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md-writer Jul 2016
every breath a torch of flame as i look up and see the blue above i want to fly away but no he says and holds my wrist behind me crying blurs the sky i cannot see his hand is sliding slowly slowly down i want to fly i want to fly i want to fly just let me go i cannot speak the ties of painlovefear are tighter on my lips just let me go i want to die there is no place to go to hide to flee inside me nightmares circle vultures breeding vultures breeding vultures breeding vultures and i just want to go just let me go i cannot speak

rising pain and fear i shake he stands there looking and my throat constricts no hands just eyes that's all it takes i want to go i cannot speak don't touch me

shiver quiver fear is king i lose myself the darkness hides it all i look around at nothing so i stay huddled in the corner of my mind i want to go just let me go i want to fly just let me fly

there is no place to go he stands there his hands are sliding sliding down i want to go don't touch me let me go why can't i speak i'm screaming why can't i hear myself i'm dying why won't my blood flow i'm frozen burning dying alive inside myself his hands are warm as hell

too scared to know too crushed to flee i want to fly just let me go don't touch me another face is there smiling kindly just a devil of a different breed i cannot tell he takes me in please please don't let him near i never will you're safe with me i'm just a devil of a different breed so let me in i'll take you dear and make you feel and shape you straight and keep you safe and tell you lies as i hold you tight and touch you touch you don't break free

dead i'm dead i'm dying just let me go God  i cannot anymore no feeling left i can't i can't it's woven into me to fear to lose to break i do not know the devil was so close behind me a shackle on my mind i fear i lose i weep no soaring no blue sky i cannot see the sunset and i know that feeling he is there again a standing shadow at the end of my bed kneeling over looking down i cannot feel i am not here i leave i flee i run i cannot move and smiling looking down at me against the red light i am now in hell i think i will not cannot go i scream i live i die i am not here i am not here just let me go don't touch me touch me i will **** your heart i am not human anymore you killed me let me go i will fly sometime just let me show you and the knife is twisted and i die for real he laughs i hear it as i fade no fear i'm done i'm gone i cannot say goodbye he took me stole me i will never see the light of day

i am woman
i am slave
For all my wounded sisters who cannot speak this horror aloud; may this be your voice.
md-writer Feb 2018
Dragon's heir
Title to the throne
Fleeing from the ocean surf

Ludicrous imagery
Perilous strife
Hearts ablaze with
Fire and ice

Blink and they're gone,
Those filthy sons of glitches

But a moment of reflection and every dark head bobs under the surface
Dark dreams claim no survivors
I can't go back but

Survivor?

Not so much.
I don't even know right now
md-writer Jun 2019
i met God in the forest today,
climbing a tree
(i, not He)
clambering up a fallen trunk,
propped by a young and
supple birch
- it's not the most divine
of sanctuaries
founded and built
up by men;
but it was enough for me

i stood up, balanced
twenty feet over
soggy earth and leaves
and breathed in the fragrance
of divinity

i met God in the forest today,
climbing a tree
(He, with me)

and i'm still happy, for
He has stayed.
md-writer Feb 2019
i thought we said goodbye
six months ago
but obviously
the way you hugged me today
and whispered that you miss me more than i could ever know...

there's something we haven't said yet
and maybe we need to

because i feel the same way.

i haven't said a word in such a very long time
i don't even know where to start
i want to be someone in your life
i want to hear and know

i just

don't know how

i don't know how to love you anymore,
without dragging up memories
i don't know how to look at you anymore,
and not like what i see

you made my type

i'm honestly afraid
that i'm not as over it
as i tell myself
and that the only thing keeping my heart stitched together
in one piece
is the fact that i don't hardly see you anymore.

you know all my secrets
all my faults
and yet somehow you're a stranger now

but if i picked up the phone and called
you wouldn't be
and that
that is what makes me afraid.

so yes
i feel like we are leaving something undone
one final goodbye
sitting down to watch the broken sunset
of parted ways
together

so that i can finally look you in the eye
and be at peace
with what you are to me

but

i don't know if i'm ready for that yet.

yes i have moved on
i don't love you like that anymore
it aches
sometimes
like today
and not a day goes by that i don't notice the gap
you left behind you
but usually it's alright

i'm not who i was
and you're not who you were
and i know that things are better this way
by far.

so i'm not holding on
i'm not looking back
i'm just wondering how to be friends
because right now its really easy to say
"i miss you"
and mean it, week in, week out
and then do nothing else to change

but i remember the days, when i first started to know you
when i said to myself
this girl
she's a keeper
as a lover or as friend
just
don't ever lose this one

but i did

and that hurts

and i don't know if it can do anything else but hurt
because some things...

                     ...some things were never meant to be.

is this one of them?
md-writer Apr 2019
innocence lost, my
own vision clouded,
drifting light and tired shadows,
draped upon
the rifts and valleys
of my soul

o desire, you terrible mistress
queen of heart-flung whispers
lit like snowflakes on
a far and rocky
shore
swept up and melted by a
wave more cold than ice
kept warm with salt...

i don't know my own thoughts
anymore
i ran a blade across my skin
in wonder at the thought
that it could be an
answer
for anyone. it will never be for me

still i am lost in a maze of light and sparkling fire
all around
i reach for it
but the further i stretch
the emptiness of gall within expands

i'm leaving behind the best parts of me
when i travel into darkness,
i'm tying up and torturing the corners of
my mind
i thought i'd know ahead of time
where all the pain would
take me,
down this sad, **** rabbit-hole

but no one in a million years could
ever show me just how much
i'd like this terror to be
freed from what was
once a
tired freedom left
behind
by broken chains

is there one spark of truth in
a single thing i say?
or is it all the flurry of
senseless dreams
refurbished by a mind that
lives and sleeps and drinks and dies
with words.
md-writer Jun 2019
insight comes at night
when whispers are the
language of terror, or delight;
the piercing eye of mind delivers
truth most clearly
in the dark

or so I find
md-writer May 2015
Before I go
There are cookies in the jar
A note on the mirror
A shopping-list on the counter
with a bunch of apples
for the horses.
And I love you forever.
And then he breathed his last.
md-writer Mar 2016
I’m sick of it,
The blasted hordes like dried-out gourds
Screaming, cawing for more water.
Feed the flesh, delight the eyes
Give us our shining fantasy. With flippancy
Strip down past all the layers of
My skill my voice my person,
And then take me, break me, make me
Into someone I am not.
Into something that is not.

Pull the paints out.
Imperfections had their day
Yesterday.
Today we’re going all the way.
Make or break you,
Take and shape you:
Tonight you’ll be the idol of the world.

Set the lights, hold your poise.
There’s a goddess on the stage tonight.
Not a person. Not a voice.
It’s the *** doll’s dance tonight.

But we’ll call it art.

I’m sick of it,
The cursed curve,
Numbers up, so clothes come down; and to think I started out
So innocent.
But the eye of the tiger is broken,
The clearness of crystal is crushed -

and those shards just make the perfect dress!

Crystalize, sterilize,
Put me on a different plane.
Separate, distillate,
Don’t let them see your pain.
“If you have to show you’re broken,
It’s gotta be so you can gain.”
Strip away. Everything.
Don’t show them who you really are.
We need an image for the covers
Not a person. Not a windowpane
Into your soul.

So break free, defying,
Undying.
You’re like a god.
No more trying. True flying
Means no more rules for me.
Don’t let them try to
Defy you:

You are now allowed to breathe free.

But only if you push the line. Flaunt your paints and shine your sparkles, leave behind your decency. You stand before a watching globe It is your job to entertain. So really, you are not your own.

The masses are the masters, though they pay.

So no, there’s no way out for you. There’s only forward
Which is downward. And no chance
To just be you. Because
Your freedom isn’t free.

They just can’t take a faulty human. It would be a let-down,
A break-down.
So let us shove you in a box.
Tell you how you have to be.
If you’re gonna keep your money
And your parody of free.
Then take the stage
Play the part.
There’s no more music
No more art.
Just a mad house, a cat house
Diced up platters serving meat.
Kiss my chains, take my gains,
For all my pains
I still ain’t free.

But still. We’ll call it art.
Can we all just take a moment to hate on the modern music industry (fed and created by the general consensus of consumption) and the abuse it puts (especially female) artists through?
md-writer Jun 2015
because the darkness grew
I lied and said you would help me be strong
but the fires in my eyes came down to roost
and now I can't help but sift through your ashes
to find your bones

is there any way to undo
the knots I tied around you
before I lit those flaming words within your soul?

is there escape from the walls I build
to keep me in?
because I don't mean to build them around you too
but somehow I do
and then we're stuck together

and more ashes litter the floor

afterwards.

can I not do this anymore?
or is there something inside me that
claws its way through my eyeballs
to find your soul and **** it bare
and leave it to dry in the night?

is it me?

I wish i knew if I did this to you,
or if it is the night
inside me
flirting with the day to find
a little spark of
demented happiness
in the screams of your eyes
when you look at me for

who I really am.

you know what? I wish I knew who I was
because lost inside the beating of my heart
I think I see a spot of color
but then it's gone and
I don't know anymore

I don't think I ever did.

Because there's so much more
to being me
than burning you.

I just want to find out what that is
because this demon isn't gonna stop
and I kinda wish it would
because I think my soul

is dying

or maybe life is death drawn out in tiny ebbing circles
like a tiny ebbing tide
and the ashes that I make of you
are the tears of last year's bride
condensed and broken into
microscopic
shards
of

fairydust?
I don't think so....
md-writer Jun 2015
now final loss
is speaking close
i don't know how
but here it is
and fallen clouds
that cannot float
lie scattered on the ground

i look up at the
brazen curve

the ancient cage
of stifled gleams
beats into me

and just before the end
it's all a dream
i cannot seem to
understand

the fire of my heart is hot
but coldness sits inside
and rots
the heartache

why the places that i see?
what is here for me?

beyond the ashen hill
i cannot find
the final resting place
i've left behind

before the void comes can you tell
which way the wind blows

or is it just
a silent stillness
on the land
of iron hills and fallen clouds
and solid sky above?

tell me the answers
that i seek to know

perhaps i'll see
the secrets of
my mystery

or else i'll find in something stolen
answers for a broken mind
to feast on
in the day

at night they ****


but trust me, i don't want to die
the broken mind asks, why this pain and suffering? what is the answer? is it pointless in the end? is it just a barren plain of broken dreams? if it doesn't find the answer the broken mind steals the borrowed hopes of lethal dreams
Christ is the answer to the brazen cage. He is coming again.
md-writer Sep 2018
the ravings of a madman can
sometimes come nearer to the truth
than the deepest philosophy.
for any hand that wields
a pen
is powerful in its own right.
and sometimes it is better to leave
our thoughts as they fall,
disordered and in chaos,
than to gather them together
pretending that they are wise.
an inscription i made in the front of my writing journal, for free-writing when the moment of inspiration strikes me
md-writer May 2020
I was told that love is painful,
that there is terror of a certain kind
in being known.
But I've left that voice behind me,
now that love has soothed my fears;
that voice?

it was my own
md-writer Apr 2015
“Whispering together before a storm,
The leaves take counsel;
And some fly down.”
~ Faelda, from Whispers of Nature
md-writer Apr 2015
I was walking through the street

With a hollow in my heart,

Aching for the faces I

Will never see again,

When I looked into the chapel

Standing squat on Broad and 4th,

And saw what makes me wonder,

Why we ever venture forth.



A little old lady, a little old lady,

By the open coffin’s side

Staring at the empty face to whom

She is the bride.

An isolated moment where no love

Can ever hide,

A foretaste of the end to which we

Ever closer tide.

A little old lady by the open coffin’s side;

A foretaste of the end to which we

Ever closer tide.



Left behind with broken faces

Staring down into the grave,

It makes me wonder if we’ll always be death’s

Lifelong slave.
I wrote this poem thinking of my widowed grandmother.
md-writer Apr 2016
I’ll love you to pieces just so I can put you together and watch you fly.
md-writer Mar 2019
wandering, oh wandering
you've lost your way from home
and every time you left the path
you lost the magic your own

wandering, oh wandering
you're left here all alone
the lights above, the lights within,
and darkness all below

if i could fly away
i would take my wings
and burn them

if i could fly, fly far away
i would cut them off
just to stay here by your
side

if there's anything i know
it's that the dragon's breath
will waken hearts in fire
while here below,
we muddle through the night
and here below,
we muddle through the fight.

don't you know that
nothing will take us
nothing will make us
bend
nothing more than him

i'm just a small spark,
from a big, big fire
i'm going out
i'm going out
fading
i'm reaching higher
in my flight to the sky

i want to look down
on it all
i want to see the world spread out
before me
but the higher that I get
the more it's cold
and the more the wind
destroys me

i'm just a small, small spark
from the big, big fire
of God's heart
i'm a small, small spark
flying for my heart's desire

and even if i die
even if i die
trying
i will
still
i will still fly
to come back to your side

up above
the world is wider than you've ever dreamed of
up above
the world is more beautiful than you have seen

darling believe me
oh darling believe me

there's beauty you have
never yet seen
there's beauty in your heart
you haven't seen

so don't cry tonight
lay your head on my shoulder
and let these worries
roll, roll
roll down to your toes

shake them off
don't let them grab hold of you
shake them off
don't let them keep hold of you

cuz i'm here tonight
i'm here tonight
md-writer Apr 2018
the things I'm most ashamed of
stick the clearest in my mind
All else fades.
md-writer Apr 2019
In the midwinter of the soul,
all is cold and fruit is
nowhere to be found.
Leaves and blossoms that once
sat spinning light and health
have fallen off and lie there,
broken down below.

The forest floor beneath me,
one time,
was carpeted with remnants
of my last sweet spring
of growth.
Abandoned, all but lost,
and listening,
to a moaning in the wind.

But trees don't die in winter;
nor did I.

Spring crept in slowly, bit by bit,
an undiscovered quickness in the
heart, and hints of breath
so far away, so deep within, that
stirrings heard were no more spent
than darkness closed back in.

But still that gentle pressing in the
heartwood of my soul,
kept on, and stronger day by day
until, with terrifying clarity
the parts of me that died
were seeking fully to control
each waking thought.

In the midwinter of the soul,
the heart is cold, and fruits
that once were juicy lie there
rotting on the ground.
And all seems lost within.

But 'tis not so for me, I know,
for Spring has come again
once more, the sap runs true,
runs through each drooping limb.

Lift up your heads, you forests of
the Lord, bowed down,
surrounded,
cold within.
Let light shine forth within you,
let the woodland fairies swim
through waterfalls of blossoms as they
slip from limb to limb,
delighting in the tearing of the
chaining wounds within.

"Bleed once more," He told me,
"let the terror of your sin,
destroy the cold unfeeling
that has wormed at you - and then

at last,
the living, green delight
will sparkle like the stars of
every clear and silent night."

Bear fruit in keeping with the
cleansing of your soul, for
every tree drinks deeply
of the river's rushing flow;
take confidence, a promised voice to hear:

"Well grown, my tree. My good and
faithful bough."
+
And in the brightness of His
majesty, I will forever
bow.
April 2
md-writer Apr 2016
I live on the inside, mostly.
Not on the outside.
I'm learning, more and more.
But yeah.

I am a galaxy of stars,
a universe of stories.
Sitting on the pinnacle of a rocky black spire.
Cross-legged, calm
in the whirlwind of ideas that I think all to myself.

Lines extend out through empty space,
like neurons in infinity -
thought connecting thought with thought
to build a web of life and consciousness,
a twinkling framework for my soul.

I reach to feel the soul of passing threads,
and craft the sparks into some airy nebulae.

Combine, twine. Jump that far synaptic gap.
Connect and catch the pulsing breath:
Idea with idea join.

And from the gauzy mother-thought
I watch the new idea spring,
dancing with that new-found heart-throb dance
and glistening still with birth's fresh fluid
flung
aloft like stars.
The threads, they grow.
To find the greater context.
To live.
To know.

But then eyes fly open.
Space contracts,
Flipping, spinning,
Twisting back into my head.

That place
Is beautiful, I think.
All I see there is my own.
Storms may rage but none can steal the threads that hold the cradle of my soul.
For my mind is a place
that no one else has ever been.
Where no one else will ever be.
-
Sometimes, darling,
I wish that I could take you there...
Unfortunately, the only thing that really gets through the blood-brain barrier is alcohol,
not human souls.

So for now, we'll have to do with words.
My mind is the place that I spin the cocoon of my soul. It is there that idea with idea melds to form an even stronger thread. And no one sees it but me.
md-writer Oct 2019
Can’t see beyond ten paces...
mist lit up by noonday sun

Light refracted by a million microscopic
points,
a dulling blanket of peacefully sleeping
anxiety.

Desert clouds, like wisps of an ancient
man’s uncut hair, hanging over the
edge of far-off mountains to whisper
that not everything dies under the
noonday sun - for some things
are taken by time.

Stone doesn’t wrinkle, but sand driven
by wind will burst its fellow free,
and bit by grit the splendor
of yesterday is smoothed away.
Soft lines, vague shapes -
time and sand perform a dance upon
memory that reminds me
of the mist I see.
md-writer Apr 2019
laughter sweet
and laughter mild
sirens sing their subtle
song

vampires croon and
breath so gently,
werewolves hold you
tight and fiercely

each and every mocking love
calculated to disprove
all the sweet and calming balm
of sunlight and the kiss
of human, mortal, failing love

don't let the wasting dreams
and fantasies
destroy the simple sweetness
of a moment's touch
or wipe away the world
of agony wrapped up
in every tear
a man can shed for you
or you for him
md-writer Sep 2019
One day, in my travels, I found a monument to the forgotten.

I found footprints there, and though they fit my feet, I had no memory of being there before.

One side of the monument was blank, full of words that could not be read.

One side was burnt, and ashes twisted in the mourning breeze.

One side was covered with a sheet.

One side towered high, yet was gone before I fully looked away.

And all around, footprints.

All of them mine.
md-writer Aug 2019
i saw an old man
with moss in his beard

and i don't know if that is beautiful

or sad
md-writer Feb 2018
i don't want to remember
i don't want to think
there is something inside me that
just wants to sink

i don't want to face it
i'd rather dream on
but i know that i can't if i want to
move on

but that's the question

do i even want to?

one thing i'm learning
...
there's a world of difference
between need and want
sometimes, it just *****
new
md-writer Nov 2018
new
all my sorrows washed away
all my darkness turned to day
every sin and failing weak
every evil word I speak -
He has turned them all to dust
no more dirt and no more rust

blood now boils within my veins
life now covers o'er my stains
God who is the perfect ruler
has stooped to daily be my tutor

What grace! What love! What everlasting light!
What awe! What life! What
ever-growing sight!
md-writer Apr 2015
nobody knows him
nobody cares
nobody sees through
the shades that he wears

nobody holds him
nobody shares
nobody breaks down
the walls that he bears

cuz I'm slick on the outside
dyin on the inside
and nobody knows it
cuz nobody cares

I'm broken like a ***-head
dried out like a ***-shard
someone take my spot please

at the end of the line

cuz I'm laughin on the outside
frozen on the inside
******* in a knot
and hangin from my backside

and nobody knows it
cuz nobody cares
md-writer Feb 2018
it's not what i thought it would be

but it's okay.

at least, i think it will be

in the end
God has a funny way of doing that
md-writer Aug 2019
one day

i built a fire hot and wild;
and hid myself within it.
with coal fed coal and made it
hotter,
then lay myself down
and died

there in the heart
of my fire.

but that happened slowly,
bit by bit.

at first
i felt like i was
insulated, safe and warm -
strongest on my own

i wandered through my golden hall
where heat and color fused as one;
all i saw there was my own
built from sinew and from bone.

but then,
by degrees,
my heat began to weaken
and the flames no longer danced
as they did before.

coals still glowed
but ashes gathered,
blanketing
my heart

i curled up
i closed my eyes
i let the winter take me

+

and so it was
that,
later on

with whispered hush
and each step like a feather,
her footprints in ash
singing songs like no other,
steadily steadily
closer She came,
her shimmering figure
all glowing with shame.

She had no shoes.

She wore no garment
and draped no veil;
with nothing to shield her
and nothing to hide,
She walked to the heart of my fire
and died.

but that, too,
happened slowly,
bit by bit.

and
each drawn-out step
crystallized
a certain kind of agony
combined with purest joy.

her face
shone brighter
than my glowing coals
(blistered, bleeding feet ignored)
and when She reached
the dying center,
She smiled and wiped the blood away

and said,

"I love you more

more than the coldness that seizes your heart
more than the fire that surrounds it;

more than the dying,
the self-centered life,
and more than the wounds you've inflicted;

to love is to die
and dying, to live

my life for yours...                                
                 ...and now yours to live."

+

She curled up
She closed her eyes
She let the fire take her

+

one day

She built a fire warm and sweet;
She was the fuel inside it.
with love fed love and made it
spread,
from heart to heart's desire.

i wept at first
i thought i died
but then i saw my fire

spreading
growing
scented sweet,
a miracle of light and heat
and joining flame
to foreign flame
in wonder at the colors.

and i smiled.
md-writer Mar 2018
every drop of knowledge dries me out

full to the brim and still an empty husk

+++

i dive into the water

to soak in the very words of God

but this cursed shell of humanity

like water tension

keeps me afloat, suspended

on, above, upon

but never in

i can hear, see, test the limits, feel

but always i am swirling in the currents

looking down into the plunging depth

of the face of perfect God

oh to be soaking in the murk of glorious knowledge

deep and slow

near the bedrock essence

hovering close, a particulate suspended

in pure water by the Is of God.

oh to be transformed within that whirring infinite

unchanging, ceaseless change

and infinite action, a mathematical point

inverted as the fullness of all

in all

in time and not

i glimpse an eternal flicker

of infinitude

seen, but just beyond the horizon

heard, but quieter than the smallest sound

felt, but gliding through the sense receptors

He is here inside me

but i cannot comprehend it

and the world creaks, bearing

divinity in my soul, the weight of purest being

+++

i see light, and it blinds me

heat, it is inside me

and i die.
md-writer May 2020
all the ordinary people,
with their ordinary tears,
ordinary sorrows, and ordinary
fears

all the ordinary children,
mothers, fathers, sweethearts,
dears,
all the ordinary friends of all our
ordinary peers

every ordinary moment of our
ordinary lives
is a well-encrypted shadow
hanging over truth with
lies

ordinary
is the devil's myth,
that sweet, unpolished lie;
it makes an ordinary person only seek
a little prize.

But a cumulative series of ordinary days,
adds up to a lifetime of
extraordinary praise -

but only if we see the wonder
peeking through the walls,
shining like a lantern
that is covered up and dulled,
but visible, if eyes we use
as they were meant to be.

Ordinary, true.
But with them we can see beyond
the facts of me and you.
md-writer May 2015
I saw two lines running beside each other
on a converging course.
To avoid conjoining before the proper time had come,
I sought to make them parallel;
but now it feels like they are moving
in opposite directions and

I don't know what to do.
Can you help me?
md-writer Oct 2018
I set about to write a sad, sad story,
a tale to tear the hardest hearts of men;
but as I looked about for inspiration -
reaching here, prying there,
and rummaging through
all the wrinkled sorrows that have been -
I saw here and there a twinkle
throwing back my candle's light.

At first I wondered at this
and wandered toward those stars,
for what did light refracted have to tell
about our scars?
But as I bent to listen to the whispers of that dream,
I saw my dim reflection in a
shattered glassy gleam.

Mirror broken on the floor,
am I truly the most sorrowful
of all?
md-writer Feb 2018
it is dark
but i know the way

terrible
but i must live the truth

and though it sometimes feels a lot like death

it is, in fact, the life
md-writer Apr 2019
Just look at us
we're perfect strangers,
human and alone
self-containing centers
of our sorrows, joys, and pains.

I walk beside you
humming like a radio wave,
but you are tuned just
differently enough
that all you hear is static.

Just look at me!
A perfect stranger.
Human, meet my gaze,
and tell me that
the magic we are feeling
is contained
in you and me.

How could it be?

Just look at you,
you perfect stranger.
What lies hidden
in those eyes?
What beauty can be
gleaned without
a distillating
word?

Just look.
We're perfect strangers,
all of us; and yet
a current runs between,
and all it takes to show it
is a moment to be seen.

Shared for a moment,
before we pass on.

Treading our own paths;
and humming
to
a universal theme.
April 3
md-writer Feb 2018
be not possessed
by any thing or passion

but

possess thyself in love and purity

for so he wills to dwell within his broken and beloved sheep

and ever gently leads them
and he shall be thy portion
md-writer Apr 2019
a torrent rests uneasy
in my soul.
heart unspilled to the ear of
ever-loving God.

why do I stay away
why do I stay awake,
when grace and sweet
redemption wait my
soul
if only I speak
unchaining heart
and soul to be
entered, swept and
renovated painfully by the dead, undying
Savior of my soul.

Lift up your weary, aching silence,
you *****, tired soul.
Let not the halls of God above
lay still, unmarred by the
whimper of this self-inflicting
dog.
md-writer Nov 2019
No need unmet
I rest in peace and plenty;
for I am shepherded by God Himself.

He beckons along a path
that leads me to the river,
where I am strengthened and
restored -
and the spark before me is the name
of my Lord,
and the path (straight and narrow),
paved with
love and mercy;
So I follow, stumbling
in the footsteps of a greater far than I,
yet I follow still
for His name and seal upon me
will admit no last defeat.

Even the whispered shadow of death
cannot shake me,
for fear hath no place
where my Lord is -
that Riverside peace, the rest in plenty
He has given, remain
unshaken,
brought back to memory by
the correcting rod and supporting staff
to stay my path in comfort
straight and true.

The battle spreads before me,
enemies snarl, and the
fiery darts whine.
I stand in armor, but a feast is
laid out there,
a repast fit for heroes,
to remind me that the battle
is
already won.
The victor is anointed,
the warrior too - a paradox,
already and not yet, I live
on both sides of the battle,
and His cup of joy and strengthening
wells over,
like a stricken rock in desert wastes,
it flows out in a river
by my side.
I may wade into the gore
of battle,
I may stand at death's
own door,
but this everlasting goodness
and the mercy of His face
will not depart -
will not depart from me.

For on the far side of this
valley,
on the flip side of this fight,
the house of my God is,
and in it's halls is my
eternal home.
There in that place are the pastures,
the rivers,
the feasts of the soul...

...the fullness of foretastes He's
given before.
Expanded personal paraphrase
md-writer Jul 2018
My heart is such a stupid thing,
I cannot tell a lie
But deep inside the stinking walls
There's plenty rotting piles.
Don't destroy the only thing you've ever loved
I laugh. I cry. I do it anyway;
It's all a play
a farce, a dutiful desire to feel
Some pain of some kind somewhere

where no one can ever see the tears that fall and puddle in the deep spots of my insides where there is hardly any light and I only know they're there because the water weighs me down...

and every time I look at her I smile
every time I look at her I die
and every time I dream of her, she's right there by my side
So I can't tell the difference anymore;
nightmare, daydream, its all the same to me

flip hair, crimp hair, I'm on my way to hell.
let the fires fade away, tell the doorman he can
stay,
I want to tell the story to a face that doesn't know

Strangers give me freedom because there is no consequence. But those who love me stick like glue
So I can't tell them truly. What I am
Inside
Is a secret fit for none but me and h̶e̶r̶ .
md-writer Jun 2019
is it the sounds inherent
to the click of a pen,
or the meaning we layer
upon it?

click-clack; done.
clack-click; ready.

is it the way that she walks
or the delighting that he
pours into it?
is it the darkness, or our own
shadows?
is it the truth, or just our truth?
is it...
...real, or a fabricated reality?

and does it matter which is which, if the made-up one
is better?

I don't know.
A little bit of both is closest to the way
things really are, I think,
with a touch thrown in
of God.
md-writer Apr 2019
Colors cascaded around
her smile, laughing like the
first blooms of spring bearing up
under the last ***** blush
of winter's kiss.

I laughed with the colors. Red and
orange and the softest sunset pink - blue
like diamonds from the sky, and green
as thick and billowed as the freshest
prairie wave.

She danced in my heart like a
fairy more happy and pure than
childhood itself.
No sorrow overwhelmed that vision,
though it tainted the edges on every side.
The more I looked the more I could
see their angry boiling, creeping
like the wrinkled edge of a wildfire
dying to infect and purge the light.
But she shone.
Framed by that dark storm
on every side, and scarfed
with a cascade of colors more
brilliant than I knew how to
imagine.

The wheels of her chair spun,
the trembling of her hands flung
a million stars aloft at every quiver.
In the wrinkles of her face
I saw the individual moments of a hundred years
condense,
and a tear fell off her chin
as she looked at me and whispered,
"Look within."

"I am," I said,
and cried myself, the thin
and watery tears of age, long toil,
and unrelenting joy.
Her time had come and
mine had not and yet the
silence of our breathing was
enough to still this final
terrible, beautiful, terrifying storm.

I took her hand and squeezed it
gently, laid it down
on her lap and
whispered in her ear that
hung down low with time,
"Look down on me, when you
are gone.
I follow close behind."
April 1
md-writer Apr 2019
sweet balm
so oft denied
come and lay your lips
on my troubled and
shadowy head.

Sleep. That gift
from heaven's throne,
where earth and all
my soul's care slip away -

come. Meet me
gently, sweetly,
lay me down at peace
with God, and self,
and fellow man.

Amen.
md-writer Aug 2019
I wish I could say that everything I do has a reason. I'm sure from one perspective that it does. But from my own conscious mind, there is often nothing but the most bland of reasons behind my actions:
Habit.
Comfort.

The path of least resistance, I think, is the most attractive path to a mind absent and unused. Because of course when I sit down to things, my preferred course of action is far and away the most productive, intelligent, and even holy. How often, though, is that the course I actually take?
Not very.

At rest, then, I am a pool of water. Dribbling down the path of least resistance, settling at the lowest possible point.

Give me some outlet, and I will flow. A direction and a purpose, and I will run along the intended course.

If I could be profound, and suggest some solution that I have not already found, I would present it here.

But all the solutions I know of have already been discovered to me - and they are effective.

So I am without excuse.

Truly.

I must knock down the dams so I can flow.
a process poem
md-writer Apr 2019
"If words strung together
across these few lines,
can break through the barrier
of your mind and mine,
then anything,
                     yes, anything
                       can happen with time."

So said the sage, as he
pondered this world.
The nature, effects, and
natural properties,
of this thing and that thing,
and all human faculties.

So learned was he
                               (or so it was said)
that even the ravens
began pecking his head,
for the silver and gleaming
that was locked up and
...dead.

For never, not once,
had he lifted a finger,
to live out the practical
side of his thoughts.

Thinking that sits there
and doesn't once move,
will never affect you
or help you improve:

The sage died a poor man,
no sons came to mourn.
For thought he was smart
no fruit had he borne.

Let this sage be a warning
for you and for me,
not to let thinking
be all that we see,
when we search all around us
for things we should be.

There's something in action
that cannot be faked.
And it's also okay
to make honest mistakes.

The point is, we're trying
to live what we preach:
to let our decisions
be the textbook we teach.
April 4
md-writer Jun 2019
where is God when the
cold wind blows,
when the ice and snow have
covered every leaf
and sculpted stone

where is God when the sun
shines bright,
when the balm and glow have
lifted every moment up
by half degrees

where is God when you are
lonely
where is God when you are
glad,
where is God when every moment
of my life flits by?

in the nooks and crannies - for those
who are looking,
in the wide open places, for those
who are seeking,
in the stillest, smallest voice, for those
who have ears,
in the thunder and the flash, for those
who are knocking

where is God in the darkness,
where is God in the night,
where is God when I'm crying,
where is God when I've died

all around me,
up above,
underneath,
in every cell
God is everywhere that you are,
and everywhere that you
are not
God is present at the grave
God is present at the altar,
God is present when you love,
God is present when you falter,
God is in the world around you,
God is in your own heart, too,
don't look up if you don't want to,
but He's still looking down
at you.
She
md-writer Jun 2019
She
If I am poetry,
then she is prose.
But I am mangled, far more than she
so to read our lives out like a
story,
you might suppose the order
should be switched.

Don't ask her, though. She'd simply say
that I'm right if one is making that
comparison -
- but then go on to say that it's a
false dichotomy,
that there's another option that
I haven't thought of
yet.

Of course, since she's not here, I don't
know what that would be.
md-writer Sep 2019
My soul has been silent these many days, and every one has shriveled it further. I have neither looked within, nor without. With eyelids closed, I have walked from pain and joy alike into the gray and ceaseless thrumming of a body moving through the necessary functions of life.
md-writer Sep 2019
Her face surprises me,
half the time.
The surprise is what it does to me
in just a casual encounter -
all outside of my control,
and all inside that deepest
part of me.
It's like a breath of fresh air, or a
splash of cold water on the face,
first thing in the
morning.
A bracing dose of reality that
leaves me gasping like a fish
out of water.

They say she's supposed to take your breath
away.
I didn't know it was literal,

until today.
md-writer Jun 2015
Sometimes the more it hurts
          the bigger I smile.
So don't trust my words or my face;
       trust the colors of my soul.

And if you can't see those, then you don't know me
                    well enough to love me
                                        like I need to be loved.
It's hard learning how to see with your eyes closed. But it can be done.
md-writer Sep 2018
They thought well of me.
md-writer Sep 2018
I don't have a home.
A house, but no home.
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