I hope life is so kind to you
you will do everything in your power to spread kindness
I hope the love that finds you
treats you right and makes you feel like your constantly flying
I hope your dreams come true and when they do
I hope you stay humble enough to help others reach their dreams too
I hope you get to experience God's grace
in a way that leaves you breathless
I hope you spend more time listening to your heart
instead of the opinions of others
I hope you get to have a child of your own
so you get the opportunity to truly learn how to live unconditionally
I hope the chains to a fear that is holding you back finally breaks
so you can set a new path for future generations
I hope you learn to love yourself so passionately
hate never has the chance to take up space in your heart
I hope that you grow to understand that life
is full of so much wonder
and your beating heart plays a huge role in that wonder
To the soul reading this your life is just beginning. It doesn't matter how old you are or what your circumstances are. God has big plans for you. It's time to get excited about life again.
All my life people have looked at me as someone they can walk all over. They see me as less than them because I don't fit the social norms. I can't remember a time in my past where I wasn't trying to impress someone because I was always told I needed to do and be better. I've been slapped around for speaking up. I've been put down over stupid **** that no young person should be put down for. I was held to standards that shouldn't have been forced on me. I was a doormat for so many years and I thought one day someone is going to come along and save me from the emotional wreckage that was my life. What I didn't know was that I was capable of saving myself. Instead of lowering my voice I needed to raise it. Instead of walking with my head low I needed to walk with my head high and when someone wanted to project their ******* onto me I needed to stop blaming myself and start telling that person to *******. So I did. I took a hammer and broke down the walls I built up because some ******* couldn't handle someone who was different. I scrubbed off all of the insults that were painted on me until my skin bled. I looked myself in the mirror and stopped feeling sorry for myself and started asserting myself. I ******* people and I still do. I get criticized for standing up for myself but the ones who are bothered by my strength are the ones who tried to take it from me. I am not the person I used to be and I'm grateful for that. I no longer take orders I give them. I'm no longer the punching bag I am the boxer who isn't afraid to get in the ring. I am not the one to ignore an insult. I am the ***** who will kindly knock on your door and ask you to repeat to me to my face what you said behind my back and then watch you look like an idiot trying to come up with some lie we both know is *******. My crown is no longer crooked and damaged. It's been repaired. I've replaced the ruby's with diamonds and instead of setting the crown on a shelf to look at out of fear of making someone feel bad I've decided to wear it and trust me it feels good to not allow anyone to have power over me in any way. There is a new ***** in town and trust me anyone who gets in my way will be walking dog food when I get done with them. To the ones who still need to be knocked off of your pedestals enjoy your rein as ******* because you will be losing your crowns soon.
I will be thirty this year and my only regret is allowing other people to dictate my life for so long and telling me what kind of person they think I should be. I still have time to change my life and become the person I was always meant to be. My only hope for anyone who reads this poem is that they have the same realization and they take back their power before it's too late.
I spend a lot of time feeling like I'm not good enough
I thought I would outgrow that feeling
but I've learned that the childhood bullies
grow up to be judgemental adults
Instead of making fun of your looks
they make fun of the way you parent
the career you chose or didn't choose
They judge the religion that brings you comfort
yet for them brings so much anger
You get judged for having ***
You get judged for not having ***
You get judged for having children
You get judged for not having children
You get judged for wanting to have fun
You get judged for wanting to stay at home
You get judged for how you cope with mental stress
yet I've noticed you got all of these people with "advice"
but none of them are nowhere close
to having it all together
The relationship "experts" get divorced every two years
The parenting "experts" can't even tell you
the last time they saw their kids
The religious ones can't see that they're as imperfect
as the rest of us
Sometimes all it takes is one mean comment
on an already bad day to send me to my bedroom
crying into my pillow as if I'm thirteen all over again
only this time instead of my weight being the topic
it's how much money I don't make
How immature I'm being because I don't have a baby on my hip
or a rock on my finger
How inexperienced I am because I didn't black out in a club
when I was twenty or open my legs to any man
who wanted me when they wanted me
Instead I've been fighting a war inside my head
because sometimes I can't get out of bed due to clinical depression
I've been strict on who has access to my body
because every time you **** somebody
they take a piece of you whether you want to admit it
to yourself or not
I chose not to have kids right away
because even though I will be thirty next year
I can still barely take care of myself
The pressure can be too much
After ten years I still find myself craving a cold razor
on my skin just to relieve some emotional stress
that I'm sorry therapy doesn't always take away
I'm tired of wasting my life trying to live up to other people's
unrealistic expectations including my own
I wish I could go back to the days where my only concern
was avoiding the girl at school who made fun of me
for repeating outfits because I couldn't afford new clothes
At least I knew I had time to grow into the butterfly
I thought I was meant to be
For now I'm still a caterpillar waiting for her wings
I hope when they arrive people will be too stunned
by their beauty to make any more judgements
Wouldn't that be nice
WRITTEN BY: Amanda Michelle Sanders
When I used to think of dying
I thought of the physical aspect of death
I thought of something physical happening to me
and my organs would shut down
I would stop breathing you know physically dying
I'm sure when everyone thinks of dying
that's all they think about
the physical aspect
What about dying a different way?
What about dying emotionally?
What about dying mentally and spiritually?
We are all born into a certain life that shapes us
We go through phases
we meet people and we experience things that
end up defining us
At some point we discover who we are
We discover what we love and hate
We live a life that brings us a certain joy
and all is well
What if at some point you go through something
you weren't prepared for?
Something every human faces and it changes you
to the point you die in ways you never expected?
The death to the parts of you that you once knew so well
are now so foreign that getting out of bed is no longer scary
The things you used to love
no longer bring you joy
The people who once knew you
now view you as a stranger
and they make comments about how you're not the same
and you agree with them yet there is nothing you can do
to change the way things are now
Nothing looks the same
Nothing sounds the same
Nothing tastes the same
Nothing feels the same
You try to so hard to be the person you were
before your world was blown up
again by an experience all human beings face
at one point or another
For some reason though the experience changed you
in such a profound way you can't begin to explain it
You want to put into words how terrifying it is
to look in the mirror and no longer recognize yourself
You think you have an answer to the problem
You think "it's just depression.
I've been here before
so everything will be okay"
Yet you know to your core it's not depression
It is a death to the parts of you
that no longer have a place in your life
It's frustrating because you didn't choose this
You didn't want this
You weren't prepared for this but then again
no one is ever truly prepared for death
physical or otherwise
So what do you when you've died but you're still here physically?
How do you grieve the old you
when all you want is to hold onto yourself that is so familiar
yet you know there is so much more to your future self
than your past self could ever provide?
How do you heal from something so common
but to you it's world devastation?
How do you start over with a fresh perspective
with the ones you love are grieving the old you too?
They know you're not the same
Their lives have been shaped too
When I used to think of dying
I thought it was the most horrific thing in the world
and it is
What if death isn't always as horrific as we make it out to be?
What if the grief I'm deeply experiencing is the slow
birth to a version of me I could never be without this grief
and pain that has seemed to take control of my life
like a puppet on strings?
What if this grief is giving me the opportunity to love others
in a way I've never been able to before?
What if it's strengthening me to face fears
that will take me to a life I've spent years dreaming of?
Maybe everything I thought I knew turned out to be *******
and I'm just a tortured writer trying to make sense of a world
in total chaos
All I know is that I'm still here physically
I am still breathing and feeling
I am not dead
I am being reborn
and as doubtful as grief attempts to make me
I have high hopes that everything will be okay eventually
WRITTEN BY: AMANDA MICHELLE SANDERS
I used to think it was important to save relationships with people
who I knew deep in my soul were no longer meant to be in my life.
It's harder when its a family member but I would rather be surrounded
by people who love me so much it's hard for me to comprehend
than force myself to be around people who truly dont care about me at all.
When you love yourself and respect yourself,
I mean truly love and respect yourself, you will have no problem
cutting ties with people who no longer help you grow as a person.
Is it painful?
Yes. It's a heartbreak.
Is is lonely?
Yes. Change is supposed to be uncomfortable.
Does it make room for people who will love you in a healthy way
and present opportunities for you to shine
and take you on adventures too magical for the mind to understand?
Yes. With every loss comes a gain you never expected.
Will it happen overnight? No.
So what do you do? You grieve, you feel, you cry, you get angry,
you fall apart and you embrace being uncomfortable for a little while.
Then one day you realize you have the opportunity to start over,
to rebuild, to rediscover yourself and before you know it you're smiling again.
You're creating art, you're dancing in the rain and laughing so hard it hurts.
You look at yourself in the mirror
and think "wow! What was supposed to break me didn't and I feel good."
Sometimes making the choice to let go of someone toxic
is the best thing you can do for yourself.
It's never easy but its extremely rewarding in the end.
I promise you that.
WRITTEN BY: Amanda Michelle Sanders 💙
Vader the black nosed pitbull
had a very lovely smile
and if you ever saw him
you would stare for quite awhile
All of the other pitbulls
laughed at him because of his size
they wanted nothing to do with him
but boy were they in for a surprise
Then one day in Bullhead City
a man gave Vader a home
They left the pound with joy in their hearts
and now Vader was no longer alone
Now Vader has a family
and they're all filled with glee
Vader the black nosed pitbull
is the best dog in history
WRITTEN BY: Amanda Michelle Sanders
WRITTEN ON: December. 5, 2019 Thursday 9:07 a.m.
This body that I'm in disgusts me so much
I can't stand the flab I carry
I hate that my thighs touch
The stretch marks that spread out on my tummy
are purple reminders of how ugly I am
Any time I'm naked
I'm repulsed by the sight of them
The acne on my skin just makes me sick
I can't put anything on my skin without breaking out
and I hate it
The double chin that seems to get bigger
every time I shove food in my face
Reminds me that I'm a fat ***
who takes up too much space
The number on the scale reads 179
I should feel proud yet I want to hide
All I hear in my head is "LOSE MORE WEIGHT!"
I pretend that I'm okay
but inside I'm full of self hate
My ***** are the worst
they're sacks of disappointment
I've never nursed a child
yet they're saggy as can be
My back fat is so apparent
I want to wear the biggest sweater I can find
so no one knows about it other than me
The wrinkles around my eyes are proof
that I'm getting older now
The spider veins that are beginning to show
tell me I'm washed up
Every time I look in the mirror
apart of me dies a little more
I just want to be beautiful
is that too much to ask for
WRITTEN BY: Amanda Michelle Sanders
WRITTEN ON: October. 8, 2019 Tuesday 8: 36 a.m