roaming through the house
here pacing these empty rooms
restless in moonlight

sometimes it’s hard
hard to breathe
my mind will seethe
with my own disregard

and a lack of empathy
for everyone and even me
because I’m a detainee
of my very own body

sitting drinking tea
here wasting away the hours
slumped over my desk

those dark bruised eyes
sag with desperate yearning
to find sleep again

it's still dark out
it's eerie and quiet
still as a grave now

in forty three days
the world will shift
not for you maybe
not even a bit

but in forty three days
my axis will tilt
and fall to the ground
shattering there

in those forty three days
I will change again
and move far away
never to be seen again

letting my hair down
washing the day away now
freed from my work stress

Walking through
the empty halls
wishing for you
to grace me again
with your light
gentle presence

Brushing fingers
across the books
and grabbing one
an adventure novel
that you so loved
yet still left here

you are a ghost
lingering around
in my home
and my heart
leaving those sweet
memories scattered

I may never dream
of anything but green
because I live between
what is supposed to be
and the true reality
of grey dusty skies
and those dark eyes

I know you're trying to help
and it's sweet and nice
but I don't want your advice

Those old melodies
will always be the best tunes
for melancholy

you don't want to be alone
cause alone seems to mean
that you will feel lonely

you don't want to be alone
cause they say antisocial
when you love select people

you don't want to be alone
cause not having a lover
isn't accepted by them yet

you don't want to be alone
cause they believe being solo
isn't the right way to go

blue lights
hot teas

cold feet
soft sleeves

quiet room
typing keys

Black eyes look with sorrow
Grey eyes glance back
White smile gleams in the dark
Purple hearts reach out

my sick pallor face
fatigue ******* my steps
I shuffle along

glass of apple juice
wonderfully nostalgic
you're sweet and smooth

Blissful Ignorance
Love in spring and April tears
I was your fool then

a different love
platonic and familial
but never ******

More annoying sparks
and broken starry patterns
create loud explosions

beloved you are
gentle soft pillows
filled with feathers
that itch at my skin

beloved you are
sobbing on shoulders
acid on tongue
begging for love
that I've never known

beloved you are
the beat of water
the shower head
pearly tears fall down

beloved you are
broken like glass
an edged smile
at days of the end

beloved you are
chaining me here
clutching at nails
like knives in my hand

lay me down to sleep
so broken battered and tired
just let me rest please

crinkling paper
cracked spines
and old ink

that dark black coffee
bitter on my tongue
it twists my mouth up
like you used too

with subtle flavors
sharp hazelnut undertones
like your soft curls
use to smell in the morning

I wake up to one cup
or maybe three or four
to fill up space that you left
now in my empty quiet bed

In this day in age
we blame the generation
that comes after
for the problems
we created for them

We start devastating wars
and pollute the world
and then leave it
for the kids we have
to solve our problems

What gives us the right
to leave problems and blame
on those that come after?

Love is like seed
you plant it deep in your heart
it might not seem like much
but sure enough it grows

little buds peeking up
roots spreading through your soul
latching on to a connection
and creating a relationship

As the seedling grows
you have to water it gently
not too much not too little
don't suffocate new love

When the flower blooms
it shows all the care you gave it
and pretty petals brighten the room
blossoming in love is the same

blue, a color to morn
seen as sadness
mistaken for a sign
of the coming sorrow
some simple symbol

blue, a color of comfort
like rain after drought
clear streams bubbling
and oceans swelling with joy

blue, like fireworks
while popping blueberries
and a refreshing drink
under the clear blue sky

body, what aches in you?
from dismantling joints
to decaying flesh
the rot only I can see

mind, what plagues you?
from late night thoughts
to the words of others
as I try to escape it

body, what are you?
to deny the mind
and wreck havoc on identity
to break me again

mind, what say you?
follow into darkness
and float ways away now
to a better place for us

the brandywine has struck
from the tops of your cheeks
right down to you feet

you heard it from the birds
and heard it from the bees
now you're hearing it from me

the brandywine has struck
you're woozy and acting floozie
but you're never going to stop

not till you drip drip drop
straight from the bottle into your maw
it burns like your cheeks in the candle light

liquid gold splashes down
bitter drink made warm and sweet
wakes me up smiling

I sit alone on the floor,
the light blinks in and out.
...or perhaps it is my eyes?
that I cast now over leftwards
to look at the doorway.
Empty, as it always is,
or is now? as it should be.

I feel as though I am floating,
no, I am grounded now.
Chained here to the floor.
My body lays like bones in the ground,
unmoving and crushed by dirt.
heavy and cloying, the smell of earth.
worms dig under my skin,
wriggling parasites in my skull.

Am I decaying? like I once wished.
my thoughts like rot, what else...
but to deteriorate into darkness.
My body lays on the floor,
a useless cadaver as it always was.
I am strung to it by some means,
my ghost lingering on the dead.
Have I not moved on yet?