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Fenix Flight Mar 2019
When you love someone
you'd do anything to protect them.
To make them happy and feel loved.
You would do anything to see them smile,
and keep the tears away.

and respect
is reward enough.

If you really love someone,
hurting them would be impossible,
it would **** you just to think about it.

So my question is.....

....... Does he Really Love me?
My husband cheated on me. He sexually flirted with women on line and actually video chatted with on if you know what I mean.......
Fenix Flight Mar 2019
I hate you!
You've shattered my heart
and broken my trust.

All this anger
boiling through my veins
turning the pieces of my heart
to cold hard stone.

I hate you!
You've turned my anxiety
into paranoid Suspicion.  

You cheated on me.
Why did you cheat on me?
Why did you do this to me?

All these thought running through my head,
Did I do something wrong?
What did I do to deserve this?
Am I not good enough?

You're my Husband,
my Best Friend.
You say you love me,
but how can I believe you,
when you toss our love aside?

You sexually flirt online
with random strange women.
Yet I am over here
screaming for your attention.

I'm practically throwing myself
into your arms.
Begging and pleading
for just one small touch,
and you Toss me to the side.

As the tears fall
and my throat raw
from holding in the screams.
My Soul burns and stings
from the pain of your betrayal.

I Hate You!
For hurting me,
I Hate You!
Why did you do this to me?
I Hate You!
Why am I not good enough?
Fenix Flight Feb 2019
Can we go back to simpler days?
When I didnt think this was all a mistake.
When there was nothing but love,
and I knew the taste of your embrace.
Fenix Flight Aug 2018
I am laying here in the early morning with you laying on my chest. I cant help the smile that is on my face. Baby boy you gave my life a whole new meaning. Baby boy you started healing a wound I thought would never heal. I know understand women who say they feel like a piece of their heart is running outside their body.

You are only two weeks old but it feels like you have been in my life forever. The moment I heard you cry for the first time I couldn’t help the overwhelming tears of happiness that flowed from my eyes. I just wanted to hold you and cling to you and never let you go.

Oh my sweet little son how Mommy loves you. I vow I will do everything in my power to protect you and love you and help you succeed in this wild crazy world. I will always be in your corner supporting you in everything you do.

You mean more to me then my own life. There isnt a thing I wouldnt do just to see that small little smile. Even when I am exhausted and sleep deprived I wouldnt change any of it for the world.

I have never known unconditional love until I laid my eyes on you for that very first time.

Nathan I love you so much! Always know this

Your mommy
Nathan Thomas Born 7/26/18 @7:56pm
Fenix Flight Dec 2017
This rainbow of Hope that is blooming inside me
I cling to you
you precious miracle
Fenix Flight Oct 2017
Was your spotlight more important?
I felt like it was more loved
So much I felt guilty about my own

I didnt get to appreciate mine
Because I was more concerned about yours.
Why couldnt they have been happy
For two brightly shining lights?

I didnt get to feel happy
Because I was to busy crying
For fear of dimming yours

And when Mine shattered
And plunged me into darkness
You took yours and fled
Becoming the single once again.

You say you were afraid
That I would resent it and hate it
But that could NEVER Happen.

But Im starting to hate YOU
Im starting to resent YOU

resenting you for making me feel guilty for having my own.  
Hating you for fleeing when I lost mine

Shouldnt we have been happy
For two brightly shining stars?
Instead of everyone pitted against me
Where you could do no wrong?

You soaked up the spotlight
Truat me there was no room for anyone else
Even if they had tried.

I hid mine under the grime
Dulling it and making it seem unimportant

And Im sorry "sweet" girl
But I HATE you for it
Im sorry if this hurts you. But it needed to be said.
Fenix Flight Aug 2017
This is a Pregnancy loss Poem that is quite long. I wanted to warn ahead of time in case of triggering topics!

You dont know what its like
To have millions of dreams for the future
and then have them ripped away from you
all in a blink of an eye.

You dont know what its like
to love a tiny human you havent even met yet
just to have to say goodbye
before you even said Hello.

You dont even know what its like
To give birth to your child
just to hear *"she's gone"

and cry like your heart has been ripped out.

You dont know what its like
to go home with empty arms
when all you want to do
is cling to your child.

You dont know what its like
To never hear their first cry
or laugh, or see their first smile
or  hear their first "I love you mommy/Daddy".

You dont know what its like
to feel like you failed your child
when they needed you the most
and hear the words "there is nothing you can do"

You dont know what its like
to hold your child's urn and sob
Sob for the life you never met
sob until there are no more tears left

You dont know what its like
to wake up in the middle of the night
from a horrible nightmare
only to realize it's actually your new reality

You dont know what its like
to feel like there is a hole in your heart
that doesnt seem to ever heal or lessen
but seems to grow deeper with each breath.

You dont know what its like
to be jealous of the people around you
Holding and showing their newborn babies
and Screaming *"ITS NOT FAIR!"

You dont know what its like
To be told *"GOD HAD A REASON"

and wanting to scream
"You're god must be cruel to want my child dead!"

You dont know what its like
To be stuck in so much pain
and watch the world around you move on
Terrified you're child will soon be forgotten by them.

You dont know what its like
to be so Terrified to talk about them
becuase you dont want to make others uncomfortable
But it pains you deeply to be silent

You dont know what its like
to wake up each morning knowing
your baby is no longer with you,
that you have to keep going on without them

And if you know what it is like
I am so Terribly Sorry for your pain
No one and I mean NO ONE
Should have to go through this pain.
I wouldn't even wish it on my worst enemy
To my Daughter Carole Jean who was born sleeping exactly three months ago today on 5/26/17. Born too early at only 20 weeks and 4 days of my pregnancy. I love you babygirl Now and forever!!

ALSO! I am NOT bashing anyone's belief with the line "Your god must be cruel to want my child dead!" I was very angry and was angry at all the higher powers for taking my child away from me. I am very opened and respectful when it comes to Religion. Everyone has the RIGHT to believe in what makes them happy :-D
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