my first kiss
my first love
want to remember.
the heartbreak
the abandonment
want to forget.

its been so long
since i got to hold you
but i still cant seem to get you off my mind

i scrub and i scrub and i scrub
but nothing can erase the fingerprints you have left on me
because they are imprinted in my memories
and i can still picture where your fingers have been

i like his chaos
the way he blew into my life
like a storm
tearing the walls from my soul
and freeing me into the world

before you
i felt alive

and after you
i still feel alive

as it turns out
i never needed you
to make me feel anything

to kiss your lips again
to have your body against mine again
to feel heat radiating between us again
would be like rejoining heaven on earth

i cannot take in the unimaginable beauty of the world around me anymore
because you blinded me with love
and never unmasked me

im glad ive finally found someone
whom i wont need to fake a smile around

is it really love
if it hurts everyday i love him?

but nothing good came out
of our perfect storm

together
we watch the sun depart
down into the earth

together
we watch the moon rise
into the deep black sky

another full moon
just like the one we sat under
when i still had you

another snowy day
reminds me of the night
you kissed me on the front porch of your house
it was freezing
but our passion and heat
seemed to block the cold and calm the blizzard surrounding us

you very carefully grazed my snow-filled hair
looked deep into my eyes
pulled me in towards you
and kissed me
intensely and passionately

and when we pulled away
you flashed me your brilliant smile
and walked back inside
leaving me desperately yearning for more
feeling abandoned in the arctic air

every snowy day brings me right back to that night
the night of my very first kiss
the night i still had your attention
the night you were still mine

he told me i was his endless wonder
since when did endless become transient

if i had known it was goodbye
i wouldve kissed you harder

maybe we feel so empty
because we leave pieces
of ourselves with the people we once loved

throughout the years
my heart has been bashed and broken
shattered and torn
dismantled and crushed
but i kept it together with nails and screws

then he came along
and slowly tore them out
one by one
until he was the only thing holding me together

he mended my broken heart
and i no longer need nails and screws to hold me together

the way you feel when you kiss him for the first time-
like fire within your bones
like your souls colliding in seldom
like fountains of love diffusing from your aura
like every part of you that came from a dead star is alive again

nothing can replace the love that you have for yourself
so if you cannot find a part of yourself that you are truly in love with
build the love
with your own two hands
until you can truly say that you are in love with yourself

the hardest place to be
is right where you are
in the space between
the finish and the start

symptoms of love include:

exhilaration
euphoria
emotional lapses
racing heartbeat
uncontrollable smiling
butterflies in the stomach
intense bouts of joy
fire within the soul
yearning
pure joy and bliss

if you have been experiencing any of these symptoms, it is imperative that you express them or they may result in extreme heartbreak

i chased my dreams until i caught them
i chased my thoughts until no thoughts persisted
and i chased my heart until i found you

without you
is how i disappear
and live my life alone
forever

i yearned so badly to be healed
that i let you into my heart
i crammed you into the small space left inside
and just hoped you had good intentions

youre the missing lyrics
to the song that plays within my soul

a fool was the one who fell for him
everything about him seemed picture perfect
im the fool who thought he could love me
the way i needed to be loved

i never knew how much the heart could break
until i was lying next to you
and you were thinking about someone else

why is it hard to see
plain reality
when your heart is focused on another