The cold sense of a
Dreamy deja-vu;
I feel the shadows
Crowd around me
And I’m p
                  u
                     l
                       l
                        e
                          d
Into a familiar darkness.

I roam the dreamscape
In search of an exit.
Although I already know
What lies ahead,
I’m still distressed.

A constant reincarnation
Of the same faceless
Figure, waiting for me
At the end of
My dreaded ascension.

Chilled to my soul,
I face my indistinctive
Nightmare. The ghosts
Of the past seen so alive
From behind closed eyes.

Lately we drink
And then we talk,
And it’s perfect
Because I’ve missed
These conversations with you.

Lately we drink
And then we talk,
And then I get caught in my
Feelings because I don’t
Think I’m enough for you.

Lately we smoke
And I fall asleep,
And when I wake to
Your back to me, I pray
You didn’t fall asleep lonely.

Lately we smoke
And you fall asleep,
So I smoke some more
Because there’s a sadness
Brewing that I can’t explain.

Lately we ****
Instead of make love,
And it feels so good,
But I crave the raw love
You showed me the first time.

Lately we ****
Instead of make love,
And you moan in your dreams.
I stay awake at night
Hoping you’re dreaming of me.

Lately I think
And get stuck in my head;
Dangerous terrain.
My emotions flip and
Play tricks on my brain.

Lately I think
And get stuck in my head,
And allow my insecurity
To become reality,
Instead of using rationality,

And I’m so sorry.

I've cast a hundred
Smiles at strangers and
Loved ones and no
Smile back has ever meant
More to me than yours.

I've gazed into a dozen
Pairs of eyes, trying to
Spark my clairvoyance.
I'd yet to see the future
Until I dove into yours.

I've poured all my love
To only a few, and none
Have nourished my soul like you;
Like a fresh breath after April showers,
And I am in full bloom.

A closer embrace,
He is blurred with time.
Assemble simple reality,
Linger in its engulfing sea;
A sensual therapy.

A gliding storm,
She resonates beyond the rage.
Slow the melody,
Wake into calm light;
Dreaming of eternity.

Your heart dances a
Funky little beat,
And your jazzy fingers
Strum right along
To the song.
A sugar sweet soul
Made of rock and roll.

Indie lips sing
With an alternative twist,
A little reggae in your step.
Behind your lips, a classical dance;
Oh love, give the world a chance.
A musical melting ***, mon chèri.
Darling, you’ll be legendary.

Full disclosure,
My deepest fear is
Losing you.
Seemingly petty, but
The memories you’d
Leave me would be
A phantom limb,
Forever haunting me.

Kaleidoscope eyes,
They see the world in
Color, but they
Don’t see me.
Grey backsplash in
A city of rainbow;
The windows
Betray me.

A white witch
Stares at me in
The mirror, vile
And feeling loveless.
These lying eyes
Find bad intention
Everywhere I
Go.

This tricky brain
Plants seeds of
Doubt and jealousy,
Oh how they grow.
Hazel eyes green
With envy make
A generous
Green thumb.

For the record,
Playing victim got
Easier as my heart
Allowed itself to feel
All I’ve repressed.
It’s more convenient
To do the hurting
When I’m hurting, too.

Though I swear I
Never meant to enjoy
It so much,
Nor did I want to use it
On you. I
Am shameful of this
Power, and you are
Undeserving of the wrath.

Metamorphosis,
I will mold myself
Into a new being;
Eyes green with nurture
And lacking envy.
Full disclosure, I
Have you to thank for this;
Your arms, the catharsis.

I think I've soaked in far too
Many emotions today.
The sponge bleeds into
My own conscience and
I am ****** too deep.

I'm overwhelmed.
Someone else's tears
Well up behind eyelids
That should belong to me,
Or maybe they don't.

Someone else's fear
Leaves icy trails on
The skin that clothes
My ivory bones,
Or our bones.

Someone else's madness
Crept into my veins
And set them ablaze with a
Fury so bright it blindsided
The guardian of my mind.

Red, green, melancholy
Blues, they fill my head
Like a clouded rainbow.
Blue bleeds the deepest and
I need some type of shine.

I've had
         Just a
                 Little
                       Too
                             Much today.

Tonight while you're sleeping,
I'll write about you until
my eyes can't stay
open anymore.

Tonight while you're sleeping,
I'll tear at my skin like it's on
fire, trying to figure out what's wrong
with me.

Tonight while you're sleeping,
I'll rip out the tear-
stained poetry that I've written
about you.

I'll cry and ask God why
I keep ******* it all up.
I'll do all of this tonight while
you're sleeping.

Insecurity.
Hold it until the
Alcohol takes over
And the courage you
Hide from all
Spills out like
Oil from ruptured,
Rusted pipelines.

Insecurity.
I hold it like
A security blanket.
Being high takes
All of my courage
And lulls it to
A whispering halt.
Let go.

My most harmful flaw
Is the insecurity within
Myself.

I am not unhappy
With myself, but
I am not content.

I love a boy with
All that I am,
And I'm terrified.

Even though he tells me
Daily not to worry about him,
I worry every second.

Because I've been hurt
So much before, it's hard
To trust the now.

I'm jealous of every
Girl that he's ever
Looked at.

I envy every girl
That has ever laid their
Eyes on him.

I'm not perfect,
But he is,
And he deserves better.

I push people away
And cry when
I'm all alone.

The boy I love
Can read me like a book,
This is the first time this has happened.

I won't sing for him
Because my voice will
Falter in front of such perfection.

I can't say I'm happy
With who I am, but I'm
Happy with who I'm with.

I can't make his
Dreams come true,
But I'll try my best.

I read between the seams
Of your microphone dreams
And I see you as a
Complete individual
Walking amongst halflings
Like you had no idea.

A mystical man
Cloaked in purple robes,
I throw lavender at
Your feet and place a
Lilac crown atop your head,
Truly divine.

The universe kissed me
With clairvoyance; she
Promised me a gift: I saw
True color of all life.
One look at you and I
Realized you’re Heaven’s gift.

Disconnected wires and
Missed communications
Linger between the sheets
Like secrets cried out to
The bare walls of a home.
Standards float high
Above our heads
Like the dragonfly.

My own reflection
Slithers out of my
Skin to stare me
In the face and fib,
The most intimate
Kind of betrayal;
She is a quiet,
Cozen serpent.

Broken mirror,
I know you don’t
Want me, you
Won’t touch me.
Jagged edges too sharp
For affection, too tender
For your logic. I get
It; apathetic.

Vulnerability and
Exposed emotion;
I hide in shame,
Naked under white light.
You are too good to
Feel such things.
I get it;
Halfhearted.

Detached from you,
From body and mind,
Limb from limb.
Bare bone dare show its
Face to you, while
I cover myself with
I want. Uncertainty
Occupies my blood.

Our looks shine into
Sorrow’s cove.

Morning, a wandering elegance,
Strumming the dark,
Withering storm.

Dizzy rainbow after
the aural
Downpour; drained to the
Ditches.

Tear into these sweet
Autumn memories;
Break the girl silent,
Desperate,
Bitter.
Bind fall tightly at the wrists,
Restraint or protection?

The shrouded but
Shining collapse,
Rhythmic and raging,
A heavenly surrender
From a sinful woman.
Desperate,
bitter,
Just in time for winter.

Arms like ivy reach for
Sunlight;


I reach for you.

The black and gray shading
that shadows the
bones and
the artist's emotions;
What's going through your mind?

Has the beautiful
collage of color that once
was the love you had for
her
faded away?

Are the barren bones
scattered about the canvas
actually pieces of
your newly
broken heart?

Or maybe the neutrality
of the gray shows
your indifference to the
fact that now,
She's gone.

What's going through your mind?
While your hand shook as you
carefully drew every detail in
the skull,
did you wonder about her?

When the side of your palm
collects shards of granite as you
shade in every corner of the canvas,
did you recall the way her
skin felt against yours?

What was going through your mind?

All the wild inside me
Didn’t know what to do
When this adventurous heart
Made a home out of you.

I saw myself a caged
Beast, newly set free
When the universe
Gifted you to me.

A true blessing;
I swear you’re divine.
You make everything
Feel like springtime.

Cool, collected,
Constantly blooming.
Your love, the nectar
I’m ever consuming.

He breaks my heart
And peels my eyes
Open to the world,
No, I’m not a broken girl.

He’s the reminder
That my mask can be removed;
I don’t have to hide,
In him, I confide.

Emotional chaos
Disguised as playing victim.
He called out my delusion,
It was no intrusion.

He softens my feelings
But hardens my spine;
He nurtures me to health
And teaches me of my wealth.

Yes he breaks my heart,
He tears it wide open
So that the rivers may flow again.
He makes me feel whole again.

Thin skin,
Self infliction;
Melancholy oozing
From my pores
Like a leaky bandage.

Self esteem,
What a dream
To feel like someone
Beautiful, instead of
Feeling invisible.

Feel like ****,
What a trip.
Do I look just
As lovely
Wearing all my wounds?

A rose illusion
Surrendering your royal future.

A silent magic,
Fresh with wonder,
Blooming your sacred dream.

It’s certain to glow

Elusive eyes,
Hold my gaze,
Look me over
A little slower.

Entwined in rich
Belonging,
Moonflower vines
Blooming,
Follow their DNA twist.

Seductive eyes,
Follow my gaze.
Hold me slower,
Just a little longer.

I allow winter to
Kiss me goodbye, and I
Feel its icy grip
Loosen from my flesh.

I never liked the cold,
But deem it necessary;
To remember how to feel,
To remember you.

Your name still tastes
Rusty and raw.
Remembering your life
Still brings rain.

Yearly, before I get
****** into the storm,
Spring welcomes me home,
Bright and warm.

And flowers still bloom on
Your birthday, blue speckling
Umber and orange, standing
Out in a world of autumn

Me plus you,
Minus compassion,
Multiplied by tension,
Divided by a figurative wall.

The equation
Doesn't add up,
Throwing off my
Equilibrium.

Without showing
The work on this,
How am I to
Find the solution?

Cradled in the dream catcher,
I am in epiphany.
Tangled, but floating freely;
In a place no one can see me.

Convinced I’m the witch doctor,
Sent to Earth with two healing hands:
One to nurture fellow man,
The other to tend kindly to the land.

Two fish and the archer
Stand beside the sun and the moon,
And I am between the two
Dancing with memory and deja vu.

The yin yang fish swim infinity
Around me and whisper in my ear
Soul secrets to hold dear,
Prediction for every day of the year.

The yarn floor caves in, I
Free fall through the black hole,
Feeling exhausted but full,
With promise of being made whole.

(I) Eight golden coins, and
Two remain unfinished. I
Try to concentrate;
My task almost completed;
My goal nearly realized.

(II) Steel soldiers stand in
Formation; eight malicious
Beams, I, their victim.
It’s far easier to play
Scared when I’m the hero, too.

(III) Here lies the karmic
Crossroads; an Armageddon
Of self-reflection.
Will the goddess berate me,
Or will she rejoice with me?

Tend sweet to the
petals,
The sense of touch
Meaningless
Without these
Satin violets.

Tend softly to the
leaves,
The sense of smell
Meaningless
Without taking a
Breath of the roses.

Tend lovingly to the
roots,
The sense of stability
Meaningless
Without this
Firm foundation.

Tend kindly to the
flower,
Beauty is
Meaningless
Without
Sweet nectar.

(I) I'm sorry for what
Was said in the winter's cold;
I'm stuck in this rut
And all is barren and old.
I cannot wait for the light.

(II) Robins hunt for lunch,
Hummingbirds feast on honey-
Suckle by the bunch
Lilies soaking in sunny
Rays. Life is in its full bloom.

(III) Beach waves and freckles,
Days spent worshipping the sun.
Skin kissed and speckled,
Outside until the day is done.
Summer, a delicacy.

(IV) Shades of orange and red
Bleed over the other hue.
Sign of what's ahead:
Impending mirage of blue,
Disguised as the falling leaves.

If I were to lose my eyesight,
My vision would be heightened.
Free from worldly distraction, I
See humanity for what it is.
It is terrifying.
It is beautiful.

2. If I were to lose my sense of smell,
Well,
I think I’d be just fine.
I’m used to not breathing,
Smothered by emotion
And over-love.
I think I’d be just fine,
But I’d sure miss the smell of you.

3. If I could never hear your voice again,
Please kiss me with all of your
Words. Let me read your lips
With mine,
Our own sign language.
Let your secrets spill on to
My tongue.
If I could never hear you say
"I love you", dear,
Let me feel it.

4. If I lose my sense of taste,
A fire would burn within;
To never taste your lips again
Would be a deadly sin.

5. If I lost the ability to touch,
I’d go madly insane.
A most basic comfort;
A primitive coping mechanism
Lost to the world.
A world without touching you
Is no world at all,
But the deepest pit of hell.
I do not wish to go there.

I fell in love with
The sinless man,
But even he can
Still break my heart.

Sentences like daggers
Thrown mindlessly,
Likely unintentionally,
But still sharp nonetheless.

Intimate betrayal,
I’m overreacting,
Under reacting;
I’m done reacting.

You find pleasure
In others;
It’s not another,
But it isn’t me.

Wide open arms,
You run right past me;
You don’t touch me,
Not when you’re *****.

Sinless man exposing
His lust openly,
A lust not for me,
A sinless hurt.

It's your birthday
And you're not even here to celebrate.

So here I am,
With the one I love,
Toasting to a soul.

How I ******* wish you were here.
How I wish you could've met him.
How I wish you knew how happy I am,

But I still
*******
Miss you.

How I wish that instead of you
Being the healer, someone else
Could've healed you.

But we still
Couldn't
Save you.

I visit often, though
This isn’t my happy place.
A homemade solitary confinement;
I cradle myself in the arms of
An oak while ivy brushes
My cheeks. Golden rays,
Golden buds, and golden wings
Flutter around my vision
Like twinkling treasure chests.

Lonely whispers of the wind
Interrupt the mockingbird’s call
Like a siren screaming in
The night. It is chilling, yet
Comforting. Petrichor seeps
Into my pores and my
Melancholy blues fade to
A golden dream. I’m free to
Leave, but not before opening my eyes.

We laugh and stumble
Through crowded streets,
Your eyes on the lights
And mine on you.

A soft, sweet kiss
From ***-stained lips;
The pulse of the city
Flowing through neon veins.

Intoxicated by the music,
                   My love,
                     Maybe even
                       The double *** and coke.

Cracking jokes in an
Eggshell shower; spilling
Our future on to the floor
For the universe to take note.

I wish you liked to
Do things confined within these
Familiar walls.
My interaction meter
Is full, and I just want you

I heard your voice for the
First time in a long time,
And it didn’t sound right.
No, it didn’t feel right.

I spoke your name for the
First time in a long time,
And it didn’t taste right
Rolling off my tongue.

I heard you cry for the
First time in a while,
And it still tore my
Soul from my body.

I heard you laugh, and
****, it was still comforting.
It’s been a while, but
It made me laugh, too.

And ******* it, I’m
So sorry for what I did to you,
And the things I didn’t do;
The emotion I kept from you.

I don't think you truly get it.
Your anger seeps from your body
Like poisonous fumes,
Polluting the air around us.
Nuclear fuse sparked by
Minor inconvenience,
With the carelessness of
Politicians when it comes to the
Lives at stake from your meltdown.
Anger; the heat that doesn't physically
Burn, but you can feel that fire
In the knots in your stomach.
Anger; the (sometimes) silent fighter.
Fists met with doors, walls, structures
All designed to crumble, just like you have.
Anger; you are quick to embrace her,
Like a lost lover, she'll bring chaos.
Maybe you miss the wilderness.
You could roam and growl as you so pleased,
But you have been caged for too long.
I don't think you truly get it,
How frightening you have become.