you were just starting to become one
and i remember it was summer and everything should have been okay but i was ditching school having decided to be nothing that day
and i remember you asked how i was and in a moment of weakness or maybe strength i told you the truth that all i needed was physical comfort and a cigarette and i was tired of being alone, but i kept that last part to myself
and i remember you showed up not even an hour later with exactly what i needed despite never having asked that of you and we sat beside each other and though it was quiet i finally felt like something again and you smoked out my window for the first time and i took a picture of you without you knowing for the first time
i remember realizing i didn’t need to be alone
Apr 24, 2016
Apr 24, 2016 at 4:08 PM UTC
Art is what happens when you let go of the fear that comes from ditching the status quo.
It doesn't have to be born on paper, or drawn with a pen. Art is a lifestyle, not a talent created by men.
Jul 15, 2015
Jul 15, 2015 at 6:56 PM UTC
Thanks for ditching me,
And showing your reality.
Your real face isn't special,
Just like others you are.
Your love was only an illusion,
I am so sorry for expecting from you.
Jan 5, 2016
Jan 5, 2016 at 5:09 AM UTC
In January I felt so free
Wanting to explore vast infinity
In February I started school
Ditching classes like any fool
In March I was at work and met you
A man with brown eyes and a gaze so blue
In April my heart did sing
With all the love you did bring
In May I felt brand new
********** for the first time in front of you
In June I was so uneasy
Fearing that you'd up and leave me
In July you ended it all
Telling me you'd never call
In August I wept through the season
Feeling like my life had no reason
In September I regained my strength
Deciding to cut my depression's length
In October we met again
Darkness in your eyes did reign
In November you tried to play with me
But your false words didn't drown me in misery
In December you told me about your cheating
When you found your heart wounded and bleeding
Jul 25, 2016
Jul 25, 2016 at 2:56 PM UTC
1. You told me I am your everything but that is not a load I want to carry.
2. You ask me to be patient but I have given you so many chances I have none left for myself.
3. You only started treating me decently after you had lost me.
4. My fear of hurting you was what kept me from being able to put myself first.
5. Does chosing my own happiness really make me a bad person?
6. Does it really benefit you to blame me for your friends ditching on you because you became the person you are today?
7. Should I believe your countless mentions of how everything is going wrong and how it is all my fault? Shouldn't you be the one responsible for your own life?
8. I thought moving on would be hard but moving on from someone you don't recognize anymore is surprisingly easy.
9. Is a promise still valid when it was made to a completely different person?
10. Thank you.
Apr 25, 2016
Apr 25, 2016 at 6:09 PM UTC
What makes one ‘popular’?
Wearing the IT things that make you look older?
Being hot and having a multitude of boyfriends?
Revealing your stomach and stupidity?
Having big *******
Caking all of your flaws with makeup?
Not accepting originality?
Bullying others?
Talking behind backs?
Then the most laughable, saying there is no bullying?
Befriending only the popular people?
Ditching friends for popularity?
Causing others to feel bad about themselves?
Is this what makes one popular?
Jun 17, 2014
Jun 17, 2014 at 1:48 PM UTC
Something bout a dead flower
Something bout the wind when
It picks up power
The guy I'm with
Has a tattoo
Of a green apple sour
On his hand
Twin butterflies floating
In the breeze
That's what Venice seems to me
Open mind, chilly seas
The guy I'm with he says to me
I want love for eternity
But he doesn't put off that energy
Hung up on his ex
Like the rose bud
On his neck
Flowering but stuck
He works at a tourist shop
On Venice beach boardwalk
Planning a neurotic escape to Vegas
Makin Ditching to the desert
Something bout a dead flower
Something bout the wind
When it picks up power
Chilly momentum
Out on the open sea
I want love for eternity
Aug 14, 2014
Aug 14, 2014 at 9:13 PM UTC
Good morning to the girl who makes me feel like this world is really worth ditching my bed for.
To get up in the cold for
To travel across the country for
I don’t know how you did it
You’re so far away
But you have stolen my heart
You have picked up a stray
A stray who will be loyal
A stray who will love
A stray who will never, never give up
To be with you is my only thought
I’ll travel the world to achieve it
I really, really like you girl
And you best believe it ;)
Dec 30, 2015
Dec 30, 2015 at 9:10 AM UTC
i feel that in some places
physical apologies only
make things worse, and
for all the times I tried you
always dismissively waved
your hand and shook your
head, pacifying me with a
simple smile, no, Brooke,
this was my fault.
But the truth is, I'm at fault
too, so one day I hope you
don't look back on me
in dismay, somehow find it in
your heart to forgive me for the
way I am or was. Because love
does not boast the way I did or
refuse an embrace from someone
so confused.
(And although this
wheat field is grand and seemingly
endless I'm thankful to run through
again and again if it meant learning
more from you)
Jul 19, 2013
Jul 19, 2013 at 7:52 PM UTC
Coping is just a solution
you do what you can not what you must
and there's nothing but higher purpose as must
no rules in the land of lust
it's a hard decision to know such
how to put it so I can understand?
Coping is finding a way
then finding you've gone astray
Coping is the key and the lock
Coping it's just the way heart works
But there's something higher,
you will find it like it or not.
The time I coped, I was living good,
on my own. Hands below my *******
you on the phone.
Beautiful mistake!
Of the planned move - beware
But how to do it, when everything else
fails
when contraries meet
No rules for life, so you get lost some time.
You can trace yourself back. Get found,
so you can be lost again. Wonder, revel.
What I feel for you - something I can't describe
I want the bed with you - I always did want that
But I am afraid the demons are howling again
Using the word love as a threat
This is not love, won't be fooled this time
No big adventure without ditching something
I ditch you pain, I ditch you unhealthy attachment,
I ditch you love, because you tore down my guts
The world has opened its jaws
not to swallow me but to let me gently in
it's showing its teeth, saying "Girl, you can look,
enjoy this"
(Enjoy my sharpness, how I slice you open
but
A butterfly in every **** an ecstasy
even when you're about to drown)
A gift from above - did I work for it?
The world is smiling at me
It always did, it always did
And the road might be bumpy
And awhile I might have to solve it
But I am on my road
towards
Somewhere better than where I come from.
Sep 4, 2019
Sep 4, 2019 at 6:06 AM UTC